Am i having a major blond moment? Or is this normal?

[luvmekids]

OK....here goes, I really need some advice here....DUH or i wouldn't be here right?

 

I have been married for 10 yrs, and i have 3 wonderful children. The problem is my husband. He is like a time bomb just ticking away. Some days he is fine, others i feel like a deer on opeing day of shotgun season. He has NEVER hit me. He has swung, he has punched walls and just overall scared me to death. Like many couples we have a lot of tension in our marriage about money. He thinks it grows on trees while out driving across the country, and i'm left to figure out how to pay the bills.

 

Let me explain that one a lil better. He is a truck driver, and is gone Monday threw Friday (generally). When we had ATM cards he would pull a balance, see there was money, and take some. What he wasn't doing was taking into account the fact that i had checks written on most of it. Sooo now i'm left to figure out how to pay for the checks, bank NSF charges and the store NSF charges. I have confronted him numberous times about this and he flat out lies to me. Says he didn't take the money, it must have been the bank. He has even gone as far as accusing me of driving 50+ miles just to take $40 out of the ATM when i could just drive 10 and take it out of the bank.

 

He has accused me of having an affair, this while i was working 45+ hours a week and spending 10 hours a week just driving to and from work. Taking care of (at the time only 2 kids) the kids, the house, the pets and somewhere in there myself (ha ha ha). I asked him WHEN i had time to have an affair, and all he could say was where there is a will there is a way!!! Hmmmmm this comming from someone that drives his bed around unsupervised?!?!?!

 

I don't dare go out with my friends (at least the ones that i still have) last time i did, i missed 17, yes 17 calls on the cell phone. It was all him, with some story about a guy calling the house looking for me (hmm caller ID is a wonderful thing). Yes i checked...NO CALLS. So he made it alll up.

 

I could go on and on and ONNNNNN about the lil things that he does, and says. Like when i told him i really thought i was pregnant with our third child.....he told me that i had a lot of f***** explaining to do!!!!!! THAT ONE REALLY HURT

 

My question is.....is he just tryin to be controlling or is this really verbal abuse??

If this is verbal abuse, should i grab my kids and get the hell outta dodge??

[Mr Spock]

Ok. So, get a separate account for bills, pull all the money each payday out of THAT bank and put it into one he can't access with the ATM. Just a suggestion.

 

 

Or, get a restraining order against his violent controlling ass and refuse to let him in the house until he's smartened the hell up. Sounds like a real jerk to me.

 

 

And do it suddenly, without warning. Have a locksmith rekey all the locks. When he comes home, have a police officer waiting outside to explain why he isn't allowed inside the home, or to have contact with you or the kids. Pack some clothes and posessions in a box, with a little note stating you're tired of his groundless accusations, lying about money (stealing) and controlling abusive ways. Your lawyer will be contact him through (insert closest relative here) and that he is not to initiate contact without said lawyer present. Should he wish to attend counselling to change his jerkoff ways, you may consider a reconcilliation.

 

When one spouse is unreasonable about accusing the other of cheating, it's usually because THEY are the one who is f*cking around-so why wouldn't you? He's a jerk.

[tokyo]

Pack your things and leave.... Man who blatantly lie are not good enough to be husbands or father. Tell him to grow up.

[fritziematt]

Verbal abuse is a way to psychologically control you...so it's both. It's purpose it to wear down your self esteem which is a great way to keep you under his control. Control is what abusers really care about. So I would say you aren't having a dumb blonde moment but you are finally starting to realize that there is something very wrong going on.

 

 

Here is a webpage to start looking at and think about. http://www.leavingabuse.com/what_is_abuse.html Read every link on it and find a womens shelter in your area and talk to them about what has been going on. They will have advice and help for you.

 

Your husband is showing the signs of an abusive personality...and you saying that he's a ticking time bomb sounds a little scary to me. Make sure you have a safety plan (a place to go to get away from a dangerous situation, and pack a bag with things you will need). You should start documenting things that he is doing like punching the wall...take a picture of the hole, file police reports, etc.

 

This is a very serious situation and isn't something to play with...the violence will eventually get worse. These kind of situations can lead to homicide and suicide...or both...for your husband and/or you.

 

http://awap.netfirms.com/mdvh.htm

 

 

You need to stay safe and you need to get help! Call the womens shelter near you! Leaving can be very dangerous so you will need the help of a womens shelter, your family and friends, and the criminal justice system. You need to make sure you have a plan to leave for good.

 

I hope this will help.

 

~Matt