15 reasons to leave your lover (Melissa, please read)

[sparkle]

I just read Melissa's post, and it reminded me of this

 

article. Melissa, I hope it helps you in deciding what to do, and I hope it helps others as well.

 

-----

 

15 Reasons to Leave Your Lover:

 

Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality

 

All of us have the capability of doing one of these things some of the time, but three or more in a dating relationship; or five or more in a marriage are a signal that something is seriously wrong and professional help should be sought. You may have a potential batterer on your hands. Watch out.

 

1. A PUSH FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT-- You find yourself pushed into an exclusive relationship almost immediately.

 

Comes on very strong, claiming, 'I've never felt loved like this by anyone.'

 

2. JEALOUSY-- Your partner is excessively possessive, calls constantly or visits unexpectedly, constantly checking on you, preventing you from going to work, checking the mileage on your car, afraid you will "meet someone".

 

3. CONTROLLING-- Your behavior is restricted. Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to, and where you were, keeps all the money, insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

 

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS-- They expect perfection in the behavior of others, or in their surroundings. They expect to have all their needs met by others.

 

Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.

 

5. ISOLATION-- Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of 'causing trouble'; the abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job. There is a BIG 'don't talk' rule.

 

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS AND MISTAKES-- It is ALWAYS someone else's fault when something goes wrong. They rarely take personal responsibility. "Yes, But..."

 

7. MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR FEELINGS-- The abuser says "You make me angry" rather than "I am angry" or

 

"You are hurting me by not doing what I tell you".

 

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY-- Is easily insulted, claiming that his feelings are hurt when he is really mad. He'll rant about the injustice of things that are just part of life.

 

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN-- Kills or punishes animals brutally. Enjoys hurting living things. They expect children to do things beyond their ability (whips a 2-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

 

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEXUAL BEHAVIOR-- They enjoy watching or imitating violent behaviors.They tickle you in a cruel way. They enjoy scaring you. Enjoys throwing you down or holding you against your will during sex; says he finds the idea of rape exciting.

 

11. VERBAL ABUSE-- Constantly criticizes, or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things, degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up and keeping you up with relentless verbal abuse.

 

12. RIGID GENDER ROLES-- They use extreme gender roles to control behavior. Expects you to serve, obey, and remain at home.

 

13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS-- They switch from sweetly loving to angry and explosively violent in a matter of minutes or seconds.

 

14. PAST BATTERING-- They admit hitting or abusing a past partner, but have an excuse for it, says they made him do it or the situation brought it on.

 

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE-- "I will kill (hurt) you (myself) if you leave me." Makes statements like, "I'll break your neck', or 'I'll kill you'; and then dismisses them with 'Everybody talks that way'; or 'I didn't really mean it.'

 

If he has come this far, it is time to get help, or get out.

[Tony T]

This is great stuff. Excellent post. I think everybody ought to print it out and put it in their wallet or purse. Review it often. Things would go a lot better that way.

 

Great post, Sparkle...is that your real name?

[sparkle]

Great post, Sparkle...is that your real name?

Hi Tony,

 

sparkle's not my real name I only use it when I post here.

 

I used to work at a hospital, and there was an ill, elderly

 

lady that stayed there, and during her daily walk through the hallways, I struck up a conversation with her.

 

Well, she started stopping by the office every day to talk for a minute. And she told me that whenever I smiled or laughed (which was very often every time I saw her) my eyes would light up and twinkle, like a little girl.

 

On her way out everytime, she'd say, "my dear, keep smiling, don't lose that sparkle".

 

There's my mushy story hehehe

 

My real name is Sadia, pronounced like "claudia" or "nadia".

 

[Deejette]

Thanks, Sparkle, for the posting. I have known men who have exhibited many of those behaviors and it was hell trying to get away from them even after brief dating. It is interesting to see the patterns they had in common. They were dangerous, stalked me, filled up all my phone machines at work and at home with messages, and threatened to kill themselves and bring me along with them.

 

Some people mistake such passionate intensity for love. It is a controlling sickness that has more to do with fear than with love. A woman can feel very sorry for a man like that because he is such a tortured soul. Because of the massive attention they give you, it is easy to be flattered at first by this behavior.

 

But we know it is not safe to stay with a powder-keg of emotions that may blow up any minute. Women, do not fool yourselves into mistaking this power-trip for love and affection.

Hi Tony, sparkle's not my real name I only use it when I post here. I used to work at a hospital, and there was an ill, elderly lady that stayed there, and during her daily walk through the hallways, I struck up a conversation with her. Well, she started stopping by the office every day to talk for a minute. And she told me that whenever I smiled or laughed (which was very often every time I saw her) my eyes would light up and twinkle, like a little girl. On her way out everytime, she'd say, "my dear, keep smiling, don't lose that sparkle".

 

There's my mushy story hehehe My real name is Sadia, pronounced like "claudia" or "nadia".