JaydeP Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 My friend has been with her boyfriend for just over a year. Everyone knows that he is probably cheating on her. Here's why: -He is 25, she is 20 (virgin) -He has had sex with 14 people -They are not having sex of any kind (just making out) -He has cheated on every GF he's had, numerous times, and they were having sex -He has said that he would leave her if he me someone else that he liked better. -He admitted that he jokes around sexually with girl friends But she is too blind to see it. Every guy she has been with has cheated on her and she had no clue. He's not good for her. He has never met me or seen pictures of me (she doesn't have FB), so he has no clue who I am. I want to go to the club he goes to and hit on him and see what he does. But I haven't told my friend, I know she would tell me not to do it and tell him. If he doesn't cheat, then I'll drop it. But I'm his type, so if he wants to cheat, he probably will. Questions: 1. Do you think this is okay? 2. How far should I let it go if he does cheat? Do I see how far he'd go, or stop him before it gets too far? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I have a better idea: Why don't you just mind your own business? If she's with this guy, then she's with this guy. Tell her until you're blue in the face he's no good for her, support her when of course the inevitable will happen, and never ever say to her - "We told you so!" But entrapment? behind her back? Are you crazy - ?! leave well alone and butt out, until you're needed. That's what a best friend would do. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 JaydeP, For some reason I had to ask this, but, are you sure that you don't have some attraction to the guy? Reading your post, something whispered: "I wonder if she 'wants' this guy to hit on her and cheat?" You asking how far to let it go seems odd. Would you let him have sex with you to prove definitively that the cheating had occurred? Just thinking out loud.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Win/Win. She proves to her friend that she is right: this guy is a no-good cheater. She plays him at his own game, screws him over, and gets laid as well. No commitment, no obligation and one-upmanship. Way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 You're a lame bitch dude. Trying to get that chick to cheat. Here's my advice though: You're pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaydeP Posted February 23, 2013 Author Share Posted February 23, 2013 Why don't I mind my own business? What kind of friend would I be? She has been in 3 other relationships, and she was cheated on in every one. Then she is crushed and depressed. She is talking about marrying this guy, he brought it up. He mentioned them getting engaged sometime this summer, a few times. My opinion, he just wants to have sex with her. He has a thing for virgins. She said she'd have sex when she was engaged or married. How do you think she'd feel if he proposed just so he could screw her, while banging other girls as well? I'm not attracted to him, he's not my type. I asked how far because I didn't know if that would make a difference. I wouldn't have sex with him, that's too far. I don't think there is anything wrong with hooking up, but not with a friends BF. I was thinking getting him to invite me over or accepting my invitation to come over. Then that's it. That would prove that he did want to have sex. Otherwise I know she would say that it was just in the moment and he wouldn't agree to sex. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Why don't I mind my own business? What kind of friend would I be? A secretive and deceptive one. If she was in on this and you were to at least demonstrate to her what kind of a guy he is, with her in the know - maybe she could hide out at your place until you have him in a compromising position....? But to do this behind her back? Really a bad idea. If she is so blinded to his personal history and reputation, then she will hear what she wants to hear, and believe what she wants to believe. That you trapped him, and that he had absolutely no intention of doing anything - or it's all in your imagination - you made it up just to make him look bad. And if you let her in on the secret - and she tells him - then you know who she trusts the most, already. See? Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 What do you mean "what kind of friend" you'd be? Answer: A very bad one! I was actually almost agreeing with your plan, until I reached the "behind her back" thing. You either do it together or you don't! By the way, if she's so blind as you say, what makes you think that she will believe you? Based on her past behaviour, you'd most probably lose her as a friend while she blindly stays with her cheater BF. Also, how on earth would you prove that? Clear pics? Clear video? Anything less than professional detective surveillance work and it's your word against his. Even with video I'm sure her BF would still find a nice excuse for your friend to believe. Again, you either do it together or you don't! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrVegas Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Not sure if you are still looking for advice, but I feel like talking so why not Look, I am not going to pile on with accusations of you wanting to jump on your best friends guy, only you really know if that is what it's about. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and approach this from your heart being in the right place. First, bravo for wanting to protect your friend. A good friend is willing to do wha tit takes to help a friend. But I have to agree with others and say that keeping your friend in the dark is a dangerous play. Without concrete evidence, your friend will likely not believe you. A cheater can spin a nasty web of lies pretty quick, and you will look like a backstabbing B***H who tried to steal her friends guy. And even if you have concrete evidence, you're friend will see it as only you he would cheat with, and only because you went after him. No matter what, you will lose here. So maybe being the best friend will be trying to help her catch him with someone else, and being there to pick up the pieces when he breaks her heart. Tough breaks MV 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 The difficulty with this is.. You've already judged him, this guy is a scum bag and a loser to you. You're already setting up a honey trap, what if it doesn't work? Are you going to stop? You send a suggestive email, you're going to keep trying to send suggestive emails just to get him to try and bite. I would leave well enough alone. Your friend is a big girl, if she's entering into a relationship knowing his past then that's the decision she's made but I wouldn't try to interfere. Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I just think the op needs to grow up and not watch so much tv. Maybe even, perish the thought, get a bf of her own. Treat her as you'd want to be treated. Making a holy show of her and ridiculing her in this way isn't the stuff good friends are made of. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I want to go to the club he goes to and hit on him and see what he does. I like your plan. To a point. I have always BEGGED men who say "I don't have a problem with my wife going clubbing, I trust her 100%, it's just that..." To do one very small thing to prove how stupid they are: SPY!!! Either hire a PI or get a friend who doesn't know the s.l.u.t to get some cell video of her in action. You are a golden opportunity for this. She is a good friend of yours and the cheating scumbag doesn't know you. Just go to this club and spy. You hit on him and successfully pick him up, you lose a friend ans she rally's around the boyfriend. Look. They're not married. If she is OK with him going to clubs and hooking up with strange, that's her problem. But... She is talking about marrying this guy, he brought it up. He mentioned them getting engaged sometime this summer, a few times. He's going to clubs to hook up with women. Of that I have no doubt. Girls actually MIGHT go to a club to dance in a man-free bubble. It's at least a possibility. Straight men go to clubs to meet women. PERIOD. Yes. Do your friend a favor. Show her what a scumbag he is. But do it from a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Akeron Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I like your plan. To a point. I have always BEGGED men who say "I don't have a problem with my wife going clubbing, I trust her 100%, it's just that..." To do one very small thing to prove how stupid they are: SPY!!! Either hire a PI or get a friend who doesn't know the s.l.u.t to get some cell video of her in action. You are a golden opportunity for this. She is a good friend of yours and the cheating scumbag doesn't know you. Just go to this club and spy. You hit on him and successfully pick him up, you lose a friend ans she rally's around the boyfriend. Look. They're not married. If she is OK with him going to clubs and hooking up with strange, that's her problem. But... He's going to clubs to hook up with women. Of that I have no doubt. Girls actually MIGHT go to a club to dance in a man-free bubble. It's at least a possibility. Straight men go to clubs to meet women. PERIOD. Yes. Do your friend a favor. Show her what a scumbag he is. But do it from a distance. A lot of married guys do that because their libidos have crashed. They've "come to terms" with the ways of the world, and don't really care if their wives cheat on them. They just don't press the issue because they don't want it to get out of control. Anyway, I don't see a problem with the OP. If anything, a good friend would do what she's doing. The problem is she probably won't be appreciated even if she succeeds. She'll be interpreted as confessing to hitting on her friend's partner. It really depends on how close she is to her friend. If they're super close, it's OK because the risk is low, and loyalty counts over the long run. If they're not terribly close... then it's not the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 If this guy is a known cheater, he's going to cheat regardless if it's with you or someone else. So, why put your friendship in jeopardy over a curiosity if he's going to cheat with you or not? Because, she MAY blame you for breaking them up. When someone is emotionally wrecked, they don't think logically. If you want to be a friend to her, then be there and support and comfort her when she does find out that he's been stepping out on her. Not be the one he's stepping out with. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Plus, you can't entrap him. Show her that he approaches women there. I understand women are becoming more and more the aggressors in these situations, but let her see that he was out looking for it. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 There's no way this ends well. Even if you do it out of some sense of responsibility for your friend's relationship happiness, she's not only going to see it that way. She might well see it as your boyfriend seeing you as attractive, or as more attractive than her. That can open a whole new can of worms, jealousies, insecurities, etc. And since this would be the instance she has "caught" him in, even if you tell her about it, you will become the focal point of her anger over him cheating on her. This is a really stupid idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts