He is already sharing my bed, now he wants more....

[Faye]

I have been with this man for over 15 years. We share a 11 year old handsome young boy. This has not been a happy relationship for me. I have worked extremely hard to get where I am at today. I just earned my Masters and have a successful job. It could have been alot easier for me if he would have work together with me, building a solid relationship. While he could not keep a job, I worked and went to school full time, while at the same time being a mother. We broke up a year ago because he cheated on me. I decided to give him another chance, hoping that the trust that was broken in time will fix itself with him proving that he has change. Just recently, I found a love letter he wrote to the girl that he cheated with. The letter said how much he loved her and wanted to build a relationship with her. I was hurt all over again. Now he said he is in love with me and is willing to let her go. I just can not trust that. The problem is he don't want to leave. I don't know if he staying because he want to use me or what. I recently purchased a new car. He wants to drive it but he does not help me with payments or insurance or rent. He is riding for free, and I am tired of him doing this to me. More I don't accept his actions, the more he want to become abusive. He always tell me that he is not going to wear the SKIRT or be the BITCH in the home. He has this male ego or pride going on. He wants to be the KING, but do not what to play the role. What should I do?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Faye---after fifteen years of this, do you really need a second opinion?

 

She's Come Undone recommended a book on a previous post entitled What Smart Women Know. Out of curiosity I took a peek on the Amazon site and read a few of the paragraphs.

 

If a woman is to become smart, she has to understand what it means. Take Debra, for example. Even though Debra is intelligent, educated, creative, witty and well-organized, she is not very smart about the way she leads her personal life. In fact, Debra would be the first to tell you that when she enters a relationship there is a very good chance that she will "leave her brain" at the door. She says there have been too many times in her life when she has lost sight of who she is and what she wants. Like many other women, Debra has learned that: a woman can be brilliant and still fail to be self-protective in her relationships; a woman can have a fabulously successful career and still be attracted to the wrong qualities in a man; a woman can be overwhelmingly talented and still not know how to be emotionally smart. Why is this so? Because being smart about life, love and relationships is a lot different than being smart about nuclear physics or computer graphics.

So what are the basic qualities that make a woman truly smart and give her the best chances for personal and emotional happiness?

 

Staying rational.

 

Letting her intelligence control her emotions, not the other way around.

 

Trusting her values more than she trusts her hormones.

 

Choosing relationships that make her happy and allow her to grow.

 

Seeking out and accepting people who are positive and supportive.

 

Steering clear of relationships that spell out t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

 

Walking away from people who try to control her or cause pain.

 

More important than anything, a smart woman never, ever forgets that she is a whole person in her own rights, with or without a man in her life.

 

Thanks, She's Come Undone!

[She's Come Undone]

Enigma you are so sweet!

 

My mom actually sent me that book, and I have loaned it out several times. It helped me soooo much!

[Matilda]

I will have to take a look at that book. It does sound good.

 

And Faye, I agree with Enigma, you already know the answer to your problem. You need to get rid of your problem (your man).

[Barby]

Obviously as said above...you already know the answer....I'm sure it is probably hard as ever to let someone go who's been kind of with you for 15 years but you should be able to clearly see that he's using you big time! He doesn't have to work because you work twice as hard and allow him to stay without paying the bills, you allow him to drive a new car that you and you alone are paying for, you still sleep with him, probably cook for him, if not you're at least allowing him free meals, and a place to shower/sleep. Why would he leave? He's got it made and until you put your foot down and make him leave nothing will change. You thought it would mend it's self if you gave him a second chance and it DIDN'T!!! Now you're thinking about a 3rd chance, please do yourself a huge favor....lose this loser! He is using you even if he loves you, he still obviously doesn't respect you and basically you're his "suga mama"