Long Distance breakup - now NC

[Kristopher1]

Hi everybody, it's my first time here and really looking for some comforting advice because I'm just so stressed out..so I'd like to thank anyone who can read this out, shouldn't take long and respond

 

I'll try and keep it as short as possible so you don't get too bored!

 

So I've known this girl since I was 14 years old, it just so happened that she was the one I knew I wanted to be with from an early age, and it just so happened she was there for me more than anybody else when my mother passed away! We both loved each other however because I lived in a different country I was forced to break contact at that age, but she was always on my mind as I was on hers. 10 years later we get in contact with each other, and talk about the future a little bit and discuss us! We decided to be together, and stay together until I can come see her in a year or two. We fell in love, talked about the future, kids, house etc you name it and everyone was going well. (All this via long distance relationship).

 

After the first three - four months, the problems started to occur between us, and that was mainly her being busy all the time and couldn't come online very often. She's learning English and I was spending 2-3 hours a day of my time helping her with her work, lessons etc because it meant I could be with her more and spend time with her. I was always there for her, I let her know that I loved her constantly. For valentines day I had made her a video and added pictures of us together and all sorts of "romantic" things so that she feels happy. I did this 3-4 days before Valentines day because shes a captain of a volleyball team and had to travel quite a bit, but it turned out that she didn't go then, so I didn't want her to be empty handed on valentines day so I again made something new for her. What did she do? Copy a happy valentines day picture from facebook and send it and apologized that she didn't have the time to do anything for me..fair enough I guess? Anyway, I posted her so many gifts for birthday as well as she said she hasn't had a good birthday in a while, so I wanted this one to count and apparently it did.

 

before this we had several arguments regarding trust issues, that she wasn't being true to me as to where she was, but she would always tell me she was busy with her family, classes, etc and that there's nothing to worry about. I would text her and get a response 2-3 hours later. She talks to me in a bad way on the phone in front of her friends as if I'm just some person bothering her, of course I've told her this but she denies it and says I'm too sensitive about everything. Anyhow, I've called her a liar 2-3 times in the past, and I've apologized for it, but I've told her many times that if she doesn't want this long distance relationship then just tell me, be honest with me and don't lie...but she act's in such a manner all the time that I have to question her actions..

 

Now for the breakup: Since I couldn't ever win an argument with my gf, I decided to be a bit more trusting and understanding. Things were looking alright until all of a sudden she doesn't tell me what shes doing anymore which was very weird coming from her. We talk on skype and sometimes her phone rings and whispers, or doesnt pick up or ends the call on her phone and says wrong number or something, as if she's trying to hide something. I probably wrong but it seemed that way. Anyway, I heard her on the phone telling her sister that she's going away on Saturday (the Thursday I spoke to her) for two weeks for a competition. I didn't mention it to her because I wanted to know if she would inform me, but she didn't that day, so I brought it up the next day asking why she didn't? She said she had just received the news on Thursday that she's going away, but why not tell me? I don't understand. I said ok well nevermind, and then she continues not texting me telling me whats going on in her life etc which was frustrating. I then called her phone because I normally don't because it's expensive, and she picks up and says she's just arrived home...? Seriously? So I get wound up with that because I think she's doing something behind my back and I tell her that this relationship is coming to an end soon, then the phone just hanged up. She said she wanted to explain herself on skype, I said fine come along. I waited 30 minutes for her, sending her text messages, and phoned her twice without answer. She then suddenly appears on skype. To this point i'm furious. She said she didn't receive any messages and the phone was in the other room, to which I called her a liar and that was it.

 

She wrote to me on skype what happened, she says she went from shopping to her sisters place, then she received news that her grandfather had a heart attack and everyone went to the hospital and were crying etc and that he might die, and when I called her she had just arrived home and that I wouldn't even let her tell me on the phone what happened, and that the memory on her phone ran out so she had to delete text messages that's why she didn't get anything from me. She ends by saying she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and that it's stupid that when i'm upset I have to call her names such as a liar. She said sorry that she was a lying girlfriend, and she will go because of it, because she's not a good gf and she thanked me for everything I had done and wished me success in life.

 

I then told her look, I'm really sorry about your grandfather, I hope he recovers and I shouldn't have called you a liar but you're really making this relationship difficult because you're not helping. At this point she just wanted to go and that's what she did.

 

I played the NC rule for 3 days, contacted her and she ignored me big time..I said I was sorry, I said I miss her, I asked if shes better off without me and she just replied that she doesn't have anything to say to me. After a few more messages she told me she prefers not to be in a relationship where I'm looked at as a liar. I then started telling her that I don't see her this way, and I was basically trying to change her mind. I said for you to end this over being called a liar is insane. It's a long distance relationship, we both know we say things that we shouldn't sometimes, why would you end it over this? Got no response. My last message was that I'm always the one getting hurt but I put that aside so that you don't feel bad, so that you feel better and this is how you treat me!!

 

I remember once we didn't speak for a day because she was upset, and when I did message her she was so happy and said I've never missed anybody this much before, and that she loves our relationship and loves me so much, that she doesn't want things to go down this way and she wants me to be with her.

 

She says she loves me, but I don't see it enough from her, and I think that's whats upsetting me.

 

To sum up, it's been 4 days now I haven't contacted her since my last message that she ignored, and I haven't received anything from her either. I really love my girlfriend with everything I have, she means so much to me and she knows I love her too without a doubt. I'm wondering if I want her to return, how long shall I play this NC out? 1-2 weeks?

 

I don't obviously want to act needy or insecure, maybe that's what pushed her away in the first place. Having read all this do you think there's a chance she will return? And if she does, how should I respond? I just keep hearing that If I'm to again attempt to get her back by saying something, I'm just going to push her away..

 

I read this somewhere and I feel as though it's correct?

 

"If someone doesn't want to be with you, doesn't love you, you can't manipulate them back. And would you want someone by trickery or manipulation. That's not love. If they part from you and find they honestly do love you still, they will be back, if not, they were not yours to begin with."

 

Any advice would be much appreciated..

 

Thanks for reading...I know I said short but...just in a bad state at the moment..sorry for ranting on:(

Edited February 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator