Starting to feel a wee bit lonely...

[Teknoe]

Right now, and for the past 6 months or something, the bulk of my interaction has been with my bro and his girlfriend. I had some acquaintances that I recently cut out of my life. I don't regret doing that so much, but I never took time to go looking for new friends/relationships. Right now, I really am kind of a lone wolf, with my bro and his GF. I was fine with it for the past 6 months... I had my movies, my games, my various forms of entertainment, but as I approach 30... I now feel kind of lame for not even having any sort of social circle. I used to go to the church scene and had built up a pretty decent social circle, but I recently fell out of the church scene (I still am Christian, but have been a break from church). Since I broke away, my (church) social circle has pretty much evaporated. Whereas once people checked up on me, now they've stopped. At first, I enjoyed the peace and quiet. Now, I long for some companionship. Not necessarily with THOSE former acquaintances, but with others I can truly call a friend.

 

Problem is, at this age it gets a bit more difficult establishing new friendships as everyone's already got their own circle.

 

Anyway, I think I know deep down that I've gone to the far end of the introvert spectrum, and I've kind of gotten lazy/comfortable in my loneliness. I don't think I can do this throughout my early 30s and be content. I need SOME friends, and I need to get out of the house once in a while that doesn't involve eating out with my bro and his GF.

 

I think I might explore another church sometime soon. The one I attended kinda wore out on me... and I didn't like some of the leadership changes.

 

Anyway, how much lonlies are out there like me, who also at first enjoyed the peace and quiet, but eventually wanted to find some sort of healthier balance?

 

I mean, I just became a hermit these past couple months. I don't go out unless it's related to work or with my bro and GF. Not like I went out a WHOLE LOT previously, but it was much more than this. I guess I feel like I should be taking a bigger bite out of life while I am still young. Eh, some ranting here... feel free to respond however you see fit.

 

In my laziness, I think I've put on 5-10 pounds, and I stopped checking my Facebook account, which I had been checking previously about 5x a week and quite active in posting videos and updates. I am not depressed, but I think falling out of the church scene and "wanting to slip out the back door" led me to stop using FB much at all, since 90% of my church interaction came through FB, and in an attempt to weed that out, I went MIA on FB. I think in general, I've gone into "ninja" mode as to "protect" my peace and quiet. If I start posting FB status updates again, my old church peeps would see it, maybe comment and then I'll be back in their conscious. I kind of want to move on so am laying low until further notice.

 

Anyway, I guess you could say I'm going through a bit of a (social) slump. Work has been good, but surely there is more to life than work and video games. Right now though, I just feel so lazy/uninspired to take that next step. I guess I'm trying to prolong this stage and it is largely self-inflicted. It's always funny how we say "Oh I'll take a month off only" but it quickly turns into 2 months, then 3, then 4, then it's a year or two of your life.

 

Gotta be real careful...

[Fallen Petals]

Well reaching out here helps. I am totally with you though, actually. I am completely isolated these days and it's beginning to make me a little batty. I'd love to offer advice, but I'm not doing so hot in that arena myself...

 

Find a penpal maybe?? LOL...getting out helps - or so I'm told.

 

I can relate in this fashion - I recently left my church scene, and though I attend with some family, it's not a place I would call "home" and I am reluctant to build any relationships as I feel they'd be painfully temporary. I moved from my hometown so I am in the middle of strangerville and I don't hear from anybody much...Yeah - making new friends at 30 kinda sucks doesn't it???

[Teknoe]

I can relate in this fashion - I recently left my church scene, and though I attend with some family, it's not a place I would call "home" and I am reluctant to build any relationships as I feel they'd be painfully temporary. I moved from my hometown so I am in the middle of strangerville and I don't hear from anybody much...Yeah - making new friends at 30 kinda sucks doesn't it???

 

It does. It's tough. People are often out of college (and so am I), and have their own social group already. I also hear you on the "temporary church friendship" thing... to be fair I don't think I've done my part nearly as much as I can... but I am very particular about my guy friends. I make female friends more easily, but tend to fall for them if they're attractive in the least, so that's not good, either, lol. Lately though, I don't really socialize with many people, female or male, outside of my family and weekly work place. I find I rather be home in my PJs than out with someone or a group of people. I don't know what happened. I guess I just like vegging out and sticking to my safe forms of entertainment... sports, movies and video games.

 

*shrug*

 

tonight I was eating at a fast food joint, and there were 3 college aged kids nearby... they had the "total college frat boy dorm" lifestyle down. Talking loudly and obscenely... I just felt really irritated and out of place there, lol. I just wanted to get out of there and change back into my PJs and surf the net.

 

I've become such a huge homebody, lol. If I ever have another GF, I think she can't be too outgoing, because that will just drive me crazy and we would probably not be very compatible.

[todreaminblue]

i think when you start to feel the sting of loneliness it is time to pull it out.......it is when you are ready to do it..... apathy can settle in like a suffocating fog....been there fro quite a few years , just existing i call it ......i was a bona fide recluse......just not interested ...i have a few close gfs oen of them interstate, adn oen nto far from me, i have a large family so i am hardly ever alone....there si a disnction from beign aloen to lonely.....beign lonely means you are ready to share your time and affection and your days with someone...being alone means you have no opportunity to i am not in my 30s .....i am over forty......what have you tried to do .......or when you go out where do you go?

[Fallen Petals]

It does. It's tough. People are often out of college (and so am I), and have their own social group already. I also hear you on the "temporary church friendship" thing... to be fair I don't think I've done my part nearly as much as I can... but I am very particular about my guy friends. I make female friends more easily, but tend to fall for them if they're attractive in the least, so that's not good, either, lol. Lately though, I don't really socialize with many people, female or male, outside of my family and weekly work place. I find I rather be home in my PJs than out with someone or a group of people. I don't know what happened. I guess I just like vegging out and sticking to my safe forms of entertainment... sports, movies and video games.

 

*shrug*

 

tonight I was eating at a fast food joint, and there were 3 college aged kids nearby... they had the "total college frat boy dorm" lifestyle down. Talking loudly and obscenely... I just felt really irritated and out of place there, lol. I just wanted to get out of there and change back into my PJs and surf the net.

 

I've become such a huge homebody, lol. If I ever have another GF, I think she can't be too outgoing, because that will just drive me crazy and we would probably not be very compatible.

 

HA!! Tek!! We're getting OLD together - the frat style drives me NUTS. I'd take a Sat morning in my pj's watching movies anyday...and hey, if that lazy Sat morning stretches to a lazy Sat afternoon and into a OMG I didn't do ANYTHING but watch a MARATHON of movies with a friend today....well so be it. I haven't been to a dance club in forever, don't care to go to raves...whatcha think? Time for us to ease back into society or find other like minded individuals to pass our time with??

[Teknoe]

when you go out where do you go?

 

Quick errands. Nothing that really lets me find people to befriend.

 

-Library

-Gas station

-Target

-Wal-Mart

-Various restaurants

-Movie theatre

 

I don't go to the gym. I have a Yoga program at home I feel comfortable sticking with. My outside activities are to the point, done and then I'm back home.

 

 

HA!! Tek!! We're getting OLD together - the frat style drives me NUTS. I'd take a Sat morning in my pj's watching movies anyday...and hey, if that lazy Sat morning stretches to a lazy Sat afternoon and into a OMG I didn't do ANYTHING but watch a MARATHON of movies with a friend today....well so be it. I haven't been to a dance club in forever, don't care to go to raves...whatcha think? Time for us to ease back into society or find other like minded individuals to pass our time with??

 

LOL. I dunno. It's easier said than done! I'd like to find some connections, but it's so damn hard and the one girl I was digging, she's back and forth on me. Talks to me when she wants to, but doesn't really engage in convo when her mind is elsewhere. So I feel like I'm a "filler friend" to her, and after some time that weighs on you.

 

Right now, I just enjoy going to work and going back home to do my own things (net, games, sports, etc.). Unless something changes, I could be on the path to never marrying.

 

But hey, a lot can change in a year... we'll see. I'm trying eHarmony for the hell of it, but 5 months and nada. It's been a bust. Meh. I think I've gone to the far end of the other side. I used to want a GF so badly. Now, meh. Maybe I've become jaded, bitter and too hurt to want to really try anymore, or at least, at this point in time.

 

Dang, I probably should see a therapist, lol. Gack.

[KathyM]

I think you need to get more involved in life. You are avoiding socializing as a defensive measure--to protect your ego from the rejection you are feeling by not finding the emotional connection with a woman that you are wanting. I think you need to figure out what your passions are, and focus on those, and through those, you will come in contact with people who could be potential friends and dates. Find a hobby that would involve other people, such as a sport. Volunteer your time to something you feel passionate about. Join a political group or an activist group that stands for the things you believe in. There's a lot of things you could do that would bring you in contact with other potential friends. And finding another church would be a good idea too. I think it's important to feed your faith and have the fellowship of other Christians.

[Teknoe]

Kathy, I'll try church exploring in the summer time. I just don't have the strength, energy or gusto to right now.

 

I also work on Saturdays and Sundays BTW, so I'm really swamped. Summers I have off though so we'll see. To be honest, I'm not in a huge rush. I do eventually want to explore again, but not right now. And probably not for the next 3 months or so.

[KathyM]

Kathy, I'll try church exploring in the summer time. I just don't have the strength, energy or gusto to right now.

 

I also work on Saturdays and Sundays BTW, so I'm really swamped. Summers I have off though so we'll see. To be honest, I'm not in a huge rush. I do eventually want to explore again, but not right now. And probably not for the next 3 months or so.

All work and no play . . . Gotta make time for fun too, and for a well rounded life. No time like the present to turn your life around. Do you really have to work seven days a week? I think you should find some way to cut that down to five days a week, and at least give yourself a couple of days off every week to do other things.

[Fallen Petals]

LOL. I dunno. It's easier said than done! I'd like to find some connections, but it's so damn hard and the one girl I was digging, she's back and forth on me. Talks to me when she wants to, but doesn't really engage in convo when her mind is elsewhere. So I feel like I'm a "filler friend" to her, and after some time that weighs on you.

 

Right now, I just enjoy going to work and going back home to do my own things (net, games, sports, etc.). Unless something changes, I could be on the path to never marrying.

 

But hey, a lot can change in a year... we'll see. I'm trying eHarmony for the hell of it, but 5 months and nada. It's been a bust. Meh. I think I've gone to the far end of the other side. I used to want a GF so badly. Now, meh. Maybe I've become jaded, bitter and too hurt to want to really try anymore, or at least, at this point in time.

 

Dang, I probably should see a therapist, lol. Gack.

 

Maybe you just need a few filler friends of your own until you are back on your feet socially. As I said before - penpals and the like...just someone you can be open and yourself with, have conversation and keep your social skills alive with. If eHarmony isn't working there are other sites, or you can get some folks on here to banter back and forth with...then eventually the whole girlfriend thing may pan out, but this way you won't be lonely and thinking about it. Even now, you say you're "meh" about it, but it's still on your mind. Either as something you do want or something you feel you should want.

 

What do you do for work that has you working 7 days a week???

[Teknoe]

I should clarify and state that Saturday-Sunday I only work 1 hour a piece, but still, I'm working 7 days a week, technically, heh.

 

I'm a teacher.

 

I tutor on weekends. I also work in my classroom on Sundays for 2-3 hours. Like I said, I have enough to keep me busy, with all the grading and prepping. I work with kids, and interact with my coworkers. It's definitely not enough to be a substitute for "real" social interaction, though. I know I should be putting myself out there more, but summer's coming up in 3 months and I feel like I'll just wait til then to figure things out.

 

I guess, honestly, I'm too comfortable where I am now. This topic was made in a moment of weakness/feeling extra lonely, but now, I'm back to "normal" after the weekend has passed and I'm busy with my work life.

 

I have plenty of "play time" but it's either alone or with my bro/his GF.

[Teknoe]

Interestingly enough, that "filler friend" I mentioned initiated contact with me last night. That led to a nice long back and forth chat. I emailed her asking if she wanted to see a show for next month. She hasn't responded yet but if she makes it, it'll be my first time hanging out with her since September. It has definitely been a while.

 

Anyway, it was nice talking with her again and having that back and forth exchange/banter.

[Fallen Petals]

That's totally awesome. See, that's what I was saying - a couple filler friends...unless of course she pans out to become a girlfriend, then you won't need them! LOL

 

I hope she goes to the show with you.

[The Outlaw]

You sound just like me, except I'm one month shy of turning 32. Joy. I'm unmarried, and not in a dating relationship of any kind, but my life here lately revolves around my work. Thank god I've got a saving grace, but I myself also need to throw myself out there. It's just a matter of stepping outside your comfort zone, and finding things in common with people your own age that you will share a common bond with. Peace, quite and tranquilty are necessary, but too much of it, as I've been told on more than once, isn't healthy-

[Teknoe]

That's totally awesome. See, that's what I was saying - a couple filler friends...unless of course she pans out to become a girlfriend, then you won't need them! LOL

 

I hope she goes to the show with you.

 

Well she has a BF lol. However, she has complained about him in the past, and having a BF is a lot different from being married. I do find her attractive so there's an element of risk there, with her being "taken" and all. We'll see how it plays out.

 

Outlaw, definitely too much of something is not good.

I think I devoted myself to the church so much for 3 years that I just crashed and burned a little bit, and am wanting to make up all that "me time" I lost out on the past 3 years i.e. quiet nights at home spent doing what I want, not going out to events that I went to just to please others... I lacked boundaries and I think it came back to bite me in the behind. I became a little resentful, even. The rejections at church also played a role, not just romantically but also with an accountability partner I had. I guess, I just got sick of the "BS" after a while. It's not all BS, but I find too much of it tends to be, and that it wasn't worth it to continue any sort of relationship, even a fringe one. I rather be anonymous and free. That might sound awful, but it's how I feel deep down.

 

I still believe in Jesus and all that, but meh (right now) on the whole church scene. Working full time (after working part time for YEARS) has no doubt factored in, big time. I have less energy nowadays, so whatever down time I have left, I just sort of veg out. it is what it is.

[Teknoe]

bit of an update. That filler friend and I are tentatively scheduled for a day long hangout a few weekends from now

 

workshop in early morning

lunch

chill

late afternoon show

 

not gonna get too hyped up, coz i know cancellations happen. but so far, it sounds pretty good to me.

[Teknoe]

bit of an update. That filler friend and I are tentatively scheduled for a day long hangout a few weekends from now

 

workshop in early morning

lunch

chill

late afternoon show

 

not gonna get too hyped up, coz i know cancellations happen. but so far, it sounds pretty good to me.

 

 

Update time: so... I saw T in person tonight. First time in like 6 months? For the past 6 months we've kept in touch through gchat and texting here and there. We finally had an event to attend together, so we went. It was nice to see her again. I feel like we mesh pretty well as friends.

 

It was supposed to be a whole day affair though, as we wanted to first attend a workshop, then grab lunch and then go see the play, but as it turns out things fell through and so we only saw the play together.

 

Interestingly enough, at the end as we were walking back to our cars she said to me, "Alright, I owe you dinner!" I responded, "Sounds good. Duly noted!"

 

So, looks like we'll get together again at some point. I look forward to hanging out with her again. She's easy/fun to be around, and easy on the eyes as well. We'll see how it goes.

 

It was good to see T again tonight. I look forward to my next hang out with her. But, no expectations. It always seems to go better when you come in with no expectations or "visual what ifs" in your mind. Just let it be what it will be...