silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Teach her? What are we, kids in kindergarden rather than adults taking responsibility for our lives? Anyone who sees divorce as a redflag isn't very enlightened I have to say. 50% of people are divorced in the West. What? Way to take a text out of context... I'm simply quoting what I hear many men out there saying. That's not my quote, it's theirs. They WANT to do that. Sick and tired of this society that stigmatises older virgins or low-counts people but promotes promiscuity. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 But IF it is true, then... wtf? Yeah... how dare she be unlucky in love and also have some standards not to sleep with anyone right, left and centre to try and remedy the first fact? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jma500 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Depends on how much sex means to you. If you are a very sexual person you should move on. Odds are that sex will not be a regular occurence. Alternatively when she finds the guy whom she really likes and has sex with him she may decide she really likes its and want much, much, more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I am sorry guys, but there is something really off about this. People that get to that age and are virgins for non-religious reasons, there is something quite wrong. OP, be aware that she likely has a lot of issues. I would wonder if she has body issues (scars, something she is hiding?), all kinds of intimacy issues that would make relationship next to impossible, other severe psychological ailments? Is she asexual? This is not about sexual promiscuity, it is about experiencing life and fully blocking yourself to one aspect of life Why? Because she wants it to be special? I don't buy it at all..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jma500 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I am sorry guys, but there is something really off about this. People that get to that age and are virgins for non-religious reasons, there is something quite wrong. OP, be aware that she likely has a lot of issues. I would wonder if she has body issues (scars, something she is hiding?), all kinds of intimacy issues that would make relationship next to impossible, other severe psychological ailments? Is she asexual? This is not about sexual promiscuity, it is about experiencing life and fully blocking yourself to one aspect of life Why? Because she wants it to be special? I don't buy it at all..... like most older virgins it is because the right partner for her hasn't come along yet and she won't settle for sex with users for the sake of gaining experience. if she was sleeping around to gain experience the people here faulting her being careful would be calling her a whore. you just can't win today. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 like most older virgins it is because the right partner for her hasn't come along yet and she won't settle for sex with users for the sake of gaining experience. if she was sleeping around to gain experience the people here faulting her being careful would be calling her a whore. you just can't win today. This! ^ Assuming that there's definitely something wrong for them, is WRONG on so many levels, I don't know where to start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jma500 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 This! ^ Assuming that there's definitely something wrong for them, is WRONG on so many levels, I don't know where to start. Agreed. Yet another reason people should assume nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yes, you should let this one pass. She sounds like a great woman that deserves better while you're on this site complaining about something that really isn't even important. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Ywhile you're on this site complaining about something that really isn't even important. How do you know whether it's important or not when you have no experience of it? It's like a bunch of adults and children talking on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 How do you know whether it's important or not when you have no experience of it? It's like a bunch of adults and children talking on this thread. Okay, I know I'm a virgin now but if you're a 35 year old man and just want a nice woman to settle down with then her sexual past, or lack of it should be the least of concern. Especially when the woman seems to have a great personality. Sooner or later, everyone picks up the experience and learn it after having sex. If a person really wouldn't date someone who is attractive and has a great personality then they basically only think with their penises and vaginas more than half the time. No offense to anyone but virginity shouldn't be a deal breaker if the person is attractive and really nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Everyone gets to decide their own deal-breakers. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 For the sake of argument: Two twin sisters date the same 10 guys over the years (at different times of course). None of them are compatible with either of them after, say, 5 dates each. One twin sister has slept with all 10 men on the 3rd date once, every single time. Total 10 men. The other hasn't, (total zero) since she saw the incompatibility early on and didn't want to make herself vulnerable by sleeping with them for the sake of it. The result was the same with both women though: None of them found a successful relationship so far. Why is the virgin woman any more wrong than her twin sister? Sexual experience? Let me beg to differ. (Also, calling other people childish over not being in favour of promiscuous for the sake of it and disagreeing is just... uncalled for... sorry.) 6 Link to post Share on other sites
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Everyone gets to decide their own deal-breakers. Yeah, some do it for idiotic reasons. The OP's reasons for being concerned over a 35 year old virgin regardless of her personality and looks are silly so it's best he should leave the poor woman alone. She deserves someone better that would appreciate her for who she is and not have someone give her a false hope that she might have possibly found the man she was looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Well you could be really lousy in the sack and you would be the best she's ever had, that's a plus. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 It's one thing to be clueless at 21 and completely something else in your 30s. It means she was never bothered enough by the lack of love and intimacy in her life to 'fix' whatever it was that was stopping her from experiencing relationships. I was bothered by it, but I was trying to sort myself out so that I wouldn't end up with a guy like the men who were in my mother's life at one time, and my sister's husband. I think he must have thought I was desperate when he tried it on with me. I wanted to have sex, I wanted a relationship - I didn't want sex by itself. I was isolated, I had anxiety issues, and issues with men, and the one guy I liked that much when I was around 21? Didn't live here, and disappeared on me, instead of meeting me - he was the flake. I regret not dealing with things much sooner - like my issues with men - but I also didn't want to be out there dating all the time. So, I can believe that some people get to that age. If I'd had a long-term boyfriend at the time, I wouldn't have waited that long, so I wonder why she didn't sleep with the one guy she had a relationship with years ago - but at this point, she may be afraid to kiss the guy in case he's getting ready to reject her. She's used to it now. I am sorry guys, but there is something really off about this. People that get to that age and are virgins for non-religious reasons, there is something quite wrong. OP, be aware that she likely has a lot of issues. I would wonder if she has body issues (scars, something she is hiding?), all kinds of intimacy issues that would make relationship next to impossible, other severe psychological ailments? Is she asexual? This is not about sexual promiscuity, it is about experiencing life and fully blocking yourself to one aspect of life Why? Because she wants it to be special? I don't buy it at all..... I do. I wanted it to be special - of course, it would have been special in my teens, if I'd gone out with the one guy I really liked (if he hadn't asked me out like he was doing me a favour). If she's asexual, then she should be upfront about it, but if she isn't, then I feel bad for her. Guys DO get weird about that, and about relationship inexperience. Haven't had many partners? Ugh - don't want to be with someone inexperienced. Too many partners? Ugh, what a slut. like most older virgins it is because the right partner for her hasn't come along yet and she won't settle for sex with users for the sake of gaining experience. if she was sleeping around to gain experience the people here faulting her being careful would be calling her a whore. you just can't win today. Yep. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 So there is nothing off about a woman that gets to be 35 without a single serious relationship, or a relationship that was close enough for sex? Everybody can meet douches, sure. But to never meet ONE guy that is right enough to have sex with? In 17 years of adult life? (keep in mind she is not saving herself for marriage).... You know what they say....who is the common denominator here? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 This story doesn't add up to me. She is not telling you something or is asexual. Based on your description she has had opportunities for sex but doesn't want to have any. Most people have an innate sexual drive, and sexual curiosity that she seems to lack. She didn't even have sex in her 1+ year relationship? Something is very very wrong. You should leave her if you want a sexually passionate relationship. You could also ask her questions to find out what she wants sexually and what time frame she had in mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 So there is nothing off about a woman that gets to be 35 without a single serious relationship, or a relationship that was close enough for sex? Everybody can meet douches, sure. But to never meet ONE guy that is right enough to have sex with? In 17 years of adult life? (keep in mind she is not saving herself for marriage).... You know what they say....who is the common denominator here? Yes, people can be THAT unlucky I suppose! Just like most of my relatives died while I was doing my degree. All in different and spectacular ways! Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yeah, some do it for idiotic reasons. The OP's reasons for being concerned over a 35 year old virgin regardless of her personality and looks are silly so it's best he should leave the poor woman alone. She deserves someone better that would appreciate her for who she is and not have someone give her a false hope that she might have possibly found the man she was looking for. But you're plastering it with personal convictions. Why is he the bad guy in this scenario? They're still dating. Doesn't matter if it's silly (I don't even think it is that silly although I don't neccessarily agree with it) - that's what the dating period is for. That doesn't make the OP some shallow jerk that doesn't deserve her. What if the story was written from the woman's perspective that she didn't want a guy with a sexual past and a divorce? Should we all tell her how stupid and invaled her deal-breakers are? Link to post Share on other sites
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 So there is nothing off about a woman that gets to be 35 without a single serious relationship, or a relationship that was close enough for sex? Everybody can meet douches, sure. But to never meet ONE guy that is right enough to have sex with? In 17 years of adult life? (keep in mind she is not saving herself for marriage).... You know what they say....who is the common denominator here? She never found the right guy to be comfortable with I'm sure. I'm sure I'd be in the same exact position as her in 10 years. There are more people like this than you think. A lot happen to be quite unlucky in finding the right person. She was probably just scared of not wanting to be used for sex and then not have the guy call her back later on. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 While I agree with you in all the other senses.. I don't think you can say a deal breaker is stupid or not... people can decide what they like and what they don't! Well, it's never wrong to question people why they have a deal-breaker, especially if it's hindering their relationship succes and they're unhappy with it. For the record I think the guy has perfectly valid reasons for at least being somewhat suspicious. I mean, were not talking about a 35-year old fat basement nerd with a collection of social disorders but a woman with a great personality, great body, a succesful career that apparently is longing for a sexual relationship but it never worked out in almost two decades? I know it can be lonely at the top but this is odd at least. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 It all boils down to getting a penis in a vagina. As evolution has dictated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 While I agree with you in all the other senses.. I don't think you can say a deal breaker is stupid or not... people can decide what they like and what they don't! Yeah but he shouldn't be beating around the bush about it if he sees it as a major concern. Just leave the poor woman alone rather than give her high hopes by continuously going on dates and having nice conversations but at the same time questioning yourself why she chose to be a virgin and how much of a turn-off you find it. The OP is basically wasting his time and the woman's time. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 That would be true if we would be dogs or cats... but we (humans) have something called intelligence ... anyhow I agree that every time less people use that quality that separate us from the animals! Haha, have you seen the movie "Idiocracy"? Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Personally, I would be fine with dating an older virgin woman if I was OK with why she remained celibate this long. That said, I'm sorry, but we need to face reality here. Any woman or man who is still a virgin past the age of 25 or so is one for a reason (even if they don't themselves quite know what it is)...and 95% of the time those reason(s) are not good. In the case of the person being religious...most devoutly religious people get married very young. Most people within 100 miles of "normal" would have given it up no later than their mid 20s. And even the folks who remained celibate until ages 23-25 probably waited that long b/c they were on a career path that required 100+ hours/week and little time for social life. Most young people are consumed with horny-ness and desire - to the point where they would almost certainly take action to satiate that craving. It is primal human nature to explore one's sexuality between your mid-teens and mid-20s...that's part of discovering who you are, coming into your own, and maturing into an adult. Once you get past the obvious human needs like air, water and food...sex and companionship tend to rank way up there in terms of people's needs. Even most socially awkward, shy, or otherwise psychologically problematic people manage to acquire sexual and dating experience by their mid-to-late 20s. Maybe I could believe the "holding out for the right one" reason until the age of say 27-28...but beyond that, most people will think "the hell with it" and lower their standards. There are good reasons why the overwhelming majority of women and men who are past "college-age" strongly prefer or outright require that their partners who have dating and sexual experience. Even if it's just one past partner. Virginity is a near-guaranteed deal-breaker to them. I think the OP should let this woman go and move on. He is clearly very uncomfortable with the situation and prefers an experienced woman. Hopefully this woman will find a decent guy who's also inexperienced (VERY rare in her age range) or a good guy who's willing to look past her virginity (again very rare in her age range). If she wants to have sex, it is more likely that she'll have to lower her standards substantially. I also wouldn't rule out the possibility that the woman is lying to the OP, and that she's not a virgin...I mean, things just don't add up here. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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