man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Seriously, the way people go out of their way to make virgins the new invalids of the modern era is mind-boggling... Nobody is saying that it is wrong. It's just odd and I don't think it's unreasonable for the person dating an attractive, nice, successfull women who never experienced sex at the age of 35 to ponder why it never happened. There are people walking out there with huge disfunctional sexdrives or other problems related to sex. Being a virgin at the age of 35 while sporting all these relationship-PRO's is not mutually interchangable with that but it is not exactly bad advice to a least be cautious about sexual compatability if the person is such an odd statistic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yeah but it's completely natural and HEALTHY to explore your sexuality. If this woman is so wonderful then it stands to reason that by sheer math alone someone would have come along in her adult life that would have tapped into that for her. She's got a hangup. Past abuse? Gay? Who knows but there's something there. I'm sorry but I don't find it normal or healthy to explore my sexuality with strangers or people I don't really connect with. People can be very unlucky in love. And I can't separate love from sex either like her for my own protection. Who defined these "normal" and "healthy" standards by the way? From the state of relationships and marriages out there I don't think today's standards are right anyway. Assuming that she had to have some form of trauma to end up like that is fundamentally wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Nobody is saying that it is wrong. It's just odd and I don't think it's unreasonable for the person dating an attractive, nice, successfull women who never experienced sex at the age of 35 to ponder why it never happened. There are people walking out there with huge disfunctional sexdrives or other problems related to sex. Being a virgin at the age of 35 while sporting all these relationship-PRO's is not mutually interchangable with that but it is not exactly bad advice to a least be cautious about sexual compatability if the person is such an odd statistic. But I agree that it is odd. Assuming all CRAZY things about her though is well... crazy... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I'm sorry but I don't find it normal or healthy to explore my sexuality with strangers or people I don't really connect with. People can be very unlucky in love. And I can't separate love from sex either like her for my own protection. Who defined these "normal" and "healthy" standards by the way? From the state of relationships and marriages out there I don't think today's standards are right anyway. Assuming that she had to have some form of trauma to end up like that is fundamentally wrong. I didn't say she HAD to. I'm saying it's a possibility. And her boyfriend of a year and a half was hardly a stranger. She liked him enough to date him long-term. Sex is a completely normal and HEALTHY part of any long-term relationship. And it doesn't sound like she's waiting for marriage. So what gives? Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I didn't say she HAD to. I'm saying it's a possibility. And her boyfriend of a year and a half was hardly a stranger. She liked him enough to date him long-term. Sex is a completely normal and HEALTHY part of any long-term relationship. And it doesn't sound like she's waiting for marriage. So what gives? I've actually already explained all the valid reasons WHY she might have done it that way. For some reason people choose to ignore that post. Not repeating again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I've actually already explained all the valid reasons WHY she might have done it that way. For some reason people choose to ignore that post. Not repeating again. Different strokes for different folks. As a very sexual person, I cannot imagine great sex not being part of my committed, long-term relationship. It's just a must-have. *shrugs* Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Different strokes for different folks. As a very sexual person, I cannot imagine great sex not being part of my committed, long-term relationship. It's just a must-have. *shrugs* Many people manage without. They're not abnormal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 ...Come on how hard is it NOT to bang when you're crazy about someone? It's just natural. No it's not! I certainly don't bang every hottie who crosses my path. I require a LOT more in a guy before his hands wander anywhere...let alone free willy getting into my panties. I know a few women who can't prevent themselves from banging every guy who makes them crazy, or can't help taking every dick who gets them hot and bothered for a spin. They are fodder for players, and their lives often reflect their life choices. I don't know you, but I'm going to guess that there are times you exercise self-control with guys you might be greatly attracted to physically. Most people do. If not, the world would be awash in STDs and affairs, and marriage would be meaningless...well even more meaningless than is currently the case today. There are still a few people who take their choices and commitments seriously, rather than jumping on the next hot thing that crosses their path. At any rate, the key in life is finding someone who shares your values. These two, given his concerns, are ill-suited to each other. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 No it's not! I certainly don't bang every hottie who crosses my path. I require a LOT more in a guy before his hands wander anywhere...let alone free willy getting into my panties. I know a few women who can't prevent themselves from banging every guy who makes them crazy, or can't help taking every dick who gets them hot and bothered for a spin. They are fodder for players, and their lives often reflect their life choices. I don't know you, but I'm going to guess that there are times you exercise self-control with guys you might be greatly attracted to physically. Most people do. If not, the world would be awash in STDs and affairs, and marriage would be meaningless...well even more meaningless than is currently the case today. There are still a few people who take their choices and commitments seriously, rather than jumping on the next hot thing that crosses their path. At any rate, the key in life is finding someone who shares your values. These two, given his concerns, are ill-suited to each other. Whoah dude. When I say "crazy about" obviously I'm not talking about casual flings, or pure physical attraction. Jesus. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Of course some people don't enjoy casual sex. That's perfectly ok. But to date someone for a year and a half and do nothing beyond kiss? Why am I the only person that finds this strange? It would hardly have been a "casual" encounter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Believe it or not there are people who values sex further than having threesomes with married couples, etc... I can see how for many people here it has to be sock that there are women who actually think that sex and love have something to do... crazy people isn't it? And nice "slut-shaming" btw. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Lol, well don't come crying when you've burned your hand on the stove. Link to post Share on other sites
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 i have never read or seen such a collection of such overly judgmental junk in my life. this lady values her body, doesn't spread her legs for any ole jerk, will make a man earn it. this is how it should be. instead of applauding this strong 35 year old lady, like little brats you name call. you question her sexuality, belittle her for being abnormal, say she has major issues, it's just like recess with 6 year olds. she's a true lady who i would be honored to date. she doesn't have issues. but the immature bratty children here do. Preach! So much hate in here. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 To answer the OP's original question: I wouldn't "hold it against her" per se (i.e., necessarily think she is a weird or defective person) as I can respect the "wait until marriage" thing, but if I were to date someone like that myself I would be feeling a lot of pressure. I would be concerned that the first time we have sex it would be such a big deal to her that it would be making more of a commitment than I am willing to make at that point. (I can't imagine a committed relationship without sex so it would happen.) I would also be concerned about how good she would be in bed too. I haven't even covered other reasons why she hasn't had sex that would make a healthy romantic relationship difficult, such as hang-ups and whatnot. [For those women reading this and saying that they are damned if they had had sex and damned if they don't, there's a healthy balance. I would have no problem dating a woman who went through her "experimentation" phase as long as it was say several years ago. And FWIW, a lot of women, both on LS and off, say they would be very suspicious of a 40-year-old guy who seemingly has his act together, and who hasn't been married or at least been engaged. At one point I thought this was ridiculous--why is a divorce any indicator that a man would be a good partner, and why would a woman want to deal with the baggage of baby momma drama on top of that? But now I can see why many women see it this way. They want a guy who "gets" her and her world, and a guy who has a history of being in serious relationships was (a) attractive enough to get into one in the first place, and (b) is willing and able to commit (even if it didn't work out), and © knows his way around women well enough so that at least one was willing to get serious with him.] 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Bail OP...bail now. Dealing with a virgin wasnt fun when I was 22 and she was 19. I cant imagine the headache at 35. Not just because of sexual inexperience either. Emotional and relationship inexperiences causes much drama as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I have been as long as a full year with a girl without having sex with her... yes you read correctly... If I don't feel totally connected to the other person sex just doesn't happen with me... as easy as that... Ok - but there are some of us who wouldn't spend a whole year with someone we don't feel "totally connected" with. Such a waste of your time and theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 PS - Experience in sex, love, and relationships, is how many people make it to that lasting successful relationship they always wanted. I gotta wonder whats really up with this chick. Dunno so many here are butthurt that youd want to find someone more compatible with you OP. To those complainers...heres a paddle...cry us a river, blow up your raft, and get over it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I didn't say she HAD to. I'm saying it's a possibility. And her boyfriend of a year and a half was hardly a stranger. She liked him enough to date him long-term. Sex is a completely normal and HEALTHY part of any long-term relationship. And it doesn't sound like she's waiting for marriage. So what gives? Maybe the boyfriend wasn't that fussed over it? Maybe they broke up for other reasons? We don't know her, so we can't know. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 OP I hope you are not trolling. If not, please I'm begging to let her go as she doesn't deserve this s**t she's getting. Just show her this thread and she will make up her mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I agree it is odd.... sadly odd... 50 years ago this would not be a big surprise for anyone... people had other standards and it was normal for people to wait till the right person would arrive... I guess there is people who still thinks that was the right approach rather than the hookup culture... Wtf are you talking about? 50 years ago itd be even odder because shed be unmarried at 35 and a virgin on top of that. Shed look like a freak for making it past 25 and not being married. Do you not know how marriage and sex worked back in the day? Most people had marriage and kids by their mid 20s. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 PS - Experience in sex, love, and relationships, is how many people make it to that lasting successful relationship they always wanted. I gotta wonder whats really up with this chick. Dunno so many here are butthurt that youd want to find someone more compatible with you OP. To those complainers...heres a paddle...cry us a river, blow up your raft, and get over it. Well, I've already stated what was up with me. I wanted healthy relationships, most just want sex. And the majority of guys showing interest in me, have been inappropriate - especially those who were in relationships. I always felt VERY sexual, I just didn't feel comfortable getting naked with just anyone. When the other guys don't want you for reasons such as this, it just keeps on. I had issues with extreme shyness, and was isolated, which added to it - but I've been very careful with men, due to what I witnessed and experienced as a kid, and what I've continued to experience as an adult. But once again, making healthier choices leaves me feeling like a freak. Woo-bloody-hoo. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Wtf are you talking about? 50 years ago itd be even odder because shed be unmarried at 35 and a virgin on top of that. Shed look like a freak for making it past 25 and not being married. Do you not know how marriage and sex worked back in the day? Most people had marriage and kids by their mid 20s. She'd probably be married by 25 back then, 50 years ago. Chances are she wouldn't be a virgin. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 How is she supposed to gain any further relationship experience, if men keep rejecting her due to her lack of experience? Are you kidding me? If this was about a 35 year old man I wonder what the responses would have been. Certainly not this. I can guarantee that. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Well, I've already stated what was up with me. I wanted healthy relationships, most just want sex. And the majority of guys showing interest in me, have been inappropriate - especially those who were in relationships. I always felt VERY sexual, I just didn't feel comfortable getting naked with just anyone. When the other guys don't want you for reasons such as this, it just keeps on. I had issues with extreme shyness, and was isolated, which added to it - but I've been very careful with men, due to what I witnessed and experienced as a kid, and what I've continued to experience as an adult. But once again, making healthier choices leaves me feeling like a freak. Woo-bloody-hoo. Did you wait till 35 for your first relationhip or first experience past kissing? If not, then I wouldnt compare your situation to the 35 yr old mega virgin. And its healthy to have sexual hangups and being weird about nakedness? She'd probably be married by 25 back then, 50 years ago. Chances are she wouldn't be a virgin. Thats what I was getting at. There are plenty of good young guys willing to settle down with a great pretty woman with a good career. The fact that she hasnt landed a guy like this throughout her 20s doesnt add up. By 30, most catches are snatched up. Link to post Share on other sites
Shardish Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 You meet this 'great' woman and you're put off because she is a virgin? Oh how dare someone remain a virgin. How insensitive of that person. How dare she is be STI free. How dare she not have the baggage of children and past relationships/marriages. That woman ought to be ashamed of herself for being so unfortunate in her lovelife. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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