thatlostgirl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Background: Both 21, planned pregnancy. Married for 2 years, together for almost 5. Time frame: Morning: We slept together, went out to eat, everything was supposedly normal. Afternoon: He went to work and kissed me goodbye. Night: Came home, sat on the bed where I was laying down(I was 8 months pregnant and very tired) and said "I can't do this anymore" "I don't love you" ,etc etc. There was no one else involved. I offered counseling, he turned me down, said it wouldn't help. He just told me he would give me a ride to my mothers house. I declined and out of shock had my mother pick me up instead. Devastated, I left at 3 am. He had shut himself in the bedroom while I sat in the kitchen, waiting for a ride and sobbed. That was it. He tugged my feelings around, telling me he didn't know what he wanted for awhile, then all of the sudden he turned cold to me. It's been 7 months and he doesn't help out with our daughter. He comes only once a week if that...for only a couple of hours and he HAS to bring his mother with him. My problem is that I still miss him, terribly. I know the man I thought I married isn't there anymore. But I still love him. I am letting him go, but that still doesn't stop me from crying every night. I have tried to keep myself busy, I earned my nursing assistant certification and got a position at the local hospital, I try to be the best mother I can be. But I cry every single night. It's like I can't help it. I don't want to love him anymore. How do I stop loving him? Should I just file even if I truly don't want the divorce? (I take my vows very seriously) Any advice would be appreciated. I've been trying to fake it until I make it, but it just isnt working... Link to post Share on other sites
Author thatlostgirl Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Im pretty sure there was a mild EA between him and a female coworker. He denies it but he talked to her about our "problems" instead of me. But she quit a few weeks after he told me to leave. As far as I know there is no one else. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 My guess is fear of fatherhood or jealousy of the new member of the family. Even though the pregnancy was planned, he may have gotten cold feet as the birth date approached. Seems pretty clear-cut to me since he doesn't have much interest in taking care of your daughter. But I fear that doesn't help your situation one bit. I think you are stronger than you think. This is the absolute hardest time with your daughter. Things will smooth out between now and 9 months old and I think she will become the absolute joy of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thatlostgirl Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 I think it was too...but should I wait? I love him...but he abandoned us. She is such a joy in my life already. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I think it was too...but should I wait? I love him...but he abandoned us. She is such a joy in my life already. I don't have any clue and no one really does other than your husband. The only suggestion that I have is to focus on your daughter and the love she that will begin to give you back in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 My problem is that I still miss him, terribly. At the risk of being blunt, why??? He abandoned you and your daughter, most likely cheated on you and has turned his back on his family. And I'm going to hazard a guess that, besides not being involved, he's not meeting his child support obligations either - right??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
123pgjes Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 The heart wants what the heart wants i guess. He is losing out on something magical with the child and you. He may not have cheated, he may not be ready to go through being a father, which may be worse perhaps. He may also need some growing up, having his mother all the time etc etc. I would file, then see what he does to react. Link to post Share on other sites
jf2good Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 OMG, I want to go knock this guy up on the side of his head with a 2 x 4 (as am matter of speaking) if he did what you said he did. What sort of switch can someone flip and immediately not love someone. You can't stop loving him easily even if he is an idiot and did you wrong, that is normal. You have a heart and it was broken, it will never be the same but you will be able to move on and it will get better someday. As bad as it was that he left you 8 months pregnant, you need to think how much better it is that he didn't do this years later when it would impact your child negatively. Someday you will look back when you have found someone else and realize that he wasn't the right guy. I know saying it will get better doesn't help now and it doesn't fix your heart; not wanting to move on and forget him and divorce. So don't try to fix all of your feelings now, in time you will want to move on for yourself and your child and he will be the one who feel the loss someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Healing1979 Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry this has happened to you and your daughter. I wish I could say something that would take away all of your pain. I think its only time that can heal but I am still waiting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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