Do women prefer if men are blatantly open about their intentions?

[galaxyman]

What I mean is, and this is when you're having your 2nd conversation with a guy, ... instead of the usual "hinting/flirting"...do you prefer for guys to just be completely open verbally and say something like: "Listen. I want you. I think you're great. You're beautiful, interesting and I want to see you".

 

What do you think of this type of approach? I love talking to women, but I find that I over talk sometimes and they lose interest. I want to start being more open, but I am afraid that this will be considered "too forward" (although I know a few women who love this straight up approach).

[mammasita]

I'd kinda be creeped out about the "I want you" thing.....but if you tone that down a bit, I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

"I think you're beautiful/interesting, let's meet for a drink/coffee"

 

That way, you're not jumping the gun.....how do you know for sure if you'll really want this person once you meet face to face?

[hppr]

It's all about making them feel good when you're with them. Most of the time being clear about your intentions won't give them that 'good' feeling & they like the mystery of trying to 'figure you out' rather than you just spelling it out for them. edit: being good at conversation means being good at listening to the other person, this is a scientific fact. So talk less and let them talk more, ask open-ended fantasy questions that get them talking, that kind of stuff.

Edited February 25, 2013 by hppr

[galaxyman]

I get what you both mean. I'd probably change the "I want you" for "I like you" lol. The reason I posted this is simply because I'm not great with the whole "hinting talk". However, recent conversations with men and women have given me the impression that these days a lot of women just want the guy to be up front: "_____, I find you very attractive and I enjoy talking to you. I wanted to ask you to hang out with me this week, but not over text. Can I call you sometime?"

 

The whole "will he? Won't he?" business has gotten pretty tiresome for me. I think this girl is genuinely interested too.

 

What do you think?

[PhoenixRysing]

With the substitution of "like" for "want" I would absolutely love that! I am at a point in my life where yes I enjoy flirting and a bit of chase, but I would absolutely love if a man made his interest known in this way. It would make me feel like a million bucks.

 

ETA - your last post is just about perfect IMO.

[hppr]

So you don't have her phone number yet? Is this an online thing? Or does she text a lot but not answer the phone?

 

If you don't have her number just ask for it, if you do then call her. You have a rough outline of what you want to say to her so how about your date ideas Romeo?

[bac]

I get what you both mean. I'd probably change the "I want you" for "I like you" lol. The reason I posted this is simply because I'm not great with the whole "hinting talk". However, recent conversations with men and women have given me the impression that these days a lot of women just want the guy to be up front: "_____, I find you very attractive and I enjoy talking to you. I wanted to ask you to hang out with me this week, but not over text. Can I call you sometime?"

 

The whole "will he? Won't he?" business has gotten pretty tiresome for me. I think this girl is genuinely interested too.

 

What do you think?

 

It is not a good idea for a man to be very open about his intentions because the intentions are mostly about sex. You might try to be open and see what happens. If girls do not respond well, you might want to slow down on openness.

[ptp]

It is not a good idea for a man to be very open about his intentions because the intentions are mostly about sex. You might try to be open and see what happens. If girls do not respond well, you might want to slow down on openness.

 

What is the problem with that?

 

A woman enters into a relationship with a man because she wants sex too.

[tbf]

What is the problem with that?

 

A woman enters into a relationship with a man because she wants sex too.

This presumes that people enter relationships only for the sex.

[ptp]

This presumes that people enter relationships only for the sex.

 

No, it doesn't. All it presumes is that both people involved in the relationship want to sleep with each other.

[tbf]

No, it doesn't. All it presumes is that both people involved in the relationship want to sleep with each other.

So if someone says "I want to run you over in my car", this includes subtext that they might possibly value you in other ways?

[soccerrprp]

What I mean is, and this is when you're having your 2nd conversation with a guy, ... instead of the usual "hinting/flirting"...do you prefer for guys to just be completely open verbally and say something like: "Listen. I want you. I think you're great. You're beautiful, interesting and I want to see you".

 

What do you think of this type of approach? I love talking to women, but I find that I over talk sometimes and they lose interest. I want to start being more open, but I am afraid that this will be considered "too forward" (although I know a few women who love this straight up approach).

 

I am upfront about my sexual needs and expectations from the first or second date. All but one of the ladies I've dated appreciated that and, in fact, were relieved with my honesty.

 

Yes, the ladies are also interested in becoming physical. Of course they are. They just want to make certain that you, the guy, isn't in it for the sex only. In my age range, 35-45, I find the ladies to be more mature about it all. That's my experience.

 

Just because you open it up early on doesn't mean that it will happen. I just like being up front that's all.

[tuxedo cat]

There's something you have to understand. there's a difference between what people think and what they say. if i could read minds and I saw that an attractive guy were admiring me and thinking these thoughts about me I wouldn't be creeped out. But there's something different about a guy actually coming out and saying it, because in order to say it his feelings have to be strong enough to overcome the social faux pas of being so direct. So you can probably assume that his feelings are even stronger than he's letting on and that he's desperate enough to break with social convention.

Edited February 27, 2013 by tuxedo cat

[soccerrprp]

"Social faux pas about being so direct" ???? Perhaps this is where many of us fail in relationships. We are not direct, honest from the beginning. Or are you only talking about sex?

[ptp]

So if someone says "I want to run you over in my car", this includes subtext that they might possibly value you in other ways?

 

If a man goes through the trouble of pursuing a woman romantically, he wants to sleep with her. Whether his intentions are more explicit instead of conceled, it doesn't change his intentions.

 

He isn't buying dinner,drinks etc... because he wants to be friends with the woman.

 

Now you can say you don't want to hear the explicit intentions because it isn't polite and you would have a point.

[tuxedo cat]

"Social faux pas about being so direct" ???? Perhaps this is where many of us fail in relationships. We are not direct, honest from the beginning. Or are you only talking about sex?

 

Yes, there are definitely things it isn't considered cool to be direct about in our cultural. That's just the way it is. Telling someone that you're looking for a relationship = fine. Telling someone that you "want" them when you barely know them is considered creepy.

[tuxedo cat]

I would also assume that he had probably fed many other women the same lines. It's romantic and all to assume that you're special but when it comes to love at first sight it rarely seems to be a one off thing for the lover.

[tbf]

If a man goes through the trouble of pursuing a woman romantically, he wants to sleep with her. Whether his intentions are more explicit instead of conceled, it doesn't change his intentions.

 

He isn't buying dinner,drinks etc... because he wants to be friends with the woman.

You've disregarded my point. If a man's only explicit about one element of his attraction, it's not presumptuous to assume that sex is all that matters since it's all he's expressed.

 

Instead of pointing at women as being too subtle, perhaps men need to be a little less subtle and communicate valuation that exceeds the sexual nature which most women are well aware of.

 

Now you can say you don't want to hear the explicit intentions because it isn't polite and you would have a point.

Depends on how graphically the explicit intentions are expressed and the preference of the individual involved.

 

Some women prefer dirty talk where others find it crude.

[ptp]

You've disregarded my point. If a man's only explicit about one element of his attraction, it's not presumptuous to assume that sex is all that matters since it's all he's expressed.

 

Instead of pointing at women as being too subtle, perhaps men need to be a little less subtle and communicate valuation that exceeds the sexual nature which most women are well aware of.

 

Depends on how graphically the explicit intentions are expressed and the preference of the individual involved.

 

Some women prefer dirty talk where others find it crude.

 

You have to judge each man individually. Take me for example, I have never had sex outside of a non-committed relationship. Thus, if I am pursuing a woman it is already implied I am interested in her as a long term partner. Thus, I am valuing her for all her attributes including the fact that I want to sleep with her.

[tbf]

You have to judge each man individually. Take me for example, I have never had sex outside of a non-committed relationship. Thus, if I am pursuing a woman it is already implied I am interested in her as a long term partner. Thus, I am valuing her for all her attributes including the fact that I want to sleep with her.

But how would she know you're a relationship style man?

 

When people first meet, they judge by looks, how they dress and what the person says, including body language. So why is it so difficult to express anything else besides explicit sex?

[El Brujo]

It is not a good idea for a man to be very open about his intentions because the intentions are mostly about sex.

 

...ESPECIALLY if they're dealing with a straight guy who's openly asexual. In that case being open is dating suicide.

[bac]

What is the problem with that?

 

A woman enters into a relationship with a man because she wants sex too.

 

She wants sex because it is the only way to get a man for a R.

Mostly, she wants a R= friendship coupled with attachment and potential for getting married.

In summary, a typical girl wants a serious R (98%) and some sex(2%).

A typical man wants sex (98%) and a R(2%).

[soccerrprp]

Yes, there are definitely things it isn't considered cool to be direct about in our cultural. That's just the way it is. Telling someone that you're looking for a relationship = fine. Telling someone that you "want" them when you barely know them is considered creepy.

 

 

I get that. I started dating again over a year ago and learned a lot from this site. One thing that I avoided, in the beginning, was the mention of sex and my wanting it so as to avoid scaring people off. Then it occurred to me: "The ladies that I met were also clearly looking for someone physically attractive, so they must have at least have some sexual needs, desires, right?" The other things is, if my needs and wants require that there be a physical component to the relationship, then why wouldn't I tell them upfront and be honest? I have a very high sex drive and want a partner that has the same. I want to know if we're going to be compatible in that regard and waiting many days or months to find out that we're not is not desirable.

 

I had no desire nor patience to play the 5-date rule or 3-month rule before sex garbage. So, I decided, to be upfront from the beginning and it has not let me down. The ladies are fully aware and if not interested, the relationship doesn't work and we go our separate ways.

 

I know, I know. But, I'm also interested in a LTR and I let that be clear too. Anyway, I get it. But not into playing games of any kind.

[spiderowl]

Yes, it's nice and refreshing. From the guy's point of view, it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to get the response he wants, but if he's prepared for that, why not?

 

In some cases, where a woman would be a good friend to a guy but would not ever want a sexual relationship, he could lose out if he is this obvious. It doesn't mean he'll ever get the sexual relationship but he might well make a good and long-lasting friend.

 

I have to say though that the guys who have been very upfront (for the most part, that is), have not been welcome. This is mainly because their approach has been very sexual and not about liking. For example, "I really fancy you, you are incredibly attractive, will you spend the night with me." It would be nice to have positive feedback from a guy who wasn't making a direct sexual play like that. I think I might be so surprised though that I might not respond in any clear way, but be vague and brush it off, as one does when taken by surprise. I'm sure I'd remember his comments though and think about whether I felt the same way about him. I'd at least know he liked me and would feel brave enough to make return invitation, once I'd got over the surprise.

[MissIndependant]

I think it depends on the individual. Some people will appreciate your openness and some won't. Depends on what she likes.

 

Personally, given my current dating situation(lots of muddy waters), I say go for the up front approach. There's less confusion, and if like me you aren't crash hot on the subtlety and "hinting" thing then at least you know where you stand.

 

Also, I find comfort in knowing that with the blunt & direct approach you know you haven't been misunderstood and that there was no misrepresentation.

 

Good luck