Trying to reconnect with a sibling

[Kristie16]

I'm 27 and my brother is 30. We grew up in a household with a father who I believe is narcissistic or has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and a co-dependent mother. My brother recently got married in Mexico and many of his friends came up to me and said they didn't even realize he had a sibling.

 

My brother acts as if he is ashamed of me. For a long time I thought it was because I suffered from anorexia as a child (my own coping mechanism to deal with the messed up family dynamics). But now I'm starting to think that he has shut out the entire family. He lives in the same city as my parents (I live out of state) and sees them more often than I do, but I guess it's still only about once a month.

 

I'm now realizing that he has shut me out along with my parents. The thing is, I get along well with his friends and some of them even said it's so surprising that he would basically "hide me." It just made me feel better to know I'm not some loser who can't carry a conversation or anything.

 

Anyway, I'd like to try to reconnect with my brother in some way. I've reached out in the past and have always gotten shut down. During the wedding, the first night was fine and he was fine with me hanging out with him and his friends. But once my parents arrived, he totally shut me out and wanted nothing to do with me.

 

I really want to email him and just lay it all out there. Talk about how I know we grew up in a weird household but that I'd like to reconnect with him and have a relationship with him because honestly we are the only two people in the world who experienced what we did.

But I'm also afraid of just getting knocked down again. I hate reaching out to him over and over and not getting anything in return. I also can't blame him for not wanting to interact with me since that is the coping mechanism he has found to work best for him.

 

My cousins think I should try to go through my new sister-in-law. I actually like her, though I'm not that close to her, either. Anytime we have attempted to get close my brother has put a stop to it. It's like he's afraid of me spilling the dirty family secrets to anyone.

 

Is it worth it to try reconnect or will I just end up getting hurt again?