I feel weak though I am told I am strong

[Nikola]

Sometimes I feel so drained and overstretched with trying to make this marriage work. I want it to work, to truly be healed. I feel on some days the price is a little high though, me being the BS. He wants to work it out as well but if I am having an off day or staring out into to dreamland, he worries where it went. Sometimes I wanna yell 'You did this I am trying to keep my pieces together."

A little background might help lol. I am 32, married for 12 years (tomorrow) to the only man I have ever been with in the biblical sense:o. He has been my everything since I was 11, yes 11. We did not start dating till I was 17 and he was 18. We were off and on till we were 20 and got married(way too young in hindsight). We have 3 great kids and have def had great times and horrible times.

He starting withdrawing in Aug 2012 and I was always asking him what was wrong and he blew me off all the time. There was no emotional or physical affection at all for several weeks. He just told me he was not in love with me anymore and was thinking of leaving. We were in limbo for weeks. I was devestated. Well unbeknownst to me he was having an emotional affair with an older women at work. I had no clue.

Well come Sept he decided to break things off with her, not tell me and just try to work on things with us. Well I was over the moon that he seemed to shake the lost loving feeling and wanted to rekindle our marriage. Things were great for about a month and a half then he starting pulling away again. I freaked and asked all the time what was his deal. He would get angry and tell me to leave him alone. This crap went on from Thanksgiving to a few days before Christmas. FINALLY then he came clean and said he was in love with this OW, we were not right together, they have been physical but no sex. I was rocked and shocked and angry. Needless to say Christmas sucked.

I wanted to work things out and he did not. He was still in the house, texting her and seeing her at work the whole time till he could find a place to stay. We are a 1 income family so I just allowed him to stay though it was tense.

Well on Jan 8 we had a huge fight in the middle of the night and he left. He was gone for over 5 hours and I was terrified he was with her. When he finally answered my calls I asked him if he met with her and he would not answer me. He asked if it make make a difference. I said yes and he finally said he had. So he came home about 6 am and I said I want you to leave now. So he got angry, said many hurtful things, packed his stuff and went to his dads.

He was gone for 7 days. I refused to see him and he was saddened by this. But during that week he broke down and had sex with the OW. On day 7 of him being gone he came home to tell me everything, ask for my forgiveness and broke things off with the OW. I let him come back and I am in the process of trying to work through this. THere is so much more I could type but it is too much right now

I just wanted to get the start of my story out, but will add more later. I just need a place to vent and have support. Thanks to any who read this.

Edited February 25, 2013 by Nikola

[Confused3232]

Big hug to you. Gosh, I have sooo been there and it is sooo painful and you feel like your world is flipped on its side and ending. But slowly it will get better, but sometimes you have to put your big girl pants on for that to happen. Your situation reminds me a ton of my own. And until I really stood up for my morals and beliefs and frankly kicked his booty out, I was miserable. I wanted us to work sooo bad, but he was still chasing the OW (behind my back) and deep down I knew it. Now at least we have a clean slate for which ever way this turns out. Do I think he will try and come back? Yes I do. But I don't know if I want him anymore. And that might seem hard to imagine, but once you see the otherside and have some peace, it feels pretty good.

 

So, in my opinion, I wouldn't let him come back for quite some time. He made a massive mistake and now he really needs some time to think about the consequences. A week is a mere slap on the hand. Also, I hate to tell you this, but I highly doubt that was the first time they had sex. If a man is thinking about leaving you for this OW, they have had sex plenty. You can not believe a word that comes out of his mouth right now. They become seasoned liars. Let him show you how much he misses you, let him put some of that energy he had for the OW in your relationship, let him DATE you at some point. And then make your decision. It is always hard moving forward one way or another but it is the fastest way to heal. Good luck!