Boyfriend says I'm an alcoholic...

[SumthinAwful]

There are a lot of alcoholics in my family, and it's true that I may have a small problem with my habits, but I don't think that I'm a raging alcoholic. I don't think it's fair that my boyfriend of a few years is jumping down my throat all the time for having a drink or two. He has his own devices which I think are much worse than mine.

 

I do have a drink every day. I do not remember the last time I've been drunk. I don't like bars/clubs and don't go out drinking - EVER - I just like to have a couple of drinks when I get home. I don't drink beer, it's always whiskey or rum. I think the only problem I really have, and I admit it, is that I get anxious if there's none in the house. I HAVE to have it around. I don't even have to drink it as long as I know there's some there. I will never let it run out without having a backup.

 

Ok, so my real issue is that he does blow. He does it usually every other weekend and seems to have a handle on it. I don't love it because it does change his personality a bit, and I'm scared of the consequences he could face. Having said all this, who am I to cast stones? We both have our demons, he's aware of how I feel and insists that everything is fine, but jumps down my throat anytime I reach for a glass.

 

I think it's hypocritical, but in my opinion my problem is very small. I don't even really see it as a PROBLEM. I don't know what to do, or how to react. I want to tell him to shove off, but maybe I'm wrong, and for obvious reasons I can't talk to anyone else about this so... Here I am. Thoughts?

[carhill]

If 'blow' equals cocaine, then his recreational/addictive usage can be/is illegal and can have negative effects on you even if you aren't directly using. In that sense, if so, it can be 'worse' than drinking, presuming alcohol is legal where you reside.

 

If you feel uneasy without alcohol being available, I'd suggest looking into that. That's a sign of dependence. Otherwise, you wouldn't think about it/feel uneasy about its lack.

 

I've had occasion to love a few female alcoholics over the decades. It wasn't that they were 'drunk', as that was only occasional, rather that they were dependent and consistently drinking, even if it was inappropriate, and would drink alone. Also, their personality would change when drinking, in some cases markedly, even if not observably 'drunk'.

 

IMO, if you don't think your drinking is a problem, then it's not for you. It may be for others and can impact your relationships with them. In my anecdotes, when the drinking impacted the relationships enough, they ended and the ladies moved on to other people or, in a couple of cases, into detox. You have choices and can seek support if you choose to not drink today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Good luck.

[CarrieT]

THe has his own devices which I think are much worse than mine.

Deflection.

 

I do have a drink every day. I do not remember the last time I've been drunk. I don't like bars/clubs and don't go out drinking - EVER

Justification.

 

I HAVE to have it around. I don't even have to drink it as long as I know there's some there. I will never let it run out without having a backup.

You are an alcoholic.

 

I don't even really see it as a PROBLEM.

No alcoholic ever does... But those of us that have lived with alcoholics DO see the problem.

 

I can't talk to anyone else about this so... Here I am. Thoughts?

Go to an AA meeting - you will have plenty of other alcoholics to talk to.

[HurtZ]

It doesn't seem to me you have a problem with alcohol from what you have stated here it seems that your real problem is your boyfriend. What is wrong with having a couple drinks when you get home from work? If it isn't interfering with your life or work then I don't think you should be concerned.

 

I think your real problem here is the man you are with. He has no problem doing an illegal hard drug which drastically affects his health and not to mention opening himself up to potential legal issues, yet he jumps down your throat because you relax with a couple drinks each night? Give me a break!! Dump this guy !! You don't need a dad or coked out loser telling you what to do.

 

After you get rid of him, take a break from the alcohol for awhile and see if it's no problem to quit. If it is, you may benefit from AA or church or just being around sober people who don't have drug addictions.

[stevie_23]

• Your boyfriend (depending if he admits HE has an addiction to cocaine) may be a hypocrite
  
• Your boyfriend may be in a better position to SEE that you have a problem because he ALSO has a problem with his own substance
  
• Your boyfriend also may WANT you to have an addiction because HE does and it makes him feel better and more comfortable if he’s not the only one
  
• If you get nervous when alcohol is not in the house? You have an addiction. It may be a low level one, but it’s still an addiction.
  

Right now I’m addicted to junk food. (I know, lol. It sounds lame, but whatever. It’s a valid addiction at the moment) And I don’t touch it all day but at night at about 9pm, I stuff my face. And if I don’t have any, or enough, in the house? I get VERY uneasy and have to actually go out at times I’d never usually go out, and buy some.

 

Same with cigarettes for me. I need them at all times even though I don’t smoke that many. It’s an addiction. A low lying, functional addiction. This is what I think you have too.

 

Just keep an eye on it. If you find it’s interfering with your happiness day to day, and your ability to do your required normal activities, or if you find you look forward ALL day to the night time when you can drink, this is not so good.

 

Also, try to discuss it calmly with your boyfriend to see why exactly he has a problem with your drinking.

[will1988]

OP Your a functional alcoholic... if you crave alcohol every day, and always have a cache of it somewhere for fear of runing dry... then you have a problem. I'm not judging you at all though. I'm addicted to ciggs. I always have an extra pack on me at all times just in case I run out of the open pack. It too is very bad for my health. I admit I have a problem. However, at this present time I am not willing to change it... eventually I want to, just not now. You need to come to terms with the fact that you have a problem and fix it, if you want. However, you are not as bad as say a few people I know. I dated a girl (albeit for only a few months) who was drunk every night of the week (a bottle of wine and some beer), and then black out drunk on the weekends (a bottle or two of rum or vodka). I was stupid, and in love, and stuck with her... hoping I could change her. I mean I like to drink too, but I only drink maybe two or three times a month and that is with friends at a bar. You have an issue, but you can fix it if you want... it is a downword spiral, one day you may need to start drinking while at work etc...

 

good luck!

[Radu]

Deflection.

 

 

Justification.

 

 

You are an alcoholic.

 

 

No alcoholic ever does... But those of us that have lived with alcoholics DO see the problem.

 

 

Go to an AA meeting - you will have plenty of other alcoholics to talk to.

 

Carrie, will and carhill pretty much said what i wanted to say.

 

The justifications and the 'i have to have it around' are pretty telling of overall addictions.

It happened to me with a certain MMO and ... Cola. Don't laugh, i used to drink that stuff instead of water, 2.5l every day.