SaraHall Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 First I would like to say one thing, I am not a jealous, crazy gf like some of the people on here. But anyways, a few weeks ago, my bf and I were at a little get together. We were introduced to a few people and it included this girl who I am questoning things about. She was a decent looking girl, but it wasnt anything I was concerned about, I just didnt think of it. Until I noticed that my boyfriend started showing off almost immediately (which is not much like him). Everytime he would crack a joke, he would look over to her first to see what her reaction was. They made eye contact numerous times and would smile at eachother. It felt almost as if I wasnt even there. My bf and I have been together for 3 years, and I have never once felt this way. I felt really uncomfortable, and my stomach was in a knot so I decided to go back home. Yesterday he was helping me on some paperwork on his computer, and his facebook popped up and he had been "creeping" her profile... They arent friends, but he had clearly been curious enough about her to search for her profile. How do I handle this? We get along so great and rarely disagree, but now I am wondering if something has come between us? Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
uni-versal Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 First I would like to say one thing, I am not a jealous, crazy gf like some of the people on here. But anyways, a few weeks ago, my bf and I were at a little get together. We were introduced to a few people and it included this girl who I am questoning things about. She was a decent looking girl, but it wasnt anything I was concerned about, I just didnt think of it. Until I noticed that my boyfriend started showing off almost immediately (which is not much like him). Everytime he would crack a joke, he would look over to her first to see what her reaction was. They made eye contact numerous times and would smile at eachother. It felt almost as if I wasnt even there. My bf and I have been together for 3 years, and I have never once felt this way. I felt really uncomfortable, and my stomach was in a knot so I decided to go back home. Yesterday he was helping me on some paperwork on his computer, and his facebook popped up and he had been "creeping" her profile... They arent friends, but he had clearly been curious enough about her to search for her profile. How do I handle this? We get along so great and rarely disagree, but now I am wondering if something has come between us? Please help! Yeah, I'm a guy and he most definitely for sure positively 100% feels something for her. That's something all guys from a very young age do once they get their first "crush" - they always watch for her reaction to jokes. I read a study that said that 90% of the time you think your boyfriend is up to something, he is. For us guys, our intuition is much less accurate at a mere 55%... But you girls have a pretty accurate gut. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Even if he does.... what are you going to do... leave him? If he likes her , but doesn't actually act on it, never reaches put to her in an attempt to cheat on you , would you still be mad at him? Sometimes I think people get mad at other peoples feelings. You can't stop some one from liking some one else, it will just happen. Whether or not he acts on those feelings should be the line. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaserTag Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 It does seem like your boyfriend was interested in her and then continued to be interested and look her up when you got home. If I were you, I'd handle this by basically just telling your boyfriend everything that you wrote here. I'd tell him that I felt uncomfortable by how animated and show-offy he seemed to get for another girl and I'd ask him if everything is okay. I'd tell him that I'd like to talk about how it made me feel and see how he's feeling, because I don't want anything to start coming between us. I'd just be calm and honest about the whole thing. Better to just flatout ask than to be worried about what he's thinking or doing on facebook. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) First I would like to say one thing, I am not a jealous, crazy gf like some of the people on here. Your first sentence stands out to me. It's funny how people can be trusting and secure in a relationship without realizing that the only reason they are able to do this is because their partner has never given them reason to be jealous. The true test of your trust and sense of security came when your boyfriend got all smitten by this girl. It appears that you don't feel so secure after all, just look at the title of this thread. Trust your instincts. Edited February 26, 2013 by GSB81 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SaraHall Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 Your first sentence stands out to me. It's funny how people can be trusting and secure in a relationship without realizing that the only reason they are able to do this is because their partner has never given them reason to be jealous. The true test of your trust and sense of security came when your boyfriend got all smitten by this girl. It appears that you don't feel so secure after all, just look at the title of this thread. Trust your instincts. I think you are 100% right by saying this... Maybe I have never gotten these feelings before, because he has never given me a reason to. But as soon as he did, I sensed it and I felt insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SaraHall Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 It does seem like your boyfriend was interested in her and then continued to be interested and look her up when you got home. If I were you, I'd handle this by basically just telling your boyfriend everything that you wrote here. I'd tell him that I felt uncomfortable by how animated and show-offy he seemed to get for another girl and I'd ask him if everything is okay. I'd tell him that I'd like to talk about how it made me feel and see how he's feeling, because I don't want anything to start coming between us. I'd just be calm and honest about the whole thing. Better to just flatout ask than to be worried about what he's thinking or doing on facebook. I listened to your advice, and sat down with him and calmly told him everything I said on here. He was a little upset that he made me feel this way, and said he really didnt mean to. He said he has no feelings for her, and could care less if he never saw her again. I guess sometimes we all have crushes on people, much like we did when we were little kids... But like many of the people said on here, the true test is if we take initiative to go further with our feelings. Thank you for you advice!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SaraHall Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 Even if he does.... what are you going to do... leave him?. Thats where I am stuck... What am I supposed to do? I know that we cant force somebody to feel something or not feel something, but should I be worried about these feelings coming between us? Link to post Share on other sites
TaserTag Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 I listened to your advice, and sat down with him and calmly told him everything I said on here. He was a little upset that he made me feel this way, and said he really didnt mean to. He said he has no feelings for her, and could care less if he never saw her again. I guess sometimes we all have crushes on people, much like we did when we were little kids... But like many of the people said on here, the true test is if we take initiative to go further with our feelings. Thank you for you advice!!! You're welcome I'm glad that you were able to talk things out. It's good that your boyfriend acknowledged that he made you feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about the other girl (unless she comes up again, obviously). You've been together for 3 years without feeling really jealous, and your boyfriend didn't have a problem talking about it with you. I think those are good signs that nothing bad is happening. It's normal to be attracted to other people sometimes, and it's possible to feel attracted to someone without really wanting to act on it. I'd just try to let go of the jealousy and not worry too much, if this is the first sort-of-problem you've had in the 3 years you've been together. I don't think that it's much to worry about based on what you've written so far. There's no use in torturing yourself with what might happen, you know? If he says he loves you and doesn't care if he sees the other girl again and he's sorry he made you feel uncomfortable... that seems like a pretty positive outcome for your relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I think it is normal to get crushes and feelings on other people.... There is more than one person out there, who you will get feelings for if you spend time with them... Even when your in love, you will come accross people who you get feelings for; it is how you handle it that counts. ...Do you want to lose the love you allready have, and allow yourself to spend more time with a person your falling for? Or, is your current love WAY more important to you than exploring other people at this stage? It IS normal to get "feelings" for people, it is how invested he is in your relationship that will determine wheather he is prepared to control his feelings... Spending enough time in contact with this girl would be wrong, he should put a stop to any growing crush he has before it is too late, and he is fully falling in love with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RudeAndNotGinger Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 First... A facebook "popping" up... does not tell you what he searched for. YOU looked through his search history.... But... That aside. Intuition is a HUGE thing. You know this man. Like you said, you haven't seen this in three years. Had you, you would probably think it is normal socialization from him. How much do you know about her beyond this event? Does he bring her up...EVER? It genuinely could just be a crush... but it is important for him to recognize that now and try to avoid those types of interactions in the future. I am a married woman and no doubt have found other men attractive... it is the point of recognizing it and learning to find boundaries. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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