Help! My Fiancés' face looks like and old catchers mitt!

[YellowLioness]

I agree. How can you "love" her if you can't accept her as she is?

 

You can't. I mean, its cruel but its true.

 

Love is wanting the best for someone. If someone was morbidly obese, and they were going to have a stomache clamp surgery or some lyposuction, I would agree for health purposes.

 

But, in this case, its totally cosmetic. The only thing that gets benefits from the surgery is Sarge.

 

I mean, his chick has to live with the knowlege that he finds her so ugly, that he can't be with her unless she gets her face changed around, PLUS, she has to actually go through the surgery. I'm sure that's going to be painful.

 

But, to each his own. If she actually finds it beneficial to stay with someone who thinks she looks like a dog's rear end, then its on her in the end.

 

Personally, if someone told me that I should get facial surgery, I'd leave them. But, that's me, and I haven't been cursed with low self esteem as she probably is. I believe that if she felt like she was a worthy person, she wouldn't do this to please him.

 

IMHO, he's taking advantage of her low self esteem to create a barbi doll. She's letting him do it, so its not all his fault.

[Mr Spock]

First of all, if you're not attracted to her why did you propose? Dumb move.

 

Second of all, if you DO pay for treatments, and they work, she may just ditch you now that her self esteem is restored and move on to something better. Like a man with a bigger tool.

 

That being said, if she WANTS the treatments, tell her you'll pay for them-but I don't think there is a subtle way to bring it up out of the blue.

[She's Come Undone]

Originally posted by Sarge

Alright...simmer down ladies. I think you need to read my original letter again.

Note all the nice things I've said about her. BTW - I treat HER like a queen.

 

 

 

A woman deserves more than nice words with a 'but' at the end of them.

 

I will be interested to see what treatments she gets and the success/failure of them, so do keep us posted.

[FolderWife]

Being as I'm the bash porn queen, I'm gonna blame this on porn or something similar as well.

 

Do you like to look at Playboy, or just pretty faces in general? Could you STOP! My husband appreciates my body now that he isn't looking at every woman who'll take her clothes off. So maybe if you went two months without oogling pretty women, or watching porn, or looking at Playboy, or whatever it is you do that makes you think your woman COULD BE better, then maybe you'll like her for who she is.

 

Or just suggest she has plastic surgery done to her face, so she'll dump you.

[Mr Spock]

Hey-if he's not attracted to her face, he's not attracted to her face. I'm just saying if she does get her scarring and acne fixed, she may move on....

[YellowLioness]

My best friend is a guy, and if I were a man, I'd want to be just like him.

 

No, if you were female I'd have said the same things to you.

 

Its my opinion of your actions that I stated. I know that its hard for you to understand how much looks mean to women: their own looks, that is.

 

Being an ugly man is acceptable, being an ugly woman is not.

 

I just put myself in your fiance's shoes and imagined how I would feel if my boyfriend told me that I was so ugly, he would not marry me unless I had a face lift.

 

Then, I typed in my point of view.

 

See? I don't hate men. I just think you're p.o.v. is hurtful to another female.

[YellowLioness]

Spock, I'm not saying it should be over looked.

I can't stand guys with small d*cks.

 

Shallow? Probably.

 

But, would I date a guy with a small d*ck and ask him to get a penis enlargement just to satisfy my needs? Nope.

 

Why would I? I know what I like, and I know that the small penised man would not satisfy me.

 

If its that big of a deal to me, then I'll just move on to the next guy. There is no point in making some other person feel like crap because of my personal preferences.

 

I'd let him go to find some other girl who likes guys with penises under four inches long.

 

It doesn't matter how ugly she is. The point is that if you love someone enough to marry him/her, you should have by that point have both accepted and loved their flaws, no matter what they be.

 

Then again, maybe I'm just naive about marriage. Truthfully, I've never seen one work well, so I'm sort of on my own and forming in my head what I think marriage should be. Maybe I'm wrong here, and I'm more then willing to accept that.

 

Maybe it is ok for a man to want to change the way his fiance looks to satisfy himself, speaking nothing of real love, here.

[tiki]

I think it'd be horrible if I fell in love with a man (with a small penis) and asked him to marry me...then only to go to a forum to b*tch about how small it was. That's pretty crummy. Why'd you ask for her hand in marriage if you aren't happy with the whole picture? I'm not saying everything has to be absolutely perfect....people have flaws...just ask Spock ( )....just accept it or leave is my way of thinking.

[YellowLioness]

see, that's what I was so desperately trying to get at!

[honey2005]

There is no point in making some other person feel like crap because of my personal preferences.

 

I agree!

[katie79]

You HAVE TO BE sexually attracted to someone who you are going to marry...unless you are 89 years old and need a companion for the nursing home days!

You should have thought if you could "deal with her looks" when you were dating silly. How did you get this far? Most men have trouble proposing and you find her face physically repulsive and managed to pop the big question? This puts beauties to shame.

She's got a nice shape. That good news at least.

Proactiv works GREAT ON ACNE...her skin will glow and be clear... I guarentee it! Pock marks and scars...that's from bad acne in the past. Thanks to mother nature...that's what we get if no products work. Doctors and minor plastic surgery can make those scars less visable. She should moisturize too. To prevent wrinkles.

I don't know you or your relationship, but there are so many guesses to be made here:

YOu're either one of those guys who has unrealistic expectations...ie. a woman who is medically 3-5 LBS overweight you consider to be a titanic

You've been spoiled like you said and expect a flawless creature

OR

Did not realize that if her face bothered you sexually, you should have left before sex even occured. I know I dated guys who's looks didn't appeal to me while I was single. I could even bring myself to kiss them....it lasted a maxx of 2 weeks, if even that!

Maybe you have a flaw that she isn't that attracted to either. Who knows. She might not be telling you what bothers her about your appearance either.

Hint for her to take care of her problems IF she brings it up and complains about "what to do"

Otherwise, leave, and accept what you did.

 

If my fiancee's face made me cringe, I wouldn't marry him...I would have dumped him after a week or so.

Think about it!@

[Mr Spock]

I call it as I see it. In this case, we have a guy that thinks his FIANCEE has an ugly face-so much so that he's not attracted to her without makeup. Yet doesn't have the balls to do something about it. On the other hand, we have a general group of women who say that it shouldn't MATTER if she's got an ass face, he should love her (he doesn't say he no longer LOVES her) and should still be sexually attracted to her. Big difference. Women seem to fly into a rage when a man makes a comment on his SO's physical appearance-read the thread a while back about a man who wasn't attracted to his SO after she put on 50 pounds. Yes, a person can still LOVE someone regarless of apperance, but it's hard to be sexy with someone if they turn you off.

 

So, my point is that he should NOT marry her if he feels like this. That there will be NO way for him to offer to fix it without hurting her feelings (obviously, if she's stopped wearing makeup she's comfortable you desire her enough she feels she doesn't need to pretend anymore) and if she DOES fix it, she'll be beautiful and resent you for it-even leaving you for a better package sometime in the future.

[sinner]

Where did all the love go on this Thread?

 

Back on topic, the loss of sexual/physical attraction happens in relationships. For whatever reason, changes in appearance, an affair, loss of emotional connection, sometimes there's no erotic pull left. That happens, and when it does occur it does not necessarily mean that the repulsed/no-longer-desiring partner is a bad person.

 

When someone repulses you physically it's difficult to feign interest, let alone lust. Some folks have a difficult time simulating desire.

 

Looks matter.

 

And, my friends, love does NOT conquer all. Nor should it.

[tiki]

It's pretty obvious that good looks are not vital to be a 'perfect' person. Sometimes an attitude can kill it all, no matter how perfect you may think you are.

 

To sarge...If you cannot get past this issue, you should let her go. If her other qualities make up for it, then embrace her with all that you can...and hope you don't have ugly kids. Sorry, hadta.

[Mr Spock]

Or, crack out that credit card and hope she doesn't hate you for it.

[YellowLioness]

Or, crack out that credit card and hope she doesn't hate you for it.

 

Actually, my boyfriend and I spoke about this thread last night. I thought maybe I was being a bit harsh on Sarge, but then my bf actually agreed with me.

 

He brought up this same point: What if she hates him for this later on? I mean, he's basically saying she's too ugly to marry in her natural form. That's a sword in the back!

 

Anyway, this is my last two cents on this thread.

 

Whatever you decide, good luck Sarge. Perhaps this surgery will be the best thing to happen to her face, but I doubt if its what's best for her as a human being.

[VenuSsian]

hey, very interesting thread here. well dude, u really need to read this one out. try hearing from me, a chick who suffered from acne since 11. very bad acne, very bad scars n pock marks. It got better as I aged. 2 and half years ago when i met HIM, my skin condition was stable. when we got officially together as an item, my skin starts getting worst. I was having big red bumps all over my cheeks. and it looks so unslightly and horrible. i didnt say a word to him abt it, he didnt too. personally for me, its not that i can't be bothered about my skin, i spent most of my money trying to find the perfect remedy but i guess i havent found it yet. pro active and whatever, u name it, ive tried it. i didnt mention anything to him coz i was suffering from low self esteem and its really killing my confidence. i have nice features and generally attractive but my skin spoils everything. its the only thing people talk about. I didnt voice to him about the raising concern abt my worsening skin as I dont want him to see me in a state where im losing my confidence and having low self esteem. i just want him to think it doesnt bother me but gosh it did. i cried sometimes in my room. at that point of time, i was prepared to be dumped. i was ugly n i wldnt wanna look in the mirror.

one day, i just blurt to him that im ugly. he asked y. i said, look at my skin. he has the kindest smile on his face and until now i will never forget it. he cupped my face and told me gently, you r beautiful and i love your face. I cried when i heard that. but opening up to him is a good thing. i felt relieved that i dont have to suffer in silence and together we just look for a good affordable doctor. my skin improved now and I'm looking good. It looks so much better, in fact a stranger actually ask me if im a model and i was scouted by a modelling agency on another occassion. i feel so much better about myself and redeem my pride as a young woman. did i dump him? no. i love him so much more now. guys can ask me out and check me out and i wldnt give a damn. ive got good looking and rich guys asking me out but i dont ever think they will ask the OLD ME out. i got the best man and i've seen with my own two eyes how he truly love me- for who i am. do u really love her? enough to go thro this stage with her? ask urself that.

[sumdude]

Sounds like a lack of physical chemistry to me. The face thing may be a symptom but not the root cause. Some people love each other dearly but don't have that certain 'thing' that happens. This is often regardless of looks. There are very attractive women I know that there is no possible 'thing' going on. There are women who would be considered less attractive where that 'thing' exists. So beyond your eyes there are all the other senses. In fact hormones and pheremones are mostly scent. I mean if you can't get off making love even in the dark than maybe you're just really really good friends but not quite lovers.

[mymojo]

Flash yourself forward a decade or so...

 

I too am considered a "great gal" I'm funny, I used to be happy and cheerful ,I used to love sex.

 

I'm a woman in a relationship with a man who can't orgasm with me around 50% of the time, he loses erections now as well, when he does orgasm (usualy via oral) it takes a huge effort from me.when ever he approaches me for sex he turns off all the lights and it's usually only after he's had a sex dream (of younger,prettier women) or been somehow sexually stimulated by somebody other than myself.

 

I don't feel at all attractive, I feel downright old and ugly.Sex is no longer pleasurable to me, it's an anxiety ridden occasion that leaves me feeling pretty lousy, there's a lot of nights I pray to fall asleep and never wake up again.It's hell to be with somebody who's ashamed of you

and repulsed by you.

 

Btw, I am of normal weight, I'm just not 20 and have a body that reflects that fact via scars from pregnancies and surgeries that I cannot fix.

 

If this is a good woman, a happy,loving soul, do her a favor,don't marry her.

[moimeme]

mymojo

 

get him to a physician.

[MJTig]

Originally posted by moimeme

mymojo

 

get him to a physician.

 

I would say more like get him to a psychologist so he can deal with his addiction to porn and unrealistic expectations. I have read many of mojo's posts and her hubby is a prick who bluntly tells her that she is not attractive enough because she is not perpetually 20 yo, DD chested and a size 3. He is obsessed with women who are constantly young and nubile, yet claims he loves her.

 

I don't think it is anything physically wrong with him, but as for the condition of his mental state? Dubious.

 

Mojo, you can't do anything about your scars and only so much about your body- but you can find someone who appreciates women for sexuality other than comparisons to pin-up airbrushed girls. Please, I beg of you, your posts make me so angry for you.