How could this happen?

[Sobbing]

My god...I asked this guy out twice and we went on two dates. Really fun, flirt a lot, hang out for a long time...and boom, it turns out he was interested in my friend!! I was shocked! So after knowing that there was no chance...I confessed that I had a crush on him. He was like..."oh, I'm sorry...I didn't meant to lead you on..." and said that he has a tendency to feel guilty liking other people when he's interested in other people (even though they are NOT in a relationship and he doesn't even have the guts to ask her out!!). This friend of mine is dating somebody and I told this guy about it and he said that he was releived to know that she's "off the market" because he was really obsessed about her. But since he knows that she's unavailable...it makes him feel better. So the question is...would this guy start noticing me now? or is there NO chance for him to be interested in me since I have already been rejected?

[sparkle]

Please stop sobbing. Guys that lead you on aren't worth

 

the trouble anyway. Just because your friend is unavailable

 

doesn't mean he'll notice you. He'll notice you if he's interested in you.

 

You said you asked him out twice and went on two dates. Don't ask him out again. If you still want this guy, be friendly with him but keep your distance.

 

I think there's an inverse relationship between how pressed you seem for a guy and how interested he'll be in you. This means, the less of a challenge you are, the less interested he will probably be.

 

Don't throw yourself at him, ESPECIALLY now that he knows you like him. Act like you don't like him anymore. Act like you just like him as a friend.

 

This way, it'll be easier for you to get over him if he's not interested.

[Sobbing]

Well, actually, I have been pursuing this guy for about a month and in fact, the night before the second date, it hit me that I was getting tired of being the initiator...that I wanted to just give up. The second date was like...a push before an ending on my part.

 

Anyway, he sort of insinuated that he was interested in my friend that night and that's why I didn't fear saying..."oh since I know the answer now, I'll confess...I was interested in you". I felt confident enough to say it...and he thinks that I'm not interested in him anymore. He said, "oh, no more cute invitations anymore?" (in a pouty way!!) and I was dumbfounded....my god...he couldn't be THIS immature, could he? Anyway, he kept on saying stuff like...since he's relieved from the pressure of not knowing where my friend stood, now he "might" start getting obsessed over me...and I took it as a joke because he was feeling guilty or something.

 

But anyway, I am going to be civil and friendly towards him, but I know that I will never contact him anymore. I was just curious if there is a possibility that he might develop an interest in me, but truly...that would depend on the timing of life I guess. It's just too bad...

[Tony T]

If you ask a guy out once, because you think he may be shy or otherwise inhibited, I think that's OK. But if you have to ask him out again, that is problematic. If the guy is interested in you, he will do the asking out after the first date. So don't do the asking beyond the first encounter again.

 

This guy sounds like a real fruitcake going out with you while being interested in your friend. He would have to know that any decent friend of yours would not mess with him if you were in any way interested.

 

This guy sounds to weird to be a keeper. Never, ever ask guys out more than once...until you have been dating them a while. This is something that most guys would not be attracted to. If they are interested, you'll hear from them soon enough.

 

Frankly, I think this guy used you to make try to make your friend jealous and to get the information about her he needed. It's not likely you'll be going out with him again soon. Ask him out and see.

[Nic]

This guy sounds like a bit of twat to be honest. either he likes the idea of being chased by you because it strokes his ego, or he's a bit of a tease, or as you said, just plain immature.

 

either way, i wouldn't worry about him to much anymore. for starters, who wants someone to obsess over them? it might sound flattering in theory, but in reality, it can be stifling and problematic. and secondly, you don't want to spend time with a guy wondering if the whole time he's with you, does he still have eyes for your friend. thirdly, if he was to try and pursue something with you, what's to guarantee he's not just going out with you as a means to see your friend more often?

 

i feel you've done the right thing by not contacting him anymore, but being civil and friendly if you see him. and don't wait for him or pine for him, because that's just energy being wasted when you could use that energy on finding someone who only has eyes for you.

Well, actually, I have been pursuing this guy for about a month and in fact, the night before the second date, it hit me that I was getting tired of being the initiator...that I wanted to just give up. The second date was like...a push before an ending on my part. Anyway, he sort of insinuated that he was interested in my friend that night and that's why I didn't fear saying..."oh since I know the answer now, I'll confess...I was interested in you". I felt confident enough to say it...and he thinks that I'm not interested in him anymore. He said, "oh, no more cute invitations anymore?" (in a pouty way!!) and I was dumbfounded....my god...he couldn't be THIS immature, could he? Anyway, he kept on saying stuff like...since he's relieved from the pressure of not knowing where my friend stood, now he "might" start getting obsessed over me...and I took it as a joke because he was feeling guilty or something.

 

But anyway, I am going to be civil and friendly towards him, but I know that I will never contact him anymore. I was just curious if there is a possibility that he might develop an interest in me, but truly...that would depend on the timing of life I guess. It's just too bad...

[Sobbing]

I'm so happy that a lot of people are supportive. It is true that what is driving me mad is NOT the fact that I was rejected, but the fact that I might have been used by this person. I mean, the times we went out were clearly dates! (movie, eating, driving around...) and to think about how he probably used me to find out about my friend...well...the truth is that we are all mutual friends. So that's why when he responded to my invitations I thought that it was a beginning of a "deeper" friendship. However, it turns out that he is just too shy to even ask this friend out. It's not that he can't, but he didn't and I thought that's because he was interested in me (man, did he conceal his emotions well...) So that's what hurts me...perhaps the expectations, the hope that I was building up all this time, and the remote possibility of him hanging out with me just in case I would invite that mutual friend over...it does hurt my feelings a lot. I have never been used by a person in this way and I never expected I would. My god...what a dirty feeling.

[Deejette]

Well, luckily, you don't have to contact him or do anything with him any more. You only went on two dates with him, not a whole month's worth, which really would have been taking advantage on his part.

 

It always hurts when you like someone and they like someone else. That is one of the classic triangles of love. We like someone so intensely, we think that by sheer force of will we can make them like us back. So we ask them out on a date. Then we ask them on another date. But even if we took them to Hawaii in a jet for an evening, that would not influence their emotions to choose us over someone else if they haven't thought of the idea first.

 

But that person wasn't meant for us anyway, and that is why it did not work out. One day someone will come along who will go out of his way to seek you out, take you out, and ask you out for a repeat date. Then you might remember this guy for a second and realize that he wasn't the right one for you anyway.

I'm so happy that a lot of people are supportive. It is true that what is driving me mad is NOT the fact that I was rejected, but the fact that I might have been used by this person. I mean, the times we went out were clearly dates! (movie, eating, driving around...) and to think about how he probably used me to find out about my friend...well...the truth is that we are all mutual friends. So that's why when he responded to my invitations I thought that it was a beginning of a "deeper" friendship. However, it turns out that he is just too shy to even ask this friend out. It's not that he can't, but he didn't and I thought that's because he was interested in me (man, did he conceal his emotions well...) So that's what hurts me...perhaps the expectations, the hope that I was building up all this time, and the remote possibility of him hanging out with me just in case I would invite that mutual friend over...it does hurt my feelings a lot. I have never been used by a person in this way and I never expected I would. My god...what a dirty feeling.