Final Heaven Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 Ok I have no idea what I have to do or even what I am doing is right. I really need some advice ... I met this girl 2 months ago through friends, because we were all into online gaming. Me and a friend met this girl at about the same time maybe he was like 1-2 weeks earlier before me. Well at first she didn't catch my attention at all because I was crushing on someone else, so I didn't really even bother or thought that I will eventually have feelings for her. Anyway when we met for the second time, I knew that she was already attached to my friend. Well good for him... Then things started to change, somehow and someway after that me and her started talking alot, I don't even have any idea how it started. Sometimes when her bf is away she would ask me out to dinner and stuff, but she always tells her bf that she is going out with me. We were clicking in many ways and she basically told me lots of things that she will be leaving for the UK soon even about how her bf is acting and how she is feeling sad about it. Well in one instance she even told me she might be breaking up with him and ask me if she should and if it was the right thing to do. Well since I didn't have feelings for her back then, I told her maybe she needed to give her bf a chance to set things right, and she should listen to her heart and not others. Apparently her bf isn't really well liked among the group, for some reason. I am not very close to her bf we are something like fly-by friends nothing more, not best buddies or anything. After the conversation regarding the break up with her bf, things started to change. We started to go out together more often and in some occasion she dosen't even tell her bf anymore that she was going out with me. I didn't mind the company because I just wanted to her to feel happy and have someone to talk too. I mean for once I actually feel the pinch of sadness seeing someone like her being unhappy. Then it came all of a sudden and I feel that somehow I have developed a fondness for her company. And at one point I felt so depressed because I didn't see her for like a week I just had to see her just so I could confirm what I am feeling for her is not infatuation so I asked her out for dinner. When I met her things got alot a better for me, but I was having a major decision to make to tell her what I feel about her or not to tell. Basically my mind was wandering away the whole time she was talking to me. Finally she spoke up and asked me what I was thinking about. At first I decided to keep this feelings to myself because I thought it would only complicate things for her. Then she told me if I didn't want to keep her thinking and wondering I should tell her and it would make her happy before she leaves for UK in 2 months time. Well at first I thought it wasn't right. She was my friend's girlfriend god what am I even thinking. I was seriously depressed I don't know what to do, or why this is happening to me. I thought these type of things only happens in the movies. Well I ask a few of my best buddies for advice and majority of them replied if I wanted to get rid of the depression I should just spill it out to her and if she really meant that much to me or I would have to live with the regret of never giving it a shot at all. Well okay finally I told her and now she knows, but I did tell her that I would really appreciate it that regardless if she has feelings for me or not I would still like to keep the friendship relations. After that things just started moving differently. Apparently she tells me her bf started treating her alot better and that he was ideal for her. We started talking alot less now, she still calls on occasion and we still do hang out together sometimes, but it not the same as before. She will be leaving for the UK for a year in 2 weeks time and I seriously have no idea what to do. I mean should I even have hopes that her relations with me will blossom into something more then just friends or should I just let it go and eliminate all thought of anything beyond friendship ? Just to let you people know the feeling I have for her was not built in 1 day, it's not love at first sight, not a crush, it's what I developed while spending time with her. And no we haven't kissed or engage in anything sexual maybe we flirt sometimes but thats about all. Link to post Share on other sites
healthnut Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 Does your friend have any idea that this is going on? Is this girl worth losing your friendship over? I haven't been on your side of things, but I have been her. There seems to be a lot of confusion on her end as to what she wants, and unfortunately, you're going to get hurt. I think that by her telling you that her bf is starting to treat her better is her way of somewhat telling you that she needs to stop communication with you. Instead of coming right out and saying it (which means she'd lose you all together) she's dropping hints. She likes qualities that are in you, but knows that she's with someone else. The hardest thing you'll have to do, and if you're wise with your heart, is tell her goodbye. Maybe when you tell her that you respect your friend and that you can no longer carry on conversations with her, she'll realize what she's confused about. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Final Heaven Posted September 3, 2004 Author Share Posted September 3, 2004 Yeah my friend knows that she is closer to me then the rest of the group, but I guess that about all. Unless somehow she told him what I told her and how I feel about her. But it hard to tell because he is kinda of the quiet type, and I hardly know him. I got to know him through my group of friends thats all and like I said we are something like fly-by friends. I known him for like 3 months and her for like 2 months. Actually the friendship with her bf meant little to me but it was never my decision to make, its her decision. It's like 2 guys competing over a girl, the end result would be the decision the girl makes not the 2 guys. And If its because he knows that I have feelings for her that he is treating her better then I think this friendship is definetely not worth keeping. Anyway that isn't really the problem now. I just don't know what to do. She calls me now when she is bored, lonely or having some extra time to kill, but I don't want to be some of replacement or a rebound tool for her. I mean who wants to be second choice, but the fact that I have feelings for her makes it kinda difficult for me to turn her down at times when she talks to me or ask me out. Should I just keep up what I am doing before she knows that I have feelings for her or just take a break and forget about this. She will be leaving for UK soon for a year, and I know long distance relationship are hard to maintain. If somehow she was still single again should I get into the picture or just stay back as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
healthnut Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Personally, I think that things happen for a reason. I think that the thing happening is her leaving for the UK. Maybe a higher power is giving this time for each of you to figure out what you both really want. While she's away in the UK, you'll be here. Who knows, she may realize that she just can't live without you. You, on the other hand, may discover that since you won't be seeing her that you don't really care for her the way you think you do. And, too, who's to say that someone else doesn't come along and just knock you off your feet? Think about it, let's say that you two decided to become a couple. She goes off to the UK and you are here by yourself. Someone else comes along and you just click with this person. Now, you're in your friend's girlfriends situation. It's hard to see it from an outside perspective when you're in the middle. Feelings are something powerful, and at times REALLY hard to shake off, trust me! As the time is drawing closer for her to leave, before she goes, tell her one last time what you think of her. Once she leaves, you'll have planted a seed of thought for her to take with her. If you two are meant to be together, you will. Take care of yourself and your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Final Heaven Posted September 4, 2004 Author Share Posted September 4, 2004 I guess what you said is probably correct. I dunno how to put what I am feeling for her into words. Its something I have never felt before for anyone not even when I was with my ex. But anyway I just needed to know if what I am doing is right. Continueing the friendship bonds like before and wait until she becomes available again or just let it go... Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 Maybe you should move your thread to another forum. I don't think it is suited for this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Final Heaven Posted September 5, 2004 Author Share Posted September 5, 2004 Well ok... but how do you propose I move this thread ? Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 Well ok... but how do you propose I move this thread ? You can't, and you shouldn't. It fits fine here. FH, all you have to decide is which is more important. This girl, or your friendship. If you choose the girl you will undoubtedly lose your friend, but if you choose your friend, you never know. They may break up without you having anything to do with it. And eventually, if it's alright with him, you could have your own shot at dating her without any of the guilt. A very hard decision to make. I wish you luck. -DA Link to post Share on other sites
Author Final Heaven Posted September 6, 2004 Author Share Posted September 6, 2004 The big question mark now is I do not know if she has the same feelings for me, because I told her what I felt for her and she just listen without saying anything and ended it with laughs. Now things have just changed alot, she talks to me less now, we don't go out as often as we used to do before. Its as if she is trying to avoid me or something and just when I think there is no more hope she calls again and everything is back to normal for the day. She can be like all open with me at times, we talk and flirt around about basically anything and then the next minute she just shut downs and get all quiet. Its like being with someone you know and the next minute they changed into a totally different person. She will be leaving for UK in 5 days time starting from today. I have already wished her well and I took my leave, but I am praying that she will still know me when we meet again. Anyway I would wanna thank healthnut and the rest who have given me valueble advice. They mean alot to me and with them I am finally getting back into the right path of life. Link to post Share on other sites
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