StillHurtin Posted September 2, 2004 Share Posted September 2, 2004 I know it has been over a year since the A and I need to move on, and I have, but a person can never forget that kind of pain, and betrayal. And thinking back in the past of what happened and being so blind to it makes me angry w/ myself. Why didn't I see it b4? Five months b4 dh filed a D and had the A w/ the OW that he worked w/ there was something going on. Maybe not sexual, or physical, but emotional. Dh and I always take our children trick-or-treating 2gether. The Halloween b4 the A (5 months b4) the OW was in our neighborhood w/ her child. We ran into her as we were walking to the same house. I don't know why she was in our neighborhood, dh said her sil lived in our neighborhood a few blocks away ( I found out from the OW H's that it was true, his sister lived there). Anyhoo, at the time I didn't like her but she stopped us to talk. I love children so I talked to her little girl for a little bit. Dh looked very uncomfortable. He didn't say one word and the OW was very talkative (she is very outgoing and friendly but a BIG flirt w/ every guy she meets). A few months after that encounter dh was talking about her. I asked him if he wanted to sleep w/ her or something b/c he talked about her a lot. He said if he wasn't married he would want to. He was honest. I should of never asked but it was too late to take it back. Of course I was very angry w/ him and he said he should of never told me the truth. The more I think about this whole situation between them the more I am thinking I should of never taken him back. I love him, and he says he loves me and I am the best thing that ever happened to him but those are just words. I want to beleive him, he seems sincere but when I think about the A and what happened b4 it makes me really wonder. I know he thought she was someone he wanted to start his life over w/ (after the D) but when he spent more time w/ her outside of work he realized she wasn't the type of woman he wanted so he came crawling back to me. My marriage is better than it was but did I make the wrong choice by taking him back? I just don't know. A friend of mine H also had an A but it was a one night stand. She told me if her H slept w/ the OW more than once and sent her love letters she would of never taken him back. She asked me why I took dh back. It hurt, made me angry, yet made me think. Did I make the right decision. Was our marriage really meant to work out? I hope it was but what were God's plan for us? I just don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
bulldoggirl Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Wow, I completely understand what you are going through! My DH had a one night stand almost 6 months ago, and I'm still very bothered by it. I know that he's very sorry, and will never do it again, but one can't help but wonder after having their trust shattered like that. You said this happened a year ago right? How long did this affair go on? Do you feel that DH is seriously sorry for what he did, or just sorry that it had to end? Does he know you're unhappy? Sorry to ask so many questions, I didn't intend to ask that many! One other thing, are the 2 of you able to talk about the affair and the effects it's still having on you? The only thing I can add is that you should make it VERY clear to him that if it ever happens again, your marriage is OVER. That is my biggest fear, not only for myself, but for other women in our shoes, that their husbands will think "well I did it once & she took me back, I'm sure she'll take me back a second, third, time" Again, you're not alone in feeling ambivilant about taking him back!! I have good days & bad days, I honestly think that it's a good thing we're back together, because DH is a genuinely good person, just one stupid drunken night screwed things up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StillHurtin Posted September 3, 2004 Author Share Posted September 3, 2004 . You said this happened a year ago right? How long did this affair go on? Do you feel that DH is seriously sorry for what he did, or just sorry that it had to end? Does he know you're unhappy? Sorry to ask so many questions, I didn't intend to ask that many! One other thing, are the 2 of you able to talk about the affair and the effects it's still having on you? Thanks for answering my post. I am sorry for what you have to go through too. I couldn't imagine thinking everything was ok w/ the M and then WHAM, your H has an A. B4 I knew dh was having an A he filed for a D claiming that he wasn't making me happy and that he wanted to let me go to find someone else. We didn't have the best of M. Dh was an alcholic and got very mean when he drank. In Sept of 2002 I made him quit drinking and go to the doctor to talk to him about his anger or me and the kids were gone. He quit drinking and the next week he made an appt w/ his doctor. In April of 2003 is when he filed for a D. We were seperated when he had the A. No need to apologize for so many ?. The A happened almost a year and half ago. The A went on for about 3 months April, May, and part of June (when he came crawling back to me). Dh seems sincere when he says how sorry he was. He said it was the biggest mistake of his life and he was stupid for doing this to me, our marriage, and our kids. He broke it off w/ the OW b/c like millions of ppl he realized the grass was not greener on the other side. Dh knows that I am not happy. It's not just about the A ( I still think of it often), but there are some other things going in my life that are causing stress. Yes, we are able to talk about the A. Just last night I told him that I felt like the only reason he came back to me was b/c he realized that the OW wasn't all the great after all. He told me that wasn't true. That after our kids and I moved away (an hour and half) that he realized how much he did miss me and loved me and wanted the marriage back. It does get easier but I wish I could get over it now and never think about it again but it will never happen. Link to post Share on other sites
prinkle Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 well hello there new on here thought maybe it might help..what the hell what have got to lose hey !!!just found out my husband of 9 years has been having a n affair for 2 months it has stopped now he wants us to make a go of it i really want to believe him i just dont want to go through that pain again !!!he thought i was happy whilst the affair was going on but i knew something was up..gut feeling hey...i have took him back just not sure if i done the right thing Link to post Share on other sites
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