Gf of 4 years cheated on me and gave me herpes

[jmargel]

fearfacmh,

 

You need to start working on yourself, doing things that make you happy. Best thing now is let her come to you. As long as you chase her, she'll run further away. I dont know what happened all before this, but you didn't answer if you neglected her in the past at all.

 

Instead of talking to her, because she's going to be defensive anyway, the best thing to do is to write her a letter. Not email, but a letter, and let her read it when she is by herself. At least you can get everything out that you want to say.

[fearfacmh]

I went to the phychologist yesterday. He took a lot of notes and asked a lot of questions. I'm supposed to see him once I week. My moods keep fluctuating. Sometimes I want her back. Sometimes I want to hurt her. Sometimes I feel nothing. He told me not to contact her. She is supposed to get the hiv test this week so I couldn't help but ask on AIM if she had gone. She didn't respond and has changed her away message since then. So I guess she's ignoring me. I mean if this guy had hiv the she's got it. She apparently slept with him several times. I will find out everything when she talks to me. I'm beginning to think I need to force her to talk to me. Right now I"m just freaked out about her havhing hiv. I can't even imagine if she calls and tells me that. Today when I was on the metro train my train stopped and right in view was a small billboard about getting hiv tests. Something just tells me she has it. Its amazing how all those porno stars never get anything and just one time she does. I am functioning. At work I do pretty good. Its just so scary. My soul is destroyed by all of this. I still haven't told anyone I know. I want to but I wont. If anyone wants to private message me I would appreciate it. bye bye

[SoleMate]

She has destroyed your life as you know it, and almost any chance of future happiness

Sheesh. That's way overstating it. This guy still has a life. I've got my fingers crossed that he doesn't have HIV, but let's be real, the risk is very low.

 

So I think that what he really needs to deal with are 1) living with herpes and 2) rebuilding a life after betrayal. fearfacmh, you can and will survive this pain, and you may even get stronger and wiser.

 

Women will NOT necessarily shun you. Like emra said, herpes can be dealt with, and you can have a relationship and childen in your future.

 

I do think that you need to move slowly and carefully. This woman has hurt you SO badly...I think you need distance from her. Whatever happens.

[jmargel]

fearfacmh,

 

Right now you have to assume that you and your ex do not have HIV. Why put yourself through mental torture when you have NO PROOF that she has it? Seeing a billboard sign is not a 'sign' that you have it. Your mind is being overworked by this.

 

She is ignoring you because she doesn't want to deal with the situation. Figures if she ignores you enough, things will just disappear. Sooner or later she'll have to face what's happened, even if it's within' herself. You need to start thinking more positive about things. Yes, what she's done to you was bad, but it's not the end of the world. You will move on, you will find someone great and marry her. You will then see the good that has come out of all of this. The good meaning, she wasn't the one for you. The good meaning you have gained alot of insightful experience through all of this. You'll use this knowledge for the betterment of the next woman you are with.

 

In the meantime, enjoy what life has to offer. She will talk to you someday, until then, when you start thinking negative, force yourself to think positive.

[fearfacmh]

Hey guys. Its been about a month since she broke up with me. She still has not had the talk with me. Yesterday I just got fed up and started calling her cell phone and she didn't answer. I sent her text messages saying it was time to talk. She replied in a few days. Her 21st birthday is tomorrow. I kinda think she wants to be able to have a fun 21st bday and not worry about me. This really pisses me off. She could talk to me today. I know she is in her dorm. I kinda want to just show up at her door. I had hope a few weeks ago, but now its pretty much gone. She's been cold and uncompassionate to me. Its so difficult knowing she gave me herpes. I already had a second outbreak after just one month. I still feel I need to see her one more time to get a full explanation of what she did and why. I just dont know how to get over this. She did tell me that her HIV test was negative. I guess thats good its still possible its just not showing up. I love her so much. I sure thought she was great person who I could grow old with, but she let another man put his diseased body in her. Its horrid. Hopefully she will call me after her bday and we will talk. At what point to I just flip my lid and make her talk to me? How can I ever move on. She was so perfect.

[jmargel]

You can't make her do anything. You can move on by starting to do things for yourself and setting little goals to help you not obsess about her. She isn't pefect as you stated. She cheated, she's done a number of things wrong. No one is perfect, stop putting her on a pedistal.

 

Glad to hear the test came back negative. If she hasn't returned your calls, text messages, etc.. then let her be. Continuing that is just harassment. No, it wasn't fair she treated you like this and gave you herpes, but I'm thinking there were problems before all of this. Also she is very immature yet. She's not even 21 years old. She has alot of exploring to do, not just with men but with life. Girls her age have to hit their wild side yet. Yea, I know it sucks, I went through it to and I was engaged to her.

 

You have to find someone on your own maturity level. If I was single again I wouldn't date anyone under 25 and who hasn't lived on their own yet. Women who have usually know what they want in life, and want to find a guy they will stick with for the rest of their life. They are out of that 'grass is greener on the other side' syndrom.

 

Keep your pride and show her what she is missing. Do this by ignoring her and not contacting her. By going after her demanding a reason why she did this to you, is not going to help the pain go away. You know it's over, so that's the closure you need.

 

Start talking to other females, just as friends. It helps to get a female's point of view as well.

[Stellar]

Originally posted by fearfacmh

Well 5 days ago my life as I know it was ripped from me. Before last saturday I had the perfect girlfriend. She was the most loving, caring, brilliant person I've ever met. She is an honor student at a major University, the best at everything she does.

And she has a great knack for passing on std's and being unfaithful.

 

You're grieving over the person you THOUGHT she was. The moment you found out she cheated on you, she became a very different person from the girl you knew before. Please - don't kid yourself. I have been in the same situation as you, except I was lucky enough to not get any std's. But damn, the fact that he could betray me AND have unprotected sex (potentially putting my life at risk), is nothing short of woeful behaviour. She is no longer the perfect girlfriend - TRUST ME, I'M FEMALE. She really never was because all along, it was in her to screw with your physical and mental wellbeing.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh Here is where I think the problem stems. She got in a committed relationship while to young. It doesn't matter what has happened to me is completely wrong.

Whoah, back the truck up buddy....it DOES matter that what she did to you is wrong. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for what she did to you. Repeat that after me - NO EXCUSE (hence her trying to blame it all on you - mate, my exes did the exact same thing to me because they knew they were a***holes). Trying to blame it on you is unfair...can you see how inconsiderate she has become? Nothing has snapped in her head that can be fixed. It's all her own doing.

 

She's really shown her true colours. One of my exes showed his true colours after 4 years. I didn't want to believe that all of a sudden he could become a different person, but he did. If you take your relationship with someone seriously, you don't treat them like that.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh I told her I loved her and she said she loved me.

Yeah...enough to cheat on you, lie to you and give you herpes. Your girlfriend is most certainly not "all that".

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh I still somehow think I can take her back because I love her so much and I know this isn't her.

Correction: this IS her. Please, please, please try and understand that. I know it's hard to believe that someone (who you think is so perfect) could do something like this, but you must take time to step outside the square and look at what she did to you. Every single person out there has so many good qualities, but not everyone would treat a person in this way. Do you see where I'm coming from?

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh Something had to snap in her head. Why wouldn't she tell me?

Nothing has snapped in her head. These things don't just happen by accident. She wouldn't tell you because she's proven herself to be a very dishonest person.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh She acted completly normal the past month. this makes no sense.

Actually, it makes perfect sense. She didn't want to be honest with you so she kept acting normally. It would have come out sooner or later, but aren't you glad it happened now, instead of 5 years down the track, when there could have been a marriage or kids involved?

 

One last thing: you must realise that there are many girls out there who would never, ever cheat or betray a guy. I can swear on my grandmother's grave that I am one of these girls.

 

I've always believed the old expression, "do unto others". When one of my relationships was going down the gurgler, I had an extremely gorgeous, lovely guy pursuing me. I wouldn't do anything with him because I had a boyfriend (even though he was an a***hole, I still wouldn't do it). There's a myriad of chicks out there with principles. DON'T SHORT CHANGE YOURSELF. You're still in denial, ok? That's totally normal.

 

I know you're devastated, but it does get better. You have to try and be objective about this. If this happened to one of your mates or your brother (or sister), you'd be mad as hell with the girl, wouldn't you?

 

Also, I have a girlfriend who dated a guy with herpes for 4 years - the relationship worked really well and they took precautions like anyone else would (or should!). Don't let that stand in the way of meeting someone else oneday, because a mature girl will appreciate your honesty.

 

I know you will have a lot of trouble getting your head around this, but the basic fact is: she is no longer the girl you once knew because if she was, she would not have done this. Again, there is no excuse. She's not thinking of you in all this, so it's now time to be your own best friend and cut all contact with her - seriously.

[fearfacmh]

We finally had our talk last night. It was the most painful experience of my life. She said that she just doesn't love me anymore. She's been feeling like this for a while, but didn't want to hurt me. She said she cares about me and wants me to go on and be happy. She said she doesn't really know why she had sex with the german guy. She said it just happened and I dont know why she said this but she said she just "wanted to feel something". I dont think she was saying it as a cheap shot against how I am in bed I think just didn't feel the emotional connection to me anymore. That still hurt really bad though. She is very good at hiding her feelings. LIke I said before I saw no hints that she was feeling this way. We did so many things together the past few months and we always laughed and had fun and she hugged me and kissed me and loved me. Anways she knows she completly screwed up by having sex with the German. She said she just blocked it out and didn't deal with it. Thats how she looked me in the eye. She then told me she met this 2nd guy a few days before she broke up with me and she immediatly knew he was the kind of person she wanted. She claims she knew it so well that she had sex with him. She says she is falling in love with him. He lives in Illinois and is probobly going to move here to be with her. Obviously that is all ridiculous. She still had no right to do what she did. It sux so much that she found someone so fast that will understand the herpes and I will probobly have a hard time. I told her she betrayed me in the worst possible way and that I must cut ties from her. I'm sure I will talk to her one day. She was my best friend. She said that I'm to dependent on her and that she can't connect with me on an intellectual level. She didn't want to tell me that but I wanted to know what was wrong with me. I do feel that she is genuinely sorry for doing this to me therefore I did not get angry or violent with her I just cried. I hugged her, smelled her hair, and kissed her cheek one last time and told her I will always love her and I walked out the door. Its so painful. I didn't go to work today I woke up crying. I will miss her so much. Today I'm going to put our memories in a box. I now have a new challenge to find someone new. That gives me something to look forward to. It will be difficult, but I will do it. Rebecca was my first true love. I've learned a lot and I will move on. Such is life

[Stellar]

Originally posted by fearfacmh We finally had our talk last night. It was the most painful experience of my life.

She was your first true love and your first painful break-up. You will surprise yourself oneday with what you have learnt from this experience and you most definitely will stop hurting over this.

 

Life is a learning curve and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I'm sure the majority of people on these boards would agree.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh She said that she just doesn't love me anymore. She's been feeling like this for a while, but didn't want to hurt me. She said she cares about me and wants me to go on and be happy.

Her honesty (whilst devastating to you) is to be commended. Do you realise that she has done you such a huge favour? She really has done the right thing by breaking it off with you. It would be so much worse if she was to continue seeing you because not only has she cheated on you with another guy, but she would be cheating you of experiencing a real, healthy and honest relationship.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh I dont think she was saying it as a cheap shot against how I am in bed I think just didn't feel the emotional connection to me anymore. That still hurt really bad though. She is very good at hiding her feelings.

It's a 99% probability that her cheating had nothing to do with you as a person at all. So don't sit there and analyse yourself and think "What if...?". What if's are futile because nothing could ever have prevented this happening. It was going to happen anyway, regardless of ANYTHING.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh She then told me she met this 2nd guy a few days before she broke up with me and she immediatly knew he was the kind of person she wanted. She claims she knew it so well that she had sex with him. She says she is falling in love with him.

Talk about rubbing salt into your wounds? Man, she well and truly is giving you more and more reason to be so thankful that you've split up. A good, decent person wouldn't say s**t like this. She really is showing her true colours.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh I must cut ties from her.

Damn right you should cut ties from her. She serves no positive purpose in your life whatsoever. She's not the person you fell in love with anymore.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh I'm sure I will talk to her one day.

I hope you're not thinking this in the hope that 3 or 4 years down the track she will realise what she lost. I've spun the 'I'm sure we'll talk again oneday' line to myself on numerous occasions and you know what? My first love cheated on me and ripped my heart out, threw it on the ground and stomped all over it. But when we finally spoke a couple of years down the track, I felt so indifferent toward him. I never ever thought I would ever feel indifference towards him, but time being the great healer that it is and maturing and realising that there is an abundance of good people out there, helped me realise that he was nothing but an a***hole, who didn't deserve me. I bet my life savings that you will feel this too oneday. In fact, I promise that you will. I used to be the poster girl for "I will never get over him". HA! I'm over them all!!

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh She was my best friend.

Yeah, my ex was my best friend too. That's what made the break-up so tough because the one person I wanted to (and was so used to) spilling my guts to, was the one person I couldn't talk to anymore. But hey - a genuine best friend doesn't do that to you, right?

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh I now have a new challenge to find someone new. That gives me something to look forward to.

No, I would definitely advise AGAINST getting involved with someone yet. Anyone you get involved with in the short-term, will only be a 'band-aid girl' i.e. a girl who is there to simply cover your wounds. She won't heal them. You will only cause yourself - and the new girl - more grief. Rebounds cause nothing but trouble.

 

Look forward to getting your self-esteem back on track and keep sight of all the positive things that make you special. Have goals, keep yourself busy and be your own best friend. When you sort yourself out, you will be a much stronger person, really like who you are and will also be more likely to attract a girl very much like yourself with similar values.

 

Originally posted by fearfacmh It will be difficult, but I will do it. Rebecca was my first true love. I've learned a lot and I will move on. Such is life

You go boy!!!

[FolderWife]

Man....I'd sue her. I'd sue her for the doctor bills, and for the psychiatrist bills. She did not tell you about cheating on you, which put you at risk for an STD. She lied to you basically. Then, she dumps you, and leaves you to deal with this trauma yourself.

 

I'd sue her.

[fearfacmh]

Hey guys. I've done something stupid. I know Rebecca's email password and I looked at her mail. I know that was wrong and dumb but I did it. What I found was not good. She sent all kinda pictures of her with her new guy to her friends and family. They were all responding how cute he was and all that crap. Apparently he met her family and everything. All this during this last month while I was suffering thinking there was a chance to get her back. I also found her myspace thing and there was even more pictures. I guess I like torturing myself. She has completly erased me. She doesn't care at all how messed up I am. It sux cause I know why she likes that guy. He has tattoos and piercings and big holes in his ears. She always wanted me to get them, but I didn't want them. At least he doesn't seem like a jerk. At least I can get that thought that some player guy took my girl from me. I guess that has given me my closure. I have to make her dead to me. Rebecca is dead I must believe it. The weekends are the worst. I feel so empty. Especially on saturday morning I always feel horrible and can't go back to sleep. During the day I seem to be ok then it comes back at night before I go to bed. I think tonight I will start deleting her. her phone, text messages, emails, pictures of us on the computer. They must go. I am so lost in my life. Here I am an attractive guy with this disease. Last night I was hanging out with my sister and her friends. Her friend asked for my chapstick. I was hesistant and she said "its not like I have herpes". Then everyone chimed in saying "man if I had herpes on my stuff I would kill myself". "I wouldn't touch a girl if she had that ". I can't believe that happened. I wanted to die. My mood goes back and forth one minute i feel hope of finding a wonderful new girl the next minute I can hardly breathe cause I'm in such pain. Sometimes I really doubt I will get through this. I doubt I will get the girl I am capable of. Please god let this pain pass.

[SoleMate]

I truly sympathize with your suffering. I can only imagine how you must feel now. I really want to emphasize that you have our support here, and you should keep posting as much as you find helpful. And I have some specific advice:

 

* Please see a doctor about some mood medication. It is not a happy pill to make breakup pain go away, but it does make it easier for you to sleep, and to keep from sinking into that total despair. Even just a month of Prozac or Zoloft would probably be helpful

 

* For future "chapstick" incidents, I would just say "I'm getting over a cold - I'd rather not pass it on to you." If they insist...well...that's tough. Maybe don't use chapstick in front of anyone.

 

* Deleting the photos, emails etc. sounds like a good idea, but I would wait until after you get your mood stabilized. It will probably be even more painful.

 

That's all I can say...I now you will survive, and your life can be rebuilt.

[fearfacmh]

Good morning. At least today I didn't wake up crying. I still missed her though not being there next to me. I actually dont have herpes in my mouth. It just didn't want her to use my chapstick and then the herpes thing came from that. That just made me feel like crap. My doctor gave me some lorazepam to relax me and help me sleep. Do you think I should still try and get prozac or something? Posting on here has been helping me alot. I know sometimes I say the same things, but I just have to say what I"m feeling. Last night I deleted most everything of her. I took her off my buddylist. I still have some pictures on the computer I will get to them soon. I do not plan to ever talk to her again. There's a part of me that wants to, but she has completly screwd me and seems to not care or think about it because she has her new guy. I can tell that this will be the darkest year of my life. It soon will be cold and dark and I will be more sad. It hurts that non of her friends or family have contacted me to see if I'm ok. I'm sure no one really knows what she has done. They think she is nice sweet rebecca. Sometimes I want to tell them what she really did to me. Is it wrong to have these thoughts. I mean she's made my life very difficult. I wish I could tell them so they would no what a horrible person she is and what a slut she is. No matter how good she is from now on she will go to hell. Betrayal is the deepest spot in hell. Ok I'm starting to get angry so. Bye bye. I love you all.

[Stellar]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I, and many other people on these boards, know how painful and devastating betrayal is, but we also know that it is something you will most certainly pull through over time.

 

I think it's great that you're starting to clear all "evidence" of her, so to speak. After the breakdown of my last relationship, which gutted me, I took down every photo, deleted every email, erased his phone numbers and email address, put away every letter and every present and donated his clothes that I had lying around to charity. It was a very hard decision to make, but the weight that was lifted off my shoulders was surprising. It was very cathartic and the beginning of moving on.

 

It's much easier to move on without their memory staring you in the face, and without the temptation to get in touch with them. You sound like a very caring and considerate person. She does not deserve you.

 

As for the herpes, it is not a life sentence. Most people's comments, like your friends, stem from plain ignorance. Herpes is a very common condition, and in the majority of cases, surprisingly manageable. You can still lead a normal sex life by taking precautions and being fully aware of your condition. Like I mentioned earlier, I know a guy whose ex gave him herpes too and he is now married with 2 children and his wife is clean of the disease. They are very happy together.

 

Definitely speak to your doctor again and perhaps even arrange to speak to someone at a sexual health clinic who will be able to enlighten you more on the topic.

 

I promise you, everything will turn out for the best and you will find happiness if you make sure you focus on yourself. :-)

[SoleMate]

My doctor gave me some lorazepam to relax me and help me sleep. Do you think I should still try and get prozac or something?

Lorazepam is usually used to treat anxiety. If your doctor did a thorough interview and workup, considering depression as a problem, and then prescribed lorazepam, I would probably stick with that. But if your GP just whipped off a script without really getting in depth, and especially if you find that hopelessness and horrible thoughts are consuming you, I think I would ask for a visit with a behavioral health professional and ask about antidepressants.

[ps123]

Well, I'll start by saying Im sorry this happened to you and I can only imagine the pain youre going through. Ive been in a similar situation. My girlfriend of 3 years slept with my best friend. Believe me, that was painful...not to mention finding out there were several others she had slept with. She also continued to have unprotected sex with me during all this. I didnt get an std, but it was still hard as hell to go through. As far as you having herpes, please dont think its the end of your dating life or sex life for that matter. It will make things a little more complicated, but will still be ok. As long as youre open and honest with your partners, Im guessing most of them will be ok with it. If its a person that really likes you, she will understand.

 

The worst part of ending a relationship is that nothing can take the pain away but time...but time will eventually make the pain fade. Ive been to the point I wasnt able to function either. I couldnt sleep, eat or go to work and I couldnt possibly imagine it ever getting any better...but it did. Just try to stay busy and just take things a day at a time. Tell youself you can get through this day or hour, or even minute if thats what it takes, but just know you'll get through it, and dont worry about how things will be in the future. Just worry about today for now. Id agree with everyone else too about taking time for yourself right now. Jumping into another relationship might help ease the pain, but will just make things more complicated in the long run. Id also suggest to avoid using alcohol or drugs to ease the pain. This will just make you more depressed in the end (I know from experience ).

 

You had mentioned that you have no one to talk to about the std thing. I think its really important that you find a close friend to talk to. The board here helps a lot, but having someone to share things with in person is something a person really needs. Id try to choose a close friend that you can trust with anything and confide in him. You might be surprised at how understanding he may be and he will probably feel pretty good that you were able to trust him with this. For me, I have a few close friends that I can share almost anything with, and one close friend that I can share absolutely anything with and I wouldnt give that up for anything in the world. Hes helped me through some incredibly hard times by just being there to listen. Theres probably also support groups out there too for these kinds of things. Maybe check the internet for it.

 

It sounds like youre on the right path with some of the things youre doing. Slowly stripping away things that remind you of her is good. You may not want to throw them away though. Id just put everthing in a box and store it somewhere you dont have to look at. You may want those things someday. As far as reading her email, I think you know now that it was a bad idea. Doing things like that is just going to prolong the pain and make things worse.

 

I also think that some of the things you read from her email and the way you said she seems to have just moved on and forgotten about you are just her way of coping with what shes done. Seeing you and thinking of you were probably making her feel guilty (which she damn well should) and her way of making those feelings go away is just to not think about you. This will come back to her in some way though. It will come out in other ways in her life and in other relationships so she'll pay for it (for lack of a better phrase) in one way or another. Im also fairly certain this new relationship will not be a healthy one for her.

 

And Id also agree with everyone about NOT wanting to ever take her back. She doesnt deserve you and even though Im the type of person that gives second chances and tries to forgive and forget, this is the type of thing that will be incredibly hard to repair. Theres been too much trust broken and too many things that have gone on to be able to overlook. Personally I will not accept infidelity in any way shape or form, and her excuse about being drunk is bull****.

 

Hang in there. Everyday is going to get easier.

[jmargel]

This is something that I read about and posted for someone else, a long time ago. I think this pertains to you (except for the kid part)..

 

Death of a spouse or breakup of a marriage or long-term relationship can trigger similar responses in a person. Each person mourns a loss differently. However, there are 5 common stages of grief a person goes through when mourning the loss of a relationship.

 

You may not experience these stages in one fluid order. You may go through some of the stages more than once. Sometimes an event will trigger you to experience one of these stages again. For instance, cleaning out the basement and finding an old shirt of your deceased spouse or hearing your ex-partner is to remarry might cause reoccurrence of certain stages. The five stages of grief are:

 

1. Denial – The "No, not me" stage.

 

This stage is filled with disbelief and denial. If your partner has died you still expect him to walk through the door. If your partner has asked for a break-up you think that she will change her mind.

 

2.Anger/Resentment – The "Why me?" stage.

 

Anger at the situation, your partner and others are common. You are angry with the other person for causing the situation and for causing you pain. You might feel anger at your deceased partner for dying. You may feel anger at your partner for asking for a divorce and breaking up the family.

 

3. Bargaining – The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.

 

You try to negotiate to change the situation. If you’ve lost a spouse to death you might bargain with God, "I’ll be a better person if you’d just bring him back". You might approach your partner who is asking for the break-up and say "If you’ll stay I’ll change".

 

4. Depression- The "It's really happened" stage.

 

You realize the situation isn’t going to change. The death or break-up happened and there is nothing to bring the other person back. Acknowledgement of the situation often bring depression. This could be a quiet, withdrawn time as you soak in the situation.

 

5. Acceptance – The "This is what happened" stage.

 

Though you haven’t forgotten what happened you are able to begin to move forward.

 

Suggestions when you find yourself suddenly single

 

Avoid long term legal decisions. If you are in an emotional state its better to put off long term legal decisions until your thinking is less cloudy.

 

Drive carefully. It’s easy to become distracted when you are grieving so use care when you get behind the wheel.

 

Don't act on emotion! If you feel suicidal tell someone immediately.

 

Seek support for your kids and yourself. Your kids are grieving along with you and will need support. It might be wise at this point to have separate grief sessions apart from your children if you're experiencing anger and resentment.

 

Maintain rituals. The children most likely will feel insecure and abandoned at first. Maintaining the same patterns of holidays, birthdays, Saturday outings, etc. will give them a sense of normalcy and consistency.

 

Nurture yourself. You need to care for your spiritual, emotional and physical health. No one else will do it but you. Take care of yourself as well as you take care of your child. Eat healthy, exercise and take vitamins. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself as much time as you need to adjust to what has happened.

[fearfacmh]

Thanx for your posts. I guess its been a week or so since my last post. I seem to be doing alright. I just dont think about her and there's no pain. Every once in a while I will get a thought and I just immediatly kill it. I dont have anymore tears when I think about her. It's been a month and half since all this went down. Its been the most craziest month and a half of my life. You think you know someone and bamm. I'm starting to think more about the new wonderful girl I will find who would never do what she did. I put my picture on myspace and I've gotten several replies. I'm probobly not quite ready to go on a date or anything, but I'm slowly getting there. I still dont know how to tell a girl I have herpes, but I will have to one day. I'm going to the shrink one more time this week then I will probobly start spreading the visits farther apart. I wonder if my sadness will come back it doesn't seem like it will. When has everyone else started feeling better after a hard breakup? Some people say you gotta wait 6 months to start seeing someone else. Screw that after 2 months I think I will be alright. I'm not going to go pursue girls like crazy, but I will start looking around you know. I'm going to have to schedule the hiv test soon. I'm not really worried about that anymore but there is still have some fear. Well I'm off to bed. Thanx for your time

 

Fred

[Pookette]

I'm glad you're doing better. After a breakup, and especially after one as traumatic as yours, you think the world cannot go on. But, as you found out, things do get better. You'll get to the point where you only think about her once a day, then once a week, month, and so on. If you still have anything that reminds you of her, get rid of it. Pictures, letters, clothes, everything.

 

As far as telling other girls that you have herpes, just tell them the truth on how you contracted it. If the girl cares about you, it shouldn't matter. I'm with someone who has it. He told me right away that he had it, which is something you should do too. After three years of intimacy, unprotected sex included, I've never had anything like breakouts or anything. I've been tested and I'm clean.

 

When has everyone else started feeling better after a hard breakup? Some people say you gotta wait 6 months to start seeing someone else. Screw that after 2 months I think I will be alright.

 

I had a nasty breakup. No contact really helped. I started hanging out with my friends and doing things that I couldn't do when I was with him. After about three months I started dating, and now four years later, I'm married. When you meet someone special, you'll still remember her, but you'll also wonder why you cared so much at the time. Eventually she will be just a dim memory.

 

Hang in there, you sound like you're doing great though!

[DANNY_BOYX3]

hi im danny boy,i got out of jail on august 5,2005 befor that i hadnt really had sex for about 7 months,long i know

two months after i get out this one girl i used to have sex with.olny like 2 times and the latest time i had sex was 2 months after i got out.that was the olny person ive had sex with this past year.then maybe like a month later i had this itchy feeling on the left and right side between my legs like by my balls and penis but not on it.it itches from time to time but has not once gotten serious like i have no blisters just like 2 or 3 whitesh red bumps i assume caused from scrathing.

well that girl has called me alot but i never accept her calls im afraid to tell n e one and scared to go to the doctors.i mean i think its herpes but then i think its a million other things.i mean do u think she would still call me if she knew she gave me something.it was quick like a minute and 30 secondz when we ****ed.well somebody help please what should i do i feel like crying and ****ing her up but damn man help me please

but im confused cause i remeber like bout a year ago befor her i had expierienced itching by that area i think that was when i started shaving down there could that have caused my skinto creat a rash or something i hate the cpu cause you get more info then you want to know well youre time is precious so thankx and reply if knowledgable

[Mz. Pixie]

Danny,

 

Please see a dr- it's the only way to know what's wrong.