RomanceLow Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 My ex is 29 and i'm 20. I met him over the summer before I left to college. My ex and i got along great. I thought he was the love of my life. I'd hang out with him every day and he always said he wanted to show me off. At one point in the relationship I was working and going to school full time and he's military and i never had time. Every time i'd have time i'd spend it with him. I'd text him during work that i missed him and he texted me that he missed me. I met him online and one day I check the website we met on and i find him soliciting sex. So clearly i break up with him. After three months he contacts me and asks how i'm doing. I tell him i'm fine and we meet up. When we meet up he tells me that though he did conspire on cheating he really did miss and cared for me. I believed him and still do. So everything goes well and once i go back to college he does the same thing to me. I'm crazy in love with this guy and honestly I can't see myself without him. In his own crazy un-monogamous way i think he loves me as well...I know what you guys may think, but honestly he's a great guy... i just don't think he can be monogamous. I love him so much and i dont want to lose him and i want to be with him. Do you think cheaters change and if i stay friends do you think i can be with him in the future.... if you read this please leave a comment even if its a couple of words the more open minded opinions i get... the better i can evaluate my situation. Thanks, RomanceLow Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 By staying in contact with him you are just setting yourself up to get hurt over and over again. He obviously can't be faithful, that's not something you can wait out. It's a character trait of his. It most likely isn't going to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 My ex is 29 and i'm 20. I met him over the summer before I left to college. My ex and i got along great. I thought he was the love of my life. I'd hang out with him every day and he always said he wanted to show me off. At one point in the relationship I was working and going to school full time and he's military and i never had time. Every time i'd have time i'd spend it with him. I'd text him during work that i missed him and he texted me that he missed me. I met him online and one day I check the website we met on and i find him soliciting sex. So clearly i break up with him. After three months he contacts me and asks how i'm doing. I tell him i'm fine and we meet up. When we meet up he tells me that though he did conspire on cheating he really did miss and cared for me. I believed him and still do. So everything goes well and once i go back to college he does the same thing to me. I'm crazy in love with this guy and honestly I can't see myself without him. In his own crazy un-monogamous way i think he loves me as well...I know what you guys may think, but honestly he's a great guy No, honestly he's not. Honestly he's a cheater. He cheated on you multiple times. There's no room for discussion. Either have self-respect, leave him and start looking for a good man worth your time, or stay with a cheater. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 No he's not a good guy and he doesn't love you. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 .... I love him so much and i dont want to lose him and i want to be with him. Do you think cheaters change and if i stay friends do you think i can be with him in the future.... if you read this please leave a comment even if its a couple of words the more open minded opinions i get... the better i can evaluate my situation. Thanks, RomanceLow You can certainly be with him. The question is why would you want to do so when his actions repeatedly demonstrate that he neither loves nor respects you. He was trolling for sex and meeting these women while dating you, even after you caught him. The only person he loves is himself. Not you. There will always be chasing, cheating, and lying if you continue with this guy. Being his friend for a while isn't going to change his basic MO when it comes to dating you and his relationship with you. You have already demonstrated that having him means more to you than your own feelings, self-respect, and dignity. He knows that he can trample all over you like a doormat, and you will take him back as long as he apologizes and claims to love you. You have taught him how to treat you, so he is not going to change. You'll have to decide if you're okay sharing him and dealing constantly with his lack of transparency. I understand you have very strong feelings for him. But will it really be worth the uncertainty and everything else you will endure? Will it be worth the repeated betrayals? Only you know the answer to this. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 There are approximately 3.5 BILLION men in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 You are 20 y.o. You have two choices: 1) Take into account that you are young and there are many better men out there than this, or... 2) Become a member of his Harem. I'm sure the cost is free and he can choose you any time he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomanceLow Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Hi everyone thanks for the post and just_a__poster you're right maybe i'm just looking for someone who will agree with me...This guy I fell for hard...I think the only reason I don't hate him is because he never actually cheated(kissed, touched, or did anything sexual). I know talking about committing sexual acts is the same thing. But, I love him and know he can change. Am i just being stupid? Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 O.K. - So in your post you stated that he was SOLICITING women online for sex? So if I'm to understand this correctly your great guy of a BF ATTEMPTED TO OBTAIN SEX FROM OTHER WOMEN. So I take it they all said no, therefore he was unable to complete the cheating cycle??? Things that make ya go HMMMM.... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 . But, I love him and know he can change. Really? Has he volunteered the change? Has he promised he is changing? Not "Will change"... that's in the future, at some undefined point... not there yet... so he can carry on for now.... Has he told you he sincerely wants to change and is working on it as we'speak'...? Am i just being stupid? I wouldn't like to say 'stupid'. Naive, yes. Hopeful, yes. Hopelessly romantic? Sure. Illogical? Unrealistic? Also. Does that qualify as 'stupid'? Asking the same question over and over again, expecting a different result - is. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Asking the same question over and over again, expecting a different result - is insanity. Link to post Share on other sites
realtree Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I think cheaters "can" change, but only in certain instances. I am not sure if you should take him back or not because of that. I know some people who have cheated but are now married and faithful, while other cheaters I know keep screwing around. It all depends on the person and why they cheated in the first place. I am around your age and I know it may seem like you have to be with him, but maybe you should go out and meet new people, it may open your eyes to other possible guys Link to post Share on other sites
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