Help, I must be crazy

[John]

First off... Thanks for listening.

 

Here is the situation. I am 26 years old. Divorced from an abusive wife over one year ago. I have no trouble meeting women and I have plenty of opportunities to make girlfriends. Here is the problem. I meet these women (casually) and I get to know them. I am attracted to some of them and some of them are really nice, an ordinary person would consider them highly desirable as date material. As for me... NO, I seem to have any lasting or deep attraction to them. I am not a "player" so I do not have any realationships with these women. I am not interested in making any of them my girlfriend because I know that there is nothing really there on my side of the equation. I just want to be able to like someone and be interested in forming a relationship with them. Everyone I meet so far is just "neutral" there is nothing there in spite of the fact that they are interested in me and in spite of the fact that I KNOW that some of these women are great people with great personalities. So why can't I feel anything for them? Why am I not attacted to them? I would happily trade in all these dates with women I have for just one special girl. Thank you for listening.

[Tony T]

You just aren't ready yet. More time needs to pass since your divorce. When we are in an abusive love situation, we sort of freeze emotionally for some time and we must heal from that. It takes time. When humans are in abusive situations, they simply shut down emotionally in order to survive the pain and hurt. I'm sure that's what you did.

 

You need to give your emotions time to sufficiently thaw out...to heal from what you went through in your marriage and divorce. Your marriage obviously went from something you may have dreamed about to a nightmare you didn't want to have. Your emotions are still flat and trying to protect you from that happening again.

 

In time, you will start getting that same buzz for ladies you used to. Meanwhile, I suggest you just date around casually to have fun. Make female friends and get to know them well as friends. You are going to have to learn to trust again. Anybody who has been through what you have is NOT going to be rushing into anything so just give yourself a break and give yourself some credit for being wise here.

 

One day, when you least expect it, you will meet the right lady and your heart will once again beat out of your chest, your mouth will go dry, you will be at a loss for words, and you'll be right back to normal. That day may not be too far out. Have patience with yourself.

[Nic]

you're not crazy, john. i thought i there was something wrong with me after coming out of an abusive relationship and a year later, i still couldn't feel what i wanted to for another man. but really, an abusive relationship takes a lot of time to heal.

 

look at this healing process as a time where you can go out there and explore what you really want from a woman, without settling for second best.

 

YOU SAY: "I just want to be able to like someone and be interested in forming a relationship with them. Everyone I meet so far is just "neutral" there is nothing there in spite of the fact that they are interested in me and in spite of the fact that I KNOW that some of these women are great people with great personalities."

 

you just haven't met that one woman yet who knocks your socks off, but you will. there's no rush at all (even if you do feel frustrated and impatient, i know that feeling). enjoy being able to spend time with these women with great personalities. we meet people with great personalities every day, we're not all attracted to them, but it can still be rewarding being in their company and gaining their friendship. not to mention, these really nice ladies might have some really nice lady friends, one of whom just might be what you are searching for

 

you're doing the smart thing by not rushing into anything to soon or too fast, so be glad about that. so just take each date as it comes and be patient and get to know what you really, really want and enjoy the company of these ladies. your time will come and you never know when that will be. you will find her!

 

First off... Thanks for listening. Here is the situation. I am 26 years old. Divorced from an abusive wife over one year ago. I have no trouble meeting women and I have plenty of opportunities to make girlfriends. Here is the problem. I meet these women (casually) and I get to know them. I am attracted to some of them and some of them are really nice, an ordinary person would consider them highly desirable as date material. As for me... NO, I seem to have any lasting or deep attraction to them. I am not a "player" so I do not have any realationships with these women. I am not interested in making any of them my girlfriend because I know that there is nothing really there on my side of the equation. I just want to be able to like someone and be interested in forming a relationship with them. Everyone I meet so far is just "neutral" there is nothing there in spite of the fact that they are interested in me and in spite of the fact that I KNOW that some of these women are great people with great personalities. So why can't I feel anything for them? Why am I not attacted to them? I would happily trade in all these dates with women I have for just one special girl. Thank you for listening.

[Deejette]

It takes time to find that special someone. If this were not the case, we would all be hooked up to all the nice people that are out there in less than one day. But the specialness of love is that it is not common and it takes that specific combination to make it work.

 

It is well known that it takes a while to recover from divorce. Some psychologists say it takes a man a year and a half to get over a marriage, good or bad. So take your time and enjoy your dates and one day that special person will come along and best of all, you will be ready for her.

you're not crazy, john. i thought i there was something wrong with me after coming out of an abusive relationship and a year later, i still couldn't feel what i wanted to for another man. but really, an abusive relationship takes a lot of time to heal. look at this healing process as a time where you can go out there and explore what you really want from a woman, without settling for second best. YOU SAY: "I just want to be able to like someone and be interested in forming a relationship with them. Everyone I meet so far is just "neutral" there is nothing there in spite of the fact that they are interested in me and in spite of the fact that I KNOW that some of these women are great people with great personalities." you just haven't met that one woman yet who knocks your socks off, but you will. there's no rush at all (even if you do feel frustrated and impatient, i know that feeling). enjoy being able to spend time with these women with great personalities. we meet people with great personalities every day, we're not all attracted to them, but it can still be rewarding being in their company and gaining their friendship. not to mention, these really nice ladies might have some really nice lady friends, one of whom just might be what you are searching for you're doing the smart thing by not rushing into anything to soon or too fast, so be glad about that. so just take each date as it comes and be patient and get to know what you really, really want and enjoy the company of these ladies. your time will come and you never know when that will be. you will find her!