me as of now

[aMguilts]

Glad you're opening up a little. Glad you trust us enough to do that. I know it hurts. Sadly, it's supposed to. It has to. The pounding/burning will stop, but (a part of you) will probably always love her, no matter what. That's life.

 

Sf

 

THAT`S what scares me most i think.

There will never be anyone that makes me feel the way i do about her.

Certainly no one in my past has.

Part of me knows that she will always be in my head and in my heart

Will i EVER feel the way i do about her with someone else? I really do doubt it.

 

I`m a lot stronger today:)

I`ve had 2 nights where i`ve gone bed earlier than usual and have actually not woken up once at all:cool:

then again, maybe it`s psychological because i`m off for 2 days now and can relax? Even though work keeps me busy and my mind off her for

50%(ish) of the time. i do tend to think of her more when i`m not at work

 

aM

 

p.s anyone wanna buy a wedding ring? only 1 previous owner from new...size o ??

[Steadfast]

Sf

 

THAT`S what scares me most i think.

There will never be anyone that makes me feel the way i do about her.

Certainly no one in my past has.

Part of me knows that she will always be in my head and in my heart

Will i EVER feel the way i do about her with someone else? I really do doubt it.

 

No, you won't. Like snowflakes and lots of different things, no two people -or relationships- are the same.

 

I have a serious GF now. We're talking about getting married. When my marriage ended the thought of loving someone else made me sick to my stomach. But while I'm the same...I'm different. Inside. My girl is great, but there's a certain part of me that I keep away...I keep safe. It's mine. That part will see me through if, for some reason, we're not together anymore.

 

The biggest realization for me is just how bad my marriage was. How completely one sided and f-ed up the whole thing was. For the love of god I will never, ever bend over backwards for anyone like that again. At least. for someone who never really appreciated it. Btw, I hear she's living with a guy now. And you know what aM? More power to her. And luck to him.

 

That's how it is when you become indifferent. It takes time.

 

By your words I can see that you understand. That tells me you'll make it.

[aMguilts]

No, you won't. Like snowflakes and lots of different things, no two people -or relationships- are the same.

 

I have a serious GF now. We're talking about getting married. When my marriage ended the thought of loving someone else made me sick to my stomach. But while I'm the same...I'm different. Inside. My girl is great, but there's a certain part of me that I keep away...I keep safe. It's mine. That part will see me through if, for some reason, we're not together anymore.

 

The biggest realization for me is just how bad my marriage was. How completely one sided and f-ed up the whole thing was. For the love of god I will never, ever bend over backwards for anyone like that again. At least. for someone who never really appreciated it. Btw, I hear she's living with a guy now. And you know what aM? More power to her. And luck to him.

 

That's how it is when you become indifferent. It takes time.

 

By your words I can see that you understand. That tells me you'll make it.

 

Sf

the girl you are thinking of marrying now is just `great`?

and by your own admission you are keeping things back?

 

I`m not being or i NEVER want to be indifferent.

I want to have passion. i need to feel.

 

You are still in love with your ex, so how can you ever think about marrying someone??

i see it in your words that you have said.

 

yeah i DO understand.

I even like to think that 1 day, i WILL make it.

 

I`m living day by day.

last 2 days i`ve been really down.

today , well , i haven`t smiled or laughed at anything

But i`ve been ok within myself, and for me that is a good day.

The pain and low that i`ve been feeling for the past few days has subsided.

subsided.. i lol when i typed that.

Why? because it`s a negative emotion. defeatest.

I know it will will return.

it`s ebbed and for now i`m on a `high`

but the lowness will return.

it`ll never getter higher than `i`ve had a good day`

 

for now i`m ok

 

and for the 1st time in a while..i am smiling

 

aM

[ataloss8270]

aM,

 

You must learn to be indifferent. That is the only way to move forward in this. I am learning this as well. Yes I've been down the last couple of days, but at the same time I am excited because I am going on a date tomarrow night with a woman who is extremely sweet, funny, has a lot of the same interest I do (more than my ex did), and absolutely loves my kids (which I definitely see as a must have because who ever I am with next is going to be in their young lives for a long time). And even though I still love my ex and she will always hold a place in my heart, my heart is big and there is still plenty of room in it for at least one more truly passionate love.

 

Many people on this site would say its to early for me to be dating. But I am not going to over look a good thing that's right in front of me because I am still somewhat holding onto a past I probably will never get back. That relationship is gone and even if something sparked later on down the road between us, it would be a new relationship with two different people than we were before. So I know its time to move forward and to always remember that regrets and mistakes are just memories made and things to learn from.

 

But you can't say you will never have passion again. Life is a very uncertain thing. I mean I never thought that someone I've know for the last year and a half, who was right in front of my face was so much like me. Until I finally just let go of my ex, and then bam this new women all of a sudden caught my interest. I never though she had any interest in me either until we started talk via email and I made a few joking comments towards her and she seemed to have more interest than I though she did. And I finally said screw it a few nights ago and asked her if she wanted to go out and have dinner and see a movie with me and I was surprised when she said yes. And seemed very excited when we were planning it out.

 

All I'm trying to get at is just let go and see that there is a world full of beautiful women at your feet. None of them are the same as the other, but there are some extremely passionate ones out there right in front of you. And once your ready you will begin to see them, and they will see you as well. Just try and stand tall for now. Thing will get better.

[aMguilts]

aM,

 

You must learn to be indifferent. That is the only way to move forward in this. I am learning this as well. Yes I've been down the last couple of days, but at the same time I am excited because I am going on a date tomarrow night with a woman who is extremely sweet, funny, has a lot of the same interest I do (more than my ex did), and absolutely loves my kids (which I definitely see as a must have because who ever I am with next is going to be in their young lives for a long time). And even though I still love my ex and she will always hold a place in my heart, my heart is big and there is still plenty of room in it for at least one more truly passionate love.

 

Many people on this site would say its to early for me to be dating. But I am not going to over look a good thing that's right in front of me because I am still somewhat holding onto a past I probably will never get back. That relationship is gone and even if something sparked later on down the road between us, it would be a new relationship with two different people than we were before. So I know its time to move forward and to always remember that regrets and mistakes are just memories made and things to learn from.

 

But you can't say you will never have passion again. Life is a very uncertain thing. I mean I never thought that someone I've know for the last year and a half, who was right in front of my face was so much like me. Until I finally just let go of my ex, and then bam this new women all of a sudden caught my interest. I never though she had any interest in me either until we started talk via email and I made a few joking comments towards her and she seemed to have more interest than I though she did. And I finally said screw it a few nights ago and asked her if she wanted to go out and have dinner and see a movie with me and I was surprised when she said yes. And seemed very excited when we were planning it out.

 

All I'm trying to get at is just let go and see that there is a world full of beautiful women at your feet. None of them are the same as the other, but there are some extremely passionate ones out there right in front of you. And once your ready you will begin to see them, and they will see you as well. Just try and stand tall for now. Thing will get better.

 

you read me wrong

 

and one thing i will say to you is this

you are not see clearly. i really hope it goes well with the new woman in your life:) sincerely, i mean it:)

 

and no, there are not a world of beautiful woman at my feet.

to tell the truth...i`m not even looking

i`m really not even interested in myself if i`m honest.

I have no desire to even think about being with another woman

 

it disgusts me to even think about being with anyone else

 

aM

[Steadfast]

You are still in love with your ex, so how can you ever think about marrying someone?? i see it in your words that you have said.

 

Read closer aM. You're not far off. I said, most of us never stop loving people. As in, there will always be a part of us that loves our ex. Or, maybe, loves the memory of the love that we had. That's not being in love. Huge difference. I have no romantic feelings for my ex wife. In fact, those were gone before I met my GF. I made that mistake. Once. It was enough.

 

One last thought on this; I missed by wife when she left me. I went through all the stages; shock, denial, anger, grief. The hardest was the feeling of abandonment. But, that was my fault. I gave too much to her. I put too much of me into us. My marriage became my identity, and when the marriage ended I was lost. Abandoned, afraid and shattered.

 

That's what I meant by saying I now hold a certain part of me back. I'm indifferent about my ex's business or love life, not my girlfriend. I've grown to not automatically ring up my past when things get tricky. I love my sweetheart, but she -or us- does not define me. That's my job. That isn't love, it's dependance. In my opinion. This is who I am now. What I am.

 

And I like it. I like being in control of my own happiness and destiny.

 

It is good having this back-n-forth with you aM. Feel free to call me out if you think I'm full of sh*t. I don't mind. I'll do the same. It's constructive for not just you and I, but many others who might read this. I recently got a PM from someone who asked about a post I wrote on LS back in 2010.

 

Yes. Smile. Feel the strength and courage slowly build. And the hope.

[ataloss8270]

I may have read you wrong, and I'm sorry if I did.

 

I am seeing clearly though if you are talking about what I'm doing. Because homer does say enjoy the company of others and to date. See that there's other beautiful people in the world to lift you spirt. There is some method to my madness my friend . I do have motives to this, but at the same time he does say not every relationship will work out in the end. I have to be realistic to a small degree. Even though it pains me to say it. I do want my wife back but she is just a want. And I have come to understand this.

 

I know how you feel about not wanting to be around yourself let alone with another women. I felt that way from November till the last few weeks. My marriage definitely wasn't as long as yours. And maybe that's why I'm moving on a little quicker than other. But it still pains me to think of her. But I must keep living. As do you.

[ataloss8270]

Read closer aM. You're not far off. I said, most of us never stop loving people. As in, there will always be a part of us that loves our ex. Or, maybe, loves the memory of the love that we had. That's not being in love. Huge difference. I have no romantic feelings for my ex wife. In fact, those were gone before I met my GF. I made that mistake. Once. It was enough.

 

One last thought on this; I missed by wife when she left me. I went through all the stages; shock, denial, anger, grief. The hardest was the feeling of abandonment. But, that was my fault. I gave too much to her. I put too much of me into us. My marriage became my identity, and when the marriage ended I was lost. Abandoned, afraid and shattered.

 

That's what I meant by saying I now hold a certain part of me back. I'm indifferent about my ex's business or love life, not my girlfriend. I've grown to not automatically ring up my past when things get tricky. I love my sweetheart, but she -or us- does not define me. That's my job. That isn't love, it's dependance. In my opinion. This is who I am now. What I am.

 

And I like it. I like being in control of my own happiness and destiny.

 

It is good having this back-n-forth with you aM. Feel free to call me out if you think I'm full of sh*t. I don't mind. I'll do the same. It's constructive for not just you and I, but many others who might read this. I recently got a PM from someone who asked about a post I wrote on LS back in 2010.

 

Yes. Smile. Feel the strength and courage slowly build. And the hope.

 

I agree with this SF. I did the same in my marriage. My marriage and family were who I was. I forgot everything about me during all this and I believe that is what caused some of my anger issues. Towards the end I began to self nurture myself, started doing things for me, started to pull away a little and was becoming happy. My ex saw this as selfish, told me she was lonely and I stupidly said "sweetheart we have our whole lives ahead of us, there is plenty of time for us to be together". Just to find out she was more pissed because what I was doing was getting in the way of her A, and that's why she was mad about it.

[aMguilts]

I may have read you wrong, and I'm sorry if I did.

 

I am seeing clearly though if you are talking about what I'm doing. Because homer does say enjoy the company of others and to date. See that there's other beautiful people in the world to lift you spirt. There is some method to my madness my friend . I do have motives to this, but at the same time he does say not every relationship will work out in the end. I have to be realistic to a small degree. Even though it pains me to say it. I do want my wife back but she is just a want. And I have come to understand this.

 

I know how you feel about not wanting to be around yourself let alone with another women. I felt that way from November till the last few weeks. My marriage definitely wasn't as long as yours. And maybe that's why I'm moving on a little quicker than other. But it still pains me to think of her. But I must keep living. As do you.

 

trouble is in bold.

i`ve felt that way my whole life

This is not a recent thing

this has been me all my life

 

i`m me

dayin and day out i have to live with me

sounds like i`m just making excuses doesn`t it?

well i`m not. i don`t need or want anyone to feel sorry for me.

never have done and i never will

i dont believe anyone `owes` me a living.

 

i am me. ****ty, witty, funny, sarcastic, down to earth, up in the sky,

depressed,happy, the best friend you could ever have, the worst friend ever,a brother, a husband, not for much longer thou...

a father,a lover, a hater,

HA:lmao:

 

you know what?

even now, i get a text from her asking me if i`m seeing someone?

if i`ve been with anyone?

randomly

out the blue

 

everytime i give her the same reply

no, there will never be anyone else, i love you and always will

 

and you know what kills me? i will always love her.

if you came to my place now, you`d see our wedding picture up on the wall, you`d see a picture of us both on my bedroom wall, one on the coffee table, 2 in the kitchen

i look out of the window where i work , i can see the spot on the beach where we went so many times and had picnics and took the dog for a walk.

i cant go anywhere without thinking of her, or something that reminds me of her, or of us.

 

Had 2 women come on to me since they found out i`m `single` .

i`m really not interested.

 

I`ll be ok. i`ve gotten this far.

 

aM

[aMguilts]

Read closer aM. You're not far off. I said, most of us never stop loving people. As in, there will always be a part of us that loves our ex. Or, maybe, loves the memory of the love that we had. That's not being in love. Huge difference. I have no romantic feelings for my ex wife. In fact, those were gone before I met my GF. I made that mistake. Once. It was enough.

 

One last thought on this; I missed by wife when she left me. I went through all the stages; shock, denial, anger, grief. The hardest was the feeling of abandonment. But, that was my fault. I gave too much to her. I put too much of me into us. My marriage became my identity, and when the marriage ended I was lost. Abandoned, afraid and shattered.

 

That's what I meant by saying I now hold a certain part of me back. I'm indifferent about my ex's business or love life, not my girlfriend. I've grown to not automatically ring up my past when things get tricky. I love my sweetheart, but she -or us- does not define me. That's my job. That isn't love, it's dependance. In my opinion. This is who I am now. What I am.

 

And I like it. I like being in control of my own happiness and destiny.

 

It is good having this back-n-forth with you aM. Feel free to call me out if you think I'm full of sh*t. I don't mind. I'll do the same. It's constructive for not just you and I, but many others who might read this. I recently got a PM from someone who asked about a post I wrote on LS back in 2010.

 

Yes. Smile. Feel the strength and courage slowly build. And the hope.

stead

i dont think your full of ****.

i appreciate your replies

 

i dunno, i have never felt this way about anyone, never married before

even the woman of my children.... i never felt this way

 

i`m just numb

it`s hard for me to understand when someone says to me

`oh just go out and have fun`

or even` i`m glad you are getting a divorce, she made you so down`

or any other crap like that

sympathy words?

not to me

it`s hard for me to even see what tomorrow will bring

yet alone what the future will

I`m just living day by day

 

thank you for replying

means a lot to me, even if its just to vent

 

aM

[tojaz]

 

you know what?

even now, i get a text from her asking me if i`m seeing someone?

if i`ve been with anyone?

randomly

out the blue

 

everytime i give her the same reply

no, there will never be anyone else, i love you and always will

Thats a lot to lay on her AM, I know its what you want to say, but it's still a lot for anyone to hear. Next time try "No, I'm not ready for that" and leave it at that.

 

and you know what kills me? i will always love her.

 

In the begining, knowing that makes you feel pretty weak, makes it harder as time goes on, admitting that can make you a whole lot stronger.

 

TOJAZ

[aMguilts]

Thats a lot to lay on her AM, I know its what you want to say, but it's still a lot for anyone to hear. Next time try "No, I'm not ready for that" and leave it at that.

 

 

 

In the begining, knowing that makes you feel pretty weak, makes it harder as time goes on, admitting that can make you a whole lot stronger.

 

TOJAZ

 

tojaz i`ve tried even saying that. dont even know why she has to ask me in the 1st place?

 

And yeah i do feel pretty weak. but your right, saying **** like that just makes me out to look like a wimp

.i`ll stop saying that to her, even if its the truth

 

ty for replying

 

aM

[TailSpin75]

I share in your pain AM - I wrestle with myself everyday wishing I didn't care for her but know that I still love her. I also agree with what you say about the advice that 'they' give about trying to go out and have fun, to live your own life - these are things that are nice to say but have little impact when you're in the hurt box. For myself - I sit back and try so hard to see what I should appreciate, and there are many things (had a great performance review at work, I'm in a very nice place at no cost owned by a friend until I can get on my feet) - but it just doesn't hold a candle to the loss.

 

The only thing that makes me want to let go - is desperately not wanting to feel this pain anymore. My greatest fear ever in life was losing her - and what a nightmare trying to get through this. She still means a lot to me and she is kind to me when we do have out infrequent interaction. My greatest fear now (3 months in) is not getting over her and having these feelings for more time than it takes to actually get past it. We know it's a long and slow process and it sucks everyday and every moment at times. All my feelings for her are still there (wish to God they weren't but I'm just being honest) - but I'm learning to rethink as I move through this.

 

I am sorry AM that you're hurting man.

[worldgonewrong]

One last thought on this; I missed by wife when she left me. I went through all the stages; shock, denial, anger, grief. The hardest was the feeling of abandonment. But, that was my fault. I gave too much to her. I put too much of me into us. My marriage became my identity, and when the marriage ended I was lost.

 

Wow. So well put. And I think many, including me, can relate.

Like, "Who am I if I'm not married to you?".

It's a real loss of identity, but a lopsided identity. In some ways, it's best to have that loss occur so you can discover your own identity. Heh. In that regard, divorce was an absolute blessing for me.

[aMguilts]

I share in your pain AM - I wrestle with myself everyday wishing I didn't care for her but know that I still love her. I also agree with what you say about the advice that 'they' give about trying to go out and have fun, to live your own life - these are things that are nice to say but have little impact when you're in the hurt box. For myself - I sit back and try so hard to see what I should appreciate, and there are many things (had a great performance review at work, I'm in a very nice place at no cost owned by a friend until I can get on my feet) - but it just doesn't hold a candle to the loss.

 

The only thing that makes me want to let go - is desperately not wanting to feel this pain anymore. My greatest fear ever in life was losing her - and what a nightmare trying to get through this. She still means a lot to me and she is kind to me when we do have out infrequent interaction. My greatest fear now (3 months in) is not getting over her and having these feelings for more time than it takes to actually get past it. We know it's a long and slow process and it sucks everyday and every moment at times. All my feelings for her are still there (wish to God they weren't but I'm just being honest) - but I'm learning to rethink as I move through this.

 

I am sorry AM that you're hurting man.

TailSpin

 

i`m hurting but in the wrong way

i KNOW i`m better than this, i know i will climb out of the pit i have been in.

i`m on a high on the rollercoaster so to speak

i have been hurting, i have been no where near where i have been before

yeah it hurts

its a pain i`ve learnt to live with, and funny enough, it gets better as i get older

maybe somethings have sunken in

i have no `thoughts` of what i have tried to do in the past anymore

so on that scale, i`m doing ok i guess.

i`m still day by day and that is as much as i can do right now

 

Thank you for your reply

made me smile

 

aM

[Steadfast]

Wow. So well put. And I think many, including me, can relate.

Like, "Who am I if I'm not married to you?".

It's a real loss of identity, but a lopsided identity. In some ways, it's best to have that loss occur so you can discover your own identity. Heh. In that regard, divorce was an absolute blessing for me.

 

Yes. It is a blessing if you have the mind to make it one.

 

Now, in most ways I believe our divorce was inevitable. Truth? I thought she brought out the best in me. She didn't. I brought out the best in me.

[TailSpin75]

Yes. It is a blessing if you have the mind to make it one.

 

Now, in most ways I believe our divorce was inevitable. Truth? I thought she brought out the best in me. She didn't. I brought out the best in me.

 

One of the greatest things I've learned in this 'healing/recovering' process is that nothing, absolutely nothing about this is like flipping a switch. The mind's pretty quick at catching on but the emotions have such strong pull. The true, right, or healthy perspective isn't as hard to get to as it is to hold on to.

 

I find myself in this battle (there are so many battles going on at this stage) - between feeling like she made me a better person and realizing that all the changes were one's that I made by my choice. I wish it were like flipping a switch - that I could hold on to the perspective that I feel and know is right, but seems to be the nature of the beast that it takes time to stick.

[aMguilts]

Yes. It is a blessing if you have the mind to make it one.

 

Now, in most ways I believe our divorce was inevitable. Truth? I thought she brought out the best in me. She didn't. I brought out the best in me.

 

this could go on and on

and i`ll close it now if i thought that this was going to be just 1 of those

 

i`m always so negative aren`t i?

or maybe i`m the most positive?

i get the feeling that whatever i post on here, will get shot down .

 

you know what? it doesn`t bother me 1 bit

i know i am right in everything i do and say

esp in my own thread

 

like i said before,i`m not looking for answers

or even justification

i`ll always be me

 

 

aM

[aMguilts]

and as right now, i`m happy with that

 

aM

[aMguilts]

spag bol anyone?

been cooking it for 8 hours now

 

aM

[tojaz]

tojaz i`ve tried even saying that. dont even know why she has to ask me in the 1st place?

 

And yeah i do feel pretty weak. but your right, saying **** like that just makes me out to look like a wimp

.i`ll stop saying that to her, even if its the truth

 

ty for replying

 

aM

 

Nobody knows why she asks AM, don't worry about it, and yes I know it's the truth, I'm just trying to offer a safe answer for you that doesn't result in more stress for you when she doesn't respond the way you hope.

 

spag bol anyone?

been cooking it for 8 hours now

 

aM

 

If you can get it to Indiana while it's fresh, I'll provide the drinks.

 

TOJAZ

[Steadfast]

this could go on and on

and i`ll close it now if i thought that this was going to be just 1 of those

 

Sorry aM. This happens from time to time. One thought or direction sparks another. I didn't mean to hijack but look at the counter...lots of hits. That means more than just the responders are reading. It could be helping.

 

i`m always so negative aren`t i? or maybe i`m the most positive? i get the feeling that whatever i post on here, will get shot down

 

Hard (or rude, not sure) to shoot someone down on their own thread, but anything's possible I guess.

 

That can be a problem here...our meaning not translating well into words. For what it's worth, I think you've described your emotions pretty well. Vague as the details are. Most relate to some of what you're feeling. Some are searching for ways to reunite with their exes, some are trying to move on. Some, like me, had no say in the matter. Like you too? Tell me if you can. That decision; move on, or wallow in self-pity and despair, is something many here face now.

 

Harder to see coming was the up-down roller coaster of emotion and the triggers of depression. All hard.

 

You have ears here to listen. Obviously, we're more than happy to chat amongst ourselves until you chime in again. (< He's OK).

Edited March 5, 2013 by Steadfast

[aMguilts]

ok, so i have a decision to make.

 

The money that she claims to of posted to me 5 days ago hasn`t arrived.

 

so i can either

1. write it off. Forget about it and her and start getting on with my life.

or

2. ask her for it. I lent it to her in good faith and feel a little bit pi$$ed that she isn`t repaying me

 

thoughts?

 

aM

[Steadfast]

Time to let it go. You asked. She responded and said she sent it. If it doesn't arrive, that means she lied. That also means you probably can't trust her, nor can you believe another promise if you call or text asking for it.

[aMguilts]

Time to let it go. You asked. She responded and said she sent it. If it doesn't arrive, that means she lied. That also means you probably can't trust her, nor can you believe another promise if you call or text asking for it.

 

as much as it hurts me, your right.

 

it`ll just be like poking a dead animal with a stick.

I wonder what else she`s lied to me about.

 

Strange how it can go from trusting her with my heart, mind and soul completely,to not even be able to trust her at all

 

really saddens me:sick:

 

aM