Ex doesn't want contact. Why? Please help!

[lovely221]

Ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago. He won't contact me unless I contach him first. When I ask him if he wants to do something(go grab a bite to eat, see a movie, just hang out in general), he doesn't, just want to be by himself. He told me the other night he needs more time....What? He also says it's not me, but I have a feeling it might be. What's going on?

[hurtingandconfused]

I'm sorry but you guys broke up. It's OVER!

 

But of course...There might be someone else in the picture.

 

Stop the contact, he'll wonder why you stopped calling.

[beautiful]

The worst thing that you are doing is still contacting him. You must LET GO! Concentrate on your life and live it happily.

 

Find out WHY you so hung up on this person and heal within.

 

Nothing you will do, will bring him back unless HE WANTS TO. The more you ask, the more you beg, the more you are AVAILABLE to him, the more he runs.

 

Wow what an egor boost for this guy to have to run after him so much. NO MAN LIKES THAT! You are dis respecting yourself big time.

 

Aren't you worth more? It is JUST A GUY!

[lovely221]

Who people calm down! I have tried to remain in contact with my ex, first off because he wanted a friendship, and second because I still genuinely care for him as a friend. I am over our romantic relationship. We had a good frienship before we started dating and I see no reason why we shouldn't revive that friendship now. We been broken up for almost 3 months and I'm ready to be friends again. He says he needs more time(which I find odd since he's the one who ended the relationship). He suggested we be friends and since then has shown no sign that he actually wants to do so. I just don't understand what's wrong. He has more or less secluded himself from everyone since our split. He doesn't hang out with me or anyone else. He's fairly new in town(well been here about 10 months now and so the main reason I contact him(which in all honesty is very rare)is if a group of people goes out. I'm just trying to be nice so sometimes I'll invite him out with everyone. He just wants to be alone and I find that very strange. I'm more concerned than anything else as this is not the way he was when we were dating. I am definetly not begging this guy to come back to me!

[Breathe]

I would suggest you consider doing no contact unless he comes to you first. He's said he "needs time" so just be a friend and give him that. If he's made up his mind then probabley nothing you say will change this. Maybe he's afraid of hurting you and therefore he just says it's him to blame and he needs this and that. Either way, move on - if it's meant to be it will be.

[lovely221]

Thanks Breathe! The thing I'm still confused about though is this, What does he need more time with? I mean he broke up with me and seemed pretty final about it but now says of our friendship that he needs more time.

[Good heart]

the issue of frineship is a little bit complicated especially after breakup, this happened to me few months gao when my girlfriend dumped and she said we could be frineds and I said ok but she stopped calling so I got tired of calling her and I stopped calling. the point is many people suggest the frienship issue out of sympathy or of respect to their ex when the dumper is in a situation did no mistakes (for example no cheating), and they say lets be friends. the ones who really what to be your friends keep in contact, the ones who lost interest in the whole aspect of the relationship will stop the contact.

why does he needs time, he is betting on you getting tired of all this and of you forgetting him, he most likely moved on, the issue of I need time and space is nothing but BS, he simple lost interest.

I agree with all what is written above that you should stop calling (I know it is difficult, and it happened to me and you may go into a depression) but at the end you will lose interest also.

let nature do its business after all why care why put so much effort if you have a very high risk of being rejected again.

just my opinion, take care.

[AllieJ]

I agree that you should stop calling him... but if he says he needs time, he may actually need time. My ex and I broke up nearly a year ago, and we agreed to stay friends, but for months after, I'd e-mail him or talk to him online, and he seemed very distant and kind of started to avoid me, and told me that he needed more time (he broke up with me), so I gave him that, did my own thing, and a few months ago, we started talking again. If your relationship was long term/serious, when he broke up with you, he may still have been hurting, and maybe wasn't ready to face you after having hurt you so bad... he may have just not been ready to sort out everything and start fresh yet. I'd say, give him time, don't contact him for a while (months, at least) and do your own thing. Enjoy life with your friends and family, and if he really meant that he needed time, he'll notice that you've not contacted him, and he'll get a hold of you. best of luck. Also, I've posted a Topic earlier today, and would really like any replies that anyone may have, it's titled "Ex back in life: friend or more?" thanks, and again, I hope things work out for ya.

[kellydontwanttasleep]

you need to let this go and move on.

[honey2005]

I agree with the others, I think you shouldn't contact him anymore. If he wants to see you or talk to you he'll know how to reach you. He's asked you for some time and space, and there's really nothing you can do but give it to him. The more you try to talk to him and make him be with you, the more you're going to push him away, even just as a friend.

 

My advice is to stop contacting him, and to stop focusing on what you had and the friendship you want to have with him. Instead focus on yourself. Go out and have fun. Do some of the things you wanted to do while you were with him but never could, like tons of girls' nights out.

 

Good luck

[lovely221]

Thanks everyone for the replies! I haven't had any contact with him in a week. The last time we talked(a week ago)he told me he still likes me and definetly wants to be friends, but just needed some more time right now. I let him know that that was fine but I felt he needed to do some growing up. He then sent me a message letting me know he felt I'm a bad person and that talking to me is a waste of time. Since then I have not contacted him at all and have no intention of doing so.