pony Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Hi there, I posted something in another forum (here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/376277-girl-texting-my-boyfriend) about a female friend of my boyfriend's texting and calling him constantly. It's quite long...but that lead me to wonder about something along the same topic: your significant other and friends of the opposite sex. To be more specific, take my example: my boyfriend has a few female friends, most of whom I don't know or met maybe once or twice. I'm more familiar with his guy friends and their girlfriends. Also, in my case, I'm talking about straight, single girls...who can potentially come between me and my boyfriend...I leave out girls who are gay or in relationships because they're a lot less threatening than the single girls. What is your opinion on this? I'm ok with my boyfriend having female friends but I don't think it's right for my bf to hang out with, make plans with, text, call, or anything else with a girl who is single. I mean there are exceptions to this but in general, it's the only rule I set in my mind for my boyfriend. I was single for the longest time and when I was single, I didn't tend to be pushy with guy friends who had girlfriends. I tried to respect that boundary. Am I being a little over-controlling? Should I be fair with the single girls in his social group? I'm not mean to them and have no problem in the girls are around in a group (at a party or bar or whatever) but not one on one hang outs. Never will accept that! haha Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I'd suggest getting some help with the 'high anxiety', as such could impact your life in a positive way and open up new perspectives and potentials for you. Regarding the boyfriend, if his 'female friends' pre-date you and/or their associations are/have been platonic and centered around mutual interests (drinking is not an 'interest'), then IMO they can be a positive addition to your and his social circle. If their communications make you uncomfortable, then they do. IMO, there's no reason for your BF to be meeting single ladies whom you aren't acquainted with solo for 'whatever'. Heck, I've known some of my friend's wives for decades and can't remember the last time I ever did anything with their wives when their husbands weren't present, regardless of whether I was single or married. One exception was I recently went on an Alzheimer's walk with my best friends wife as she and I both lost a parent to that disease. Shared 'interest'. See how that works? If you can't resolve it, move on. Don't forget to work on that anxiety issue. It all fits together. Good luck. Welcome to LS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 It is my opinion, that it is never good for a guy and girl to be left alone. If he does that. But, with that said, you cannot control whom he hangs with. You can voice your opinion and hope he respects how you feel. Eitherway mister spock - carhill is dead right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pony Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 I'd suggest getting some help with the 'high anxiety', as such could impact your life in a positive way and open up new perspectives and potentials for you. Regarding the boyfriend, if his 'female friends' pre-date you and/or their associations are/have been platonic and centered around mutual interests (drinking is not an 'interest'), then IMO they can be a positive addition to your and his social circle. If their communications make you uncomfortable, then they do. IMO, there's no reason for your BF to be meeting single ladies whom you aren't acquainted with solo for 'whatever'. Heck, I've known some of my friend's wives for decades and can't remember the last time I ever did anything with their wives when their husbands weren't present, regardless of whether I was single or married. One exception was I recently went on an Alzheimer's walk with my best friends wife as she and I both lost a parent to that disease. Shared 'interest'. See how that works? If you can't resolve it, move on. Don't forget to work on that anxiety issue. It all fits together. Good luck. Welcome to LS Off topic, but I've been seeing a psychologist for over 6 years and I'm taking citalopram. But thanks anyway. Going out on Friday or Saturday nights is their shared interest. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 What kinds of boundaries has the psychologist helped you with regarding male/female interactions? Let's say these female 'friends' communications cause you anxiety, an issue you've been dealing with. What tools has the psych suggested to process that anxiety and/or act in a way which respects your feelings on the matter? What choices can you make today to respect how you feel about this? Something I learned from our long period of MC (marriage counseling) is how we, as individuals, have control only of ourselves, our thoughts, how we process our feelings, our actions, our words. We can't control anyone else. What can you do today to respect that dynamic? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pony Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Well that's for me to discuss with my psych during our next session I guess! Ultimately, and I think my psychologist might agree, all I can do is push that girl as far away as possible from my boyfriend. Not physically or literally. The only way I can do that is by telling him that I don't approve of her, how I feel like it's rude of her to constantly try to make plans with him. I don't know her and she doesn't know me. I feel that if she were that interested in hanging out with my boyfriend, than the least she could do is try to get to know me better. I'm not seeing any sign of her trying to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
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