LadyAly Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) Hello All, My significant other of 3 years left without so much of a word and cleaned out our bank account almost a week ago. Then I find out he had stolen from my family. I knew he had some issues, but I accepted him the way he accepted me. We both came from very rough childhoods, bad first marriages, PTSD, and the economical inability to consistantly get the proper help all the time. When we found each other we kind of fell into one another, we were inseperable for the first year and moving forward all we wanted to do was better ourselves together and move forward in life- together. He says that he needed to leave before things got bad and we ended up in a terrible place. He's right, we were each having episodes more and more often, he was inable to control his mania to take things, I was entirely emotionaly unstable most days. He goes on to say that he loves me, that I'm the only one for him, but that he needs to do this for himself and for us. I feel the same. I feel that I need to work on myself for my own sake and for the sake of my relationship. I feel like we can do this, we want to stay committed to each other but give the space and time needed to face our pasts and "grow" before re-uniting. I've never even heard of something like this happening to couples before- they either stayed together and worked it out or broke up and never reconciled. While I want to make this work, want to work on myself and re-unite again and be in a happier, healthy relationship. I'm also very well aware of the amount of personal work is going to take as individuals, let alone the dedication and work as a couple. At moments, I feel hopeless... Are there any success stories out there? Has anybody gone through a similar situation? -Hopeful LadyAly Edited February 26, 2013 by LadyAly Title Edit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyAly Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 Gosh, I may be hated for bumping my own thread. But I would really like some input, inspiration or opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
cerisenightshade Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Good morning, I am not sure if my story would be considered a success story... but I hope reading it does give you some hope. In a nutshell, last summer I dated my supervisor at an internship. I was 20 and he was nearly two decades my senior. Due to several personal issues between us, he broke up with me. At first I was ok with it... but then I started letting my inner demon take reign. Ultimately, I ended up blowing the entire thing out of the water... by getting him fired. I guess girls can be a tad vengeful at times We did not contact each other for over 6 months. On my part, I thought he might hate me enough to desire my death (Just imagine it... causing someone to lose a job out of spite... along with other things ) Three weeks ago, we started talking again. At first we talked to bury the hatchet... aka we discussed what happened and tried to tie loose ends. Now? We are dating again. We are taking things slowly. The age and the "bad blood" are still issues... but we enjoy each other's company enough to try again. As for the ending? Only time will tell. Right now? Things are going smoothly. He just got a new job. We are doing well. I sincerely hope we get an a happy ending*. *My personal definition of happy ending: both parties agree on the ending... whether it is to part ways or continue on. *shrug* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 This man stole from you, and stole from your family? And you're looking for ways to make things work - ?? For a start he can make it up to your family by giving back what he stole, and make it up to you by doing likewise!! then he needs some serious therapy to help him eliminate this entitlement he feels he has! Seriously?? he might be a 'nice guy' but you need to think very carefully about what you do... You become embroiled with someone who is this deceptive, and you get tarred with the same brush. He has a sullied reputation, he's untrustworthy and he's depending and playing on your good nature. Would you have cleared out your bank account? Would you have stolen from his family? And you're looking to make this work? How about him looking to make this work by making amends first and foremost? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Love Bytes Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 I'm no expert, but in my opinion...you need to figure out if it's in your best interest to make it work. After a breakup, human nature is for us to want it to work out. Sometimes you have to let go and go through the pain for a while. It's hard, but sometimes necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 How can you trust him after he stole from you and your family? How can you have a relationship without trust? And most importantly, why would you have a joint bank account with someone you are not married to? He sounds like scum and you sound like you make excuses for his bad behavior. You have no control over what happened to you as a child but as an adult you most definitely do. Make better choices. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Stops making excuses for him. It's just a coward's way of enabling bad behavior rather than acknowledging that it's bad and making the effort to change. I had a similar past to yours and you don't see me stealing from the ones I love. Yes, I am not you and you are not me, blah, blah, but for how long will you keep perpetuating this behavior? Maybe it's time to look within as to why you settle for so little. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyAly Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 I really appreciate all of the input from everyone. There is a lot for me to think about. If there is any more insight or input, I openly welcome it. Every single thing that has been said gives me an insight I did not have before or hadn't ventured into thinking about fully. I could debate about how I feel and what I think, what he's said since then... but it's irrelevant. Maybe I'll open up about that later. But, what is relevant is what y'all have to say through your own individual experience to give me a broader spectrum of how to view this entirely new situation. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 I really appreciate all of the input from everyone. There is a lot for me to think about. If there is any more insight or input, I openly welcome it. Every single thing that has been said gives me an insight I did not have before or hadn't ventured into thinking about fully. I could debate about how I feel and what I think, what he's said since then... but it's irrelevant. Maybe I'll open up about that later. But, what is relevant is what y'all have to say through your own individual experience to give me a broader spectrum of how to view this entirely new situation. Everyone's individual experience is much different from yours and that doesn't correlate with how you should handle your situation. The alarming factor here is everyone's concern as to why you would want to stay in a relationship with someone who is emotionally and mentally wired this way. It speaks of your emotional and mental health as well. From the outside, that is what is standing out. We can tell you about experiences but that would probably not entail dealing with someone like your ex. So how does that help you? What have you decided to do for yourself in terms of working out the issues that you are facing within? And has he talked about seeking therapy as a couple in hopes of working on the relationship? I can tell you that people will talk up the wazoo about therapy only to forget about it. Unless you both are really serious about making changes, then maybe the R can work out. But he has a lot of work to do and so do you. The last thing you need to think about is your chances of getting back. Even if you get back, without making the effort to work at it together or individually, you will most likely head into the same issues all over again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyAly Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) Thank you for your post! I'm glad for actual questions, the rest I feel are opinions and commands as to what I should do. But I digress: I say I appreciate what they say because it gives me a view point I may not be seeing. It doesn't change what I feel in my heart or what makes the most sense in my mind, but it allows me to see things in different ways, that of course were made by other people's personal lives. As far as "getting help", we are. I am in therapy, just started a more serious approach including medication. He is in a mental health center to help him with his PTSD and other stemming issues. And part of us getting better as individuals is making amends for the damages we caused, that part was clear from the get-go. Right now we want to focus on ourselves... because the relationship will not work unless we are each in a much better place. Like I had said, I was having episodes which was feeding his, which were feeding mine and it was becoming something niether of us wanted. Once we are in a "good" place, we are going to start therapy with the relationship to help us heal and move forward. Edited February 28, 2013 by LadyAly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
benice Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I think it is best that you leave him alone. It is not in your best interest to be with someone who stole from you and your family. But I am not in your heart and mind, so know that this will all take time. Try to stay away to get your sanity back PLEASE. I wish you the best hun. Link to post Share on other sites
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