Absence makes the heart grow fonder???

[McDonald]

what about reinitating a friendship once one becomes indifferent?

 

As me and my ex go to the same school and run into eachother on campus... at times its awkward... her being my first friend here at college... you know thats the part I miss the most ...

 

but ugh idk its too difficult.

[Simon Phoenix]

OR it may be very very difficult, if not too difficult for the dumpee to break the NC.

 

I agree - not the goal or purpose, but it can contribute to some extent - depending on the people, the breakup/why it happened, etc - to the return of a torn couple. Just gotta remember to go into NC to heal, not with the intent of trying to get the other person back.

 

Exactly. NC is for healing first. If you are going NC to punish your ex, that isn't going to work too well.

[singme2sleep]

I'm not saying it's about playing games or punishing them, and I know there is no guarantee it will make them come running back. By going NC we are giving them what they want(a life without us), however it can then make them realize they don't want it after all. So while we use it to heal, they are experiencing life without us and as time goes by the void stares them in the face. I have heard of this happening with couples. Like when the guy is the dumper for example: in the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" he says that men are like rubberbands. Sometimes they have to pull/stretch away to get the distance and time alone they need. Then once that need is met, they snap back to you.

Edited March 9, 2013 by singme2sleep

[travelonic]

By going NC we are giving them what they want(a life without us), however it can then make them realize they don't want it after all. So while we use it to heal, they are experiencing life without us and as time goes by the void stares them in the face. I have heard of this happening with couples. Like when the guy is the dumper for example: in the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" he says that men are like rubberbands. Sometimes they have to pull/stretch away to get the distance and time alone they need. Then once that need is met, they snap back to you.

 

Wonder if that is limited to men, as in, can hold true to women.

 

While I am in NC with my ex as an exercise to heal, the above I quoted in your post is something ALWAYS on my mind as a possibility - logically it makes a ton of sense, though as you said you have to be careful not to fall into the trap of assuming it is a certain outcome.

[lovnlost]

You have to ask yourself what the nature of the friendship is? Is it for your benefit, or theirs?

 

I think that absence makes the hear grow fonder. However, given that my ex is rebouding, I do not know how long that will take for her. Or if she was so hurt that she wants to even try again.

[singme2sleep]

Travel-

 

I think it can apply to women too. I think sometimes you have to be completely away from someone to realize how much you love and need them in your life.

[Jono85]

my 2 cents/beliefs:

 

 

NC, like many are saying, is for the dumper to HEAL first and foremost. that being said, i have no issues with it also being used as a tool (as a by-product of trying to heal). here's why..

 

if we were TRULY in love, and yet she dumped me as she did, then A. i'm devestated and cannot pretend to act like everythings cool with her, and talk to her about non-relationship things when secretly i'm pretty upset/hurt that the girl who supposedly loves me with all her heart, and only me, suddenly wants other men and doesn't care to have me as her life partner anymore, and B. if it WERE true love, then i'm sorry, i don't believe that if I go NC (to heal) that she can just forget about everything, and not feel COMPELLED to contact me and bring me back into her life as her partner. that's what NC does. it forces your ex to be the one to decide. i don't want to be influencing her decision. i don't want to need to have to act like i did when i met her in order to re-attract her. wtf. is that true love?? or will she leave me again the next time i go through a month of "unattractive-ness"? if she's supposed to be the one, if i'm supposed to be the one for her, she WILL re-connect and make it known that she needs me back. i mean could any of YOU, just give up the person you feel is the one so easily?? no.

 

those 2 points are really what it boils down to for me. yes i pleaded, and told her it wasn't what i wanted, and all that crap. but then it's time for NC. if it's meant to be, it'll happen. don't want to sound preachy, b/c i don't believe in fate or any of that stuff, but let the universe take over. in other words, let her (or him) come back to you if that is what's to happen and that is what they want. otherwise, IMO, you just torture yourself, stay in denial (thinking you're ok with things, when you're not, or thinking they still love you, when maybe they don't), OR, you fake it and act attractive again to pull them back in, but then as soon as you slip up (maybe you still carry a lot of resentment of them leaving...i mean how you can you just shed that) and whattaya know, they leave you again.

 

 

just my 2 cents. i'm gonna save my pride and not try to stay friends with my former lover that doesn't want me anymore. if i was that special, she'll come back. if she doesn't...that's fine...then NC has only helped speed up recovery and help detach sooner.

[iouaname]

I think that NC is the best thing to do regardless of what outcome you're hoping for. If the relationship is over, even if you hope that it's a "temporary over," then NC is really the only option that you have. The time for talking and sorting things out would come before the breakup.

 

I think it's sort of a starting point. You go NC, and then everything kind of sorts itself out after a while...

[Coping Vortex]

AlexfromBoston-

 

I appreciate your reply. For my situation it's hard because our breakup was a case of "right person, wrong time". I know I'm not perfect, but the problem with our relationship was his issues not mine. I know I was good to him and I loved him with all my heart (still do).

 

It's like the world got in the way. Some people would say that if you love a person, you hold onto them no matter what. But I think that certain things are out of our control. And as much as I never thought I'd believe this...sometimes love isn't enough.

 

Wow describes what happened in my BU to a tee. We loved each other like crazy. But love wasn't enough.

[singme2sleep]

Wow describes what happened in my BU to a tee. We loved each other like crazy. But love wasn't enough.

 

There's nothing more tragic, in my opinion.

[Coping Vortex]

There's nothing more tragic, in my opinion.

 

Very tragic. If we talked the first week of the BU we could have been back together. It was a mis communication. I went NC to give her some time instead and she was distraught. She thought she had no choice but to move on and she went out with the next guy that asked her out. We talked since then and she said if she knew what she knew now she would have never went out with that guy. But it is too late. They already formed a bond. Just tragic. She has said she doesn't want to give up on us. But it's too far down the road at this point.

 

As you said just tragic.

[travelonic]

my 2 cents/beliefs:

 

 

NC, like many are saying, is for the dumper to HEAL first and foremost. that being said, i have no issues with it also being used as a tool (as a by-product of trying to heal). here's why..

 

if we were TRULY in love, and yet she dumped me as she did, then A. i'm devestated and cannot pretend to act like everythings cool with her, and talk to her about non-relationship things when secretly i'm pretty upset/hurt that the girl who supposedly loves me with all her heart, and only me, suddenly wants other men and doesn't care to have me as her life partner anymore, and B. if it WERE true love, then i'm sorry, i don't believe that if I go NC (to heal) that she can just forget about everything, and not feel COMPELLED to contact me and bring me back into her life as her partner. that's what NC does. it forces your ex to be the one to decide. i don't want to be influencing her decision. i don't want to need to have to act like i did when i met her in order to re-attract her. wtf. is that true love?? or will she leave me again the next time i go through a month of "unattractive-ness"? if she's supposed to be the one, if i'm supposed to be the one for her, she WILL re-connect and make it known that she needs me back. i mean could any of YOU, just give up the person you feel is the one so easily?? no.

 

those 2 points are really what it boils down to for me. yes i pleaded, and told her it wasn't what i wanted, and all that crap. but then it's time for NC. if it's meant to be, it'll happen. don't want to sound preachy, b/c i don't believe in fate or any of that stuff, but let the universe take over. in other words, let her (or him) come back to you if that is what's to happen and that is what they want. otherwise, IMO, you just torture yourself, stay in denial (thinking you're ok with things, when you're not, or thinking they still love you, when maybe they don't), OR, you fake it and act attractive again to pull them back in, but then as soon as you slip up (maybe you still carry a lot of resentment of them leaving...i mean how you can you just shed that) and whattaya know, they leave you again.

 

 

just my 2 cents. i'm gonna save my pride and not try to stay friends with my former lover that doesn't want me anymore. if i was that special, she'll come back. if she doesn't...that's fine...then NC has only helped speed up recovery and help detach sooner.

 

Sums up my thoughts to a T.

 

Lots of variables that go into the likelihod of the reunion / reconciliation happening, but I see no reason why NC can't have the side effect, an aid in doing that [and it annoys me to no end when people act like NC can never have that side effect, can never be a factor that helps that happen - it, like the breakup itself, and the idea of reconciliation, are not binary - multiple variables being involved like with any breakup and the time after, means logically many POSSIBLE outcomes can occur.

[Bigcitydreamer]

I don't understand how not going NC can help the dumpees case? If you are the one that was dumped why should it be up to you to make contact and beg? I guess unless you did something really wrong and there was a specific solid reason for the breakup? But I don't see the logic behind the dumpee contacting the dumper and asking for a second chance. Can someone explain this to me?

 

In my situation I was dumped and went NC immediately. He knew I didn't want to break up. I had to change my life in so many ways after the breakup. I don't see how me explaining my side would have helped at all.. Maybe there are situations that LC helps tho, just not sure what situation that would be.

 

I have a feeling my ex will contact me sometime in the future though. Probably to suggest a reconciliation. But I suspect I might have moved on if and when that does happen. It's happened to me before.

[singme2sleep]

Bigcitydreamer-

 

I agree and I have heard of the dumper coming back after the dumpee has moved on. But really they took the chance of losing you by breaking up, so they run the risk of that happening. Guess it's all up to fate.

[Bigcitydreamer]

Exactly, I wouldn't have taken the risk in losing him. It takes a lot for someone to dump you. I know a girl who's bf broke up with her and it came to a shock to everyone because they seemed so good for eachother in every way. Very similar people, they both think they are better than everyone else, both super preppy people. But he dumped her due to major fighting and she had a long term relationship with someone else after they split and maintained no contact with her ex.

 

Like 2-3 years after their breakup he saw her out at a bar and then approached her. They have now been back together for almost a year I'm thinking. I KNEW that they were so suited for eachother (I personally don't like either of them a whole lot) and I think that they will end up married.. this is off topic I know but it's kind of a inspirational reconciliation story. "Fate" brought them back together. She always loved him and once he dated around he missed what he had with her. Interesting to say the least!

Edited March 9, 2013 by Bigcitydreamer
Confusing wording

[singme2sleep]

Like 2-3 years after their breakup he saw her out at a bar and then approached her. They have now been back together for almost a year I'm thinking. I KNEW that they were so suited for eachother (I personally don't like either of them a whole lot) and I think that they will end up married.. this is off topic I know but it's kind of a inspirational reconciliation story. "Fate" brought them back together. She always loved him and once he dated around he missed what he had with her. Interesting to say the least!

 

I love hearing stories like that!!

[misswillow]

I definitely know several reconciliation stories. Here's an example: I had a good friend in grad school who dated another classmate. They were always on and off, and it was always him breaking up with her. After graduation, they went to separate cities, and I was her roommate. The on/off continued, and even when off, he continued to call her and tell her how sad he was, he missed his best friend, etc. I advised her that she had to tell him that she could no longer be his friend, and he could not call her for emotional support because he ended their relationship and she couldn't keep going through this. She followed my advice and, lo and behold, a short time later (I don't remember how long, but probably within a month or two), he called her crying and said he was sure he wanted to be with her and would never change his mind again. I was skeptical that he meant it this time, but she took him back, and now they've been married for years and just seem so happy together. This is a story where probably anyone would have told her that she was crazy to even consider it, but look at them now.

 

Even Prince William and Kate broke up for a time! And from what I read, she was not pining for him, but getting out there so he could see she was strong and had other options.

 

I do believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder, for a while anyway. And I think it helps you forget the bad things, and only remember the good a lot of the time. But, I think eventually it turns to "out of sight, out of mind" for the most part, which is what the dumpee needs for their own peace of mind.

[Jono85]

i see a few of you agreeing with what i said, and agreeing with the whole "NC all the way, if it was that special, they'll come back to us on their own" theory. and that's all nice and good and all lol, but let me address another theory, a much darker theory that i'm still struggling with, in terms of what i actually believe. i doubt many want to believe in this theory, as like i say, it's dark. but here goes...my apologies if it gets a little deep hah...

 

 

so let's assume your ex realizes 5 months, 8 months, 3 months, whatever, down the road, what a mistake she (he) made, and contacts you up professing this. what now? i know many of you (maybe even me, hence why i said i don't know what i believe yet), esp if still reeling from BU/still have them on that same pedestal, will take them back (assuming work is put in from partner etc.). cool.

 

BUT, why?? why let these ppl back?? what exactly has changed in those 5, 8, 3 months?? let's pretend they dated someone (b/c honestly i feel the majority of dumpers would take that opportunity if they found someone they were into post BU). so for all those months, they felt that we were over and done with. they felt content that we were not 'the ones' they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. they dated someone else, and were cute with someone else, and were intimate/f***ed someone else, thinking THEY might become the ones they want to spend the rest of their lives with. they're very happy. that is until, things obviously don't work out with new relationship. maybe they get dumped. in any event, they didn't work out.

 

so after some time to reflect, they realize all of a sudden that we WERE the ones?? really?? nothing has changed, other than their life post break-up didn't turn out to be much happier afterall. but like, other than that, it's not like WE changed into different ppl. so if they decide to want to try again with us, doesn't that sort of say they are willing to settle?? when how many months ago, they were SURE that they needed more from a life partner than us?? they had decided that we weren't good enough for them. but now, just b/c their life didn't pan out how they'd hoped, we suddenly are good enough??

 

i'm very skeptical, i'm sorry. my ex has chosen to date and find a loving relationship with another man, when she knew i wanted to keep working on us. if things don't work out with that guy, i'm sorry, but how am i supposed to take her back?? imo, my gut tells me it's permanently damaged. sure she can come back begging, but it's already broken. you don't just breakup with your dream-man/girl. you just don't. sure you can come back later and settle for the next best thing, but we'll never be their dream-like/fantasy partners. never.

 

 

i say this even with parents, who've been married for close to 40 years, but my dad broke up with my mom for 5+ months (strict NC...which was easy back then without any technology) when they were quite serious. he happened to run into her in the mall 5 months later...and from there they started hanging out again/dating. 40 years later they're still going strong.

 

BUT...there's a large part of me that truly feels my dad never found his dream girl, and settled for my mom. the way he explains marriage, is all about being best friends etc. he's often told me that it wasn't about finding the most attractive girl (which it's not, no doubt), it's about finding your life partner/best friend. i get that, i do. but what if my dad never ran into my mom that day randomly? they might not have ever seen eachother again. i don't know...i just feel like from everything my dad's told me, he's obviously happy with my mom, but i get the sense that a part of him hasn't been satisfied (not going to go into details, or stories as to what's made me feel that way, def no cheating or anything, but that's the vibe i get).

 

 

bottom line...to finally wrap this up lol...is how can you ever feel like their dreamman/girl if they had to come back to you after they were sure you WEREN'T that person. i mean what if they had found someone that they realy clicked with, that made them forget about us, instead of not having the best experiences post breakup. i just feel like once it's been broken, it's broken forever.

 

like i said, i'm not 100% stuck in that belief, but yes, that's what dominates my mind. i'm def open to hear counter-arguments, and open to believe otherwise, and that ppl grow, and learn (maybe they realized that they were being unrealistic and didn't realize how good they had it), but how can you ever know? it will always feel like they're just settling b/c things didn't work out for them post BU.

Edited March 9, 2013 by Jono85

[travelonic]

 

so let's assume your ex realizes 5 months, 8 months, 3 months, whatever, down the road, what a mistake she (he) made, and contacts you up professing this. what now? i know many of you (maybe even me, hence why i said i don't know what i believe yet), esp if still reeling from BU/still have them on that same pedestal, will take them back (assuming work is put in from partner etc.). cool.

 

BUT, why?? why let these ppl back??

 

 

THIS is where it is dependent on the people involved, the breakup/why, who did the breaking up, who wants back in, the relationship pre-breakup, etc - and is not one size fits all, IMO.

Edited March 9, 2013 by travelonic

[Jono85]

THIS is where it is dependent on the people involved, the breakup/why, the relationship pre-breakup, etc - and is not one size fits all, IMO.

 

yeah and that's where I struggle so much with my own personal experience. this is b/c i know i hurt my ex quite a bit for a period of time (first 7 months or so) when i tried breaking up with her twice, and just didn't feel the same feelings as her. i think i did, it's just i was dealing with fear of commitment; it was my first genuinely serious relationship (even at 25 y/o at the time), and i just didn't feel "in love". anyway, both times she talked me into staying together. but then i broke up with her again, which was a more serious breakup (ie. lasted 3 months) but THIS time was b/c she broke my trust, and i caught her talking to a 'friend' online behind my back. no cheating, or even seeing him. but flirting. when i broke up with her she begged and pleaded that it was b/c i still hadn't said "i love you" and she admitted for a time she wasn't sure anymore, but when she saw me (we're long distance so saw eachother every couple weekends) everything came back. sooo, eventually i caved during breakup, realizing she has a point (that maybe she had doubts b/c i still wasn't 100% commiting to her), and more importantly i realized how much i do in fact love her, am in love with her, always have been, etc (the distance made me realize this). well it took her a month to agree to try again/come back to me...and we tried for a few weeks, but it wasn't the same. she was distant with me, after a bit, and i was still insecure from when she broke my trust, so we fought a lot. then she broke it off after a fight...and we haven't been back many months later.

 

so in summary...a part of me feels very responsible for her losing her feelings, and feels like if she were to come back, i should give it another try b/c it was maybe my fault she lost feelings. but there's ANOTHER part of me, that thinks, well maybe that wasn't why she lost feelings. when she started talking to the other guy behind my back, i thought things were developing, and going well. it really hurt to see that. maybe regardless of whether i fully committed to her (ie. telling her i loved her), she would have left me/lost feelings. i say this b/c when i fully opened up to her after the first breakup, and won her back, she didn't really give us much time. we had problems/fights, and she was done in 3 weeks. yet i told her how much i loved her and wanted to work things out.

 

at the end of the day, she still left. i know i wasn't the best bf for much of our relationship, only b/c i couldn't fully commit (never lied to her once, always cared for her 1000%), and i know that hurt her during that time...BUT i finally got there, and wanted to tell the world, etc etc etc. and she obv didn't feel the same anymore for whatever reasons and was done with me. with me, even through all my doubts, i could never leave her. even the final breakup when she lost my trust, i stayed in contact and missed her so much. but she's just left...2 bouts of separate 3 months NC. so it's been a while. i guess i won't know how i'll handle that situation unless it ever arises in the future. but i fantasize about just ignoring her, and telling her i'm not interested anymore (probs to even the pain, sadly). just been so crushed by it, don't think i can ever forgive her for it. or at least never forget it/always resent her for it. oh well

 

/vent

[singme2sleep]

Honestly I only believe that "out of sight out of mind" only works for trivial things like junk food. I don't believe it applies to people since usually the opposite happens. My grandfather died November 2011 and just because he has been gone for over a year and I have not physically seen him, certainly doesn't mean I miss him less or haven't thought of him. In fact I miss him more as time goes by.

 

But every breakup is different and they don't always happen because one person decides the other isn't right for them. Sometimes that has nothing to do with it!

[Bigcitydreamer]

i see a few of you agreeing with what i said, and agreeing with the whole "NC all the way, if it was that special, they'll come back to us on their own" theory. and that's all nice and good and all lol, but let me address another theory, a much darker theory that i'm still struggling with, in terms of what i actually believe. i doubt many want to believe in this theory, as like i say, it's dark. but here goes...my apologies if it gets a little deep hah...

 

 

so let's assume your ex realizes 5 months, 8 months, 3 months, whatever, down the road, what a mistake she (he) made, and contacts you up professing this. what now? i know many of you (maybe even me, hence why i said i don't know what i believe yet), esp if still reeling from BU/still have them on that same pedestal, will take them back (assuming work is put in from partner etc.). cool.

 

BUT, why?? why let these ppl back?? what exactly has changed in those 5, 8, 3 months?? let's pretend they dated someone (b/c honestly i feel the majority of dumpers would take that opportunity if they found someone they were into post BU). so for all those months, they felt that we were over and done with. they felt content that we were not 'the ones' they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. they dated someone else, and were cute with someone else, and were intimate/f***ed someone else, thinking THEY might become the ones they want to spend the rest of their lives with. they're very happy. that is until, things obviously don't work out with new relationship. maybe they get dumped. in any event, they didn't work out.

 

so after some time to reflect, they realize all of a sudden that we WERE the ones?? really?? nothing has changed, other than their life post break-up didn't turn out to be much happier afterall. but like, other than that, it's not like WE changed into different ppl. so if they decide to want to try again with us, doesn't that sort of say they are willing to settle?? when how many months ago, they were SURE that they needed more from a life partner than us?? they had decided that we weren't good enough for them. but now, just b/c their life didn't pan out how they'd hoped, we suddenly are good enough??

 

i'm very skeptical, i'm sorry. my ex has chosen to date and find a loving relationship with another man, when she knew i wanted to keep working on us. if things don't work out with that guy, i'm sorry, but how am i supposed to take her back?? imo, my gut tells me it's permanently damaged. sure she can come back begging, but it's already broken. you don't just breakup with your dream-man/girl. you just don't. sure you can come back later and settle for the next best thing, but we'll never be their dream-like/fantasy partners. never.

 

 

i say this even with parents, who've been married for close to 40 years, but my dad broke up with my mom for 5+ months (strict NC...which was easy back then without any technology) when they were quite serious. he happened to run into her in the mall 5 months later...and from there they started hanging out again/dating. 40 years later they're still going strong.

 

BUT...there's a large part of me that truly feels my dad never found his dream girl, and settled for my mom. the way he explains marriage, is all about being best friends etc. he's often told me that it wasn't about finding the most attractive girl (which it's not, no doubt), it's about finding your life partner/best friend. i get that, i do. but what if my dad never ran into my mom that day randomly? they might not have ever seen eachother again. i don't know...i just feel like from everything my dad's told me, he's obviously happy with my mom, but i get the sense that a part of him hasn't been satisfied (not going to go into details, or stories as to what's made me feel that way, def no cheating or anything, but that's the vibe i get).

 

 

bottom line...to finally wrap this up lol...is how can you ever feel like their dreamman/girl if they had to come back to you after they were sure you WEREN'T that person. i mean what if they had found someone that they realy clicked with, that made them forget about us, instead of not having the best experiences post breakup. i just feel like once it's been broken, it's broken forever.

 

like i said, i'm not 100% stuck in that belief, but yes, that's what dominates my mind. i'm def open to hear counter-arguments, and open to believe otherwise, and that ppl grow, and learn (maybe they realized that they were being unrealistic and didn't realize how good they had it), but how can you ever know? it will always feel like they're just settling b/c things didn't work out for them post BU.

 

But what if they weren't super sure of the breakup. What if- at the time of the breakup, the breakup is what they thought they wanted but weren't 100% certain. I'm thinking for many cases people aren't dead set on their decision. Things get hard, they think they can find someone better suited but as times go on they realize that what they had with you was quite special and unique?

 

This is another reason why I think NC helps because obviously you wouldn't want to take them back and get dumped again. NC allows the dumper time to analyze their decision and what they want. It allows people to grow up and work on their flaws.

 

In my case my ex had really high expectations of what he wants in a gf. He's from an extremely small town where the women took care of the men. He seemed to be conflicted by his love for me and the idea of what he thought a relationship should be. He got mad at me for not being more of a mommy type and less of a true partner. He wanted me to cook, clean, and take care of him. He thought that during the days he could go hang out with the boys and should be able to come home to a cooked dinner on the table and the house spotless.

 

So in this situation he might reflect on his expectations of a gf. He *might* realize that in this day and age most people are looking for a companion. Not a caregiver. He dumped me because I was so unlike the women from his town (I have a business degree, am driven, and expect to spend quality time with my man). This is speculation more than anything because the minute he dumped me (mid fight) I went NC on his a**. He contacted me once or twice but I ignored it because quite frankly Im tired of being treated like I'm 60 years old.

 

In order for us to get back together he would have to make changes. Not just me. I did some stuff that I regret, and I would have to make changes within myself so that it would never happen again. NC allows for self reflection whereas I don't think LC would work quite the same.

 

Does them wanting you back after time apart mean that they feel they are settling? I don't necessarily think so. You just have to grow as a person and better yourself and figure out the things that are most important to you. My ex may never ever come back. That's how I'm taking things. I'm moving on and bettering myself every day. I hope he does the same and if he as the dumper decides to break NC and ask for a second change I will have to decide that at that time. It comforts me to know that the only constant in life is change. It's unhealthy to hold onto hope tho so as the dumpees I think we have to move on to better ourselves and be better prepared if they do contact us in the future.

[travelonic]

But what if they weren't super sure of the breakup. What if- at the time of the breakup, the breakup is what they thought they wanted but weren't 100% certain. I'm thinking for many cases people aren't dead set on their decision. Things get hard, they think they can find someone better suited but as times go on they realize that what they had with you was quite special and unique?

 

A very valid situation, IMO - hence why you can not look at it like some do, "oh they dumped you, why want them back" in a way where it implies it was always the dumper being an ass and not eve a case of needing to grow.

 

This is why I HATE when blanket statements implying it has to be one way, or another, and only said way. Ignores other reasonably existent circumstances, situations.

[singme2sleep]

Ok, this is going to sound like I'm contradicting myself from another thread, but...

 

I do agree that every breakup is unique and it's not black and white about getting back together/not getting back together. But sometimes the dumpee takes a step back and just feels like they are waiting for something that might never happen. Does the boomerang always return? Or maybe it isn't a boomerang at all?!

 

For me I think that what we had was great, and it was special but he still walked away so don't I need to face reality? Yes you can move on and still hold a tiny bit if hope in the back of your heart but every day that he doesn't text, doesn't call, doesn't email, doesn't come back...I feel lower and lower. So I want to hope but I also want to not feel this miserable all the time. Doesn't that mean I have to look at it in a pessimistic way in order to not go crazy???

[travelonic]

Ok, this is going to sound like I'm contradicting myself from another thread, but...

 

I do agree that every breakup is unique and it's not black and white about getting back together/not getting back together. But sometimes the dumpee takes a step back and just feels like they are waiting for something that might never happen. Does the boomerang always return? Or maybe it isn't a boomerang at all??

 

The way you stated it, unlike others here have, seems to continue to acknowledge that it is a "sometimes" and not an "always," so I do not see it as contradictory really.