Author singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Travel- I agree. Sometimes two people need a lot of time to improve themselves and figure out what they want. Now I'm not saying that the dumpee should necessarily sit around and wait, but I believe two people can spend time apart and then come back together if its meant to be. Getting back together too soon, can actually lessen the chances of it working out in the long run. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Travel- I agree. Sometimes two people need a lot of time to improve themselves and figure out what they want. Now I'm not saying that the dumpee should necessarily sit around and wait, but I believe two people can spend time apart and then come back together if its meant to be. Getting back together too soon, can actually lessen the chances of it working out in the long run. I def agree... I remember my dad telling me about the time he and my mom broke up. I think she got upset at him and ended things. they went their separate ways and in that time my dad dated a woman for 9 months. 3 months after that RS he saw my mom at his aunt's funeral, and they decided to give it another shot.. In total it took about an entire year for them to reunite, and they'e been together ever since haha so yeah I believe time is very important. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 There are couples that breakup and eventually realize they want what they had. And it has nothing to do with settling, it's just seeing that person can't be replaced. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 There are couples that breakup and eventually realize they want what they had. And it has nothing to do with settling, it's just seeing that person can't be replaced. I think I was easily replaced lol. My ex's new gf is so similar to me in so many ways...its scary. But she isn't me, and my ex will realize that if he hasn't already. I think if we were left for someone else there I sales us going to be something your ex misses about you that they can't seem to find in the new person . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I think I was easily replaced lol. My ex's new gf is so similar to me in so many ways...its scary. But she isn't me, and my ex will realize that if he hasn't already. I think if we were left for someone else there I sales us going to be something your ex misses about you that they can't seem to find in the new person . Sorry for the mistakes. I'm typing on my phone "I think if we were left for someone else there is always going to be..." Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 At what point do you remain in contact for? Until you go on dates with their new gf/ bf? Until you get a restraining order like some other posters? Link to post Share on other sites
travelonic Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 At what point do you remain in contact for? Until you go on dates with their new gf/ bf? Until you get a restraining order like some other posters? Now that **I** know for myself what to do based on the stuff I've been going through, I'd go NC after the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
MovingOn2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 A part of me is still in the shock phase. I think back on the good times and can't believe we're in "this place" now. Like it was just yesterday we were laying in bed talking about names for our future children. I've always considered myself to be an excellent judge of character, I know when I'm being lied to. Everything in me felt he was sincere and wanted the same. Was I blinded by love? Maybe I only saw what I wanted to see... Ever thought he might be a narc? I think mine was as how easy they can just 'change' but the change is the real them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 At what point do you remain in contact for? Until you go on dates with their new gf/ bf? Until you get a restraining order like some other posters? Who are you addressing this to? Link to post Share on other sites
Bluerain Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I was dumped for a woman he met 3 weeks prior I later learned...after almost 18 years together! I went strict NC ...10 months now. A massive chunk of my life, 18 years of history...and just tossed aside like garbage. Does he ever think of me..maybe, but the bottom line is he wasn't in love with me anymore...totally blindsided me as he was always so loving and caring to me. Has his heart grown fonder, I doubt it as he's probably having the time of his life.....I wish I could erase the memories as quickly! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lovnlost Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 It's just a shame when love becomes the sacrifice made. I do not think it is the love that is sacrificed but the investment of who were are in the relationship. This is re-evaluated in ways and then an assessment is made and an action carried out for it. In my case, a stupid one. I let go of someone wonderful....though I did not lose my love for her. It grew ,coincidentally, for her. And time apart, is what may be needed as we are younger than sticking it out. We must consider what we have witnessed with our own parents and how healthy were they growing up? What tendencies did we carrry on from the them? We younger generation is bent on immediate satisfactions from marriage to divorce, everything has a fix in a relationship with an outside means. What we are doing is forgetting how to honest to ourselves, communicate with each other, our own hearts and then proceed. I see it less and less these days in conversations I overhear on campus, relationships I have observed and watching chemistry. Its fascninating really. Ok....enough of a tangent for me. Sorry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mmsr1992 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Yes it does happen. #1) My cousin and her boyfriend of a year got back together after 2 months of NC. He was the dumper and wanted her back. Been back together for 5 months now. #2) My friend and her boyfriend of 2 years broke up, she was the dumper. They both went for rebounds and 3 months later they are now together again. #3) A couple I went to high school with dated for 3 years, broke up for 4 months NC, 1 month of LC. Got back together. That was 3 years ago and they are now engaged. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Lovnlost- Don't apologize, you're very insightful about love it seems. Have you had an contact with your ex recently? The other day I came across a thread about rebounds and it reminded me of your situation. Mm- I think you're right too, and I appreciate the hopeful stories Link to post Share on other sites
lovnlost Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 No I have had no more contact from her....Dont expect I will yet for a while. Someone close to her told me she has had no updates of any kind on FB after I blocked her. I do know what this means. That person seems to think she may not be having any fun, but who the hell knows. My interpretations of things aren't very strong from my position I feel. I saw a thread on rebounds too which lent hope to me as well....but time is the variable. Day by day. I am getting tired though. Tired of being hopeful and the life. Somedays I am very much so....others I am not. All the while trying to put it behind me. Its an odd predicament to be in. But I am moving forward I suppose....just not fully moving on it seems yet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Lovnlost- Lately I've been feeling that this site is confusing me more than helping me. With every post I read, I unconsciously change my opinion, which doesn't do me any good... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Who are you addressing this to? Just people in general. No one in particular. Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Yes it does happen. #1) My cousin and her boyfriend of a year got back together after 2 months of NC. He was the dumper and wanted her back. Been back together for 5 months now. #2) My friend and her boyfriend of 2 years broke up, she was the dumper. They both went for rebounds and 3 months later they are now together again. #3) A couple I went to high school with dated for 3 years, broke up for 4 months NC, 1 month of LC. Got back together. That was 3 years ago and they are now engaged. See. I think last exes seem to come back in a 3-4 month period.. I could have sworn my ex was going to come back to me by month 3 because I guess his new gf was getting upset..she had a feeling he still loved me, but I guess he did something to change her mind... They're already almost together for 5 months lol.. We'll see. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pisces13 Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Lovnlost- Lately I've been feeling that this site is confusing me more than helping me. With every post I read, I unconsciously change my opinion, which doesn't do me any good... I think it is good to get opinions on your situation, and to see what other people have gone through, it somewhat helps with dealing with it all, but the way I look at it is, at the end of the day, it is your relationship, and only you know what the other person is really like etc. You can come on here asking for opinions and all of that, but I think you're going to get a lot of "tough love" from people who don't really know anything about your particular circumstance, no matter what you tell them. If that makes sense... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 I think it is good to get opinions on your situation, and to see what other people have gone through, it somewhat helps with dealing with it all, but the way I look at it is, at the end of the day, it is your relationship, and only you know what the other person is really like etc. You can come on here asking for opinions and all of that, but I think you're going to get a lot of "tough love" from people who don't really know anything about your particular circumstance, no matter what you tell them. If that makes sense... I think you're absolutely right! Link to post Share on other sites
witmadskilllz Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 See. I think last exes seem to come back in a 3-4 month period.. I could have sworn my ex was going to come back to me by month 3 because I guess his new gf was getting upset..she had a feeling he still loved me, but I guess he did something to change her mind... They're already almost together for 5 months lol.. We'll see. My ex is still with her rebound for 2years + and ongoing. I'm still going strong NC. Life is can be bitter sweet sometimes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bloodystool Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I know people who have reunited after a break up and are still together but I know people who haven't. NC should be used as means of healing, period. If used for anything else, it called "playing games" and sooner or later, she will tired of it. Only when you don't have "feelings" for her should you come out of NC and make first contact. From then, it's all about showing her the new you by going out for a drink once in a while. Be there for her but don't be there all the time. If she thinks she has you in tow, you're done. Be independent but friendly. This may or may not work. It has worked for me but in the end, we didn't get back together. I sure hurt myself a lot in the process too... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 I'm grateful for everyone's feedback. I'm not saying that it's definite either way. One cannot say they always come back, or they always don't because people are unique and circumstances are different. I once had an ex contact me 5 months after I broke up with HIM, asking if I wanted to meet for coffee. I politely declined going, because the reason I originally ended things was simply to the fact that I didn't love him. did you love him at all when you were together? BrokenMan- No. He jerked me around and played too many games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 I know people who have reunited after a break up and are still together but I know people who haven't. NC should be used as means of healing, period. If used for anything else, it called "playing games" and sooner or later, she will tired of it. Only when you don't have "feelings" for her should you come out of NC and make first contact. From then, it's all about showing her the new you by going out for a drink once in a while. Be there for her but don't be there all the time. If she thinks she has you in tow, you're done. Be independent but friendly. This may or may not work. It has worked for me but in the end, we didn't get back together. I sure hurt myself a lot in the process too... Are you saying that male dumpers don't resurface or make any contact until their feelings for you are gone? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pisces13 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) At what point do you remain in contact for? Until you go on dates with their new gf/ bf? Until you get a restraining order like some other posters? Just as communication is critical during the relationship, I also think it is just as important after it also. In my case, me and my ex girlfriend (who broke up with me 3 weeks ago) had an amicable breakup, and we both promised each other we would remain in each others lives as friends, as we have a special bond that we both acknowledge. We have spoken about it, and told each other that even when we do get new partners, it will be made clear to them about our past together, and if they don't like it, well too bad. That being said, it's easy to say that sort of thing now, that could all very well change 6 months down the track, you just don't know. I'm a very intuitive sort of person though, and I have a strong feeling that even though we've broken up, I'm going to remain in her life for a long time to come. Edited April 1, 2013 by Pisces13 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Just as communication is critical during the relationship, I also think it is just as important after it also. In my case, me and my ex girlfriend (who broke up with me 3 weeks ago) had an amicable breakup, and we both promised each other we would remain in each others lives as friends, as we have a special bond that we both acknowledge. We have spoken about it, and told each other that even when we do get new partners, it will be made clear to them about our past together, and if they don't like it, well too bad. That being said, it's easy to say that sort of thing now, that could all very well change 6 months down the track, you just don't know. I'm a very intuitive sort of person though, and I have a strong feeling that even though we've broken up, I'm going to remain in her life for a long time to come. And you think that this is normal and healty?? I dont know how anyone who has a deep romantic affection for another go immediately into a friendzone. Plus, how are you going to feel when she is out banging some new guy? I just font see it. Also, who would want to date someone who has a close "friend" relationship with an ex love? Just doesnt make sense to me... TFOY Link to post Share on other sites
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