ColdEggNog Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 My entire life has been plagued with self-doubt and trust issues. This goes as far back as my early teens, where my home life wasn't exactly its greatest and I hung out with "friends" who were a little less than supportive. I could go into more details, but those aren't super critical right now. I always undersell myself. I randomly have spells where I feel like everybody is against me, for no reason, and I close myself off when I feel like I'm not wanted (whether or not there is reason). I always wonder which of my friends are "true" friends. Even my close friends don't know much about me because I'm scared of opening up. I'm usually outgoing, but in serious discussions or in meetings I fall silent because I'm afraid of being judged. When something's wrong, I pretend that nothing's wrong because I feel like I'm being a burden to anyone I vent to. I know these behaviors aren't conducive of social relationships, but that's just how I'm wired. I want to love myself and get over these issues, but I don't know how. It has recently gotten worse. I've signed up to see a therapist to see if I can get to the root of my problems, but I don't know what else to do. I've tried confiding in a couple of my good friends about my problems recently, and it helps temporarily, but after another week or so, I fall apart again. Does anybody here understand where I'm coming from? I'm tried of feeling so crummy, but I don't know what else to do right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Esoteric Elf Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Does anybody here understand where I'm coming from? I'm tried of feeling so crummy, but I don't know what else to do right now. Yea, I do. I am a proclaimed self-hater, but, lately, more and more I have just turned to self-apathy. I am aware of my existence, but I hardly acknowledge it as such. I used to hate myself so much, I would get angry and nearly cry from having to be me, but that was many many years ago. Many people I have heard say something akin to, "you need to love yourself", but this is rather fallacious if one has had little more than criticism, mocking, jeering, pestering, put-downs, and nothing encouraging all his life. A pattern begins to emerge in our minds. I have to apologize in saying that I have little to suggest. In my own experience, as aforementioned, hate turned to apathy, and although I do get self-hate situations every so often, I am largely devoid of care for that person I call myself. What I would suggest is to realize this world is full of people who care for you if the situation is right and full likewise of people who do not care regardless of situation. Meeting those people will make the years of struggle and loveless loneliness seem like nothing, if you do meet with those people. Link to post Share on other sites
Bengal Tiger Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 One simple thing to do as a start would be to count your blessings. Make a list of the good things in your life that you are grateful for and focus on the positive. If you are good at something or have something you like, do you want more of that? And it is a deadly mistake to blame others for anything you don't like. As soon as I took responsibility for my ****ty decisions I felt that if I got myself here than I can get myself out. It works wonders on making me feel more empowered and in control of my life. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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