Catplates Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 YOu have done well but it's very early days yet. Just imagine him holding his wife's hand.... that should do it! Cat Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 YOu have done well but it's very early days yet. Just imagine him holding his wife's hand.... that should do it! Cat \ See, this doesn’t work for me personally. If he holds his wife’s hand (and I don’t think he does, but if he DOES…) I’m ok with that because it still doesn’t alter how he felt for ME in the A. I hold my partner’s hand regularly and I still loved my ex-MM deeply and wanted to be with him. The two aren’t mutually exclusive to me DEPENDING of course what you want from the A. And THIS is where my reasoning comes in – that even if he holds his wife’s hand and still loves you or truly loved you in the A, SO WHAT? It would STILL just be an A, and you STILL would not properly be together. And THIS is why contacting him is fruitless. Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Duplicate................. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillyfree Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 So…were you hoping he WOULD move or was the fact he was moving part of the reason your relationship ended?? hi stevie... missed this one i've ended it before i knew he was moving. he talked about it for a while, wasn't happy where he lived or with the current job. also, he said he missed his family and friends who are all here. so i encouraged him to make a change and move. he also had another option to go to yet another state, so even though i hoped he would pick where i lived i hadn't told him so. i was just trying to be supportive and encouraging to make a move that would be good for him both happiness and career wise, no matter where it was. by that time i found that i just couldn't keep going. i felt so guilty about what i was doing, and i tried to bring it up but he would say 'oh, yes i'm very good at being sneaky' or 'i can be both naughty and nice'. he started talking about his gf more and more, and though he wasn't directly saying bad things about her, he'd say 'she's gagging to come along' (about the move) or 'SHE's snoring, so i can finally talk to you'... just examples. i felt awful for her. that she was committed to him, yet he disrespected her so much. i know i've done the same to my husband by having an A, but i've never said a bad word about him. every time he spoke about her that way it hurt as if he were saying it about me. so everything started to go south... final straw was when he was telling me how it's going to be good to message me for 'some fun' when he's in town. that was my F-U moment. in a sea of other moments when he made me feel like cr@p. i knew i just couldn't take it any more, i was a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillyfree Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am putting my hand up for this one.... two years. Reunions... wellll about 3. i was hoping it would be less than that - after all, i've only known him for less than a year... sigh. YOu have done well but it's very early days yet. Just imagine him holding his wife's hand.... that should do it! Cat that does help. that and reminding myself that i've promised my husband i will not speak to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillyfree Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 You're 4 months in to healing, you haven't even begun to scratch the surface to heal properly. You will be up and down like this for a long time. Cut yourself a break. thanks RF. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 \ See, this doesn’t work for me personally. If he holds his wife’s hand (and I don’t think he does, but if he DOES…) I’m ok with that because it still doesn’t alter how he felt for ME in the A. I hold my partner’s hand regularly and I still loved my ex-MM deeply and wanted to be with him. The two aren’t mutually exclusive to me DEPENDING of course what you want from the A. And THIS is where my reasoning comes in – that even if he holds his wife’s hand and still loves you or truly loved you in the A, SO WHAT? It would STILL just be an A, and you STILL would not properly be together. And THIS is why contacting him is fruitless. Stevie- Part of healing is accepting reality. you have never even been in the same room as your MM. You have no idea if he holds her hand or not. Sunset's post was smart and right on. You would do well to read it repeatedly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillyfree Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 to clarify... i realise i've painted OM in quite a bad light. he's very intelligent, he used to challenge me and make me laugh. it wasn't all bad. for a while he made me happy. that's why i stuck around for as long as i did, i thought then and still do that he'd be worth the trouble. it's just that he didn't love me or his gf. i guess one day when he does find a girl he can honestly love, she'll be a very lucky one. Link to post Share on other sites
stevie_23 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Stevie- Part of healing is accepting reality. you have never even been in the same room as your MM. You have no idea if he holds her hand or not. Sunset's post was smart and right on. You would do well to read it repeatedly. I know. It was a good post, but I just meant for ME it is irrelevant if my ex-MM holds his wife's hand or not. As I said, if I hold my partner's hand it doesn't mean I didn't love and want to be with my ex-MM. My reality is that being in an A, generally it's not going to end well. Holding hands or not, they're with their wife and not you. Unless they leave their wife, it's always going to be an A, and that pretty much sucks a lot of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 BE STRONG LILLY! Don't hit Send...then you'll have to start counting your NC days from 0 after a solid 3.5 stretch. I went to IC today and let it all out on how awful these past 2 weeks have been. She said grieving will come in waves and to keep trying to focus on the present. This weekend xMM and I were supposed to spend 4 days at an industry event (that we were both attending optionally just to see each other) Its also his Ws birthday and I KNOW there are going to be pics on social media but I am not going to torture myself. Are you up for some friendly competition? Lets see who can go the longest! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillyfree Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 BE STRONG LILLY! Don't hit Send...then you'll have to start counting your NC days from 0 after a solid 3.5 stretch. I went to IC today and let it all out on how awful these past 2 weeks have been. She said grieving will come in waves and to keep trying to focus on the present. This weekend xMM and I were supposed to spend 4 days at an industry event (that we were both attending optionally just to see each other) Its also his Ws birthday and I KNOW there are going to be pics on social media but I am not going to torture myself. Are you up for some friendly competition? Lets see who can go the longest! haha, you've got yourself a deal! oh, and i'll be honest and admit it's really 2 solid months. we texted on boxing day. i broke NC Link to post Share on other sites
MyAngel Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 You're not an idiot for still feeling this way. You were in love and when someone is in love, it's not a feeling that can disappear overnight, no matter how much you'd like it to. You've been doing so well with NC. Keep it up. Eventually it will hurt less and less and you'll start to feel some of yourself come through again. It's not easy and so many of us here are in the same boat. Stay strong and don't worry about how long it's been (almost 3 months for me and I'm still very affected) just worry about yourself and healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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