Porn again!! But not the norm!

[realmity]

Getting back to the porn thing. The difference is that I don't mind porn and I know my boyfriend loves it. We have been together for nearly four years. My problem: he isn't comfortable to share.

 

I have tried to convince him for two years that I enjoy it and watch it when I want to. He just clammers up and go into defensive mode. I want a relationship that is entirely open.

 

I have waited for two years for some change. I don't want him to give it up or anything, just once in a while why not watch a dvd or something.

[uriel]

Maybe he associates it solely with masturbation, which may be a very private (and embarrassing) thing for him. Why not offer to pleasure him during the viewing? That often brings a guy around .

 

-- uriel

[faux]

Originally posted by uriel

Maybe he associates it solely with masturbation, which may be a very private (and embarrassing) thing for him. Why not offer to pleasure him during the viewing? That often brings a guy around .

 

-- uriel

 

Agreed. Although I have, and will watch pornographic movies with girlfriends, I tend to associate it with that very special private time — The special private time that is for me, and me alone. Another idea is, if you are into it, making your own home movies. A lot of people don't tend to want to see themselves on film, but I rather like it.

[Breathe]

I get what your saying here. My SO attends strip clubs but when I tell him I want to go with him - hell we can get lap dances together - he's against it. Maybe he is afraid that I will see how much he enjoys other woman or that I will get mad. I've communicated with him that this wouldn't be the case, but he doesn't feel couples should attend strip clubs or even that women other than the strippers should be there. He'll watch porn with me, but maybe it's an issue with the public thing of it. Don't know...

 

Maybe if you start the movie, get him in the mood to watch it with you and have sex while watching it would help him with the idea of it. Sure people watch porn in privacy to masterbate, but having actual sex while watching porn can be that much more exciting!

[uriel]

Well -- and faux's post makes me also think that porn for him may be a time to fantasize other women, to get the variety he's craving. If you're there, the fantasy gets broken up. He's got to think about you (your needs, feelings, desires) instead of just this purely physical, purely fantasy experience that's all about his getting off.

 

So, you may also want to let him know that even though you'd like to try this together, it's still okay for him to have his private time with it.

 

-- uriel

[realmity]

I have tried to get the point across that he doesn't have to give it up or only watch it with me. I only want to join in sometimes, which, yes, would mean actually having sex or whatever he would like.

 

I am 22 and I am supposed to be experimenting with sex and having a great time with my partner or whatever the stiuation may be. I see whatever sexual relationship I have with anyone, that I would be able to discuss and experience anything. For it to be such an issue, is my problem. I have tried to suggest many a thing to incorporate into our relationship and he says yes, but nothing ever will happen.

 

I would initiate things, however I am scared of his reactions.

 

There is an age gap and I feel that my openess scares him sometimes. I was not brought up the same way (like in most cases) and he tries to use that as a scape goat.

[The_Analyzer]

Just my 2 cents, but maybe its the kind of porn he is watching. Maybe he feels embarrassed by it and thats why he doesn't care for you to join him. What kind is he looking at? Men and women? Just men? Teens? I'm not saying thats the problem, just meaning its a possibilty thats why he doesn't want you to join in. Good luck.