dustpull Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 So I've been FWBing with this guy for a month and we've had sex twice. Met him online and basically he told me rigt off the bat he wanted to hook up. I also was looking for that and didnt expect anyhing more. When we met up, we got along really great, both sexually and nonsexually. We would talk more than an hour and make out and have sex, he came like three times (sorry if its TMI) on both occassions, he kept telling me how i was amazing and whatnot. Thefirst night we hooked up he asked me if i wanted to be his FWB so i accepted it. After the first night i initially grew feelings towards him right away i have no idea why, but i brushed it off quickly because when we texted after the sex, he told me how hes not rdy for a rltnship and how im not ready too and when the time comes ill find a great guy (i told him about my ex) So then weeks later after the first hookup he texted me again, telling me hr wants to see me again. Took us like 1-2 weeks to finally see each other after back and forth messaging I finally saw him again mondy night. He was much more comfortable witth me this time around, we both had drinks before we hooked up. This time it involves alot of kissing and we also held hands at some point whn we were having sex. After the sex we both kissed and hugged each other, he told me goodbye. When i was walking downstairs he whistled to me and waved goodbye again, which i found cute. It was 1:40am and as soon as i got out of his apt he texted me thanking me for coming. He told me to text him when i got home, so i texted him at 2:50 am, i did NOT expect a reply whatsoever cause for sure i thought he was exhausted, a bit tipsy still and already passed out. But nope a minute after i texted him he replied back telling me he stayed awake and waited for me to text him to make sure i got home safe. Then we exchanged a few messages and he kept tellin me how great i was and finally he said goodnight with a kiss. Just last night he texted me again out of the blue, kinda joking about how he was sorefrom the sex still cause he came three times, and we talked for a bit.. And i asked him to hang out on friday he said for sure, and he said he'll bring his best friend to meet me. So i dont know.. I really do like him as a person more thansex cause we both get along amazingly well, theres NEVER an awkward or uncomfortable moment with him.. Should i just brush off these feelings or go with the flow? Is there even hope? Please give me some advice or share me ur story if u can relate thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 So I've been FWBing with this guy for a month and we've had sex twice. Met him online and basically he told me rigt off the bat he wanted to hook up. I also was looking for that and didnt expect anyhing more. When we met up, we got along really great, both sexually and nonsexually. We would talk more than an hour and make out and have sex, he came like three times (sorry if its TMI) on both occassions, he kept telling me how i was amazing and whatnot. Thefirst night we hooked up he asked me if i wanted to be his FWB so i accepted it. After the first night i initially grew feelings towards him right away i have no idea why, but i brushed it off quickly because when we texted after the sex, he told me how hes not rdy for a rltnship and how im not ready too and when the time comes ill find a great guy (i told him about my ex) So then weeks later after the first hookup he texted me again, telling me hr wants to see me again. Took us like 1-2 weeks to finally see each other after back and forth messaging I finally saw him again mondy night. He was much more comfortable witth me this time around, we both had drinks before we hooked up. This time it involves alot of kissing and we also held hands at some point whn we were having sex. After the sex we both kissed and hugged each other, he told me goodbye. When i was walking downstairs he whistled to me and waved goodbye again, which i found cute. It was 1:40am and as soon as i got out of his apt he texted me thanking me for coming. He told me to text him when i got home, so i texted him at 2:50 am, i did NOT expect a reply whatsoever cause for sure i thought he was exhausted, a bit tipsy still and already passed out. But nope a minute after i texted him he replied back telling me he stayed awake and waited for me to text him to make sure i got home safe. Then we exchanged a few messages and he kept tellin me how great i was and finally he said goodnight with a kiss. Just last night he texted me again out of the blue, kinda joking about how he was sorefrom the sex still cause he came three times, and we talked for a bit.. And i asked him to hang out on friday he said for sure, and he said he'll bring his best friend to meet me. So i dont know.. I really do like him as a person more thansex cause we both get along amazingly well, theres NEVER an awkward or uncomfortable moment with him.. Should i just brush off these feelings or go with the flow? Is there even hope? Please give me some advice or share me ur story if u can relate thanks! From the details you've given, I see there being a chance. Sex brings out a lot of feelings because it's such an emotional act ...a lot of times unless you're really only looking for hook-ups you'll eventually start to feel attraction to the other person. Go with the flow and see what happens. Who knows! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dustpull Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 But i think most of the time the girl in the FWB is the one who usually grows more feelings.. is it possible that the guy grow feelings too? i mean out of all the hookups ive had, hes the only person whos even done these things to me. he even wants to hang out with me and dance with me, and grab drinks etc. idk.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bool_83 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Go with the flow and see what happens. Who knows! Completely agree! It does sound as if you are having a lot of fun together and there is definitely the potential for it to become more then just a regular hook-up. And it is absolutely possible for the man to develop those love-dovey feelings as well If you're really curious as to how he feels, you could be direct and ask. Otherwise, I'd suggest asking him to a non-hook up related activities and gauge his reaction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 If a guy tells you he is NOT ready for a relationship, you should believe him. He is most likely telling you the truth. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, of course he does. And especially if sex is great. Just not that way. It is really easy for guys to dissociate feelings and sex, unlike for girls. And think about things from his perspective: he obviously likes sleeping with you and ideally, would like to keep sleeping with you some more. How does he ensure that happens? By treating you nice and not like a piece of meat. All women like to be treated nicely. He is only being NICE, he is not inlove, he is not your bf. Because you are the woman, you need to be in control and be extra aware of the reality. The reality is he already told you the truth. So you need to act based on that piece of information. Can it not evolve into smth more? It is possible, but not very probable. Be very very much aware of that. If he calls you to talk, if he tells you to come over and not jump on you, if he asks you questions and wants to get to know you, your day, your friends, your life... yes, then you may be onto something. A guy texting back to make sure you got home safely after giving him 3 orgasms is pure curtesy, not a display of interest or feelings. stay in this thing only as much as you are having fun. if you feel you are getting attached, then you are breaching your initial agreement and should dump him. if you stay with him, hoping he might change his mind, he might develop feelings, you are doing 2 things: wasting your time and developing feelings. Both these things will penalize you on the long term. My 2 cents, anyway 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MJGeorgia Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 My ex-boyfriend & I started out being fwb. He said he was not ready for a relationship due to his ex-fiance leaving him. Three months after being fwb we became a couple. I was with him as his girlfriend for three months when I broke up with him. I broke up with him due to the fact he has a horrible drinking problem and refuses to admit it. With him staying awake and making sure you got home ok I would say it is a sign he might be wanting a relationship with you. Just take it nice and slow let him make the moves. That's what I did with my ex-boyfriend. If he just wanted to be fwb then he wouldn't have stayed awake to see if you got home ok. This is just my opinion because I felt the exact same way about my ex-boyfriend wondering if a fwb could turn into something more. I hope for you that it does turn into a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dustpull Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 My ex-boyfriend & I started out being fwb. He said he was not ready for a relationship due to his ex-fiance leaving him. Three months after being fwb we became a couple. I was with him as his girlfriend for three months when I broke up with him. I broke up with him due to the fact he has a horrible drinking problem and refuses to admit it. With him staying awake and making sure you got home ok I would say it is a sign he might be wanting a relationship with you. Just take it nice and slow let him make the moves. That's what I did with my ex-boyfriend. If he just wanted to be fwb then he wouldn't have stayed awake to see if you got home ok. This is just my opinion because I felt the exact same way about my ex-boyfriend wondering if a fwb could turn into something more. I hope for you that it does turn into a relationship. I've actually read alot of posts about FWBs turning into relationships.. ive heard many who say that their relationship starts with FWB... But I don't want to get my hopes up. There are a few cons with this guy too. First of all he doesn't text me often. He would text me 2-3 days then disappear for a week or two, then message me again. I asked him to hang out with me last night 4 days ago, and we never texted each other after that. He's a really sweet guy though, and I'm sure he likes me to a certain degree. Forget it , I think I'm thinking too much. I'm just going to see other guys But thanks for the insight guys! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dustpull Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 If a guy tells you he is NOT ready for a relationship, you should believe him. He is most likely telling you the truth. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, of course he does. And especially if sex is great. Just not that way. It is really easy for guys to dissociate feelings and sex, unlike for girls. And think about things from his perspective: he obviously likes sleeping with you and ideally, would like to keep sleeping with you some more. How does he ensure that happens? By treating you nice and not like a piece of meat. All women like to be treated nicely. He is only being NICE, he is not inlove, he is not your bf. Because you are the woman, you need to be in control and be extra aware of the reality. The reality is he already told you the truth. So you need to act based on that piece of information. Can it not evolve into smth more? It is possible, but not very probable. Be very very much aware of that. If he calls you to talk, if he tells you to come over and not jump on you, if he asks you questions and wants to get to know you, your day, your friends, your life... yes, then you may be onto something. A guy texting back to make sure you got home safely after giving him 3 orgasms is pure curtesy, not a display of interest or feelings. stay in this thing only as much as you are having fun. if you feel you are getting attached, then you are breaching your initial agreement and should dump him. if you stay with him, hoping he might change his mind, he might develop feelings, you are doing 2 things: wasting your time and developing feelings. Both these things will penalize you on the long term. My 2 cents, anyway I'm taking your advice, thanks It just sucks when you find someone who you get along really well (physically and mentally) and it turns out to be a disappointment.. It's like you're starting all over again.. I know there's 'plenty of fish' out there, but I think I'm running out of bait 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Dustpull, if you're not getting what you want and you're in a hurry to find a real relationship, then I'd definitely suggest moving on. However, if you're just taking it easy for the time being, and enjoying yourself... why not just see where it goes? My boyfriend and I started out as friends. We both kept saying the same thing that we weren't ready for a relationship but then progressed into FWB, and 4 months after we started, we became a couple. We're moving in together next week, and we've been together for around 10 months now. Just saying... -A 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dustpull Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 Dustpull, if you're not getting what you want and you're in a hurry to find a real relationship, then I'd definitely suggest moving on. However, if you're just taking it easy for the time being, and enjoying yourself... why not just see where it goes? My boyfriend and I started out as friends. We both kept saying the same thing that we weren't ready for a relationship but then progressed into FWB, and 4 months after we started, we became a couple. We're moving in together next week, and we've been together for around 10 months now. Just saying... -A How often do you guys contact each other? Is it normal that he would text me 2-3 days then disappear for a week or two then contact me again? I rarely initiate though. And it's complicated cause I met him online, so we started out as sex partners right away instead of friends. Well we can talk like friends but it focuses mainly on sex. It's only been a month btw.. Maybe im just overthinking it? I just wih he would message me more often.. Haha Link to post Share on other sites
Seductive Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 But i think most of the time the girl in the FWB is the one who usually grows more feelings.. is it possible that the guy grow feelings too? Absolutely! Men falling in love will not always verbally tell you. You can tell by their actions. A man may not be ready for a relationship, but that doesn't mean he can control when he falls in love. I think it's possible to be in love with someone, but feel too insecure and scared to go further. Men can be more scared of getting hurt than women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dustpull Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 Absolutely! Men falling in love will not always verbally tell you. You can tell by their actions. A man may not be ready for a relationship, but that doesn't mean he can control when he falls in love. I think it's possible to be in love with someone, but feel too insecure and scared to go further. Men can be more scared of getting hurt than women. sometimes u cant even judge based on their actions cause some players know what theyre doing lol Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Very rarely. FWB are usually very self-serving arrangements. Sometimes people will develop feelings but only rarely. I have tried FWB with women before and ended up disgusted with them and myself, for a number of reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Absolutely! Men falling in love will not always verbally tell you. You can tell by their actions. A man may not be ready for a relationship, but that doesn't mean he can control when he falls in love. I think it's possible to be in love with someone, but feel too insecure and scared to go further. Men can be more scared of getting hurt than women. Somewhat true. The thing is most women I know that go into FWB with guys pick out player guys to do it with in the hopes that the man will fall in love with them via sex. Problem is us guys don't have an emotional attachment to sex, we can walk away from it so to speak if there's no prior emotional attachment. Maybe if the guy has never been laid, or hasn't been laid in a very long time he'll be head of heels but invariably you run into this problem...*****you can't base a relationship off of f***ing******...relationships are about shared goals and helping each other in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 How often do you guys contact each other? Is it normal that he would text me 2-3 days then disappear for a week or two then contact me again? I rarely initiate though. And it's complicated cause I met him online, so we started out as sex partners right away instead of friends. Well we can talk like friends but it focuses mainly on sex. It's only been a month btw.. Maybe im just overthinking it? I just wih he would message me more often.. Haha Back when we were friends, we saw each other a lot because we were classmates in college (we both are adult students). We would still talk 3-4 times a week, and meet at least twice. When we becameFWB, we had an arrangement where we would go out and then he'd come spend the night at my place twice a week. It does sound like your guy is mainly only interested in sex. If you want to find out whether you guys can have a relationship outside of that, try talking about other things as well. See how he reacts to that -A Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I know there's 'plenty of fish' out there, but I think I'm running out of bait The universe has given you an endless supply of 'bait', so don't worry about that. There are plenty of fish out there. Figure out what you want, and if this guy doesn't pan out and get with the program, move on. Don't make your decisions based on fear. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts