I took a small step over the line...

[Blackened]

You are right. That was terribly harsh of me. I apologize for reading what was right in front of me.

 

Reading what was right in front of you and taking it out of context, you mean?

 

Regardless, apology excepted. Thanks.

[Blackened]

Argue? You see a discussion with useful suggestions as an argument? Why?

 

We only have he words YOU typed to work with - you ASKED blatantly for folks to slap you silly!

 

Now you're angry folks did what you ask...

 

That's just crazy!

 

Because some of these posts are no longer about useful suggestions, that's why.

 

And trust me, this is not angry. Do you see me cussing? Am I typing in all caps? Am I calling people names? I said some people's posts are getting a little ridiculous (because they are) and you see that as angry? You must be really thin skinned, no offense.

 

Yes I did ask for people to slap me silly... But I don't see how continuing to pick every little thing I say apart and use it against me (even after I corrected the problem) is helping. It's not constructive. Some people replying in this thread just want to damn me for everything I say. What's the point in that? Does it solve anything?

[Blackened]

So, time for an actual update...

 

Today I told him. I told him there's something I need to talk to him about, and it's been weighing heavy on my mind the last few days.

 

I said I blocked my ex on facebook. And then I told him why. I didn't go into every detail about what was said back and forth, I didn't feel the need to. He said, "Should I be worried?"

 

I said No, the problem is taken care of. I nipped it in the butt.

 

He said it's creepy that my ex wants to know where I live, which I agreed with him on.

 

I told him I treat everyone as I would want to be treated, and if an ex of his was acting this way I would want him to block her also.

 

He laughed and was like, "Yea, I've never had that problem."

 

I told him I wasn't sure how he would react or if he would be mad at me... and he said, "No worries, it's fine."

 

I also told him that my ex still has my phone number, but if he starts calling/texting I will have his number blocked from my phone.

 

Just an interesting little thing here... this happened like a minute ago while I was typing... My ex and my current bf have the same first name. (Yea I know... heh) I have facebook opened in another window and someone messaged me. I saw the blinking thing on the tab at the top of my screen that said *name* messaged you. I was scared to look there for a second. My boyfriend almost never messages me on facebook. I wondered if maybe I didn't do something right when I blocked my ex. But it was my bf who messaged me. Nice,

[2sunny]

Because some of these posts are no longer about useful suggestions, that's why.

 

And trust me, this is not angry. Do you see me cussing? Am I typing in all caps? Am I calling people names? I said some people's posts are getting a little ridiculous (because they are) and you see that as angry? You must be really thin skinned, no offense.

 

Yes I did ask for people to slap me silly... But I don't see how continuing to pick every little thing I say apart and use it against me (even after I corrected the problem) is helping. It's not constructive. Some people replying in this thread just want to damn me for everything I say. What's the point in that? Does it solve anything?

 

Ok - whatever you say... Was just thinking you might want to learn more for yourself.

 

You're getting free input here - most people pay $200 an hour for it.

 

Best wishes this weekend. I hope it goes well for you.

[Blackened]

Ok - whatever you say... Was just thinking you might want to learn more for yourself.

 

You're getting free input here - most people pay $200 an hour for it.

 

Best wishes this weekend. I hope it goes well for you.

 

Feel free to read my update.

 

Thanks for the well wishes.

[Neffer]

I'm not going to argue with you people anymore. You are just going to continue to take every little word I say and pick it apart and use it against me. I've had about enough. It's not about me being too sensitive or any of that. That's crap. A truly sensitive person wouldn't come here and post this and deal with people's harsh comments kindly for four pages.

 

 

You have handled this well. I just joined LS to tell you to not let the bizarre bashing you are receiving from some here bother you. Some people need to be right (as they see it) no matter what. You always have to take into account that people are generally giving advice that pertains more to themselves than to you.

 

Anyhow, people flirt, it happens, and you realized and corrected before any real harm was done. End of story. You handled it well in all.

[Blackened]

You have handled this well. I just joined LS to tell you to not let the bizarre bashing you are receiving from some here bother you. Some people need to be right (as they see it) no matter what. You always have to take into account that people are generally giving advice that pertains more to themselves than to you.

 

Anyhow, people flirt, it happens, and you realized and corrected before any real harm was done. End of story. You handled it well in all.

 

Aw, thank you.

 

I felt really bad when I made this thread... some of the things I read made me feel even worse, but I know I did something wrong, so I probably needed to feel bad on some level. Then I started looking at things from another perspective...

 

Now it seems like water under the bridge. I told my current bf. I blocked my ex. It's all over now.

[Bryanp]

It sounds like you really have a great boyfriend. I do hope you really appreciate him. You have handled this extremely well.

[twosadthings]

Blackened,

 

I may be wrong but I thought I caught a reference to you seeing what a girlfriend posted on your ex boyfriend's Facebook page. If you are blocking him on your phone and e-mail why are you still looking at his Facebook page?

 

If I miss understood I apologize.

 

Twosadthings

[loversquarrel]

Reading what was right in front of you and taking it out of context, you mean?

 

Regardless, apology excepted. Thanks.

 

 

Taking out of context? No, you wrote what you meant, there was no inflection to indicate otherwise.

[Blackened]

Blackened,

 

I may be wrong but I thought I caught a reference to you seeing what a girlfriend posted on your ex boyfriend's Facebook page. If you are blocking him on your phone and e-mail why are you still looking at his Facebook page?

 

If I miss understood I apologize.

 

Twosadthings

 

Yes, you misunderstood.

 

My current boyfriend's ex girlfriend posted on his facebook that she misses him and wants to hang out soon.

 

I find it funny that people are trying this hard to trip me up.

 

But, I admit I also could have been more specific. I wrote that post in kind of a hurry.

Edited March 3, 2013 by Blackened

[anna121]

I'm glad it turned out ok.

 

Keep in mind that some people (not as many on this board as others, but still a few) would see what you did as, basically, the same thing as a full-fledged affair. I sh$t you not. So, when you respond (like many people would) "Um, why are you going after me like I was banging him in a parking lot at 2 am?" it just confirms an impression already formed that anyone who communicates with an ex behind their SO's back has already cheated and to display anything but utter devastation at that realization is simply another sign of their moral depravity.

[Dusk1983]

I have mostly male friends

 

Red flag. Sorry.

[Blackened]

Red flag. Sorry.

 

Maybe for some. I wouldn't date someone who has a problem with my male friends. My male friends are mostly like brothers to me. I've been friends with some of them since high school. There are all pretty long term presences in my life and I wouldn't give any of them up just because some man has a problem with them.

 

My bf has several female friends also, and this doesn't bother me. One of his best friends is his ex who I am not at all threatened by.

 

I never quite understood people who are insecure about opposite sex friends...

[Blackened]

I'm glad it turned out ok.

 

Keep in mind that some people (not as many on this board as others, but still a few) would see what you did as, basically, the same thing as a full-fledged affair. I sh$t you not. So, when you respond (like many people would) "Um, why are you going after me like I was banging him in a parking lot at 2 am?" it just confirms an impression already formed that anyone who communicates with an ex behind their SO's back has already cheated and to display anything but utter devastation at that realization is simply another sign of their moral depravity.

 

This is a good post. I wish I had more to say, but you've summed it up pretty well.

[nofool4u]

Alot of the people in this thread overreacted.

 

Depends on who you are. Before going on I will say that Blackened handled it well, and lucky for her her bf looked past it.

 

Now I will say if I found out my gf was flirting with someone, on FB or otherwise, the trust definitely would have taken a hit. Can't say if I'd break up over it, but I wouldn't feel real good about the relationship at that point.

 

Flirting with someone else is seen by some, and myself, as disrespectful to your committed partner. Its not an overreaction.

[nofool4u]

Maybe for some. I wouldn't date someone who has a problem with my male friends. My male friends are mostly like brothers to me. I've been friends with some of them since high school. There are all pretty long term presences in my life and I wouldn't give any of them up just because some man has a problem with them.

 

My bf has several female friends also, and this doesn't bother me. One of his best friends is his ex who I am not at all threatened by.

 

I never quite understood people who are insecure about opposite sex friends...

 

First off, I think the person to which you are replying here is probably taking exception with "mostly" part of you saying you have "mostly male friends".

 

Secondly, opposite sex friends shouldn't in itself be a problem. Its the interactions with those friends that makes the difference.

 

For example, you shouldn't expect a bf to be ok with you going over to a male friend's apartment and staying there til the wee hours of the morning watching movies.

 

Going out in groups is fine, hell, even having a lunch or something like that is ok. But doing things in secret, behind closed doors, and at the late hours, it IS a red flag.

 

Now lets say that your bf makes plans with a female friend at least once a month to go over to her pad and stay there late, doing whatever "friends" may do. Would you be ok with that? Think about that before you answer, and don't answer yes just because you have alot of male friends.

 

Would you let him crash at a female friend's place after a night of going out and drinking? How about going to Vegas for a weekend just to gamble?

 

If its "just friends", you shouldn't have a problem with it. Being "just friends" means you shouldn't have a problem with your bf doing the same thing with female friends and he would with male friends.

Edited March 4, 2013 by nofool4u

[Blackened]

First off, I think the person to which you are replying here is probably taking exception with "mostly" part of you saying you have "mostly male friends".

 

Secondly, opposite sex friends shouldn't in itself be a problem. Its the interactions with those friends that makes the difference.

 

For example, you shouldn't expect a bf to be ok with you going over to a male friend's apartment and staying there til the wee hours of the morning watching movies.

 

Going out in groups is fine, hell, even having a lunch or something like that is ok. But doing things in secret, behind closed doors, and at the late hours, it IS a red flag.

 

Now lets say that your bf makes plans with a female friend at least once a month to go over to her pad and stay there late, doing whatever "friends" may do. Would you be ok with that? Think about that before you answer, and don't answer yes just because you have alot of male friends.

 

Would you let him crash at a female friend's place after a night of going out and drinking? How about going to Vegas for a weekend just to gamble?

 

If its "just friends", you shouldn't have a problem with it. Being "just friends" means you shouldn't have a problem with your bf doing the same thing with female friends and he would with male friends.

 

I wish I had more time to answer this post but I have to leave for work...

 

Here's something to think about though, if we are going to get into this whole subject matter... I am Bisexual. I've dated both men and women throughout my adult life. So, if I decided to stay at a female friend's house until the early morning hours that would be just as much a problem for some people.

 

I dated someone (very briefly) who was like this... He had a real problem with all my male friends and since I'm attracted to both sexes he just didn't think I should be alone with anyone. One of the many reasons I dumped his ass.

 

And, for all his insecurities and worrying about me cheating on him, turns out he was cheating on me pretty much the whole time.

[IntoDust333]

Girls with all guy friends cannot be trusted. Just sayin. You obviously can't be either considering the crappy thing you did. If you were my gf I would have dumped your a** so fast. My two cents:mad:

[iKING]

Guys with female friends cannot be trusted either then. Even more so than women with male friends because alot of males say (in real life and on this forum) guys only befriend women they are physically attracted to. ( while women choose friends based more on other qualities, they dont need that attraction )

 

My. 02

 

Humans can't be trusted. My two cents.

 

I'll partially agree with you though, they've done anonymous surveys and men are like 5%-10% more likely to have an affair. Although that's not saying much considering between 30%-60% of all the individuals surveyed say they've either had an affair, or would have an affair.

 

Another survey conducted showed 60%-70% of all people(both male and female) in exclusive relationships would cheat if they knew their spouse had no way of ever finding out about it.

 

Sketchy world we live in.

[nofool4u]

I have yet to a meet a man who hasnt done what the OP has done

 

Then you are meeting the wrong men. In any case, is this an excuse?

 

 

I dont think its fair women are held to a higher standard.

 

What are you talking about? I'd tell a man the same thing.

 

 

People are responding to the OP like shes a villain. If you think the OP was wrong you will have to admit many men are wrong too then and many men are villains as well. I am in my mid 20's though, most guys my age have some growing up to do

 

Why is this a men vs women thing? Its not. I'd tell a man the same thing.

 

I don't think she is a villain, but if I had a woman that flirted, I wouldn't feel great about the relationship. The only thing that would make a difference is if she did what Blackened did, and didn't ever do it again.

[nofool4u]

And, for all his insecurities and worrying about me cheating on him, turns out he was cheating on me pretty much the whole time.

 

Which is probably why he didn't protest at all.

[iKING]

Stats show genders cheat the same amount.

 

I just get annoyed with double standards in dating. If men are going to say its not cool I dont have male friends, then it aint cool you have female friends. I find most try to have it both ways so it benefits them though...in general people tend to have a "a la carte" approach to dating. Meaning they pick out things that benefit them and then ignore things that go along with what they say that dont benefit them

 

Depends on the survey you look at, but yeah most say It's about dead even.

 

I do agree with you on the double standards, been on the crap end of that deal many a time. People like to have their cake and eat it too, while keeping the cake away from others.

 

I guess we're all a bunch of cake hoarders really.

[loversquarrel]

I have yet to a meet a man who hasnt done what the OP has done (flirted with an ex when they intiated it...if there is anything I have learned about men in the past few years its that most guys have EGOS!!!) and many take it further. I have never met a guy who blocked an ex who flirted with him while in a relationship with another girl.

 

I dont think its fair women are held to a higher standard. People are responding to the OP like shes a villain. If you think the OP was wrong you will have to admit many men are wrong too then and many men are villains as well. I am in my mid 20's though, most guys my age have some growing up to do

 

Unfortunately the world isn't fair, we just have to be able to find people who can accept us for who we are. Some guys hold women to a higher standard, some don't. In my experience, there are different sets of standards that each sex expects of the other, and it certainly isn't black and white but rather one big gray.

[loversquarrel]

You misunderstood me. The world isn't fair, logic does not apply. My post was in regards to finding someone who matches us.

 

If you read my past posts I think you will find I am non generalistic in my comments, in fact far less generalistic than what you have shown.