Author Blackened Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Girls with all guy friends cannot be trusted. Just sayin. You obviously can't be either considering the crappy thing you did. If you were my gf I would have dumped your a** so fast. My two cents:mad: Well, glad I' not your girlfriend then, Also, you have one post. It looks from where I'm sitting that you made this account just to rag on me. It almost seems suspicious, like you are fake. But I'm the one who can't be trusted? Lol... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Guys with female friends cannot be trusted either then. Even more so than women with male friends because alot of males say (in real life and on this forum) guys only befriend women they are physically attracted to. ( while women choose friends based more on other qualities, they dont need that attraction ) My. 02 This is an excellent point. Most of my male friends aren't people I find attractive. And two of them are gay. I wish the person who said girls with all guy friends can't be trusted would have addressed my sexual orientation. I bet their take on that would have been interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Dusk1983 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Guys with female friends cannot be trusted either then. Even more so than women with male friends because alot of males say (in real life and on this forum) guys only befriend women they are physically attracted to. ( while women choose friends based more on other qualities, they dont need that attraction ) Women have a clear line between "male friend" and "male I would sleep with". Men do not. This means that in a platonic relationship, as within non-platonic ones, it's the female that controls the sexual dynamic. Attractive women know their male friends desire them. Hence, in my experience, those with mostly male friends get off on that attention. I've experienced this for myself countless times (I'm 30) and the OP's behaviour towards her ex does nothing to disprove it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Which is probably why he didn't protest at all. He did protest. He didn't want me to be alone with anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Women have a clear line between "male friend" and "male I would sleep with". Men do not. This means that in a platonic relationship, as within non-platonic ones, it's the female that controls the sexual dynamic. Attractive women know their male friends desire them. Hence, in my experience, those with mostly male friends get off on that attention. I've experienced this for myself countless times (I'm 30) and the OP's behaviour towards her ex does nothing to disprove it. For most of my life I was considered unattractive though... Now I am starting to feel pretty for the first time in ages. I just lost 40 pounds. I'm not trying to justify what I did. I'm just saying... I am not the typical hot chick who knows all her male friends want her. In reality, I don't think any of my male friends want me. I mentioned earlier that two of them are gay. And one of them is in a long term relationship and has 4 kids. I have a few straight single guy friends... But I doubt they look at me that way. I've always just been like one of the guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 It is about men vs women because what the OP said she did, most men would do and not feel guilty. I seriously do not know a single guy that would ever block an ex girlfriend because she flirted with him...most would like the attention and not tell their partner. Im not exaggerating. Many would think its overreacting to block an ex simply for that and would not be self aware about it like the OP is. All of my male friends do stuff like this and some of them I consider to be pretty mature. So if men are allowed to do this, women are too. So yes, it is relevant. You may say men arent allowed to do this either, but I assure you in real life few men will follow up on what you say. The double standards I see in this forum really piss me off I tell ya. Ive read several threads where this situation is the opposite genderwise and men dont get harped on the way women do. Its ok for men to have egos but not women. Women are expected to be more loyal in our society and Im calling BULL**** Good call, and I agree. I posted about this on another forum I'm a member of that is predominantly female. The responses I got there were totally different. People over there were telling me to stop being so hard on myself and that what I did wasn't that big a deal. A man I had a long term relationship with was talking to his ex on Mysapce (back when people still used myspace, lol) and they made plans to go to lunch together and catch up. When I got upset about this, a lot of my male friends told me I was over reacting. Yet here I am now, getting rake over the coals for one flirty conversation with my ex... even after I blocked him. I see the double standard really clearly here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iKING Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 In my book, men and women should be held to the same standards in a relationship, otherwise It's just hypocritical. We live in America, where all are treated equally. That philosophy should be carried over to relationship boundaries. The gender wars bother me, when people make broad assumptions of a gender based on personal experiences, they tend to make judgments that aren't exactly fair to the rest. I know it can be hard not to, trust me, I know, but personally I feel It's not beneficial to either ourselves or others to do so. Again, I agree with Kimberly that there shouldn't be double standards held for what is ok and what isn't ok in relationship matters. That outlook hasn't exactly prevailed in my experience, but I have hope that there will be one (should I ever decide to date again) that will understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Just because a lot of people do things, doesn't make it right. A lot of married women flirt with my office building's FedEx guy. Their lack of boundaries doesn't mean that I'm going to change my boundaries or the standards I set for my own behavior. My standards, and what I want & expect in my relationship, are not dependent upon what others do. My behavior will reflect my personal beliefs & ethics, regardless of double standards or the actions of others. It's not about men vs. women, but about expectations and feelings. You could have a couple where both have had occasional contact with exes, but respond totally differently. Maybe the guy is mildly annoyed, while the girl is devastated. Being all "tit for tat" and keeping score of who did what will not do anything but push the couple further apart. A relationship is teamwork. And compromise. It doesn't have to be totally equal all the time, because different behaviors may prompt totally different reactions from each partner. The boundaries should be tailored & agreed upon based on each partner & their individual expectations. Maybe in one situtation, she will be the one to compromise about something that is important to him, and a month later, he will be the one to compromise about something that's important to her. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 He did protest. He didn't want me to be alone with anyone. When I said he didn't protest, I mean he didn't throw a fit or get angry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 Ok... I just want to weigh in here. I never meant for this thread to become a battle of the sexes. I really hope no one thinks I'm a bra burning, man hating feminazi. But, I do think it's great that my situation gave some people something to think about. I think Kimberly has an excellent point. As I mentioned earlier, someone I was in a relationship with talked to his ex and even planned to meet up with her, behind my back mind you... and I got mad, and everyone (including several of my male friends) told me I was over reacting. But here I am, flirting a little with my ex, then realizing it was wrong and blocking him, and people are acting as if I've outright cheated. It's impossible not to see the double standard. My boyfriend's ex posted on his facebook that she missed him and wanted to hang out soon. I mentioned that in this thread and only one person even acknowledged it. And they didn't even have it right. They for some reason thought I was creeping on my ex's facebook after blocking him and then tried to catch me in a lie. Saying that you miss someone and want to hang out soon could be taken as flirting... yet no one in this thread said anything about that. Why? (And just for the record I am not bothered at all by his ex saying that. I know they still hang out and it's fine.) But it only seems logical to wonder why no one even batted an eye at that while what I did is seen as so awful. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Ok... I just want to weigh in here. I never meant for this thread to become a battle of the sexes. I really hope no one thinks I'm a bra burning, man hating feminazi. But, I do think it's great that my situation gave some people something to think about. I think Kimberly has an excellent point. As I mentioned earlier, someone I was in a relationship with talked to his ex and even planned to meet up with her, behind my back mind you... and I got mad, and everyone (including several of my male friends) told me I was over reacting. But here I am, flirting a little with my ex, then realizing it was wrong and blocking him, and people are acting as if I've outright cheated. It's impossible not to see the double standard. The double standard exists on both sides. Depends on the people you surround yourself with. I have read many times in this forum that when a woman cheats, its because she was pushed to it and it should be understood, but not so much for a man. Again, if there is a double standard it is specific to the person, not the gender. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) Also... gender roles are something that I've always found really interesting. I am feminine looking on the outside, but on the inside I am more masculine. I've been called androgynous by a lot of people. I send off the lesbian vibe a lot without meaning to. I work in a male dominated field in a place that is about 85% male. I have mostly male friends, as mentioned before. In the girl/girl relationships I've been in, I'm always referred to as the manly one in the relationship. And also, without trying, I always manage to attract effeminate males. I hate chick flicks. I also hate sappy love songs. Give me horror, violence and heavy metal any day. I also have a man's sex drive and probably a man's ego too. But, I have a woman's conscience. One of the times I was in Europe I had a fling with a really good looking stranger. We went out three times, and had sex all three of those times in his apartment. The last night I saw him he confessed to me (As he was dropping me off at my hotel) that he had a serious girlfriend. I held it together in his presence. But when I was alone up in my hotel room I cried and cried. It wasn't because I was expecting anything more serious to develop. All I wanted was a fling. I was in another country and just wanted no strings attached fun. I cried because I felt so bad for his girlfriend. That's more of a female reaction. I told this story to my guy friends and none of them could figure out why I was so upset. They all were like, "It's his problem not yours. You had some good sex and you never have to see him again. What's the big deal?" It was a big deal to me... I think it's interesting (though off subject of this thread a little bit) that our society is ok with a woman bossing a man around and telling him what to do, but if a man does that to a woman everyone tells her what an ass he is and that he's controlling, etc. A lot of my guy friends do what their SO's tell them even if they don't want to. An ex of mine used to game every Sunday at a comic shop with half a dozen guys. I would always go down there and bring them donuts. It kind of became a ritual. And one of the guys was engaged. He was telling us one day that he will miss gaming with them because after he gets married he won't be allowed to game anymore. I used to work with a lady who was engaged to a guy who really loved to hunt. And she was telling us one day that her fiancé' was going on his last hunting trip. She said she was "letting" him take one last hunting trip before they get married because after they are married he isn't allowed to hunt anymore. She also added that she's making him sell all his hunting gear. To me this is appalling, honestly. If I loved someone, the last thing I would want to do is take away something that makes them happy. I have dated a lot of gamers, for example. And if I had a problem with someone's gaming habits, I would just go find someone who isn't a gamer. I know it seems like I am rambling... but this is another gender based double standard that pisses me off. Why is it ok for women to boss men around, make them give up things, etc, but most women wouldn't take that from a man and a man who tries it is vilified? My ex used to die his hair a lot of funky colors. Then he stopped. And when he stopped, people kept asking me, "Did you make him go back to his natural color?" That annoyed the piss out of me. Why would I make him do (or not do) anything? So... not only do we accept it when women act that way... we expect it. Alright... I'm done rambling for now. Edited March 6, 2013 by Blackened Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 In my book, men and women should be held to the same standards in a relationship, otherwise It's just hypocritical. Exactly! And the only double standards are those from the toads that practice them, not from a gender as a whole. Link to post Share on other sites
MYCluciferase Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Wow, this thread covered some issues, thanks for posting. Can I cast my opinion on the original post? You've been a little naughty, but then that's a situation that many people could potentially get themselves into. I fell into a little flirting session with an ex- on FB a while ago, then decided that I had to neutralize it by saying "thanks for making me feel good by indulging that for a bit" and then diverted to talking about her family. There's no question of it being real because of Geography, and I think it was a little ego boost for both of us. We've spoken on FB several times since, and no trace of another flirty time ever. Yes, I think it's something that can be enjoyed harmlessly, but it can also genuinely be dangerous if you live close by and there's an element of real possibility in it. I think you enjoyed your flirt until your ex- started to cross that line - really making clear that he WOULD be up for meeting in that bar. At which point you shut it down. If you blocked Mr. Ex then this shows your integrity. Sounds like you could also tell your current BF all about it, including the phrases 'mutual flirting' and 'felt bad about it' and he'd probably not freak out. No reason to feel any real guilt... Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 My .02. This thread is redonkulous. I find it amusing the lengths to which Blackened has been insulted over this If a guy was doing what the OP is doing, the answers would be very different. Youll be hard pressed to find a guy who blocks an ex gf who flirts with him. Very few men like that are walking on this Earth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 My .02. This thread is redonkulous. I find it amusing the lengths to which Blackened has been insulted over this If a guy was doing what the OP is doing, the answers would be very different. Not from me. Thanks, come again. Youll be hard pressed to find a guy who blocks an ex gf who flirts with him. Very few men like that are walking on this Earth. I'm glad to be of the minority then:) And you'll be hard pressed to find a woman that will do the same since the excuse will be they don't want to step on anyone's toes. Look, its already been established that Blackened handled it well and she has been wished good luck with her relationship. So why the ongoing male bashing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 Not from me. Thanks, come again. I'm glad to be of the minority then:) And you'll be hard pressed to find a woman that will do the same since the excuse will be they don't want to step on anyone's toes. Look, its already been established that Blackened handled it well and she has been wished good luck with her relationship. So why the ongoing male bashing? I seriously don't think anyone is male bashing, just stating observations. Most of my male friends wouldn't block an ex in this situation. That's just my observation. It's not like I (or anyone else) is saying all men are dogs or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 My .02. This thread is redonkulous. I find it amusing the lengths to which Blackened has been insulted over this If a guy was doing what the OP is doing, the answers would be very different. Youll be hard pressed to find a guy who blocks an ex gf who flirts with him. Very few men like that are walking on this Earth. Amen... I get that people here have been cheated on and all that. But I also have been cheated on. Being cheated on is no real excuse to insult someone... I had to laugh when I was told at one point that I have anger issues just because I said people were being ridiculous. Some were really grasping for straws. I think also that the answered would be different if I was a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackened Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 Just a little update on this situation... My ex is still blocked. But yesterday his best friend messaged me on FB and was like, "Hey *ex's name* found something of yours in his apartment. If you want it back call him." and there was my ex's number. My quote is paraphrased... he told me exactly what it was that my ex found, and described it in detail. Well it's something I wouldn't mind having back, it's not something I can't live without. So I am not going to call him. But, I think he figured out that he's been blocked. Why else would it have been his friend who messaged me? I think he probably tried to message me himself and couldn't, so he got his friend to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MYCluciferase Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Well done. I'm still thinking you did nothing much wrong. In retrospect you probably think it was a mistake that you had that interaction, because now he's all interested again, and playing games to try to hook you back in. But here you are blocking him. Don't feel bad. If you really want the *personal possession* go 'round with your current boyfriend to collect it (unless it's something intimate or embarrassing).. Link to post Share on other sites
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