I took a small step over the line...

[Blackened]

A wild guess: your current BF might be a good man but your drinking, flirting, chaotic ex was hot?

 

My current boyfriend is better looking then my ex, actually.

 

I have to be honest though, it's a little annoying that I'm being perceived as some dumb chick who only cares about who is "hot."

 

I knew my ex for ten years before we started dating. We were friends for a long time and we dated for 6 months. It's hard to completely throw away any connection with someone I knew for so long.

[Blackened]

Ah, don't try to convince yourself of that too much, because from where I stand it really isn't mild. It was downright disrespectful.

 

Then it just flabbergasts me as to why you'd disrespect your fantastic great bf by flirting with a jerk that hurt you, let alone flirting with anyone.

 

I don't think so. If thats all it was, you wouldn't have even entertained his flirtations.

 

If that were true, then it wouldn't have been a problem for you to tell him that the conversation was inappropriate as you have a wonderful man to whom you are committed.

 

You shouldn't consider it, you HAVE to block him. Unless of course you don't really respect your bf.

 

So my question is, you basically lied to your bf when he assumed it was another girl and you kept quiet. Does he know you were flirting with your X?

 

If you want to be honest, come clean. If you don't want to be honest, then keep quiet. Either way you block the X.

 

I blocked him last night when I came home from work.

 

He doesn't know I was flirting with my ex as of now, but he will this weekend. I'm waiting until this weekend to tell him because I would rather tell him face to face.

 

And, disagree all you want but I do think this is a mild offense. Letting myself get sucked into a flirty conversation with my ex ONE TIME is not a good thing, but it could have been a lot worse. I prevented it from happening again...

[loversquarrel]

Don't you mean you both were talking to eachother in that manner?? You even stated in your post the flirting was mutual.

 

I see a problem with this relationship - neither one of you has boundaries, and you took full advantage of your BF's lack of jealousy and trust. Neither one of you should really be in contact with x's. It's a breeding ground for future problems.

[nofool4u]

And, disagree all you want but I do think this is a mild offense.

 

But of course YOU do. If I had a gf that did this, I can't say I'd dump her flat, but the trust sure would be broken. Flirting is the signaling of one person to another that there is interest, whether it be a little interest or alot.

 

You wouldn't have flirted with someone you found repulsive, would you? See what I'm getting at?

 

Good that you blocked the X though. It needed to be done.

 

 

 

Letting myself get sucked into a flirty conversation with my ex ONE TIME is not a good thing, but it could have been a lot worse.

 

Using the "could have been a lot worse" isn't an excuse or diminishes the behavior.

 

If I had cheated on someone, I suppose I could say, "hey, could have been alot worse......I could have went out and murdered someone".

 

The fact that there is always something "worse" doesn't negate the action in question.

 

But I'll digress. You did what needed to be done, and if you do tell him and he knows you blocked him, that will sit well for you. Good luck.

[nofool4u]

I see a problem with this relationship - neither one of you has boundaries, and you took full advantage of your BF's lack of jealousy and trust

 

Agreed. Thats the problem I have with people when they say they cheated or disrespected a "wonderful", "great", "caring", "loving" person. They took advantage of their good nature

[loversquarrel]

Yea, I'm going to tell him. I don't think I will go into every gory detail like I did here. But I am definitely going to tell him.

 

I think I will probably start out by saying that I blocked my ex on facebook. Then when my bf asks why I will tell him what happened.

 

So you are going to trickle truth him? - Good way to prolong the issue. You need to be 100% or not at all.

[loversquarrel]

My current boyfriend is better looking then my ex, actually.

 

I have to be honest though, it's a little annoying that I'm being perceived as some dumb chick who only cares about who is "hot."

 

I knew my ex for ten years before we started dating. We were friends for a long time and we dated for 6 months. It's hard to completely throw away any connection with someone I knew for so long.

 

If this proves to be difficult then maybe you should have stayed together. I wouldn't characterize you as dumb, but rather weak.

[2sunny]

I think the better question to ask yourself is why you would risk the R with a good man for flirty conversation with bad boy ex?

 

You need to work on yourself...and why you need validation from another men.

 

If you don't change yourself - its likely to happen again.

 

And consider why you thought at the time it was ok to be secretive, sneaky and to lie to your BF. You need work on boundaries (I think you're starting, which is positive) and find out why you felt the need to disrespect someone you care about.

 

These are great things to figure out while you're young - as it helps YOU to learn how to change and be proud of who you really are, deep down in your soul.

[Blackened]

Don't you mean you both were talking to eachother in that manner?? You even stated in your post the flirting was mutual.

 

I see a problem with this relationship - neither one of you has boundaries, and you took full advantage of your BF's lack of jealousy and trust. Neither one of you should really be in contact with x's. It's a breeding ground for future problems.

 

I never denied it was mutual flirting.

 

Maybe we both need to tighten our boundaries a little, yes.

[Blackened]

But of course YOU do. If I had a gf that did this, I can't say I'd dump her flat, but the trust sure would be broken. Flirting is the signaling of one person to another that there is interest, whether it be a little interest or alot.

 

You wouldn't have flirted with someone you found repulsive, would you? See what I'm getting at?

 

Good that you blocked the X though. It needed to be done.

 

 

 

 

 

Using the "could have been a lot worse" isn't an excuse or diminishes the behavior.

 

If I had cheated on someone, I suppose I could say, "hey, could have been alot worse......I could have went out and murdered someone".

 

The fact that there is always something "worse" doesn't negate the action in question.

 

But I'll digress. You did what needed to be done, and if you do tell him and he knows you blocked him, that will sit well for you. Good luck.

 

No, I wouldn't have flirted with someone I found repulsive. It's obvious I don't find my ex repulsive. I found him attractive enough to date at one point...

 

When I said it could have been worse... I meant exactly what someone else also said in this thread. I could have let it escalate. I could have met up with him, etc... It could have been a lot worse if I wouldn't have nipped it in the butt right now like I did. You know...?

 

I never said the action was negated just because it could have been worse. Everything I say isn't some attempt to justify what I did or make excuses. I am trying to take responsibility...

[Blackened]

Agreed. Thats the problem I have with people when they say they cheated or disrespected a "wonderful", "great", "caring", "loving" person. They took advantage of their good nature

 

Ok... I'm taking advantage of him now. Gotcha...

[Blackened]

So you are going to trickle truth him? - Good way to prolong the issue. You need to be 100% or not at all.

 

How is telling him I blocked my ex on facebook and then explaining why "trickle truth"ing him? I am still going to tell him what happened. I'm just telling him what I did about it first. He already knows I talk to my ex once in a while. It's not a secret.

 

I know I said in my first post that everyone has permission to virtually slap me silly (or something like that, I'm not going back and checking...) but I think these replies are getting a little ridiculous at this point. I'm going to tell him I blocked my ex, then tell him why... and I'm trickle truthing? I try to explain my reasons for what I did, and I'm justifying/making excuses? It's like no matter what I say some people posting just want to pick it apart and use it against me.

 

I corrected the problem. Some people here are having trouble seeing that I guess.

[Blackened]

If this proves to be difficult then maybe you should have stayed together. I wouldn't characterize you as dumb, but rather weak.

 

Weak? Why am I weak? Because I made a mistake? You don't know what else I've been through in my life.

 

My ex and I turned out to be better friends then a couple. Dating just didn't work out. That's why we didn't stay together.

[Blackened]

Ok the flirty conversation she had was a bad thing to do but she did realize this, caught it early, and is cutting off contact with her ex. That is a lot better then the girls who flirt and let it escalate into meeting up and in some cases cheating

 

Thank you,

[2sunny]

You asked for input and suggestions on how to learn and grow.

 

Many here are giving you perspective after cheating occurred in their past - and how to set things right.

 

You've taken some suggestions kindly and good for you.

 

Others you've been defensive and sarcastic (underlying anger) I'm left wondering why?

 

The suggestions were only meant to help you grow as a person...

[Blackened]

I think the better question to ask yourself is why you would risk the R with a good man for flirty conversation with bad boy ex?

 

You need to work on yourself...and why you need validation from another men.

 

If you don't change yourself - its likely to happen again.

 

And consider why you thought at the time it was ok to be secretive, sneaky and to lie to your BF. You need work on boundaries (I think you're starting, which is positive) and find out why you felt the need to disrespect someone you care about.

 

These are great things to figure out while you're young - as it helps YOU to learn how to change and be proud of who you really are, deep down in your soul.

 

Flirting with my bad boy ex isn't worth the risk of causing problems in my current relationship. Which is why I stopped it.

 

I don't need validation from another man... it just felt nice at the moment. And that's all it was... a moment.

 

I don't think I lied... everyone keeps saying I lied to my boyfriend just because I didn't tell him I was talking to my ex. I don't always tell him who I'm talking to whenever someone IMs or texts me. It's not because I'm lying or hiding something. Yes, I should have told him right then but I didn't. That's not exactly lying.

 

I guess I do need to work on myself. And part of working on myself is being more picky about who I associate with. I don't need to talk to my ex anymore... which I why I blocked him.

[Blackened]

Im going to be blatantly honest and say most of my male friends and past guys Ive dated wouldnt have told me/their S.O. if this happened (talking to an ex and having her mildly flirt with him)...this stuff prob happens more than people think. Most of the people I know keep in contact with their exes. I have a hard rule not to but then again, Ive never dated someone I was good friends with before.

 

OP, you made a mistake and at least you sound like a moral, self aware woman so dont let these other people being so harsh on you bring you down...

 

I have mostly male friends... and I agree. Most of my male friends would not tell their SO either. My BF still hangs out with his ex, alone, and I don't have a problem with it. And two other exes of his are still on his friends list on facebook. I trust him. And yes, most people I know are still in contact with exes, even if just on a casual basis. My ex husband is on my friends list and I still talk to him once in a while too. My bf knows all about it.

 

The fact that my ex and I had a long friendship before we dated does make the dynamic a little different. I miss him as a friend more then I miss him as a lover, which is one of the reasons I've stayed in touch with him since we broke up. For a while I considered still hanging out with him as friends, but decided I couldn't. It would just be too weird.

 

I'm trying to not let other people's harshness get me down. I know I did something wrong and now I am doing something right. I find it mildly amusing that when I fight back a little now I am getting the whole, "Hey you asked... oh we are just trying to help you grow... you have underlying anger... yada yada yada speech. Clearly I'm not the only one with "underlying anger." lol...

[loversquarrel]

Yea, I'm going to tell him. I don't think I will go into every gory detail like I did here. But I am definitely going to tell him.

 

I think I will probably start out by saying that I blocked my ex on facebook. Then when my bf asks why I will tell him what happened.

 

 

First of all...read the part YOU wrote, and I quote "I don't think I will go into every gory detail like I did here". How could you not expect a reasonable person to not catch on to this and view it as trickle truthing? So you're going to give him bits and pieces? Sugar coating?

 

I am not bashing you, I meant what I said...100% or not at all. If you don't tell him every gory detail (I don't think your flirting comments to another man online really amounts to the level of gory) then you aren't being 100% honest. So stop being so sensitive and pay attention to your own words.

[nofool4u]

Ok... I'm taking advantage of him now. Gotcha...

 

Yes, you were taking advantage of his good nature. By your description he is a caring, loving man. And because of that you felt more comfortable to flirt a little thinking he is good natured enough to not think its a big deal.

 

Again WERE taking advantage of his GOOD NATURE, not of him as a whole.

 

And again, you promptly took care of the problem, to which I then said good luck.

[Blackened]

So, last night someone else from my past contacted me...

 

This guy isn't someone I dated. He's a former co worker that I was talking to for a while. We liked each other and we were trying to find time to go out. But conflicting schedules just made it not happen. And things just fizzled out with him.

 

Last night he was texting me and being all flirty and stuff. I made it a point to not flirt back and I told him I have a boyfriend now. He said he didn't know... And then I ended up telling him all about how I met my bf and everything.

 

So I just thought I would share that. See, I did learn something.

[nofool4u]

There you go. Now THAT is the way to handle guys trying to see how far they can take it with you.

 

Kudos!!

[Blackened]

First of all...read the part YOU wrote, and I quote "I don't think I will go into every gory detail like I did here". How could you not expect a reasonable person to not catch on to this and view it as trickle truthing? So you're going to give him bits and pieces? Sugar coating?

 

I am not bashing you, I meant what I said...100% or not at all. If you don't tell him every gory detail (I don't think your flirting comments to another man online really amounts to the level of gory) then you aren't being 100% honest. So stop being so sensitive and pay attention to your own words.

 

Yes, you were taking advantage of his good nature. By your description he is a caring, loving man. And because of that you felt more comfortable to flirt a little thinking he is good natured enough to not think its a big deal.

 

Again WERE taking advantage of his GOOD NATURE, not of him as a whole.

 

And again, you promptly took care of the problem, to which I then said good luck.

 

I'm not going to argue with you people anymore. You are just going to continue to take every little word I say and pick it apart and use it against me. I've had about enough. It's not about me being too sensitive or any of that. That's crap. A truly sensitive person wouldn't come here and post this and deal with people's harsh comments kindly for four pages.

 

Nofool4u, thank you for telling me good luck.

[Blackened]

There you go. Now THAT is the way to handle guys trying to see how far they can take it with you.

 

Kudos!!

 

Yes!

 

And ironically enough, his ex posted on his facebook wall last night that she misses him and wants to hang out soon.

[loversquarrel]

You are right. That was terribly harsh of me. I apologize for reading what was right in front of me.

[2sunny]

I'm not going to argue with you people anymore. You are just going to continue to take every little word I say and pick it apart and use it against me. I've had about enough. It's not about me being too sensitive or any of that. That's crap. A truly sensitive person wouldn't come here and post this and deal with people's harsh comments kindly for four pages.

 

Nofool4u, thank you for telling me good luck.

 

Argue? You see a discussion with useful suggestions as an argument? Why?

 

We only have he words YOU typed to work with - you ASKED blatantly for folks to slap you silly!

 

Now you're angry folks did what you ask...

 

That's just crazy!