crystal.mayer Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 So I'm 23, I'm a medical student, I'm a good kid, I don't go out and get wasted and sleep around. I have a bf who's 19 and he's muslim (part of why my family doesn't like him). My parents are Indian and they're strict Christians. They don't want me to have anything to do with my bf, they don't like him, they think he's immature. Recently, my bf got his own room in a house and he moved out of his parents' place. My dad has a problem with me sleeping over my bfs now. He's threatening to kick me out if I do! He's saying it won't look right and I need to stop selling myself short. If he does kick me out, I don't really have a place to go. By the way my parents are extremely traditional and religious and I want to respect their rules but I feel bad, I don't want my bf thinking I'm a child or having him feel bad because we can't share that intimate moment together. What should I do? Has anyone ever went through this? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 My dad has a problem with me sleeping over my bfs now. He's threatening to kick me out if I do! He's saying it won't look right and I need to stop selling myself short. If he does kick me out, I don't really have a place to go. If you are living under your parents' house (presumably eating their food and using their utilities), you need to follow their rules. Move out on your own and pay your own way, if you want the freedom and autonomy to do what you want and see whom you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Is your BF a strict Muslim? Is his family traditional and religious? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal.mayer Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 Is your BF a strict Muslim? Is his family traditional and religious? No he's not personally, he doesn't exactly follow all the rules but his parents are very traditional and he moved out to escape his father. I would like to move out as well, but right now it's difficult to do that because I'm in medical school and I do enjoy the support of my family, not financially but just knowing if I don't have time to cook ect, because my heads buried in a book my mom's got my back. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Just know that if this comes to fruition, you will marry and become Muslim. And if he has any respect for his family, he will expect you in part, to conform to that, no matter how much he doesn't follow the rules.... You are 4 years older than he is. At your age, this difference is still 'telling'..... Have you seen aspects of his behaviour which expose a level of immaturity, at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crystal.mayer Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 Just know that if this comes to fruition, you will marry and become Muslim. And if he has any respect for his family, he will expect you in part, to conform to that, no matter how much he doesn't follow the rules.... You are 4 years older than he is. At your age, this difference is still 'telling'..... Have you seen aspects of his behaviour which expose a level of immaturity, at all? Yes, I've definitely seen how immature and silly he can be because of his age. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Then please realise - as he matures, there is every possibility that you may grow apart. He may want different things, to see different sights, meet different people.... It's natural at his age. I don't know your case, but I would guess this is his first serious relationship. Moving in with him would be a very bad idea.... and while I understnd the desire is there, for intimacy, this should not be a pivotal goal for you both. You say you've seen his immaturity. Your parents have too. Try to take a step back and see this from every angle. I'm sure your parents ultimately have your best interests at heart. They may just have some difficulty in expressing that constructively... I don't think it's about 'controlling' you. I think it's probably a lot more to do with 'protecting' you..... Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 If you are living under your parents' house (presumably eating their food and using their utilities), you need to follow their rules. Move out on your own and pay your own way, if you want the freedom and autonomy to do what you want and see whom you want. I agree with this. I left home at 21 for the same reason; I was constantly being verbally abused for daring to have a sex life. My parents have always tried to force me to live like the 50's and my brothers had far more freedom. I believe that when people don't want to follow their parents' rules, they need to move out. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm in medical school and I do enjoy the support of my family, not financially but just knowing if I don't have time to cook ect, because my heads buried in a book my mom's got my back.Well, there's your answer then. Defying your parents at this stage is counterproductive and emotional and will only get you damage. Be smart about this. Ask your bf to be respectful of your needs; if he won't, then you'll know he wasn't really there just for your mind and personality. (and honestly, this relationship probably won't last anyway; few do with 19 year old guys) Link to post Share on other sites
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