Do women view being asked for dates and sex as equivalent to being asked for money?

[somedude81]

Something just came to me today as I was walking around on campus and thinking about how there are so many girls and yet that if I asked any one of them out for a date or for just sex, every one of them would say no.

 

It's a hard thing to understand because as a man, I'd gladly go on a date or have sex with the vast majority of girls on my campus. I could literally be outside for 10 minutes and see 50 girls I'd like to "get to know better."

 

I started to wonder why it's so difficult to make something happen with the average woman. Then it hit me, that to a girl, a guy wanting to date or sleep with her is the same thing as a stranger walking up to me outside asking for money. The default answer is no.

 

For women, being asked for a date or for sex seems to the same type of thing. They view relationships or sex as something another person wants from then and they have to give it away.

 

Am I making any sense or completely off the mark?

[SmileFace]

Go work on a math equation

You are making no sense

[ThaWholigan]

I think you're reaching a little bit mate. There are people who do think of sex in a transactional sense - but I doubt that all the women you run into think of it in such a way - at least not consciously.

 

One of the problems that guys have is that they view it in such a way actually - better off thinking of it as something you're giving her.......or even better, something you are both experiencing together .

 

Anyway, yeah it's not worth thinking about - Smile is right, stick to maths for now.

[somedude81]

I think you're reaching a little bit mate. There are people who do think of sex in a transactional sense - but I doubt that all the women you run into think of it in such a way - at least not consciously.

 

One of the problems that guys have is that they view it in such a way actually - better off thinking of it as something you're giving her.......or even better, something you are both experiencing together .

 

Anyway, yeah it's not worth thinking about - Smile is right, stick to maths for now.

It would be great if I could think of as something I'm giving her, but that's not the case. I would love to give a girl a good time, but the woman still decides yes or no. So why would a girl turn down a good time? Because that's not how she sees it. She probably thinks that she is losing something.

 

Without this giving up or losing something mindset, women would think of sex the same way men do and society would probably collapse because nothing would get done

[carhill]

IME, women view being asked on dates and being approached for sex as being asked on dates and being approached for sex. If they want to at that moment, that. If not, that. It's not that complicated.

[dasein]

Go to a grocery store. Ask the manager if you can have some free food. We are gradually moving past a sex as stock in trade attitude in women generally, but aren't quite there yet.

 

One of my best friends got lots of women by propositioning them directly before he got married. He got rebuffed lots, but got lots of sex also, so things are changing. The key for him was being completely nonchalant about it and choosing women he could tell found him baseline attractive "enough" to start with.

[somedude81]

Scientists have been saying for a LONG time that because a woman has far more investment and rammifications in reproduction they DO equate sex as far more of a labor.

 

Congrats, you just figured out something men rarely put themselves in a woman's shoes long enough to understand. But men don't have their reputation degrade with partners, men aren't more susceptible to getting stds, they don't get pregnant and abandoned, their bodies don't get ruined with gestation, they don't get expensive abortions, etc.

 

Nature did NOT give us a level playing field, women lose a lot more in the negative effects of sex and the sex is not that rewarding for us either. Most men really do not know what the hell they are doing in the sack so why bother risk for something I can do better?

I didn't even think of birth and STD's at all until I saw your post. Thanks for bringing them up as it does more to explain why the default answer from women is no. Being with a guy is a risk then.

 

Heh, so it's almost as if guys are going up to girls and saying, "Hi! You're pretty. Do you want to risk having a baby or getting a disease?"

[somedude81]

Go to a grocery store. Ask the manager if you can have some free food. We are gradually moving past a sex as stock in trade attitude in women generally, but aren't quite there yet.

 

One of my best friends got lots of women by propositioning them directly before he got married. He got rebuffed lots, but got lots of sex also, so things are changing. The key for him was being completely nonchalant about it and choosing women he could tell found him baseline attractive "enough" to start with.

I've heard that before, just being really direct. That every once in a while it would actually work.

 

If I seriously didn't care what the girl looked like, I'm sure I could get some to say yes. Though they all would be far below my minimum standards.

[StanMusial]

It would be great if I could think of as something I'm giving her, but that's not the case. I would love to give a girl a good time, but the woman still decides yes or no. So why would a girl turn down a good time? Because that's not how she sees it. She probably thinks that she is losing something.

 

Without this giving up or losing something mindset, women would think of sex the same way men do and society would probably collapse because nothing would get done

 

Yep. There has to be that equilibrium between desire and availability or as you say, society would collapse. That's why God made so many of us guys ugly, so women would say no about 90% of the time.

[xxoo]

Sex does involve a lot more risk for women than for men. It makes sense to me that women will be choosier.

 

But when women are attracted, sex is equivalent to sex. She wants sex just as much as a man.

[normal person]

Then it hit me, that to a girl, a guy wanting to date or sleep with her is the same thing as a stranger walking up to me outside asking for money. The default answer is no.

 

Regardless of how you got there, I'm glad you came away with this very important bit of knowledge. I cringe when I read threads about guys just approaching women and asking them out without really talking to them at all. The default answer is "no" until you give them a very good reason to say otherwise. How many people want to get coffee with a stranger they've spoken just 3 sentences to? A lot of young struggling guys don't get this, I'm glad you do now if you didn't before.

 

Apologies for going off topic.

[dasein]

If I seriously didn't care what the girl looked like, I'm sure I could get some to say yes. Though they all would be far below my minimum standards.

 

Don't assume this, the better looking women are often the ones this approach appeals to because they are tired of constant supplication. I've also experienced success from a very blunt but respectful approach, the key is knowing her at least some, and knowing she finds you at least interesting. Sometimes the response is delayed. Told a girl once "we should just f-ck and get it over with," she laughed and we changed the topic. Two weeks later she asked me out and took me straight to a motel.

 

There is a PUA theory that goes along the lines of a "secret society" of people who have regular casual sex. This includes FAR more women than many men could conceive, and fits in with my hypergamous rantings here . The keystone of this approach is identifying yourself as "one of the club," and involves a "no big deal" attitude. If she balks or gives tude in return, just smile and say "OK, no offense intended, just thought you might enjoy some casual fun." This subtly says you aren't a puppy dog looking to latch on, different from many men approaching, and how she receives it depends on her mood, level of boredom, libido/cycle and whether she finds the guy attractive or not. If you act guilty and shady she will treat you respond that way, if you act natural and fun, who knows?

[SJC2008]

I see where you're coming from but don't agree with you. Women are glad to be asked out and have sex with men they like, it's that simple. When a man asks a woman on a date it's based off of initial attraciton as he doesn't know anything about her and I'd assume the woman would say yes/no based on initial attraction as she doesn't know anything about him.

[Treasa]

Until you have asked out EVERY SINGLE GIRL and every single one (have fun with 3.5 billion women on the planet) says no, your thinking is completely flawed and irrational.

 

I suggest you stop wondering about women and start working on what and how you think about things.

[xxoo]

If I seriously didn't care what the girl looked like, I'm sure I could get some to say yes. Though they all would be far below my minimum standards.

 

But what if she wanted to give you a good time?

 

You wouldn't think of it as a good time because you aren't attracted. Not because you are losing something.

[FitChick]

if I asked any one of them out for a date or for just sex, every one of them would say no.

 

I'd gladly go on a date or have sex with the vast majority of girls on my campus.

 

They have higher standards than you do.

[RedRobin]

Am I making any sense or completely off the mark?

 

... off the mark...

 

consider this... someone asks you for money... and if you say maybe or yes... the person might attempt to harm or kill you as you are reaching for your wallet... or even after you give them your wad of cash. All when you are just being nice and generous.

 

... and if you make a habit of giving lots of 'money' to strangers because you like to... someone calls you a slut. You aren't patted on the back for your generous, free spending ways. Just the opposite in fact.

 

So, instead of giving or sharing 'money' that should be a mutually rewarding experience for the 'giver' and 'receiver'... the person doing the 'giving' has taken huge risks far beyond the possible feeling of taken advantage of should the 'receiver' be less than grateful or nice.

[TaraMaiden]

Do women view being asked for dates and sex as equivalent to being asked for money?

 

Don't you mean,

 

"Do women view being asked for dates and sex as equivalent to being OFFERED money?"

 

Or have I missed this already......?

[RedRobin]

Heh, so it's almost as if guys are going up to girls and saying, "Hi! You're pretty. Do you want to risk having a baby or getting a disease?"

 

"Hi! You're pretty. do you want to risk that sex with me may not feel good at all (because it's all about me and my needs), might not even be voluntary, and you might end up dead if things don't go my way?"

 

Also something most guys don't have to be concerned about...

[crude]

 

Heh, so it's almost as if guys are going up to girls and saying, "Hi! You're pretty. Do you want to risk having a baby or getting a disease?"

 

And yet, if you're presentable and offer them a free concert ticket and meal, 99% will say yes.

[dasein]

"Hi! You're pretty. do you want to risk that sex with me may not feel good at all (because it's all about me and my needs), might not even be voluntary, and you might end up dead if things don't go my way?"

 

Also something most guys don't have to be concerned about...

 

I think you are discounting that there is a large chunk of the female population today that has sex for sex sake regularly. A mere invitation is not necessarily all about one person's or the other's desires today. Maybe it could have been in the pre BC past, not today.

 

And women have quite enough strength to pull a trigger, no less than men actually. I think OP is assuming a basic level of foreknowledge of the prospects in question, not necessarily approaching total strangers on the street.

[TaraMaiden]

And yet, if you're presentable and offer them a free concert ticket and meal, 99% will say yes.

 

Of course - providing all they're expecting to be offered is a free concert ticket and a meal.....

[dreamingoftigers]

Sex does involve a lot more risk for women than for men. It makes sense to me that women will be choosier.

 

But when women are attracted, sex is equivalent to sex. She wants sex just as much as a man.

 

The attraction of course comes from a bunch of evolutionary and nurturing bonds that unlock us emotionally and sexually to say "this one is worth the risk. Good genes And/or personality looks like a "keeper."

 

Whatever would improve the chances for the woman.

[Estate]

Something just came to me today as I was walking around on campus and thinking about how there are so many girls and yet that if I asked any one of them out for a date or for just sex, every one of them would say no.

 

It's a hard thing to understand because as a man, I'd gladly go on a date or have sex with the vast majority of girls on my campus. I could literally be outside for 10 minutes and see 50 girls I'd like to "get to know better."

 

I started to wonder why it's so difficult to make something happen with the average woman. Then it hit me, that to a girl, a guy wanting to date or sleep with her is the same thing as a stranger walking up to me outside asking for money. The default answer is no.

 

For women, being asked for a date or for sex seems to the same type of thing. They view relationships or sex as something another person wants from then and they have to give it away.

 

Am I making any sense or completely off the mark?

 

I a weird messed up way you're kinda making sense but it's a really weird way to view things.

 

Yeah, I guess you could say the default answer is no. Is some random guy asked YOU for money what would you say? NO!

 

But if a family memeber or a friend who brings some value to you asked, you might say Yes.

 

The point is, you have to bring some value to them. WHY should they say yes... what are YOU bringing that 10 other guys who randomly yelled "Hey Hey baby" to them today, hasn't already brought.

 

I mean, if you just walk up and ask for sex. Of course they'll say no. But if you walk up talk, come across like a cool guy she finds something funny or interesting about you and you find out you both like sushi or something, then you have a reason to ask her for sushi at some cool new place you wanted to check out.... THEN there is a reason for her to say Yes...

 

You guys here just look at this stuff in such a messed up way. You think girls should fall at your feet.

 

It's not even just about asking for a date. If you ask ANYONE for ANYTHING yet bring no value to them, you're just some randomer looking to take from them, they will NEVER say yes.

 

The reason they go out with the "cool" guy is because he is bringing something into her life by asking her out, the lame weird guy is taking from it.

 

This is REALLY simple stuff guys. You all act like paupers.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

It's a hard thing to understand because as a man, I'd gladly go on a date or have sex with the vast majority of girls on my campus. I could literally be outside for 10 minutes and see 50 girls I'd like to "get to know better."

 

I started to wonder why it's so difficult to make something happen with the average woman. Then it hit me, that to a girl, a guy wanting to date or sleep with her is the same thing as a stranger walking up to me outside asking for money.

 

No.

 

For most or all of those 50 girls in your sample size, having sex with YOU is like losing money. For a man they are attracted to, it's like winning money, sometimes like a really large sum.

 

What does that tell you?

 

You have to hit on or talk to more than those 50 girls. Try 100. When you hit one, I don't care that you are a 30 year old undergraduate and neither will she. Believe me. She'll be REALLY into you.

 

Do you believe me?