Kissing Friends - What happens next?

[2013k]

So, I watched a movie with a friend one night, and it turned into a teenage level make-out session that has driven me into a frenzy. I want to send him the following note. If you were a guy, what would you think about this note?

 

"XXXX- I don't even know where to begin but here goes...

 

I've always valued you as a friend, as a business contact, and as an artist whose music I truly enjoy. I'd be lying if I said I didn't also find you to be attractive, but I also put more stock into the first three things to ever act on the fourth.

 

But then we finally hung out one-on-one, and I have to admit that, though I held back and did everything in my power to maintain some level of prudence, when you kissed me and subsequently spanked me, you sent a sensation through my body that drove me absolutely wild. And while I could just push those thoughts out of my mind and pretend nothing ever happened, I've spent a decent amount of time fantasizing about what might have happened if I had decided to remove so much as a single item of clothing while we slept together in the same bed that night.

 

So there you have it. When you see me next, don't feel awkward or like anything has changed. We're busy people with busy lives, and I still want to enjoy your friendship and your music. After all, it was just one evening and one moment, and perhaps it was just the awkwardness and innocence that has me so hot and bothered. I just felt the need to tell you."

[carhill]

Nice letter, but I can simplify.

 

'I'd love for you to share dinner with me at xxx on xxx and see where this goes'

 

Then 'do' whatever comes naturally. Good luck.

[2013k]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the direct approach. But I'm too chicken to go there at the moment.

 

My question is this...If you received an email like that, how would it make you feel in either of these two scenarios:

(a) you just wanted to maintain the friendship;

(b) you were actually intrigued by the prospect of seeing your friend on a more romantic level?

[carhill]

Here's a news bulletin:

 

After you have a 'teenage makeout session' with an adult man, you will never be platonic friends again; not true platonic friends.

 

Might as well just throw down the gauntlet IMO. Of course, you can wait for him to, and you can dance around each other for however long the dance lasts.

 

He was a willing participant. It's not like you're chasing him. You were both there. I presume you both eat. Nothing overt about eating. See where it goes. If nowhere, that. If somewhere, that.

 

FWIW, he's probably thinking the same thing, presuming he has valued you as a friend and found the makeout session to be positive and healthy. Up to you. Wait or act.

[2013k]

Thanks, Carhill.

 

Always tricky when friends blend the lines.

 

I'll keep you posted on whether I take your advice. I've just got to work up the courage to be blunt (something that is hard for me and my Southern upbringing).

[PhoenixRysing]

Why not be a little flirty with it. Since you are willing to put it on the line with the email, why not call or send him note with something like, "One evening, one unforgettable moment - care to make it two?"

 

Its a similar message but a little lighter and puts you on the line a bit less.

[2013k]

Thanks. Yeah, I think that's my goal. I want to let him know I had fun, but I also want to give him an out if he'd rather not pursue anything romantic.

 

A little more background on the situation: When we were kissing, I even kind of stopped him and said, "I really don't want this to mess up our friendship, and you know how much I like going to hear your band." And he replied, "Yeah, I get that. I mean, we can be casual about things, you know?" So, I feel like I kinda put up the Stop sign while we were together, but I still want him to know that I am turned on by him if he wants to go down that road. Since that night, he started following me on Instagram, we've texted a couple times and emailed each other once, but nothing flirty, just kind of back to square one.

 

It's a weird situation. We have tons of mutual friends, and back in the days of Myspace, he sent me a message and asked me if I'd be interested in meeting him at a concert. I turned him down, and then we met in person through those mutual friends anyway. Then, he saw me at a show and asked me out again but I kind of ignored it. Then, I helped his band with some business stuff, so he become kind of a client. After that we were always friendly when we saw one another. Then he asked me out again a few months ago but I was in a relationship. When that relationship ended, I messaged him to see if he'd want to grab drinks, and he said, "Yeah, after all I DO owe you for all the help you gave my band a few years ago." So, we had dinner and it was this weird "is this a date or not" sort of situation. After that he emailed me late at night one night and said, "I think you are cute, smart and sexy, and I'd like to hang out again sometime." Then we hung out again, and that's when the kiss happened. We don't see each other tons, but our mutual friends are close to both of us and we are pretty steeped in the same industry and scene where we live, so I'd like to maintain our friendship even if we don't pursue something more because, in all honesty, it makes sense for us to have a working relationship, both for our friends and for our own business objectives.

 

Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part, and I should say nothing and pretend nothing happened because maybe he's just not that into me...but I also know that he is a quiet, often anxious type, and maybe he is just as befuddled by the situation as I am and wouldn't mind a little nudge from me.

 

I know this must seem childish of me, but if it explains anything about our personalities, we've both been diagnosed with anxiety disorders at some point in our lives, so we can both be a bit awkward in many situations, haha.

[Geek Down]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the direct approach. But I'm too chicken to go there at the moment.

 

My question is this...If you received an email like that, how would it make you feel in either of these two scenarios:

(a) you just wanted to maintain the friendship;

(b) you were actually intrigued by the prospect of seeing your friend on a more romantic level?

 

Email seems alittle....sterile...

 

I'd invite him over for a bite to eat and tell him face to face..It would have more power that way.

 

If you guys kissed AND slept together but clothed and he didn't mind, then thats tells me that he respects you as a friend AND more and is waiting for you to push the envelope.