chulero Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Hello everyone. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me about 6 months ago, and started seeing another guy right after so she could live life a little. I love her and always will. Because of our bad break up, she said that we would definetly talk again just not anytime soon. So I told her that I would be there for her no matter what and always wanted her in my life, but I wouldn't keep bothering her about it. So I got all my stuff back and so did she, except she never picked up two things from me. About a month later she calls being really cool, and gets one of her items back. She then is like I will try to find time to pick up my stereo. Then there after about every 2-3 weeks she calls saying that she needs to get her stereo back but never does, it seems like she is just calling to see how I am. Then about about 1 week ago she calls from her new cell phone number so that I can have it. A couple days after that she calls back saying that she has to get rid of her dog, and wants me to see it before she gives it away. I think that is weird, because I have never seen the dog anyway so why would it matter? So what do you all think? Is she trying to slowly get close again? or is she just playing games? If I know her as well as I think I do, then she is trying to get close. Anyway any comments, or responses are appreciated. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 Yes her calls do seem pretty pointless...especially since you've never seen the dog before why would it matter if you saw it now...sounds like she is trying to find any and all excuses to see you. But with that said since she called wanting her stereo back but never came and got it, maybe she's trying to keep you around to "fall back" on in case her new beau and herself don't work out. It is pointless for her to call more than once to make arrangements to do something, not follow through with it, then turn around and do it again. How do you feel about this? Do you want to get back with her if there is a chance for the two of you? All the advice I can really give is you should call her and ask her why she hasn't came to pick her item up, why she wants you to see a dog you have never seen before, and what's she's hoping to gain out of these phone calls. Only she can give you the real answers that you're seeking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chulero Posted September 3, 2004 Author Share Posted September 3, 2004 Well, I was very good friends with her for 6 years before our 2 year relationship... So not only do I love her as more than a friend I will always love her as a friend. I personally think that she needs to experience more things in life before she can commit to a serious relationship, she has never been single for more than 1 month and only has had 3 boyfriends. If we get back together, I would be really happy. I have loved and wanted to be with her since the moment I met her, so I would do anything to get that. I just really don't like playing games, but I can't help going along with what she wants. I also haven't contacted her since that really long time ago, I just wait for her to call so that she can have the space she requested. So you think that I should call her though? thanks Originally posted by Barby Yes her calls do seem pretty pointless...especially since you've never seen the dog before why would it matter if you saw it now...sounds like she is trying to find any and all excuses to see you. But with that said since she called wanting her stereo back but never came and got it, maybe she's trying to keep you around to "fall back" on in case her new beau and herself don't work out. It is pointless for her to call more than once to make arrangements to do something, not follow through with it, then turn around and do it again. How do you feel about this? Do you want to get back with her if there is a chance for the two of you? All the advice I can really give is you should call her and ask her why she hasn't came to pick her item up, why she wants you to see a dog you have never seen before, and what's she's hoping to gain out of these phone calls. Only she can give you the real answers that you're seeking. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 I am not into or good at playing "games" either so I think the straight forward approach is the best option...you respected her by not calling her at all so you did a good thing there. But she obviously called because she wanted you to have her cell phone number, and she keeps coming up with excuses to see you (which she hasn't followed through with none the less she has tried). I say yes you should call her, just make it casual and ask her if she wants to come pick up the stereo (or if you want offer to take it to her) that way you can talk to her and maybe see her (that way maybe it will be easier to figure out what exactly she is hoping to gain by these phone calls...). Link to post Share on other sites
MorrisJay Posted September 3, 2004 Share Posted September 3, 2004 I appreciate the responses from Barby so far, anyone else have any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
AllieJ Posted September 4, 2004 Share Posted September 4, 2004 I have to agree. If you stopped contact with her, and she made sure that you'd have her new number to call, and keeps finding excuses to contact you, there's something there on her end. After such a long relationship, and such a short period of time after the break up, she's either looking for reconciliation, or closure to the romantic relationship. Either way, you owe it to yourself and her to call her, and dig a little deeper. If you think your suspicions are true, you may as well ask.... if your friendship is 8 years strong, you shouldn't lose anything regardless. Best of luck... please, if anyone gets the chance, I've posted a topic earlier today,and have yet to recieve any replies. Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chulero Posted September 5, 2004 Author Share Posted September 5, 2004 Thanks to all, so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chulero Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 Barby, I appreciate all the previous help from you and everyone else, but you have a womans perspective which is good. I did call her like you suggested, and we ended up talking for a while and she cancelled after she was suppose to pick up her system. The next day she calls and offers to buy me lunch right before she comes over. When she came over, she acted like she did when we were going out it was crazy. Then she tells me everything that has happen in her life that I didn't know since april, and also tells me about her new guy friend that she is somewhat dating but not really. Long story short, she came over had lunch and talked for about 4 1/2 hours. She even had me make a cd for her. Before she left, she asked me if I could install her system in her car knowing that I would say yes and that I don't have any tools yet here at my new apartment. So her system is still here at my apartment. She went out of town a couple days ago and got back last night, and called me last night. I was thinking that maybe she was going to want to hang out or something, but we just talked for about 1/2 an hour while she drove to her friends house. She then told me that she would call me today but hasn't. I just don't get it. I am so confused and lost. I want to start talking to her again, but I don't know what the hell she is thinking. Maybe you can help me out. Thanks very much. Originally posted by Barby I am not into or good at playing "games" either so I think the straight forward approach is the best option...you respected her by not calling her at all so you did a good thing there. But she obviously called because she wanted you to have her cell phone number, and she keeps coming up with excuses to see you (which she hasn't followed through with none the less she has tried). I say yes you should call her, just make it casual and ask her if she wants to come pick up the stereo (or if you want offer to take it to her) that way you can talk to her and maybe see her (that way maybe it will be easier to figure out what exactly she is hoping to gain by these phone calls...). Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I must say it is confusing to say what she could want. Maybe she just wants to keep you around because you are "familiar" to her and sort of like a "comfort blanket" (just an example). It seems like she enjoyed spending time with you or else she probably would have taken her "system" and not called again. I say just be friends with her and feel it out. How did she act when she was talking about her "male friend" was she all "gitty" or did she act like she was expecting a re-action out of you? To be honest it is hard to read her actions and since you are the one who is face 2 face with her only you can read her actions.......but my "intuition"tells me she must want 2 see you more or else she wouldn't prolong the contact (having to come back for the system). I think she could be trying to feel things out with you at this point either that or just really want to hang on to you as a friend. I think only time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chulero Posted September 13, 2004 Author Share Posted September 13, 2004 Thanks for everything. I saw her tonight, and she said the only reason why we broke up was because we didn't have the title of boyfriend/girlfriend. If I know her as well as I think I do, then I will hopefully be back with her after a while but it will take time to regain the trust from both her and my side. I love her and will give her all the time in the world. Thanks QUOTE]Originally posted by Barby I must say it is confusing to say what she could want. Maybe she just wants to keep you around because you are "familiar" to her and sort of like a "comfort blanket" (just an example). It seems like she enjoyed spending time with you or else she probably would have taken her "system" and not called again. I say just be friends with her and feel it out. How did she act when she was talking about her "male friend" was she all "gitty" or did she act like she was expecting a re-action out of you? To be honest it is hard to read her actions and since you are the one who is face 2 face with her only you can read her actions.......but my "intuition"tells me she must want 2 see you more or else she wouldn't prolong the contact (having to come back for the system). I think she could be trying to feel things out with you at this point either that or just really want to hang on to you as a friend. I think only time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 You're more than welcome and if this is indeed the case why you two broke up, then I'd say you're well on your way to re-conciliation! Also this time make sure you're clear to her that you are bf-gf and make sure you communicate with her well. Re-build the emotional bond first (which it sounds like you're kind of doing that already). Anyway I'm glad to hear that things are well and I sincerely wish you the best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chulero Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 Barby, I actually saw my ex on friday and saturday. She is really not doing very good. Although we are getting closer, she still has feelings for her ex that she broke up with in July even though he treated her like ****. Her life is all messed up and she doesn't know what she is doing or who she is anymore. She knows that I will always be there for her and I talked to her for a while about it. She just needs help getting over him and getting out of her mind, because he is acting really immature about their breakup. Although I want to get back with her, if I can't do that then I would like to be friends with her, and because she has no real friends right now I believe I can help her. She says that she is really sorry for treating me like she did and is really embarrassed for treating me the way she did. So what can I do to help her get through this and get her life back on track. I told her that the only way she can find herself is by herself and i can only suggest things. Also last but not least, she told me that she is embarrassed to call me and talk to me about things. So should I call keep in contact with her or just wait, and how often would you call? Thanks Originally posted by Barby You're more than welcome and if this is indeed the case why you two broke up, then I'd say you're well on your way to re-conciliation! Also this time make sure you're clear to her that you are bf-gf and make sure you communicate with her well. Re-build the emotional bond first (which it sounds like you're kind of doing that already). Anyway I'm glad to hear that things are well and I sincerely wish you the best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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