how long should I wait before......

[Guest]

My girlfriend recently rather quickly broke of our 3 year old relationship because of her confused state (refer to my previous post on 20 november).

 

 

She was a very confused lady and she wasn't making much sense to anyone including her immediate family, and yes it was her choice to terminate our relationship due to factors that only she will be able to determine one day.

 

 

It was her first serious relationship (actually mine also) and I know that she is thinking about much at present and speaking to others, etc.

 

 

I want to give her time to gather her thoughts and check out the scene which could be a little miserable considering most of her friends are either in another state/country, or in serious relationships/married (my scene isn't much better either).

 

 

The christmas holidays and new year are arriving soon and it should be a time to be merry so it will be interesting to see how we both go.

 

 

Some people (including her sister) are telling me to make a friendly contact with her soon.

 

 

I anticipate that I will attempt to contact her eventually (and at least send to her a christmas card) but I'm not sure how long I should wait berfore doing so.

 

 

 

Should I contact her soon ???

 

 

 

How long should I wait before doing so ???

 

 

 

All advice is appreciated.

 

Paul

[Tony T]

1. Should I contact her soon ???

 

No. She's confused. She broke up with you because she wants no meaningful interaction with you. If you have no important business to conduct with her, why would you contact her? What would the purpose be? If you just want to say hello, there are many others you can call and say hello to. If you miss her, calling her will only prolong your healing process...and could probably piss her off and cause more hurt for you.

 

2. How long should I wait before doing so ???

 

Again, for what purpose would you call her. Of course you miss her, you were in a three year relationship with her. But she broke up with you...she told you she didn't want a relationship with you anymore. So what do you want to do, call her so she can hurt you more???

 

Do you really want a friendship with her? I don't think so. It sounds like you're still in love with her. Calling her and having any kind of contact with her whatsoever is just going to keep you stuck in the place you're in now and prevent you from being able to heal and find another and better love for yourself.

 

She broke up with you because she doesn't want a relationship with you. Whether it's confusion or not, you don't need her in your life...in any way.

 

In time, when she gets her act together maybe she'll contact you and at that time perhaps you can enjoy more of a friendship. But right now, you should do your best to forget calling her, sending her mail, messages of any kind, etc. and concentrate on yourself and your happiness.

 

Your post is just full of hope on your part that she is going to somehow snap into a new frame of mind and see that she has made a mistake and come running back to you. That's not the way it happens. Sane people don't break up with people they are very fond of being with. She has other things going on in her life now and you just need to face that fact. You can enjoy the holidays quite well without her. I hope you will change your thinking. Hoping that someone who dumped you out of nowhere just comes rushing back into your life is not the stuff of great romance.

 

If she does come back to you soon and discuss reconciliation, you should insist she get a psychological evaluation before making an such decision...after what she did to you. This lady's nuts.

[Nic]

She initiated the break up, so let her initiate any contact. it's quite possible that she broke up with you because feeling so confused, she may have thought it's not fair to put all these feelings on you. so not being around you and being in contact with you was her decision to make it easier on you.

 

don't listen to what her sister says. if her sister had any sense, she'd realise that you're not the one who broke up with her. if you were the one who broke up with her, it would make sense to contact her. it is very painful not being in contact with someone you love so much, but you don't want to confuse the situation further or end up getting more hurt than you already are.

 

it was her choice to terminate the relationship, which in turn means terminating contact, and it should be her choice to contact you if and when she feels ready. of course she's thinking of you, but don't need to get your hopes up. you will find out sooner or later where you stand with her, and least when you do, you will find it much easier to deal with either way.

 

in the meantime, try not to live on hope that she will sort herself out and come back to you. because when someone is as confused as she is, it can take a very long time to sort things out, if they do at all. so try and enjoy christmas and new year with your family and friends, and don't wait for her. that's not fair on you.

 

she knows how much you love her, she knows where you are, and if she wants to contact you, she will.

My girlfriend recently rather quickly broke of our 3 year old relationship because of her confused state (refer to my previous post on 20 november). She was a very confused lady and she wasn't making much sense to anyone including her immediate family, and yes it was her choice to terminate our relationship due to factors that only she will be able to determine one day. It was her first serious relationship (actually mine also) and I know that she is thinking about much at present and speaking to others, etc. I want to give her time to gather her thoughts and check out the scene which could be a little miserable considering most of her friends are either in another state/country, or in serious relationships/married (my scene isn't much better either). The christmas holidays and new year are arriving soon and it should be a time to be merry so it will be interesting to see how we both go. Some people (including her sister) are telling me to make a friendly contact with her soon. I anticipate that I will attempt to contact her eventually (and at least send to her a christmas card) but I'm not sure how long I should wait berfore doing so. Should I contact her soon ??? How long should I wait before doing so ???

 

All advice is appreciated.

[Deejette]

Don't send her any cards at all. All it shows is how desperate you are to get back together with her. That is not coming from a position of strength and will set you up for further rejection. I agree with Nic, let her send you the card.

She initiated the break up, so let her initiate any contact. it's quite possible that she broke up with you because feeling so confused, she may have thought it's not fair to put all these feelings on you. so not being around you and being in contact with you was her decision to make it easier on you. don't listen to what her sister says. if her sister had any sense, she'd realise that you're not the one who broke up with her. if you were the one who broke up with her, it would make sense to contact her. it is very painful not being in contact with someone you love so much, but you don't want to confuse the situation further or end up getting more hurt than you already are.

 

it was her choice to terminate the relationship, which in turn means terminating contact, and it should be her choice to contact you if and when she feels ready. of course she's thinking of you, but don't need to get your hopes up. you will find out sooner or later where you stand with her, and least when you do, you will find it much easier to deal with either way. in the meantime, try not to live on hope that she will sort herself out and come back to you. because when someone is as confused as she is, it can take a very long time to sort things out, if they do at all. so try and enjoy christmas and new year with your family and friends, and don't wait for her. that's not fair on you. she knows how much you love her, she knows where you are, and if she wants to contact you, she will.