Could really use some

[Her nice guy]

I'll try to keep this short-

 

I'm in the middle of a LDR with a girl whom I've known for almost 16 years. I met her when I was 19 and while I don't know if 'Love at first site' really exists or if people really think they can love someone the first time they see a person, well, I really don't know. But she's the closest thing to that I have ever experienced. From the moment I saw her I wanted nothing but to love her and take care of her.. we were both in relationships, I moved away and moved on- you get the idea.

 

I saw her on FB and added her a few months back and messaged her saying that I'd really like to get to know her again and she was very cool. We started emailing everyday and eventually talking on the phone. The catch here is that we're both in unhappy relationships, hers moreso than mine. And here's the catch- we've began to have a relationship via phone and email. We're both good with this and are making preparations to leave our current relationships to be together soon. I hope nobody judges us because we really do care deeply for one another.

 

The other catch is that she's in an abusive relationship with her baby's dad. She had divorced him, found out she was pregnant, took him back and about 3-4 nights a week he's at minimum verbally abusive for hours on end and at times it has gotten physical. She broke down crying on the phone yesterday while telling me of a story where he put his hands around her throat and choked her until she blacked out and she came to falling to the floor. This was months back before we began talking.. I feel like this monumental POS because I'm somewhat helpless to help her.. I mean, don't get me wrong, I could crush this guy- but she won't let me. And she's not one of those helpless women that is staying in it for the long haul.. it really comes down to custody issues and financials.

 

Things have moved along great with us and she knows how much I love her and want to treat her right. But yesterday I f'd up kind of bad.. she's been so stressed with her situation and her job that we've kind of not seemed so close for some days on end. I (like a dumb ass) got insecure and wrote her an email that I should give her space etc.. it really was nice/noble considering the topic. I want to be with her more than I thought I could ever be with anyone.. but after being hurt a few times and fighting for one woman that screwed me over pretty bad, I thought that I was giving her what she wanted..

 

So we worked it out. Talked on the phone, texted, etc.. but there's still some weirdness in the air that has been lingering around and I just can't seem to get rid of it. I've brought my confidence back to level and am just letting it run it's course while hoping for the best but I was wondering if anyone could tell me how to get past the weirdness from a misunderstanding? Many of you may laugh, but I know I'm going to marry this girl. Somewhere deep down, I always have. The only negative things in our relationship is not being able to be together and what she deals with at home. I've been a strong source of positivity and support, but lately it feels like everything I'm saying is monotonous (probably because it is). I'm a big believer in actions speaking louder than words.. but I can't take action. I don't have a hero complex, but she needs saved. Badly. She's speaking to a lawyer this afternoon and also looking into getting an apartment so these are all good things. I just need to be the guy she's grown to love.. and I feel like this helpless douche lately.

Edited February 28, 2013 by Her nice guy

[lavenderlove]

Don't worry about the weirdness in the air, just apologise, stand by her, do everything you can, tell her that you want to marry her. Just do it.

The 'how' doesn't matter.