Dilemma: To see him or not to see him?

[destroyed4sho]

You believe his mother?? ....mothers usually dont want to take blame so they throw blame on the gf.

A more reliable source on his behavior would be a previous ex...

[J_L_C]

I did something really bad. I don't have my ex on my Facebook anymore, but there are a couple of his friends on there.

 

I posted the following: Karma is a b**ch...serving up one a**hole at a time. Then I proceeded to say: Does a great guy cheat on his gf? Call her names?

Etc etc. I listed a few other things.

 

Well one of his friends told him and he messaged me on THEIR phone saying that I wrecked any last possible shred of hope there ever was for us.

 

I KNOW I shouldn't have done this, so please don't write back telling me I shouldn't have. I'm worried and in a very bad position tonight for the repercussions. I feel like if there were to ever have been a chance, down the road, maybe after him maturing, it's now ruined because of this post.

 

Of course based on all of the terrible things he did, I don't know if I would have ever consider a second chance anyway, but now he sorta put that in my head. He's making me feel that "I" ruined any last connection, friendship or otherwise. Now I'm going to feel guilty and remorseful of this stupid choice I made.

[Simon Phoenix]

I did something really bad. I don't have my ex on my Facebook anymore, but there are a couple of his friends on there.

 

I posted the following: Karma is a b**ch...serving up one a**hole at a time. Then I proceeded to say: Does a great guy cheat on his gf? Call her names?

Etc etc. I listed a few other things.

 

Well one of his friends told him and he messaged me on THEIR phone saying that I wrecked any last possible shred of hope there ever was for us.

 

I KNOW I shouldn't have done this, so please don't write back telling me I shouldn't have. I'm worried and in a very bad position tonight for the repercussions. I feel like if there were to ever have been a chance, down the road, maybe after him maturing, it's now ruined because of this post.

 

Of course based on all of the terrible things he did, I don't know if I would have ever consider a second chance anyway, but now he sorta put that in my head. He's making me feel that "I" ruined any last connection, friendship or otherwise. Now I'm going to feel guilty and remorseful of this stupid choice I made.

 

You'd have to be one of the world's biggest idiots to want a chance at anything at this guy. While I'm not a big fan of what you did, in your case, it actually might be for the best. Anything that gets rid of the delusional ridiculousity that you've harbored (and still harbor to a small extent) for this guy is a good thing. So I will not dump on you for this.

[J_L_C]

I'm feeling really low about it. I NEVER do things like this. But now he's telling me I wrecked any last shred of hope for any reconciliation or friendship.

 

Why do I feel like I'm the only girl who will ever get the brunt of his poor behaviour? Once he finds that 'right one', he won't even let it show. I barely even saw it until the end when it was too late and he just didn't care anymore, so why not treat me badly. The girl who he ends up with will never see this side of him and it hurts so...damn...bad.

 

This event tonight has me slipping back into my depressive state of mind. I can't live with myself knowing that the ONLY reason he would never try to reconcile is because of what I did tonight (irrespective of whether I should be thinking about seconds chances or not).

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm feeling really low about it. I NEVER do things like this. But now he's telling me I wrecked any last shred of hope for any reconciliation or friendship.

 

Why do I feel like I'm the only girl who will ever get the brunt of his poor behaviour? Once he finds that 'right one', he won't even let it show. I barely even saw it until the end when it was too late and he just didn't care anymore, so why not treat me badly. The girl who he ends up with will never see this side of him and it hurts so...damn...bad.

 

This event tonight has me slipping back into my depressive state of mind. I can't live with myself knowing that the ONLY reason he would never try to reconcile is because of what I did tonight (irrespective of whether I should be thinking about seconds chances or not).

 

First of all, that's a crock of s--t. After all he's put you through the fact that he has the gall to say something like that is despicable. And the fact that you are gullible enough to buy it is bad too. THIS IS A GOOD THING! This guy is a cancer and basically the impetus of your attempt to destroy every last speck of self-esteem you have. His presence causes you to be self-destructive. So its good he's not around -- though I bet he'll try to weasel some more sex out of you at some point down the road. He doesn't give a s--t about you, just his own impulses and desires. It's all a part of his game and you seem intent on falling for it again. Don't.

[MsIndependent1]

J_L_C I've read this whole post and I've been going through the same thing ultimately and there's a few things that made this whole situation easier to go through for me. Number 1. he didn't have regard for you in the relationship. Though you may think he was a great boyfriend until the break-up, he probably wasn't and you were just ignoring the huge red flags that were present during that time. Number 2. You need to focus on yourself. What about him do you think he can do for you that you can't do for yourself? Sure love is great to be in and it's an amazing feeling but what good is it to you when it does you more harm than good? Right now, he knows that you would do anything to be in your perimeter because he's feeding off your weakness knowing that you NEED him and he doesn't need you. You need to find yourself again because obviously you have lost a great sense of yourself in this relationship and now your seeing the after effects now. Number 3. Who really cares what his thoughts are about re-kindling or having a friendship with him? If he hasn't shown you up until this point that your a valuable part of his life it's not going to change period. He enjoys the control he has over your emotions and until you completely take control of yourself again and give someone that much power over YOU, your going to be in this cycle forever. Lastly, you need to stop worrying about "if he met the right girl". A zebra doesn't change their stripes and a leopard never loses it's spots. A person only changes when they see and feel the need to. Whether you believe it or not, this is his character and he's just going to do to the "right girl" the same thing he did to you. So just count your blessings and steer clear from this man. It's fatal to your self esteem and volatile to your dignity and self worth!

[geegirl]

This event tonight has me slipping back into my

depressive state of mind. I can't live with myself knowing that the ONLY reason he would never try to reconcile is because of what I did tonight (irrespective of whether I should be thinking about seconds chances or not).

 

I can't help but wonder what about you makes you devalue yourself so much in that you are so dependent on this man.

 

You can't live with yourself knowing that he would never try to reconcile because of what you did, but you can live with yourself by accepting humiliation and disrespect?

 

Any last chance of a connection or friendship? A man that masturbates infront of you while you're in pain does not have the values needed to be a friend nor does he have any level of healthy emotional capacity to have a connection with you.

 

One day you will look back and you will kick yourself for treating yourself this way. I hope you are seeking counseling. You're self-esteem has taken a huge beating and your self-respect is nowhere to be found.

 

If he was a great boyfriend, his integrity and decency would have remained consistent. He would have treated you with respect, then and NOW. When it's not consistent, it's a show. No one goes from great to dickhead unless it's a production. They don't go from loving to being lewd while you are in pain. You keep going back to what was. It was just an image. What you see now, is who he really is. Stop romanticizing this man.

Edited March 19, 2013 by geegirl

[na49]

JLC don't take offense to this. I'm sorry if this is kind of a graphic visual but it's what I see when I read your situation. I feel really bad for you and I know your good enough to beat this.

 

I see him as a big fat slob wearing a crown sitting on his throne that you let him have. and he's got you on a leash. He throws sh*t at you all day and all of his friends laugh at you. You try to fight back ONCE and he gets up from his throne, points his big fat finger at you and tells you that you've ruined your chance. You're the bad guy in all of this. It's all your fault.

 

He scares you when he tells you crap like "You ruined any chance of getting back together". That's a load of sh*t. There is no chance. There hasn't been any chance. He tells you that to scare you, and it worked! He doesn't even have to be around you and he's got all of this power over you. You need to see a counselor if you haven't and if you have seen a counselor you need to see a better one. It WILL help just like blocking his number WILL help. Trust me. I didn't start truly feeling better until I blocked my ex's number. Knowing when your phone rings that it won't be him is a good feeling.

 

This is the same man you want another chance with. Why? If you don't respond to any other part of my post. Please answer this. If you answered it already in this thread. Answer it again. It's definitely not love, so don't give me that. This isn't love.

 

Understand that people change. He isn't the same prince charming he once was. He's giving you every reason to believe he isn't. So try (as hard as it is) to let this ideal version of him go. Or at least keep your ideal version of him separate from the real version of him. Realize that they are two different people.

 

maybe I should read my own advice. I also pine for an abusive ex at times.

[J_L_C]

This is the same man you want another chance with. Why? If you don't respond to any other part of my post. Please answer this. If you answered it already in this thread. Answer it again. It's definitely not love, so don't give me that. This isn't love.

 

Understand that people change. He isn't the same prince charming he once was. He's giving you every reason to believe he isn't. So try (as hard as it is) to let this ideal version of him go. Or at least keep your ideal version of him separate from the real version of him.

 

The reason I would want to try again is because of the amazing qualities he showed while we were together. The way he made me feel while we were together. Believe it or not, all of his friends, family and acquaintances refer to him as a "fantastic guy" and he was the whole time we were together.

 

If he gave us an opportunity to spend time together and see if any feelings returned, I know he would try hard for us again. He's apologized over and over for his behaviors after the fact and also explained that a lot of it had to do with my 6-months of incessant and frustrating level of contact.

 

I keep wondering and thinking about the fact that "something" could spark again if we only tried. Everyone makes mistakes. I did as well. But doesn't anyone think he could gain a new perspective and really put in a good effort if he fully committed to trying again? That we "could" get back to the way we were?

[Simon Phoenix]

The reason I would want to try again is because of the amazing qualities he showed while we were together. The way he made me feel while we were together. Believe it or not, all of his friends, family and acquaintances refer to him as a "fantastic guy" and he was the whole time we were together.

 

If he gave us an opportunity to spend time together and see if any feelings returned, I know he would try hard for us again. He's apologized over and over for his behaviors after the fact and also explained that a lot of it had to do with my 6-months of incessant and frustrating level of contact.

 

I keep wondering and thinking about the fact that "something" could spark again if we only tried. Everyone makes mistakes. I did as well. But doesn't anyone think he could gain a new perspective and really put in a good effort if he fully committed to trying again? That we "could" get back to the way we were?

 

No. No one thinks that and for good reason. I just don't even know what to say to you at this point, you are unbelievably delusional.

[geegirl]

JLC, you had a relationship with him. You saw a side of him that he probably does not show his friends, family or acquaintances. Do you think he dares to go around calling his friends idiots and not too bright? Do you think that if you told his family that he masturbated infront on you while you sobbed, they would think he's a great guy? Or do you think they would gasp? They'd question who this man really is because it is not normal or decent behavior. Or they would probably think you are lying because he's so good at keeping up appearances.

 

People show themselves the way they want to be perceived. I am sure he cares what his family and friends think of him, so best foot forward. Besides, friends don't get to see the nitty gritty because they don't get to bond as how someone would in a relationship. He does not care about you so he shows you who he is because he has no reason to impress you. No reason to put an effort into being "nice" because he has no need to be liked by you anymore. He can be who he wants to be.

 

If he had all these amazing qualities, and if they were REAL, where did it all go? Would it not be consistent because he's just an amazing guy? Why do you believe the amazing but cannot seem to grasp the ugly?

 

He won't try again because he has no feelings. He just wants sex. Incessant and frustrating contact from you does not warrant treating you like a piece of nothing. Stop making excuses for him.

 

Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are one thing but blatantly, and consistently treating you like crap, and only recently, on the 14th of March you posted that he asked you to go over and ride his dick. Those are not mistakes.

 

What "spark" are you talking about when a man speaks to you like garbage. There is no capability to gain perspective and to be committed when someone is in such a mindset. And once a man looks at you this way and has such degradation for you, don't hope for him to change into a loving partner.

Edited March 19, 2013 by geegirl

[J_L_C]

JLC, you had a relationship with him. You saw a side of him that he probably does not show his friends, family or acquaintances. Do you think he dares to go around calling his friends idiots and not too bright? Do you think that if you told his family that he masturbated infront on you while you sobbed, they would think he's a great guy? Or do you think they would gasp? They'd question who this man really is because it is not normal or decent behavior. Or they would probably think you are lying because he's so good at keeping up appearances.

 

People show themselves the way they want to be perceived. I am sure he cares what his family and friends think of him, so best foot forward. Besides, friends don't get to see the nitty gritty because they don't get to bond as how someone would in a relationship. He does not care about you so he shows you who he is because he has no reason to impress you. No reason to put an effort into being "nice" because he has no need to be liked by you anymore. He can be who he wants to be.

 

If he had all these amazing qualities, and if they were REAL, where did it all go? Would it not be consistent because he's just an amazing guy? Why do you believe the amazing but cannot seem to grasp the ugly?

 

He won't try again because he has no feelings. He just wants sex. Incessant and frustrating contact from you does not warrant treating you like a piece of nothing. Stop making excuses for him.

 

Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are one thing but blatantly, and consistently treating you like crap, and only recently, on the 14th of March you posted that he asked you to go over and ride his dick. Those are not mistakes.

 

What "spark" are you talking about when a man speaks to you like garbage. There is no capability to gain perspective and to be committed when someone is in such a mindset. And once a man looks at you this way and has such degradation for you, don't hope for him to change into a loving partner.

 

Can I ask you a question or at least state things in a way so you see where I'm coming from? I'm the type of person to internalize and really take things personally. I thought I was so very lucky and couldn't believe I found a guy like him. For the entire time we were together I never once saw any of those types of behaviours.

 

That having been said, for some reason I feel like maybe there was something about 'me' that caused him to just not care anymore about how he treated me. I wasn't 'the right one' and his feelings changed. He was no longer romantically interested in me. But was that because of something that "I" did? I wasn't adventurous enough, didn't make decisions the way he would, I did things in certain ways that made him just shake his head at me, etc. He no longer cared about the way that he treated me, but I feel like it was because of who I am as a person that caused him to just become annoyed with me.

 

If I HAD been the right girl, I'm sure I would have never seen those behaviours. I would have been 'worth it' to him to make sure he continued being the guy who I ultimately think he is (the good over the bad). I just feel like it was my fault to some degree that all that bad came out (the incessant contact), and the fact that he wasn't smitten enough with me anymore to continue the loving, caring actions.

 

I KNOW I shouldn't dwell on how he's going to treat the next girl, but if she ends up being the one, she will NOT see this side of him because he will make DAMN SURE not to jeopardize that. Plus, if she IS the right one for him, she obviously won't do things or provoke him to behave that way towards her if he's certain she's his future. He'd never call her a f***ing idiot or jerk it during a fight. He'll never use her for sex or not wish her a happy birthday.

 

Do you see what I'm saying? It kills me that I had the great guy for the time we were together, but once his feelings changed, so did he. But some other woman is going to get the gold that he is when things are right?

[Bigcitydreamer]

The way you are feeling is how everyone feels post breakup. Like they weren't good enough or they were at fault. That's what makes it so hard. But you have to rise up above this because you are dwelling too much.

[Bigcitydreamer]

I struggle with the exact same questions as you. I think most of us do but it's the way that you handle it that matters. Even if your ex wanted you back which I'm most certain he won't, you shouldn't take him back. When you meet the one you will spend your life with it won't be this hard. He will never make you feel this low. You have to understand that we can't make someone love us. What makes you any different than me? We both got dumped, both broken hearted, both asking the same questions! You are not the exception to the rule. And I asked myself did he fall out of love with me? But why! I'm so nice and caring and intelligent.. What could I have done differently. We won't get those answers. It sucks and there is nothing we can do about it. So move on! People are getting tired of entertaining these threads because it's like nothing is sinking in for you. Everyone understands he was a great guy pre break up blah blah blah but that is simply not the point. He broke up with you for whatever reason so you have to get over him and find someone else.

[geegirl]

Yes, I see what you are saying. You have decided to shoulder the responsibility for the relationship ending and to be accountable for his horrible treatment of you post relationship based on one reason: YOU were not good enough.

 

That's like me saying I wasn't good enough so that is why my ex cheated on me with other women. Screw that. I'm not responsible for someone choosing to be a ****ty person. Snap out of that skewed mentality.

 

People don't change from AMAZING to PIG because their feelings have changed for you. Grasp this, please. PIG is a part of him. I could never see my brother treat a woman that way, no matter what. There was a woman that was in his life for awhile but he decided he couldn't go on with her. Just because his feelings changed, do you think he called her to ride his dick, or called her stupid or masturbated while he dumped her? No. He ended it kindly and treated her with respect. Why? He does not have PIG in him. It's not his make. It's a standard you carry for yourself, a boundary, a level of decency one holds for themselves. It's consistent behavior.

 

So, stop blaming yourself for his behavior. No one deserves to be treated that way after a break-up. A man that truly cared for you, would have kindly let you go and let you heal. Why, because while they once had your best interest at heart, they still do and would not want to see you hurt. He does not give a rats ass about your hurt. Infact, he takes pleasure in seeing you hurt, literally.

 

The next woman I am sure at some point will see that side. When things don't go his way, it'll manifest. And if it doesn't, he's not a prize because his amazing qualities are based on what he hopes to get out of the relationship rather than him having a genuine level of decency within him. It's sick what he did. I visualize him wanking while you cry, it makes me want to puke. There is no amazing after that.

 

You want that back. Well, it does not exist. You've created an image of him. Start looking at the bad. It was there for a reason.

 

Dwelling is normal. But don't let it keep stripping you of your self-respect. Your obsession for this man and complete delusion when it comes to who he is, is worrisome. You need to find someone that can help you rebuild your self-esteem again. Find ways to reframe your patterns.

 

If this is what you cling to and feel you deserve, it's hard to watch because it's obvious you've lost all sense of your worth. Taking responsibility for him treating you badly is a clear sign your self-esteem is broken.

Edited March 20, 2013 by geegirl

[Wabisabi]

Can I ask you a question or at least state things in a way so you see where I'm coming from? I'm the type of person to internalize and really take things personally. I thought I was so very lucky and couldn't believe I found a guy like him. For the entire time we were together I never once saw any of those types of behaviours.

 

That having been said, for some reason I feel like maybe there was something about 'me' that caused him to just not care anymore about how he treated me. I wasn't 'the right one' and his feelings changed. He was no longer romantically interested in me. But was that because of something that "I" did? I wasn't adventurous enough, didn't make decisions the way he would, I did things in certain ways that made him just shake his head at me, etc. He no longer cared about the way that he treated me, but I feel like it was because of who I am as a person that caused him to just become annoyed with me.

 

If I HAD been the right girl, I'm sure I would have never seen those behaviours. I would have been 'worth it' to him to make sure he continued being the guy who I ultimately think he is (the good over the bad). I just feel like it was my fault to some degree that all that bad came out (the incessant contact), and the fact that he wasn't smitten enough with me anymore to continue the loving, caring actions.

 

I KNOW I shouldn't dwell on how he's going to treat the next girl, but if she ends up being the one, she will NOT see this side of him because he will make DAMN SURE not to jeopardize that. Plus, if she IS the right one for him, she obviously won't do things or provoke him to behave that way towards her if he's certain she's his future. He'd never call her a f***ing idiot or jerk it during a fight. He'll never use her for sex or not wish her a happy birthday.

 

Do you see what I'm saying? It kills me that I had the great guy for the time we were together, but once his feelings changed, so did he. But some other woman is going to get the gold that he is when things are right?

 

He knew you'd beat yourself up like this. He has total control over you even if you blocked his phone no. I have a feeling he was never as nice to you as you said he was. I think he had been mentally and emotionally abusing you and you don't even realize that. The thing is, if you post your thoughts and concerns here, you must be willing to listen to what everyone's saying and everyone here's been telling you the same message over and over again but you don't seem to get it. You keep reinforcing your skewed belief that it's YOU, YOUR fault, YOU ruined him. What do you really want? He's a sadist. He wants to torture you and he's succeeding because he knows your weakness. A decent man will never do that to the one he used to love. Not in the ways he did. I've been in relationships enough times to know.

 

And trust me, he will do the same to the next girl and the next and the next and to whoever he thinks is his perfect match because that's his true color and his manipulative tactics. He'd only be nice to her as he was to you in the beginning and then there'll be a point in time where they don't agree on something and BAM! He'll take off his mask and show his wolfie self.

 

Anyway, NO ONE is gonna get the gold that he is coz he's not gold, he's just a piece of poop.

[hestheone66]

hi having read most of the posts on this I have to say that i know exactly how you feel and want to let you know that I was with a narcissist abuser for 12 years.. he also showed incredible depths of caring and we shared a very spiritual/sexual connection at the beginning and sporadically through our time together

however he was incredibly toxic and would say the most disgusting vile things to my face "you are a maggot and being with you nauseates me and makes me want to vomit" all the way to transcendent things about our souls being united though time and space.

 

I took it all in. He was a control freak, addicted to power over me. I left him feeling guilty as he didn't really have anything going for him except his manipulative personality but knew I had to do so for my sanity and safety.

 

Now years later, he is still attempting to stalk and control me and I realise he never was in the relationship- he was into power.

 

I am so much better off without him, but even now I feel his control over my thoughts such that if i know that he knows what is happening in my life, i sense his disapproval.. i'm trying to get over that... i think it is a type of brain washing.. same as in cults.. starts with love bombing and if you don't do what they want they use fear to control you.

 

PLEASE realise that all human beings have worth... you WILL find someone not who will make the feelings that this man gave you at the best of times.. pale into insignificance.. He will not ever find the "perfect' woman for him.. worry about what YOU think is good for you... the past does nothing but drag you away from recovering.. surround yourself with people who support you and see you as the amazing survivor of abuse that you are

[J_L_C]

hi having read most of the posts on this I have to say that i know exactly how you feel and want to let you know that I was with a narcissist abuser for 12 years.. he also showed incredible depths of caring and we shared a very spiritual/sexual connection at the beginning and sporadically through our time together

however he was incredibly toxic and would say the most disgusting vile things to my face "you are a maggot and being with you nauseates me and makes me want to vomit" all the way to transcendent things about our souls being united though time and space.

 

I took it all in. He was a control freak, addicted to power over me. I left him feeling guilty as he didn't really have anything going for him except his manipulative personality but knew I had to do so for my sanity and safety.

 

Now years later, he is still attempting to stalk and control me and I realise he never was in the relationship- he was into power.

 

I am so much better off without him, but even now I feel his control over my thoughts such that if i know that he knows what is happening in my life, i sense his disapproval.. i'm trying to get over that... i think it is a type of brain washing.. same as in cults.. starts with love bombing and if you don't do what they want they use fear to control you.

 

PLEASE realise that all human beings have worth... you WILL find someone not who will make the feelings that this man gave you at the best of times.. pale into insignificance.. He will not ever find the "perfect' woman for him.. worry about what YOU think is good for you... the past does nothing but drag you away from recovering.. surround yourself with people who support you and see you as the amazing survivor of abuse that you are

 

Thank you so much for your kind words I know that everyone on here is beyond frustrated with me, but it's been a really tough time, coupled with my OCD and its equaled disaster. Although it may not sound as though I've made any progress, I honestly have. First off, I don't message him or call or email anymore. Previously I was doing this MULTIPLE times on a daily basis...whining, pleading, begging and crying. Second, I no longer ask him to meet up. Third, I don't spend all of my days in bed crying or talking NON-STOP about it with my friends and family. I'm still struggling, but little by little I am making headway. Tonight for example, he contacted MY SISTER on her phone since I've blocked him. He asked her to pass along a message to me. He wanted to see if I'd like to go for an evening walk just to talk since he was going to be in my area. My sister told me about the message, but I refused to have any message back to him. I just left it hanging. NORMALLY, many months ago, I would have dropped whatever I was doing just to see him. So although I know I may sounds EXTREMELY frustrating, delusional or what have you, I am definitely making improvements. I really appreciate and take all of the comments to heart. Believe me. When I'm having a doubtful moment, I will read through the entire thread and although I don't know any of you personally, it has made a BIG difference for me

[hestheone66]

pls ask your sister to just delete any messages and not to inform you of them.. and of course not to reply on ur behalf

[Wabisabi]

Thank you so much for your kind words I know that everyone on here is beyond frustrated with me, but it's been a really tough time, coupled with my OCD and its equaled disaster. Although it may not sound as though I've made any progress, I honestly have. First off, I don't message him or call or email anymore. Previously I was doing this MULTIPLE times on a daily basis...whining, pleading, begging and crying. Second, I no longer ask him to meet up. Third, I don't spend all of my days in bed crying or talking NON-STOP about it with my friends and family. I'm still struggling, but little by little I am making headway. Tonight for example, he contacted MY SISTER on her phone since I've blocked him. He asked her to pass along a message to me. He wanted to see if I'd like to go for an evening walk just to talk since he was going to be in my area. My sister told me about the message, but I refused to have any message back to him. I just left it hanging. NORMALLY, many months ago, I would have dropped whatever I was doing just to see him. So although I know I may sounds EXTREMELY frustrating, delusional or what have you, I am definitely making improvements. I really appreciate and take all of the comments to heart. Believe me. When I'm having a doubtful moment, I will read through the entire thread and although I don't know any of you personally, it has made a BIG difference for me

 

That's good to hear. Any progress no matter how small is a progress.

 

Remember don't meet him and don't need to reply him either. He's trying to throw you a bait again. Same pattern, see? If you had gone to see him, he's gonna trash you in your face because he's just waiting for this chance since you blocked him. Take back the control in your life. Empower yourself with your inner strength. I'm telling this to myself too.

[J_L_C]

OMG I don't know what my ex's intentions are. He called me tonight from a different number. I was shocked of course. He was asking me if I was free tonight to meet up and talk. He has been quite persistent and although he made many sexual comments previously, he finally explained that he does just want to catch up here and there with no sex whatsoever. He doesn't seem to think it's a good idea despite his previous indications.

 

Here's what I think it actually is though. He knew that I received some troubling health news awhile ago but I never specifically told him what it was. I finally did last week. He knows that he's treated me so poorly and I believe that to a degree, it's weighing in on his conscience. Thus, he is trying to show that he is a 'good guy' by NOW offering me support. I think he may genuinely feel a bit guilty, BUT I also feel like he is just reaching out to satisfy this and so that I can't tell people what an a$$ he is for never showing he cared.

 

Weird thing though...many months ago when we used to talk on the phone he would rush me, cut me off, criticize things and always have to get his word in and then go. He was like that today when he called me. It was as if he was frustrated as hell talking to me, but then why talk to me at all then?! I reamed him out for it and he apologized of course, saying he hopes I can forgive him for the way he talks to me and that he'll try harder next time.

 

I really do believe it's not about sex. He's trying way too hard to put a foot in my life right now and I just don't get it.

[geegirl]

About a week ago he invited you over to ride his dick. His intentions haven't changed, especially within a week.

 

Since you blocked him, he's trying different ways to get to you. And when he's buttered you up nice for you to believe he's genuinely concerned, you'll get all weak, believe he's "amazing" and he'll have his way with you.

 

He knows you're hard pressed for him. He knows he can get you if he wants. He'll show concern but trust he knows the opportunity for sex will be there in time if he can make you open up to him.

 

Do you really think he cares? Remember what he did when you were in pain, crying about the break up. People like that don't suddenly give a damn about you.

 

You're either trolling at this point or utterly naive.

Edited March 22, 2013 by geegirl

[J_L_C]

He will never ever ever EVER get into my pants again!! As much as this is still hard for me, confusing and of course I miss the past...I absolutely made a promise to myself to never give in to that again...I'm very serious about that.

[Sheilalou008]

OMG I don't know what my ex's intentions are. He called me tonight from a different number. I was shocked of course. He was asking me if I was free tonight to meet up and talk. He has been quite persistent and although he made many sexual comments previously, he finally explained that he does just want to catch up here and there with no sex whatsoever. He doesn't seem to think it's a good idea despite his previous indications.

 

Here's what I think it actually is though. He knew that I received some troubling health news awhile ago but I never specifically told him what it was. I finally did last week. He knows that he's treated me so poorly and I believe that to a degree, it's weighing in on his conscience. Thus, he is trying to show that he is a 'good guy' by NOW offering me support. I think he may genuinely feel a bit guilty, BUT I also feel like he is just reaching out to satisfy this and so that I can't tell people what an a$$ he is for never showing he cared.

 

Weird thing though...many months ago when we used to talk on the phone he would rush me, cut me off, criticize things and always have to get his word in and then go. He was like that today when he called me. It was as if he was frustrated as hell talking to me, but then why talk to me at all then?! I reamed him out for it and he apologized of course, saying he hopes I can forgive him for the way he talks to me and that he'll try harder next time.

 

I really do believe it's not about sex. He's trying way too hard to put a foot in my life right now and I just don't get it.

 

I have been reading this saga since I came upon it on these forums. Please, do not take offense but to me it sounds fishy. For this guy to go through all these different avenues to try and get a hold of you seems unlikely. I am willing to bet that he isn't blocked. I could be totally wrong but...

 

In any event, regardless of the above he is USING you and knows how to get under your skin so he gets what he wants. Which is sex. I can see it plain as day from your stories. He has no respect for you and you allow it. Please, I am willing to bet you are a good looking chick and could be wasting your time on other things and having fun. Let this guy go for good. If my ex called/text/emailed me to come and ride his c@ck, I would own it in a jar on my nightstand. Have some self respect and see that you deserve more. You are better than that. You are worth it to be treated right. He isn't who you thought he was. It is sad and happens every freakin' day to a lot of people.

 

Stop ruminating over this twat and worry about yourself.

[2sunny]

His agenda is sex when he gets too horny and doesn't have another gal lined up.

 

Don't even answer if its a number you don't recognize. And if it's him - let it always go to voicemail immediately.

 

If needed - simply text a few days later and say " what do you need?"

 

If he finds it offensive - it's because he's seeing that you recognize he's been using you.

 

Don't allow him to invade your life anymore - he thought you weren't good enough to date - why waste any time on him now?

 

And I'm glad you let him have it for being short with you - what a jerk!