Dilemma: To see him or not to see him?

[Wabisabi]

*sigh*...you yourself mentioned your doubts especially with the way he talked to you on the phone. He hasn't change and will not. He doesn't even feel guilty like you think. He's just trying to make you soften up and what's his intention again??? Yeaaahhh SEX!

[geegirl]

It's one thing to never allow him in your pants again, but it is time to start being serious about regaining your dignity and self-respect.

 

"Weird thing though...many months ago when we used to talk on the phone he would rush me, cut me off, criticize things and always have to get his word in and then go. He was like that today when he called me. It was as if he was frustrated as hell talking to me, but then why talk to me at all then?! I reamed him out for it and he apologized of course, saying he hopes I can forgive him for the way he talks to me and that he'll try harder next time."

 

He has not changed. His behavior is consistent in that he used to treat your phonecalls "badly" and has done it again. Only until you pointed it out to him, and reamed him, he "apologized" and said he will do better NEXT TIME. He's going to be back and expects that you will be engaging with him. And he apologized because he didn't want to make you mad, because making you mad would jeopardize his plan.

 

Why talk to you then? He (apologized) wants to play nice for contact to continue. In time, he'll get you where he wants you to be and that will be that. And please don't say he won't get in your pants again, because only days ago you were pining hoping for reconciliation. And if he did a 180 on you right now, you'd be right back with him.

Edited March 22, 2013 by geegirl

[Wabisabi]

Why talk to you then? He (apologized) wants to play nice for contact to continue. In time, he'll get you where he wants you to be and that will be that. And please don't say he won't get in your pants again, because only days ago you were pining hoping for reconciliation. And if he did a 180 on you right now, you'd be right back with him.

 

Exactly, I thought so too.

[J_L_C]

I have been reading this saga since I came upon it on these forums. Please, do not take offense but to me it sounds fishy. For this guy to go through all these different avenues to try and get a hold of you seems unlikely. I am willing to bet that he isn't blocked. I could be totally wrong but...

 

In any event, regardless of the above he is USING you and knows how to get under your skin so he gets what he wants. Which is sex. I can see it plain as day from your stories. He has no respect for you and you allow it. Please, I am willing to bet you are a good looking chick and could be wasting your time on other things and having fun. Let this guy go for good. If my ex called/text/emailed me to come and ride his c@ck, I would own it in a jar on my nightstand. Have some self respect and see that you deserve more. You are better than that. You are worth it to be treated right. He isn't who you thought he was. It is sad and happens every freakin' day to a lot of people.

 

Stop ruminating over this twat and worry about yourself.

 

OMG this made me laugh so hard!!!! Thanks, I really needed that!

 

I swear he is blocked, but I don't understand why he is going through these methods to contact me. I think to a degree, he is insecure and the fact that the person HE rejected is now rejecting him, he is feeling a bit of a blow? I could be wrong. But I'm really surprised because for the 6 months that I had been incessantly contacting him, he was so mean and verbally/emotionally abusive about getting me to f*** the hell off. Finally, when I do stop, I got that message out of the blue and since then it's been fairly consistent communication since.

 

I know for a fact that I would never return to this man. IF I did, a lot would have to be different. I've even told him this. Many of the things he has said are huge assumptions on his part, that I would do anything to have him back. I don't think he likes hearing that I'm actually not as invested emotionally as he thinkgs and that I would not jump right back into things. He knows I have been dating here and there (just starting to get back out there) and whenever I mention it he starts shouting "I don't care if you're dating! Good for you! Go out and f*** the whole city, I don't care!" He's trying to hurt me but to no avail.

[Addison312]

I think you're long overdue for a number change.

[J_L_C]

It's one thing to never allow him in your pants again, but it is time to start being serious about regaining your dignity and self-respect.

 

"Weird thing though...many months ago when we used to talk on the phone he would rush me, cut me off, criticize things and always have to get his word in and then go. He was like that today when he called me. It was as if he was frustrated as hell talking to me, but then why talk to me at all then?! I reamed him out for it and he apologized of course, saying he hopes I can forgive him for the way he talks to me and that he'll try harder next time."

 

He has not changed. His behavior is consistent in that he used to treat your phonecalls "badly" and has done it again. Only until you pointed it out to him, and reamed him, he "apologized" and said he will do better NEXT TIME. He's going to be back and expects that you will be engaging with him. And he apologized because he didn't want to make you mad, because making you mad would jeopardize his plan.

 

Why talk to you then? He (apologized) wants to play nice for contact to continue. In time, he'll get you where he wants you to be and that will be that. And please don't say he won't get in your pants again, because only days ago you were pining hoping for reconciliation. And if he did a 180 on you right now, you'd be right back with him.

 

I'm pining and missing the relationship, but I will by no means bring myself down to his level and succumb to any sexual advances. Have I done so in the past? Yes. Many, many months ago. But since then, my resentment has built up to such a degree that I would never ever let him get that from me again. It would feel so good to be able to finally say "NO!" to him. I'm quite serious about this. I will NOT be found in bed with him again.

[Sheilalou008]

OMG this made me laugh so hard!!!! Thanks, I really needed that!

 

I swear he is blocked, but I don't understand why he is going through these methods to contact me. I think to a degree, he is insecure and the fact that the person HE rejected is now rejecting him, he is feeling a bit of a blow? I could be wrong. But I'm really surprised because for the 6 months that I had been incessantly contacting him, he was so mean and verbally/emotionally abusive about getting me to f*** the hell off. Finally, when I do stop, I got that message out of the blue and since then it's been fairly consistent communication since.

 

I know for a fact that I would never return to this man. IF I did, a lot would have to be different. I've even told him this. Many of the things he has said are huge assumptions on his part, that I would do anything to have him back. I don't think he likes hearing that I'm actually not as invested emotionally as he thinkgs and that I would not jump right back into things. He knows I have been dating here and there (just starting to get back out there) and whenever I mention it he starts shouting "I don't care if you're dating! Good for you! Go out and f*** the whole city, I don't care!" He's trying to hurt me but to no avail.

 

I am glad I made you laugh and no disrespect to you on not believing you. Just an assumption on my part.

 

Please, just stop worrying about what he thinks and worry about yourself. I know you love him and feel he is the best guy ever. It makes me sad that he has hurt you so badly and ruined your self esteem so much that you do not think you deserve better for yourself.

 

Change your number asap!

[2sunny]

Change your number!

 

And stay extremely busy - so much that you don't even have time to think about him.

[Wabisabi]

Do things that will truly build your self-esteem in a positive way. Live a healthy lifestyle, exercise a lot coz that helps your mood to a great degree. Totally TOTALLY ignore this guy. And spend quality time with people who make you feel good and comfortable.

[J_L_C]

I am back to being depressed and completely devastated. I don't know if it's because the holiday is here and I would have been spending this time with him, but I feel as thought I've completely regressed.

 

We were in contact a few days ago. He emailed my other email address and said that he'd been thinking about me and hopes for this friendship. But he felt the need to clarify that he 'likes me as a person and likes talking to me', but it will only ever be just a friendship.

 

I wrote back and told him I do not see any point in 'catching up here and there'. That's not a frienship. I explained that I do not want him in my life to which he replied: "Ok hun. Goodbye". It really upset me and now I feel like I am back to square f***ing one.

[OwlSoul]

Uh, looks like Tara Maiden is right, better not to reply if the ex is not showing that he/she show clear signs of wanting to get back.

 

I don't know if it's because the holiday is here and I would have been spending this time with him, but I feel as thought I've completely regressed.

I know the feeling. We were planning to spend holidays together too. Maybe try to spend some time in friend's house? Like staying here for few days.

[Zahara]

I am back to being depressed and completely devastated. I don't know if it's because the holiday is here and I would have been spending this time with him, but I feel as thought I've completely regressed.

 

We were in contact a few days ago. He emailed my other email address and said that he'd been thinking about me and hopes for this friendship. But he felt the need to clarify that he 'likes me as a person and likes talking to me', but it will only ever be just a friendship.

 

I wrote back and told him I do not see any point in 'catching up here and there'. That's not a frienship. I explained that I do not want him in my life to which he replied: "Ok hun. Goodbye". It really upset me and now I feel like I am back to square f***ing one.

 

This thread is out there. What is wrong with you? Where is your self-respect? Desperate for a friendship with someone that treats you like crap? You would eat glass to have this man in your life in any capacity.

 

What's wrong with catching up here and there? I don't hear from some of my friends for weeks/months at a time and catch up when contact is made. No issue. And who wants a friend that wanks infront of you after dumping you? Gross. And then calls you stupid and s***?! And you want to be friends?

 

Your issue with catching up here and there is because your "friendship" has a totally different meaning and agenda. You want more with this douchebag and he smelled your motive and he let you go. At least he did one right thing.

 

I'm glad you are back to square one. Start working on your self-esteem.

 

Pages of advice. You still had to go and jump in the fire. What's next?

[Sheilalou008]

I am back to being depressed and completely devastated. I don't know if it's because the holiday is here and I would have been spending this time with him, but I feel as thought I've completely regressed.

 

We were in contact a few days ago. He emailed my other email address and said that he'd been thinking about me and hopes for this friendship. But he felt the need to clarify that he 'likes me as a person and likes talking to me', but it will only ever be just a friendship.

 

I wrote back and told him I do not see any point in 'catching up here and there'. That's not a frienship. I explained that I do not want him in my life to which he replied: "Ok hun. Goodbye". It really upset me and now I feel like I am back to square f***ing one.

 

I felt a bit of a sting over not being able to spend the holiday with my ex, but ya know what? I cooked an amazing dinner and spent time with my family and it was awesome. I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to today.

 

I really wish you would stop responding to him. All it is doing is hurting you and stopping you from moving past it. He is selfish and you play right into his hands every time. I wish I could give you hope that you can be ok without him. Stop using your pain as a drug to bring you down, use it to lift you up.

 

How long ago was this break up?

[Sheilalou008]

This thread is out there. What is wrong with you? Where is your self-respect? Desperate for a friendship with someone that treats you like crap? You would eat glass to have this man in your life in any capacity.

 

What's wrong with catching up here and there? I don't hear from some of my friends for weeks/months at a time and catch up when contact is made. No issue. And who wants a friend that wanks infront of you after dumping you? Gross. And then calls you stupid and s***?! And you want to be friends?

 

Your issue with catching up here and there is because your "friendship" has a totally different meaning and agenda. You want more with this douchebag and he smelled your motive and he let you go. At least he did one right thing.

 

I'm glad you are back to square one. Start working on your self-esteem.

 

Pages of advice. You still had to go and jump in the fire. What's next?

 

AMEN! I wanted to be a bit more harsh but I guess it doesn't matter what angle you play here, she is going to do whatever she wants. She seems to want to hurt and be the victim. I have a feeling this break up happened a lot longer ago than mine did and I am eons past her.

 

I still stand by that she hasn't blocked him at all and hangs on every word he texts, emails, throws at her hoping for him to take her back. He is a huge twat but she seems to love him and his emotional abuse. It blows my mind. If some man ever did half the things that this man did, he would be blocked, deleted and I would make sure everyone knew what he had done to me.

 

I am willing to bet that she has seen him or had some sort of contact/sex with him. He knows that she will always be there to be his puppet, all the while she is hoping they will get back together. Just seems so immature and self deprecating.

 

I just feel bad though that she feels she needs to sit in this pain for it to mean something. He doesn't give a 1/2 shyt about her.

[geegirl]

I still stand by that she hasn't blocked him at all and hangs on every word he texts, emails, throws at her hoping for him to take her back. He is a huge twat but she seems to love him and his emotional abuse. It blows my mind. If some man ever did half the things that this man did, he would be blocked, deleted and I would make sure everyone knew what he had done to me.

 

I am willing to bet that she has seen him or had some sort of contact/sex with him. He knows that she will always be there to be his puppet, all the while she is hoping they will get back together. Just seems so immature and self deprecating.

 

I'm starting to believe that as well.

 

In any case, as harsh as this may sound, it's good that he did what he did because this eliminates all hope for you. It's time to feel the pain and accept that it's over.

 

I will say this OP, a man does not find a woman that allows herself to be treated so disrespectfully, attractive or a prize that he wishes to hold on to or fight for. The next time you are caught in a position whereby a man treats you horribly, walk away. You don't garner his love or interest by letting him stomp all over you.

 

Even if you had a friendship with this guy, trust at some point he would have tried to get sex out of you. After realizing that you had expectations with the so called friendship, he bolted because he was not interested in getting caught up with your emotions and drama.

 

Please, block him from your emails and phone.

[na49]

But he felt the need to clarify that he 'likes me as a person and likes talking to me', but it will only ever be just a friendship.

 

The thing that worries me is that this won't be enough for you. Even after he tells you what you don't want to hear, you'll still pine for him to come back. You'll think "well maybe he's changed his mind. he did say he still loves me!" It's normal to an extent to feel this way, even after seeing your ex is dating someone I see a lot of people here still holding out hope.

 

In your case, this man has disrespected you constantly. I seriously don't believe you love him as much as you think you do. I feel like you love the idea of being in love. I feel like if you replaced him with some other guy (who surprise surprise, might treat you better!) you'll feel "whole" again.

 

That's still a problem though. Counseling. It can help you, it's helped me figure out what's wrong with me and is still helping me. I have similar self esteem issues as you because I pine for someone who treated me like crap. Sometimes we need to hear the advice we get on this website in words so that it resonates with us better.

[J_L_C]

The thing that worries me is that this won't be enough for you. Even after he tells you what you don't want to hear, you'll still pine for him to come back. You'll think "well maybe he's changed his mind. he did say he still loves me!" It's normal to an extent to feel this way, even after seeing your ex is dating someone I see a lot of people here still holding out hope.

 

In your case, this man has disrespected you constantly. I seriously don't believe you love him as much as you think you do. I feel like you love the idea of being in love. I feel like if you replaced him with some other guy (who surprise surprise, might treat you better!) you'll feel "whole" again.

 

That's still a problem though. Counseling. It can help you, it's helped me figure out what's wrong with me and is still helping me. I have similar self esteem issues as you because I pine for someone who treated me like crap. Sometimes we need to hear the advice we get on this website in words so that it resonates with us better.

 

My problem is that I can't stop thinking about it. I know you all believe I am trying to keep the hurt going but I am sick and tired of the hurt. I'll be open and honest enough to let you know I had a suicide attempt months back. Despite getting past those types of feelings, I am extremely depressed and can't stop thinking about the fact that he just threw me away like a piece of garbage. He never looked back once. I honestly believe that what we had was worth a second chance and I thought he'd maybe reconsider. I see now this is never going to happen.

 

I WANT to stop obsessing over it all and I DON'T want to feel this way anymore. I've kept myself busy. I've spent time with family and friends, but this deep, dark cloud still looms over me in everything that I do and I don't know how to stop!

[J_L_C]

AMEN! I wanted to be a bit more harsh but I guess it doesn't matter what angle you play here, she is going to do whatever she wants. She seems to want to hurt and be the victim. I have a feeling this break up happened a lot longer ago than mine did and I am eons past her.

 

I still stand by that she hasn't blocked him at all and hangs on every word he texts, emails, throws at her hoping for him to take her back. He is a huge twat but she seems to love him and his emotional abuse. It blows my mind. If some man ever did half the things that this man did, he would be blocked, deleted and I would make sure everyone knew what he had done to me.

 

I am willing to bet that she has seen him or had some sort of contact/sex with him. He knows that she will always be there to be his puppet, all the while she is hoping they will get back together. Just seems so immature and self deprecating.

 

I just feel bad though that she feels she needs to sit in this pain for it to mean something. He doesn't give a 1/2 shyt about her.

 

We broke up 8 months ago and believe it or not, I have stuck to my word with not seeing him. I haven't been in his presence since December 2012. I promised myself not to, despite his attempts at meeting for a coffee, etc. I know it would just put me back and I'm proud of myself for at least not giving in this way. Thus, I have not been in his physical presence, and obviously haven't been sexual with him either. I couldn't do it.

 

I just posted that it's hard to overcome the 'thoughts' and they are constant. They just drag me down and I can't seem to pull myself out. I don't enjoy doing anything. I keep having these thoughts pop up that he is out there living it up, having a blast and doesn't give a **** that I am still in pieces (despite the fact that he says he does care). I want help with this obviously. My therapist just keeps telling me to keep busy and spend time with people, so I have, but I can't PRETEND to be happy when I'm truly not. This is my problem and I don't know what to do. I am losing hope that I will ever be able to overcome this feeling. It's debilitating.

 

When he told me he 'likes me as a person and enjoys talking to me', I got sooooo upset! Why would he say something like that? He should have just kept his mouth shut. To go from being completely in love and wanting to marry me, to saying he 'likes me as a person', is so completely insulting. Perhaps he was saying it so I wouldn't get any false hope, but I told him long ago that I know it's never going to happen and I am not believing we will ever be together again based on how he feels. I even told him last week in an email that I am no longer in love with him and if he asked me to get back together I would say no. I am tired of him having this leverage over me.

[geegirl]

You know how to stop. You can stop. You just don't want to because you so desperately need to be validated by this man. Why? Because your self-esteem is in the tank. You don't know how to focus on yourself because you have made yourself become an extension of him. Him, him, him.

 

And if you want to stop, you will block him from entering your life through phone, email and your sister. But, you keep avenues open because you DON'T want to stop.

 

He threw you away like garbage. Yet, you believe what you had was worth a second chance. The way he treated doesn't dawn on you that he was not worthy? Start thinking rationally. Stop letting your emotions run rampant.

 

You think a man that treated you horribly would suddenly reconsider a loving relationship with you? Again, think with rationale. You're letting yourself get swallowed and dragged down by your feelings. Romanticizing and idealizing this man.

 

Seek a therapist because you need help. You are just as unhealthy as he is. You attempted suicide. Even if you both got together, how could you possibly handle a relationship when you can't handle your emotional and mental state. Please stop doing this to yourself. Your first step is learning how to love yourself, because you clearly don't see any value in you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Wash, rinse, repeat.

[J_L_C]

You know how to stop. You can stop. You just don't want to because you so desperately need to be validated by this man. Why? Because your self-esteem is in the tank. You don't know how to focus on yourself because you have made yourself become an extension of him. Him, him, him.

 

And if you want to stop, you will block him from entering your life through phone, email and your sister. But, you keep avenues open because you DON'T want to stop.

 

He threw you away like garbage. Yet, you believe what you had was worth a second chance. The way he treated doesn't dawn on you that he was not worthy? Start thinking rationally. Stop letting your emotions run rampant.

 

You think a man that treated you horribly would suddenly reconsider a loving relationship with you? Again, think with rationale. You're letting yourself get swallowed and dragged down by your feelings. Romanticizing and idealizing this man.

 

Seek a therapist because you need help. You are just as unhealthy as he is. You attempted suicide. Even if you both got together, how could you possibly handle a relationship when you can't handle your emotional and mental state. Please stop doing this to yourself. Your first step is learning how to love yourself, because you clearly don't see any value in you.

 

I want this to stop. Believe me I do. I hate the fact that it still haunts me 8 months later. I'm not contacting him by any means, but it's the thoughts and the loneliness that I'm having troubles dealing with. I feel low and sad every single day. I know the way that he treated me after the breakup was wrong, but I suppose I'm still having issues dealing with the person I knew him to be when we were together versus the person he is now. How is it possible that somebody could want to spend their life with someone else and then treat them this way and also exclude them from his life to the point where it's as though I never existed or meant anything to him? He knows I am dealing with a serious health issue and only once has he reached out to see how I am doing. Perhaps he's worried it will spur on further communications on my part, but if he ever cared about me even just as a person I would have expected more than this and it hurts.

 

Anyway, it's not so much about me wanting to get back together with him because at this point I don't know if I could get past the aftermath but It's my own thoughts, sadness and depression that I can't seem to overcome. I miss him greatly and what we shared together, but I also know it's not coming back. I am not delusional and expect a reconciliation. It's just the feelings of isolation and being completely dropped by the one person I thought would always have my back.

[Sheilalou008]

I want this to stop. Believe me I do. I hate the fact that it still haunts me 8 months later. I'm not contacting him by any means, but it's the thoughts and the loneliness that I'm having troubles dealing with. I feel low and sad every single day. I know the way that he treated me after the breakup was wrong, but I suppose I'm still having issues dealing with the person I knew him to be when we were together versus the person he is now. How is it possible that somebody could want to spend their life with someone else and then treat them this way and also exclude them from his life to the point where it's as though I never existed or meant anything to him? He knows I am dealing with a serious health issue and only once has he reached out to see how I am doing. Perhaps he's worried it will spur on further communications on my part, but if he ever cared about me even just as a person I would have expected more than this and it hurts.

 

Anyway, it's not so much about me wanting to get back together with him because at this point I don't know if I could get past the aftermath but It's my own thoughts, sadness and depression that I can't seem to overcome. I miss him greatly and what we shared together, but I also know it's not coming back. I am not delusional and expect a reconciliation. It's just the feelings of isolation and being completely dropped by the one person I thought would always have my back.

 

I was living with, starting a life and was going to marry the man I was with. Know what? That all changed and is no longer an option anymore. I was sad and lonely, too. I picked myself up and got over it. Do I have moments where I miss the the way things use to be? Sure, it was a huge part of my life but I do not let it consume me and my thoughts.

 

He isn't who he use to be, maybe he never was. You were probably so in love that you missed a lot of the clues. We all are guilty of wearing the rose colored glasses. You need to stop allowing yourself to be in this sea of madness you are in. It is beyond unhealthy and at 8 months post break up you have made little or no progress. It just seems as you don't want to. I am just at 3 months and am leaps and bounds ahead of you. I had to actively do things to make myself get out of it. I have issues with depression and anxiety and have for over a decade. It isn't an excuse.

[geegirl]

How is it possible that he went from adoring you to crapping on you? It's possible. Happens to all of us. People can spew a whole bunch of promises and the next pretend as if you never existed. You're not the exception. You are the rule.

 

You're pondering as to why he's not reaching out about your health issue. I remember when you first told him about your health issue, he just replied along the lines of "get well soon." He gave you a few words and that was it. So he never cared then, why would you think he cares now? Now, when he knows he can't get anything from you? I hate to be harsh but he does not care because he has no use for you.

 

You have these expectations. You keep holding on to an IMAGE of what you saw in the past. It's not real. Real would be consistent. If he was nice then but **** now, it wasn't real.

 

Eight months should have been enough time for you to remove yourself some from the idealization of this man. Instead, you're still bemoaning about who he was in the past. Where is he? Why won't he come back? It's because "the he then" does not exist.

 

My ex was amazing in the first year. Handmade cards. Breakfast in bed. Vacations. Promises for the future. He had to hold my hand when he went to bed. Couldn't let go. And when I did, sleepily he would search for it. I felt he was the one. Downhill after that year. When we were breaking up, I asked him, "Where is that guy that I first met." He looked at me puzzled, "What guy? Err, forget him, he never existed." If it's not consistent, it's not real.

 

The guy that wanked and called you stupid and couldn't care less about your health and only wanted sex from you, is the man you need to accept as your ex. Accept it and let him go.

 

And trust me, loneliness is much more tolerable than being with someone that treats you like s***. It's time you come out of your fantasy bubble and start using your mind to really think and rationalize the reality about this rather than keep wallowing and feeding into your feelings.

[Sheilalou008]

How is it possible that he went from adoring you to crapping on you? It's possible. Happens to all of us. People can spew a whole bunch of promises and the next pretend as if you never existed. You're not the exception. You are the rule.

 

You're pondering as to why he's not reaching out about your health issue. I remember when you first told him about your health issue, he just replied along the lines of "get well soon." He gave you a few words and that was it. So he never cared then, why would you think he cares now? Now, when he knows he can't get anything from you? I hate to be harsh but he does not care because he has no use for you.

 

You have these expectations. You keep holding on to an IMAGE of what you saw in the past. It's not real. Real would be consistent. If he was nice then but **** now, it wasn't real.

 

Eight months should have been enough time for you to remove yourself some from the idealization of this man. Instead, you're still bemoaning about who he was in the past. Where is he? Why won't he come back? It's because "the he then" does not exist.

 

My ex was amazing in the first year. Handmade cards. Breakfast in bed. Vacations. Promises for the future. He had to hold my hand when he went to bed. Couldn't let go. And when I did, sleepily he would search for it. I felt he was the one. Downhill after that year. When we were breaking up, I asked him, "Where is that guy that I first met." He looked at me puzzled, "What guy? Err, forget him, he never existed." If it's not consistent, it's not real.

 

The guy that wanked and called you stupid and couldn't care less about your health and only wanted sex from you, is the man you need to accept as your ex. Accept it and let him go.

 

And trust me, loneliness is much more tolerable than being with someone that treats you like s***. It's time you come out of your fantasy bubble and start using your mind to really think and rationalize the reality about this rather than keep wallowing and feeding into your feelings.

 

I just cannot wrap my head around this. It is like she enjoys being stuck on stupid. We all have been hurt and suffered after our break ups. All of our exs were great at some point, some stayed that way, some changed into who they really were. I want to shake this girl and make her see what the rest of us already know. She is hanging onto something that doesn't exist anymore and it thrilled to just sit in her own s hit!

 

I am so happy that I am where I am. I am no where near ready for another relationship, it isn't cus I am pinning away over the ex, I am just enjoying the freedom from the hurt and being able to do whatever I want.

 

This all makes no sense. I know she maintains that she hasn't seen him or had sex with him in months, but I just do not believe it. She is hung up on him too much for not having seen or been with him.

[Minneloa]

I am back to being depressed and completely devastated. I don't know if it's because the holiday is here and I would have been spending this time with him, but I feel as thought I've completely regressed.

 

We were in contact a few days ago. He emailed my other email address and said that he'd been thinking about me and hopes for this friendship. But he felt the need to clarify that he 'likes me as a person and likes talking to me', but it will only ever be just a friendship.

 

I wrote back and told him I do not see any point in 'catching up here and there'. That's not a frienship. I explained that I do not want him in my life to which he replied: "Ok hun. Goodbye". It really upset me and now I feel like I am back to square f***ing one.

 

OP, you have been in very recent contact with him. See bolded above.

 

This at least partially explains why you are feeling so bad and that you have "regressed." When you have contact with an ex, especially one as toxic as yours, it usually DOES bring you back to square one in terms of your recovery and healing process.

 

What part of No Contact don't you understand? I know this is a rude comment, but your posts here are incredibly frustrating.

 

As long as you continue to contact your ex, you will continue to feed into and prolong your own pain. Please give NC a fair chance to help you make progress.

 

You have to help yourself here. No one else can make that choice for you.