Food addiction

[goodnbad]

I thought I might post a thread here about food addiction, since there doesn't seem to be one yet! But I'm sure there are many people out there who have it, and many don't even realize it.

 

About me: I have suffered from an eating disorder (compulsive/binge eating disorder) since about my teens. I am in my late 30's now. I only discovered my ED last year, and it has been a major turning point of my life.

 

Throughout the years, I have eaten tremendous amounts of food at one sitting. This is the binge-eating disorder part. I could eat bowls of popcorn, several candy bars, a fewl bowls of cereal, and still not feel satisfied AND still not feel full. Sometimes I would even binge on weird foods if desperate for a 'fix'.

 

I say 'fix' because I do indeed feel that an overindulgence of food in some cases IS an addiction. And perhaps the hardest one to break. Why? Well, because you just can't swear off food forever. It is always there, waiting to pull you down. Imagine if you said to an alcoholic, "You can't OVERindulge, but you MUST drink 3 drinks per day to survive." How many alcoholics could stop at those 3 drinks? Knowing how and when to stop is difficult for any addict.

 

If you yourself gets stressed, depressed, bored, or feel other intense emotions and turn to food for 'support', then you might have an ED. Do you constantly feel the need to eat? It is not a lack of willpower and it is not laziness. It is a disease. Your body is trying to compensate for something it is missing....be it contentment in life, relief from mental/physical pain, or it might even be your body trying to find a chemical balance.

 

It's getting kinda late here, so I'll save the rest for another time. But if you feel you, too, are maybe suffering from an ED, please feel free to add your comments here. You are sure to find many kindred spirits.

 

Good health to you.

goodnbad

[Girlie]

Good to meet you! I've suffered from an eating disorder since I was about 12. It started out with me making deals with myself (ok, you can eat this...but only if you don't eat anything else for this amount of time), and progressed into just basically not eating much of anything. I've been healthy for months now, but I'm restricted from being around scales (I used to weigh myself compulsively throughout the day, usually once every couple of hours), and I still get urges to keep myself from eating so I don't keep getting "fat" (and who even knows what that means in my head. I weighed about 115 when weighed by the doctor and feel like a hepher, but I keep trudging along).

I hope you are doing well!

[goodnbad]

Nice to meet you, Girlie, sorry to hear you have been down the ED road, though.

 

I hear ya about the compulsive weighing. I have had moments where I've eaten something and wanted to jump right on and see how much weight it added (or conversely, to go to the bathroom and then jump on to see if I lost), but I know better now than to torture myself. And honestly, we know that it really doesn't work that way anyhow.

 

I've had days where I've binged and lost weight, and other days where I've 'been good' and gained weight!!! I think it takes time (hours, days, whatever) for the extra weight to register sometimes. So weighing right away means nothing.

 

I do weigh myself every other day or so, though, because if I don't, I get afraid that my weight will creep up. My mind is conveniently forgetful---it doesn't want to remember the slips. It can happen so fast if I don't monitor it to a point. But I don't do it every day, I would find it too triggering and don't want to get obssessed about it again.

 

I've done those deals with myself too. If I cut back a lot today, I can eat more tonight, that sort of thing. It's hard to eat when you don't feel like it, I have to convince myself to eat for my health.

 

But then, I admit that being a binge-eater, I don't have that problem too often! My major concern is that I eat too much, too often, and that it is difficult to control those urges sometimes. There are days where food is utmost in my thoughts, I'm sure you understand how that is! Just 'cause you don't eat, doesn't mean you don't think about eating!

 

Anyhow, I hope you're doing fine now and continue to do so. There are some great support groups out there for ED's, I hope you're finding some good people out there that understand.

 

Take care!

 

goodnbad

[Hungrycollegekid]

I have never shared this with anyone before. I just binged (literally twenty minutes ago). I have been debating throwing it all up and continue getting more and more nervous that if I don't puke soon too many calories will be absorbed and my digestive process will have already taken hold. But I won't purge--I don't even have the guts to do that.

 

Food consumes me. I do, as someone on an earlier thread said, the whole "If I eat this right now I won't eat anything else the rest of the day." This never works of course--it's jsut my rationalization to eat that pice of cake or that sandwich. I'll also say I can eat whatever I want until 4pm or so...so until 3:59 I'll stuff myself. I'm tired of living like this. Being in college (I'm a sophomore) away from home where I had a food and exercise support system, has made me go mad and gain back about 20 pounds of the weight I lost before going to school. I'm to the point where I'm completely broke with eating. I'm not heavy enough to turn heads when I order a big meal, but I'm getting to that point. I'll go from one coffee shop to another...sometimes three or four within a two hour period, and act starved at each. I'll chit-chat with the workers about how I hadn't eaten all day and what could they recommend that would fill me to the brim. I eat, I politely say thank you, and I leave to conquer my next meal...or rather, I leave for my next meal to conquer me. This has not only drained my wallet but also my spirit. I gave up pizza two years ago but every time I get to the edge I binge on pizza. Tonight was no exception--taco pizza delivered to my door in twenty minutes. I felt so ashamed that I ordered a large pizza for myself that I pretended a friend was with me...I made a point of saying my friend couldn't wait to eat it. How sick is that? And even while I type this (wow, it's getting long) I am debating throwing up or eating more of the pizza sitting next to me.

 

Everywhere I read says binging is often followed either by purging, extreme exercise, or starvation. I generally experience none of these. I'm too worried about my teeth to vomit, I'm too busy and too depressed to make myself go to the gym, and I am too consumed by and love food too much to starve. Consequently, all I do is eat and gain weight. I don't know where to turn. I can't tell my mom b/c she's just as obsessed with food...she'd just tell me to go to the gym or ride my bike until the urge passed. She just doesn't understand. I can't tell my friends because they have no idea what it's like--all are either skinny or very healthy with no eating qualms. So I turned to an anonymous forum for help. I need help quickly before I don't even fit into my fat pants. Oh, I live alone so eating is easy--no one to answer to at the end of the night. Any money left over in my paycheck doesn't go to alcohol or parties like most college kids--it goes to a cheeseburger and potato chips followed by chinese food and ice cream. Disgusting. I'm disgusting. I just want to cry but that'll make me want to eat more. I'll probably finisht he box of pizza sitting next to me then refuse to go out in public tomorrow unless I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt to go eat some more. I hate my life at moments like this.

 

Sorry for the depressing note, but I had to get it off my chest and journal writing just wasn't going to cut it this time--I need to think others would see and possibly respond to my issues--or maybe reassure me I'm not alone--constructive adive is always helpful as well.

 

Thanks for your time, C

[moimeme]

First of all, food is not the enemy. You are waging a battle with your own self, and your own self is trying to persuade you that food is an enemy. That's wrong and you know it. Because you try to 'control' yourself and food by limiting it, you then starve yourself and flip out and eat because your body needs gas to work and food is its fuel.

 

Stop the madness. Have five little meals a day. Do not swear you will never eat X or Y or anything again. Do not berate yourself for having eaten. Do not tell yourself you'll just binge this once and then starve henceforth - because, of course, you'll stuff yourself in preparation for the famine to come.

 

Plan some nice yummy small meals and eat them. Enjoy them thoroughly, and then look forward to the next meal and proceed with your day knowing there's no battle to go fight afterward. Look up Dr. Shapiro's Picture Perfect books. He shows, in photos, how you can eat tons of food and not suck up too many calories.

 

A couple of examples: instead of one slice of angel food cake with sauce, you could eat two QUARTS of berries! Rather than a bowl of granola, you could eat SIXTEEN low-cal frozen fudge bars!!!!!!

 

You can have some of the really decadent food you love - just first stuff yourself on other foods that take up a lot of room but don't give you calories.

 

DO NOT START PURGING!!!!! It's bad, dangerous, and awful. Your body is built to need food in order for you to live.

 

I'm too busy and too depressed to make myself go to the gym

 

Don't go to the gym. Go out dancing. Go for a lovely long walk. Turn on the radio, shut your curtains, and dance around the room. Here's the nifty thing - if you move at all - even just going for a walk around the block - it starts to lift your mood. Then you want to do it more because you enjoy it.

 

and I am too consumed by and love food too much to starve.

 

You are not supposed to starve. I never starve. I LOVE food. I have also only ever been 20 lbs overweight and that lasted for a short while. I went back to making sure that I eat ONLY if I'm hungry and stop as soon as I'm not hungry. And walking. The weight fell off and never came back.

 

Notice, I didn't say stop when I'm stuffed to the gills. Stop when the hunger's gone. If you eat small meals throughout the day, and include a BIT of fat and some protein at each meal, you won't feel starved. You can also have a look at the Zone diet which, as 'diets' go, is pretty laid back. At least look at the lists of 'good' foods and then make sure you get lots of them in your diet.

 

I still have the odd burger and fries - but I do it once or twice a month if that. It's a treat and very enjoyable precisely because I don't eat it all the time.

[Ms_Sweetness]

My problem is sort of different from the rest of you. I love to eat and I eat as much as I possibly can to GAIN weight. I am not skinny but to me I look as if I should gain more weight. I am 5ft 3 in and weigh 130-135. Obviously not skinny, yet I always feel the need to gain weight and I hate when people tell me that I am small or little, it makes me want to gain more weight. I don't know what to do about it because no one really understands this type of situation.

[penguini]

Hungrycollegekid,

I put in a search for "compulsive binge eating disorder" and found your post. I have joined this forum as I have to write this to you. I have done a lot of what you do when it comes to food. People are so full of advice, eat this, don't eat that, their intentions are good, but unless they have been there, they cannot fully comprehend. While surfing the net, I found that there is a suspected new eating disorder called "Compulsive Binge Eating Disorder". I can't tell you how relieved I am that there are other people like me. I always thought that it was just me, and that made my self esteem even lower.

 

From someone who knows, this "thing" will not just go away. No amount of controlling food will fix this. I am currently on a long term diet and I am loosing weight very successfully, and my behaviour has calmed down, but I know that this problem is still with me, and I am very worried that when I come off this diet, that I'm going to revert to my compulsive ways. I have started seeing a psychologist.

 

 

I suggest trying a counsellor/psychologist. There will more than likely be a real reason for your behaviour. I was picked on in primary school and I suffer depression. I can fully understand all those feelings and thoughts that go through your head. Every time I overeat, I say, I will never do that again, and whammy, as soon as I can eat again, same thing. I just get so obsessed with food. I really blame my unhappy school-life. Low self esteem just makes me hate myself, especially when I have binged. It is such a hurtful and shameful experience.

 

I really think that dieting and conquering this disorder are two different and separate things, and should be treated so.

 

Until you can fix the "thing" in your head, that makes you do this, you will not be able to live your life as you should.

 

I hope that my advice has helped you, and believe me there are heaps of people out there with this same problem.

 

I will pray for you.

 

God Bless and Good Luck!

 

Penguini

[goodnbad]

Penguini, yes, binge-eating disorder is indeed a genuine disease just like anorexia or bulimia. It is just not as recognized yet and, sadly, there is still a lot of ignorance in terms of getting medical help for it.

 

I suspect that there are way more people out there that are suffering from it than society has identified, and yet are telling themselves (or are being told by others) that they are just too lazy or lack the willpower to change. *sigh*

 

collegekid, I understand. I too wanted so badly to throw up my food when I was younger. But although at that time, I considered myself to be quite a failure for being unable to do so, now looking back and also having been in contact with many fellow sufferers, I am glad that I did not succeed. Purging is very difficult to give up once you become accustomed to it.

 

Your first point is to indeed find some helpful websites to get more information. The "SCARED" eating disorder website is a good one for support, you can find it easily by doing a search (I would post the actual link here, but it would probably be deleted). It deals with all eating disorders.

 

Your doctor might also have some resources, but I find that with many health professionals, they are just not very knowledgeable in this department, and may send you to a dietician or some such thing. If visiting the doctor does not help your situation, try a health unit or even a rehab clinic. They can refer you to other resources.

 

In any event, I hope you find the help you need. Good luck!

 

goodnbad