How would the innocent react to accusations of cheating?

[phoenix3stars]

If a girl told you from the very start she was faithful and genuine, even before you first met, and that she had never been in love, she did not approve of cheating, she says shes never had a one night stand and never would, and she had been cheated on in the past...all this in mind she falls in love with you, and she had no urge for sex before you because she did not find attraction in anyone she met or was with, the people she dated she liked but had no feelings of attraction towards them. So you get in a relationship with this girl, fall in love and even though she says flirty sexual things to you she does not sleep with you straight away, she waits about a month, and tells you how amazing you are and how head over heels she is for you. You have your paranoia and insecurities and slowly you begin to ask questions and make accusations, you notice her looking at people and think she is wanting them, you start thinking her male friends are more than that, eventually you start thinking everything she has told you is bull**** and your trust issues are getting in the way, every day she tells you she loves you and there is no one better than you, everytime you argue and say something silly she tries to convince you that she is not a liar and she genuinely wants to be with you and she would never hurt you.

 

You keep saying these things to her for 6 months and her reactions are defensive, she thinks of things to say to convince you she is faithful like 'he isnt even my type', 'you should know me by now' 'you think these things of me, you really dont know me at all' 'i would never hurt someone i love'. You accuse her one day and she turns around and says 'ask me that again, go on' so you do and she says 'no i havent' but she sounds unconvincing, maybe its you thats seeing too much into it, eventually her reactions become fury and she shouts and you say to her you want me to go because your too scared of telling me the truth, you think she wont confess to anything if she has done something because of all the promises she made you, the relationship ends because she cant take it no more, you have to leave her but your mind is still thinking she cheated.

 

You love her so much and maybe your trust issues have destroyed this, or maybe you had reason to think the person she said she was is too unbelievable...was this all in my head and do you think this girl was genuine and she was desperately trying to convince me she was faithful? Or do you think if she cheated she couldnt tell me because of all the things she promised about herself? PLEASE any responses would bring me some sort of comfort

[TaraMaiden]

Why are you being such an *******?

 

You know what I heard some time ago, in a movie?

 

It was about an interrogation method, and the interrogator stated,

 

"We can always tell the liar, because after some persistence, their stories change.... a person telling the truth will always tell the same truth."

 

You need therapy.

If this is the way you treat the girl, you are seriously screwed up, man.

[phoenix3stars]

TARAMAIDEN, thank you for your reply, you are brutally honest, and yes i need therapy, although i was persistant in my mistrust i also did so much to show this girl i loved her but as you obviously know, that means nothing when you dont trust them, and i feel ashamed of myself because she was the love of my life, and when i sit here and reflect upon things i feel sick to the stomach. The one main reason i thought she had cheated on me was because we had been sleeping together for 4 months, unprotected and she kind of liked the idea of having a child with me, but in the 5 month we had sex on one occasion which was right around her ovulation date. On that one night she had been out with a few from work for drinks and rang me from her work where she was with a friend and two male employees, yes straight away i became nervous, like a fool, and when she came home drunk i was intimate with her but i noticed she was extremely wet beforehand, we had sex twice, the first time i pulled out and the second time i did not feel myself ejaculate, i am sorry for the gorey details but i needed a neutral opinion, when we found out she was pregnant i couldnt understand why it took this long and this month we had sex only twice on the same occasion, whereas all the other times it was regular. I began to tell myself something happened in her workplace and under the influence of drink one of those lads had his way with her, it is an awful thought but under the troubles of the previous couple of months i thought if she did then maybe i made her do it. I just feel so lost with it, after everything she told me, was she faithful all this time or did she mess up this once and was too scared to admit it. You can call me whatever you like because i probably deserve it.

[loversquarrel]

Well....while I somewhat agree with previous posters, I will come to your defense as I may be a bit more jaded with my thought process than others.

 

You obviously feel something in your gut....something that just doesn't sit right. I can understand why from the first few sentences of your post. I am and always have been suspicious of women that tell me too much of what they think I want to hear. It seems your GF was doing just that, and even went into the "I've nevers" and "I'm genuine and have never cheated and don't believe in it..." - give me a break....it sounds more like a sales pitch.

 

Your second post - while you don't have proof, I can understand why you would feel the way you do. Far too often people ignore their "gut". Your gut is not a sixth sense nor is it false. What many people do not realize is that your gut comes from minor physiological cues that you pick up on, but can't quite figure out.

 

I speak from personal experience, I have always been right to follow my gut. I see a couple small red flags here, but they do add up. Deceptive people seem to follow a particular set pattern of how they word things, I see some of that in your posts. The "I would never hurt you", the "You don't know me by now", these are some catch phrases as well. Get a paternity test.