How do you get a man to court you?

[mystery]

How do you I get my boyfriend to take me out anywhere??? I've been with him for the last 2yrs. He's never taken me to dinner, a show, a dance. He never takes the initiative to plan anything without asking "What do you want to do?" I'm tired of planning, I'm tired of paying. If I want to go out to supper for the evening, I have to make sure I have enough money to pay. He makes me feel like I have to pay. He makes a point of telling me he hasn't much money, or I'm only taking out 20.00. I feel that if I want to do anything, I have to make sure I have enough money.

 

I think some of the blame goes on me, because my first mistake was when we first started going out. I offered to pay my own way, or I would offer to pay for him sometimes. I cook for him, plan meals. I have drinks in the house for a cocktail, he never arrives with anything to drink. How do I get him to want to do anything with me, I want to be pampered and spoiled to some degree. I've never been with a man who's never offered to take me to dinner, or to pay my way. What do I do? Am I being used?

[Sobbing]

I don't think you can call that a boyfriend. Sorry but it sounds like he's hanging out with you because he has nothing else to do and he wouldn't put any effort into the relationship...hmmm. That's bad. I would say dump him and find a guy who would fall head over heels for what you are doing for this guy.

[Bren]

Can I just say that this is just ONE example of My Theory (see posted below). You know I really think I have stumbled over something here !!

[sparkle]

What are you doing with this JERK?????

me to dinner, or to pay my way. What do I do? Am I being used?

YES he's USING YOU! What do you do??? DUMP HIM.

 

NOW. This very minute!

 

What a loser!!!!!!!

 

You won't get him to change. I can't believe you put up

 

with his b.s. for 2 years. So after 2 years, believe me, he will NOT change.

 

A relationship should be give and take. There should be an equal amount of giving and taking. I'm not saying the guy should pay everytime. But he SHOULD pay at LEAST 50% of the time, and he should OFFER to pay every single time.

 

Some of the guys I dated, when we went out to dinner, I'd offer to pay each time. But they would always decline my offer, and insist on paying. But sometimes I'd talk them into leaving the tip or some other compromise. Sometimes, I'd go ahead and beat them to it, grab the bill and pay for it.

 

But anyone, guy or girl, who takes..takes..takes..and doesn't give in return, isn't worth your time, effort, or money.

 

You said he's never taken you to a movie, dinner, dance, etc. If you don't mind, then that's fine. But if that's what you want a guy to do, what makes you stick with this jerk? You can find someone much better!

 

After 2 years, this guy won't change. To get a man to court you, you need to find a man first. This guy's just a boy.

 

I got an idea: Dress up, take him to a nice restaurant. Have a nice meal. Break up with him. Walk out. Let him deal with the bill this time.

[Tony T]

Wow, are you great at picking things up. You're damned straight you are being used, in the worst possible fashion. You don't have a boyfriend, you are in the company of a big time con artist. You have been had and I'm really sorry because in some sick way you love this guy or you wouldn't have been with him for two years.

 

Read Sparkle's message carefully. She's right on target. When you dump this guy and find someone to treat you like a lady, you will feel like a new person.

 

Meanwhile, you really need a heavy duty injection of self esteem. Get some books on the subject, get some counselling. Anyone who would take this kind of crap for two years does not think much of herself. I'm so glad you stumbled onto this site. Obviously, you were beginning to see these things. I hope we helped speed things along.

[Taressa]

Well, Mystery,

 

I'm not so sure I completely agree with those who are saying he's using you. I think he is probably a very nice friend who feels less romance for you than you do for him.

 

I suspect a large portion of what has kept this question from being asked until now is just wishful thinking... hoping romance would bloom, hoping he would see how wonderful you are and what a special thing the two of you could have.

 

I believe it's time to open your eyes and base your hopes on something more solid than wishes. This man could still be wonderful friend but please stop placing your romantic hopes in his hands... he doesn't care for you that way or his actions would have shown it.

 

Your attentions and money are not going to win his love. They are just going to wear you out and leave you broke and broken.

 

Continue the friendship if you can control your heart feelings for this man. You may need to step away until you can get your feelings to agree with what the facts say.

 

There will be better, more passionate, more giving love ahead for you. Take the lessons learned through this gentleman and love more smartly next time. Wait for the man who sees you as the prize you are.

[Nic]

How do you get a man to court you? DUMP THIS ONE AND A REAL MAN WILL COURT YOU!!!!!

 

this guy is walking all over you, a lazy bum, indifferent, and yes, he is using you.

 

a real boyfriend would enjoy taking you out. a real boyfriend wouldn't care who foots the bill. a real boyfriend would feel proud to take you to a show. a real boyfriend wouldn't care about money.

 

he's not a real boyfriend, he's a real loser (sorry, but he is). and i have to agree with sparkle - he will never change. so please don't expect him to, because this is in his nature and always will be. you're the one putting all the effort in this relationship, and he's lapping it up, and always will. you don't need him.

How do you I get my boyfriend to take me out anywhere??? I've been with him for the last 2yrs. He's never taken me to dinner, a show, a dance. He never takes the initiative to plan anything without asking "What do you want to do?" I'm tired of planning, I'm tired of paying. If I want to go out to supper for the evening, I have to make sure I have enough money to pay. He makes me feel like I have to pay. He makes a point of telling me he hasn't much money, or I'm only taking out 20.00. I feel that if I want to do anything, I have to make sure I have enough money. I think some of the blame goes on me, because my first mistake was when we first started going out. I offered to pay my own way, or I would offer to pay for him sometimes. I cook for him, plan meals. I have drinks in the house for a cocktail, he never arrives with anything to drink. How do I get him to want to do anything with me, I want to be pampered and spoiled to some degree. I've never been with a man who's never offered to take me to dinner, or to pay my way. What do I do? Am I being used?

[Deejette]

You are not going to get him to take you out, ever. You can't lecture him, beg him, or shame him into doing it. If it wasn't his idea to begin with, it never will be. He has shown that you are not that special to him and if you weren't footing the bills for your outings, he probably wouldn't be there at all.

 

Kick him out now unless you want years ahead of going nowhere.

How do you I get my boyfriend to take me out anywhere??? I've been with him for the last 2yrs. He's never taken me to dinner, a show, a dance. He never takes the initiative to plan anything without asking "What do you want to do?" I'm tired of planning, I'm tired of paying. If I want to go out to supper for the evening, I have to make sure I have enough money to pay. He makes me feel like I have to pay. He makes a point of telling me he hasn't much money, or I'm only taking out 20.00. I feel that if I want to do anything, I have to make sure I have enough money. I think some of the blame goes on me, because my first mistake was when we first started going out. I offered to pay my own way, or I would offer to pay for him sometimes. I cook for him, plan meals. I have drinks in the house for a cocktail, he never arrives with anything to drink. How do I get him to want to do anything with me, I want to be pampered and spoiled to some degree. I've never been with a man who's never offered to take me to dinner, or to pay my way. What do I do? Am I being used?

[maree]

How do you I get my boyfriend to take me out anywhere??? I've been with him for the last 2yrs. He's never taken me to dinner, a show, a dance. He never takes the initiative to plan anything without asking "What do you want to do?" I'm tired of planning, I'm tired of paying. If I want to go out to supper for the evening, I have to make sure I have enough money to pay. He makes me feel like I have to pay. He makes a point of telling me he hasn't much money, or I'm only taking out 20.00. I feel that if I want to do anything, I have to make sure I have enough money. I think some of the blame goes on me, because my first mistake was when we first started going out. I offered to pay my own way, or I would offer to pay for him sometimes. I cook for him, plan meals. I have drinks in the house for a cocktail, he never arrives with anything to drink. How do I get him to want to do anything with me, I want to be pampered and spoiled to some degree. I've never been with a man who's never offered to take me to dinner, or to pay my way. What do I do? Am I being used?

 

Ask yourself this question:

 

If I knew I would be having it the way it is now for the next 50 years, would I be happy?

 

You've got your answer.

 

I think you need to ask yourself the following question:

 

Why have you let this pattern continue for so long?

 

Why did you let it start in the first place?

 

I have a couple of friends who always start a relationship by footing the bill. THey end up being hurt each and everytime. The idea is the the woman is supposed to be cherished and taken care of in a special way.

 

If you start a relationship in anh other way, you leave the impression that you don't even care about yourself, so why should they? You are saying you are a doormat, and they are treating you like one.

 

Part of the problem lies within yourself. You need to find out why this started in the first place.

 

I think you sound like such a kind and terrific person. My guess is that you are the ultimate optimist, hoping that one day he will see what a terrific person you are.

 

Well, there's being an optimist, and then there's being completely blind. You need to stand back and take a look at this picture. All of it is wrong. The players, the scenario, etc.

 

Also, don't waste your time thinking you can change him. As you see from the previos responses, every single person thinks this guy is a total loser. He's not only a loser, he's a USER.

 

Do yourself a favor. If you are buying him a gift, for

 

Christmas. Buy him a cheap really really inexpensive gift. Don't waste your money. Then dump him after Christmas if you'd like to get through the holidays.

 

I love the idea of breaking up with him at an expensive restaurant!

 

Good luck dear, you're going to need it.