LFH Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 (edited) I think it will be the most painful thing she ever sees in her entire life. She doesn't deserve this. I know I'm a piece of garbage... I know what I've done to the two woman in my life. And I know tainted will never forgive me. I really can't say much on here , Because everything I say will be interrupted as me trying to manipulate her again. It will be. I tell everyone, very plainly, I know I will never get to be with my MM full time and permanently. That was never an option, even if he left tomorrow. However it doesnt' mean that the part of me that is NORMAL doesn't hurt when I see pieces of their life that I DO wish I could have with him myself. I don't want HER life, but in a diffferent world, I'd have liked a marriage and family with him myself... and there's a picture, taken of he and his wife at a specific time, that when I saw it, came damn close to putting me down for the count. It stopped me from breathing, it felt like someone had stabbed me and a small part of me will never be the same after that. And I knew and expected that it could happen, so sure, it's "my own fault" but it didn't make it any easier. When I struggle with anything, that's what passes through my head. That photo. How are you going to make sure that doesn't happen to her? Are you trying to manipulate her? Are you sincere? If you are... how are you going to make this easier for her? How are you going to help her protect herself so she can heal, because once you have that baby, you know you aren't leaving. You knew you weren't before you had the baby if you look deep down. Edited March 3, 2013 by LFH Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 It will be. I tell everyone, very plainly, I know I will never get to be with my MM full time and permanently. That was never an option, even if he left tomorrow. However it doesnt' mean that the part of me that is NORMAL doesn't hurt when I see pieces of their life that I DO wish I could have with him myself. I don't want HER life, but in a diffferent world, I'd have liked a marriage and family with him myself... and there's a picture, taken of he and his wife at a specific time, that when I saw it, came damn close to putting me down for the count. It stopped me from breathing, it felt like someone had stabbed me and a small part of me will never be the same after that. And I knew and expected that it could happen, so sure, it's "my own fault" but it didn't make it any easier. When I struggle with anything, that's what passes through my head. That photo. How are you going to make sure that doesn't happen to her? Are you trying to manipulate her? Are you sincere? If you are... how are you going to make this easier for her? How are you going to help her protect herself so she can heal, because once you have that baby, you know you aren't leaving. You knew you weren't before you had the baby if you look deep down. I have always tried my best to hide that part of my life from her because I know the pain it brings her. I just hope when the time comes she's healed enough to not search these photos out. It makes me sick to even think of the pain that it will bring her Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Hi everyone. I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. Last night, my MM told me that his wife was finally pregnant with their first child. I had the usual reaction- devastated, angry, lost. Backstory on us: We were just friends and as we got to know each other more, things continued to intensify until something gave and things went from being practically best friends to lovers. This was five years ago. I'm now 30 and he's 32. He married his high school sweetheart so they have been together for like 16-17 years now. They were married about two years when we met. We've had this vicious cycle of on then off (attempting to do the right thing) then back on. Our feelings never fade and even if months of no contact go by, it just goes back to what it was when we're on instantly. This man is the love of my life and he swears he feels the same but claims that he chose to stay with his wife out of guilt and the least he could do was give her a child that she wanted so badly. To me, none of this makes any sense. Why not just be with me? After he told me, I changed my number and blocked him from all social media. Now he won't let me go and is insistent that I don't disappear from his life even though he knows he just killed me. I'm so confused. What happens to me now?? I am so sorry you are going through this and for the child he conceived. Guilt is no reason to have a child with someone. The child will realize this as he/she gets older and that is sad. Your MM wants his cake and to eat it too. Don't let him have that satisfaction...walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 So you regret your mistakes? Do you regret them enough to be honest? You need to get honest with your WIFE - the woman you married - the woman you betrayed (and are still willing to betray). And you need to leave Tainted the hell alone! Can you do those very basic things to begin to change yourself and begin to become a decent man by YOUR ACTIONS? I do regret my mistakes and I will let Tainted live her life. My Guilt will torment me to the day I die... Link to post Share on other sites
LFH Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Tainted, this is your thread. What would help YOU here? Toxic, you do sound like you are sorry you hurt her, but you can't fix it. It's unfixable. What do you plan on doing? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 LFH, you know I like you........but hiding pictures is simply a means to deny that there is a real life woman who will be crushed on the other end of this thing. While we agree on some things and some things we don't , I find the suggestion to use hiding something as a means to denial a very dangerous thing to do. It even becomes bigger when you think about the denial that could take place regarding this woman having a baby, one that tainted said he said he didn't want. Tainted needs to face the full truth here.......if she can see it. It's in black and white now. It will be. I tell everyone, very plainly, I know I will never get to be with my MM full time and permanently. That was never an option, even if he left tomorrow. However it doesnt' mean that the part of me that is NORMAL doesn't hurt when I see pieces of their life that I DO wish I could have with him myself. I don't want HER life, but in a diffferent world, I'd have liked a marriage and family with him myself... and there's a picture, taken of he and his wife at a specific time, that when I saw it, came damn close to putting me down for the count. It stopped me from breathing, it felt like someone had stabbed me and a small part of me will never be the same after that. And I knew and expected that it could happen, so sure, it's "my own fault" but it didn't make it any easier. When I struggle with anything, that's what passes through my head. That photo. How are you going to make sure that doesn't happen to her? Are you trying to manipulate her? Are you sincere? If you are... how are you going to make this easier for her? How are you going to help her protect herself so she can heal, because once you have that baby, you know you aren't leaving. You knew you weren't before you had the baby if you look deep down. Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 And how sick do you think your wife will feel? Remember her? Your wife? Here you are talking sweet talk to Tainted = still manipulating! Grow up man - YOU'RE having a baby and you need to grow the F up! I was joking with tainted before about how my entire post will be dissected and turned into a " he is manipulating you with this " Btw how many men have cheated on you ? I'm going to bet a bunch did Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Tainted, this is your thread. What would help YOU here? Toxic, you do sound like you are sorry you hurt her, but you can't fix it. It's unfixable. What do you plan on doing? I plan on finally leaving her alone , so she can live her life and be actually happy for once. Link to post Share on other sites
LFH Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 LFH, you know I like you........but hiding pictures is simply a means to deny that there is a real life woman who will be crushed on the other end of this thing. While we agree on some things and some things we don't , I find the suggestion to use hiding something as a means to denial a very dangerous thing to do. It even becomes bigger when you think about the denial that could take place regarding this woman having a baby, one that tainted said he said he didn't want. Tainted needs to face the full truth here.......if she can see it. It's in black and white now. Ah you misunderstood me LG. I'm not suggesting hiding pictures is the way to go. I was hoping for him to explain how he was going to come clean, pull his head out of his butt, get some therapy, live by himself while he figures himself out and do whatever EITHER woman needed him to do for their healing. I only focused in on the idea of a picture because it's a tangible moment. We all KNOW it's going to happen. Even if she goes NC right now, she's gonna glance at fb, or someone is going to show her a pic or something at some point.. and it'll be there. All the other moments aren't so easy to define. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I was joking with tainted before about how my entire post will be dissected and turned into a " he is manipulating you with this " Btw how many men have cheated on you ? I'm going to bet a bunch did Baiting and demeaning someone won't help you win any fans here and.........it will get you time in the pokey. It just accents your unwillingness to be a man and accept responsibility for yourself and your choices. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Ah you misunderstood me LG. I'm not suggesting hiding pictures is the way to go. I was hoping for him to explain how he was going to come clean, pull his head out of his butt, get some therapy, live by himself while he figures himself out and do whatever EITHER woman needed him to do for their healing. I only focused in on the idea of a picture because it's a tangible moment. We all KNOW it's going to happen. Even if she goes NC right now, she's gonna glance at fb, or someone is going to show her a pic or something at some point.. and it'll be there. All the other moments aren't so easy to define. Yes I did misunderstand..........it wouldn't be the first time. I think we all know that tainted needs to go complete NC and resist the urge to look at anything, yes I know how hard that is. For 7 years nothing changed, and it certainly won't now unless his wife finds out what he has done and she kicks him out. I feel terrible for his wife and yes tainted too, although she willingly walked into this. As most of us.........learn later, she should have known better. 7 years is a lot of damage to undo.........the sooner she starts the better. Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Baiting and demeaning someone won't help you win any fans here and.........it will get you time in the pokey. It just accents your unwillingness to be a man and accept responsibility for yourself and your choices. Listen , I'm well aware on how Internet forums work. I know I'm going to have every single woman on this forum rip me a new *******. 2sunny is just already getting on my nerves so I'm going to say what's on my mind. I didn't make my post for advise, I made it so people could get a glimpse of the entire story. I know I need to seek help ... But right now, I need to not interfere with tainteds life so she can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Listen , I'm well aware on how Internet forums work. I know I'm going to have every single woman on this forum rip me a new *******. 2sunny is just already getting on my nerves so I'm going to say what's on my mind. I didn't make my post for advise, I made it so people could get a glimpse of the entire story. I know I need to seek help ... But right now, I need to not interfere with tainteds life so she can move on. BUT>....you are interfering by posting here in her thread and attempting to defend yourself, very badly, I might add. So........if you truly want her to move on, you need to tell her goodbye, it's over and yes tell her you are sorry. Leave this thread, leave LS. It's that simple! Link to post Share on other sites
LFH Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Listen , I'm well aware on how Internet forums work. I know I'm going to have every single woman on this forum rip me a new *******. 2sunny is just already getting on my nerves so I'm going to say what's on my mind. I didn't make my post for advise, I made it so people could get a glimpse of the entire story. I know I need to seek help ... But right now, I need to not interfere with tainteds life so she can move on. I have no desire to rip you a new one. If anyone should be doing that there are 2 other candidates who are much more deserving of the opportunity. I'm glad you know you need to seek help. I am curious if you realize that BY posting on her thread, by coming here, that you are interfering in her life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 BUT>....you are interfering by posting here in her thread and attempting to defend yourself, very badly, I might add. So........if you truly want her to move on, you need to tell her goodbye, it's over and yes tell her you are sorry. Leave this thread, leave LS. It's that simple! I'm not definding myself , it's a waste of time. And like I said earlier. Tainted made this post so we could both follow it and see the opinions of strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I'm not definding myself , it's a waste of time. And like I said earlier. Tainted made this post so we could both follow it and see the opinions of strangers. Yes it is a waste of time...................so are you going to do what I and other have suggested? Posted again below. Originally Posted by LadyGrey BUT>....you are interfering by posting here in her thread and attempting to defend yourself, very badly, I might add. So........if you truly want her to move on, you need to tell her goodbye, it's over and yes tell her you are sorry. Leave this thread, leave LS. It's that simple! Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 You joke? It's not funny!!! Sheez dude - you've ruined a bunch of people's lives - and you think it's a joke? You have serious issues to work on. Start with your lack of character! No need to ask me about my life - that's just you manipulating to change the subject - I'm sure you're the master at that - obviously! You know you can counter every single post I make by using that word. That's the funny part about this all Maybe I'm masterfully manipulating you right now. Link to post Share on other sites
LFH Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 You know you can counter every single post I make by using that word. That's the funny part about this all Maybe I'm masterfully manipulating you right now. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but you seem to just be playing games. These are people you are hurting, both Tainted and your wife and your unborn child. I don't see anything funny about any of it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Clearly you are avoiding answering if you are going to leave tainted alone. Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Clearly you are avoiding answering if you are going to leave tainted alone. I'm not avoiding it at all. I am going to leave her alone , we spoke this afternoon and I promised her to leave her alone. She doesn't need me in her life , we both know that. Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Still just as selfish and self serving as always... All at the cost of others. Tainted - are you reading? Are you seeing how scummy his control and manipulation is? He's totally disrespecting and disregarding you - even now, right here? Why is that good enough for you when it shouldn't be? Please tell me how I "manipulated" anything And she's most likey sleeping Link to post Share on other sites
LFH Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Please tell me how I "manipulated" anything And she's most likey sleeping I hope she is. She's had a rough couple days. Does she have support to help her through this other than here? Do friends and family in her life know and are they helpful to her? Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I hope she is. She's had a rough couple days. Does she have support to help her through this other than here? Do friends and family in her life know and are they helpful to her? She has a great family , her sisters have been trying to get her away from me for a long time and are right in doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I'm not avoiding it at all. I am going to leave her alone , we spoke this afternoon and I promised her to leave her alone. She doesn't need me in her life , we both know that. You promised to leave her alone, but yet you come here and post with an attempt to do nothing more than defend yourself? Exactly how was that supposed to help tainted and how is that keeping your promise to leave her alone? Sunny is right........it's manipulation and you can't keep promises, can you? Link to post Share on other sites
ToxicLover43 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 You've manipulated everything. And now you're left with your own pile of poop = congratulations Sherlock! Are you manipulating me ? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts