Author pink_sugar Posted March 14, 2013 Author Share Posted March 14, 2013 That is true, but many people on this thread say they haven't had any regrets despite family and friends telling them otherwise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
liquid_amber Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 That is true, but many people on this thread say they haven't had any regrets despite family and friends telling them otherwise. i certainly don't have any regrets about my choice to remain child free. having kids is not something i ever wanted, and if it had happened it would have interfered with the type of life i wanted for myself. i made the right decision and i am grateful every day that i didn't have kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 How many of you have chosen to be optionally child-free and never regretted it? How many of you do regret it? Anyone have kids and regret it later? It's ok to be honest. I've been married and in a relationship for nearly 7 years and have have different thoughts of having kids throughout my life. There are many reasons I have contemplated having a childless life, but I am sure my mind will change many more times as I am only 23. When I was 23, I couldn't stand children. I always planned on having them, but the actual reality freaked me out. I couldn't stand hearing babies cry and run around pissing off their parents. I'm 30 now, and my son is 11 months old. I could never imagine life without him, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You'll feel differently when you are 30, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 When I was 23, I couldn't stand children. I always planned on having them, but the actual reality freaked me out. I couldn't stand hearing babies cry and run around pissing off their parents. I'm 30 now, and my son is 11 months old. I could never imagine life without him, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You'll feel differently when you are 30, trust me. This is not necessarily true. I knew by the time I was in my early twenties that I did not want children. At age 30, I feel the same way and married a man who agrees with my point of view. Not every woman changes her mind about having children at some point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 This is odd, though, why is staying at home with her 4 children not a valid reason for her to be a SAHM? There are plenty of families that do that. The SAHP does housework while the kids are at school and then spends time with them after. I don't think it's so much her using kids as an 'excuse', as the fact that she wants to be a SAHP and just married an incompatible guy. She should've just told him about her SAHM intentions before getting hitched. I don't think that her being a SAHM is an invalid choice. However, this woman agreed to go back to work and then had another child so that she could avoid it. Indeed, SAHMs do a lot of work and their contributions should be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 This is not necessarily true. I knew by the time I was in my early twenties that I did not want children. At age 30, I feel the same way and married a man who agrees with my point of view. Not every woman changes her mind about having children at some point. Absolutely. I'm 40 and I still cant stand the sight of babies or children. Its always been in my wiring. I also dont think anyone would ever admit to regretting having kids, at least not on this board. Too much of an onslaught of negative comments would probably follow, judgements. Plus I wonder that if someone admits to themselves that they regret having their kids, what kind of resentment would build from that point, especially when theyre stuck with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 When I was 23, I couldn't stand children. I always planned on having them, but the actual reality freaked me out. I couldn't stand hearing babies cry and run around pissing off their parents. I'm 30 now, and my son is 11 months old. I could never imagine life without him, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You'll feel differently when you are 30, trust me. I'm in my 30's now and I still feel the same way about kids now that I did back when I was in my 20's. I still have no desire to have them and really can't stand to be around them. Not everyone changes their mind about kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 I guess only time will tell. I always thought my dad would never choose to have children if he could go back. He always talked about how you would have more disposable income without kids and etc. Now that my brother and I have moved out...he told me he wasn't ready to have us when he did. He said when he was older, he really appreciated having kids and it added to the quality of his life. He felt like it would have been much better in his mid to late 30's. Maybe I'll feel the same way in 10 years...maybe not. Guess we'll have to see. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Absolutely. I'm 40 and I still cant stand the sight of babies or children. Its always been in my wiring. I also dont think anyone would ever admit to regretting having kids, at least not on this board. Too much of an onslaught of negative comments would probably follow, judgements. Plus I wonder that if someone admits to themselves that they regret having their kids, what kind of resentment would build from that point, especially when theyre stuck with them. I don't know if you can actually "regret" everything about having kids- once you have them most parents love them regardless of how much grief they can give them and hard work they can be and wouldn't give them up for anything- biology dictates we're (supposed to be) hardwired to protect them. Its also an ongoing process- they aren't little and demanding forever, most of the time they do eventually grow up and leave home! I'd say most parents (esp ones with small children) have moments of "WTF was I thinking getting into this" especially as there is no way of knowing what it is truly like to be a parent until you are one. All parents have been child free once, but not vice versa so they can miss a life they;ve had, but child free people can't miss a life they;ve never had. I certainly have those moments from time to time- and some may have them more or less than others. But to constantly wish you'd never done it at all....I'm not sure about that. The greatest grief I've ever seen is that of parents who have lost a child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 I don't know if you can actually "regret" everything about having kids- once you have them most parents love them regardless of how much grief they can give them and hard work they can be and wouldn't give them up for anything- biology dictates we're (supposed to be) hardwired to protect them. Its also an ongoing process- they aren't little and demanding forever, most of the time they do eventually grow up and leave home! I'd say most parents (esp ones with small children) have moments of "WTF was I thinking getting into this" especially as there is no way of knowing what it is truly like to be a parent until you are one. All parents have been child free once, but not vice versa so they can miss a life they;ve had, but child free people can't miss a life they;ve never had. I certainly have those moments from time to time- and some may have them more or less than others. But to constantly wish you'd never done it at all....I'm not sure about that. The greatest grief I've ever seen is that of parents who have lost a child. The bolded part is true. When my cousin was murdered, my aunt never went back to work. She was never the same after losing her son in such a gruesome way. My own mother was in a deep depression after her infant son died after ten days. My parents saw a therapist who recommended having another child. Soon after, baby Nyla was born. I know my mom deeply resented the sacrifices of parenting and I'm sure that her complaining about what she gave up to have children made an impression on me. My youngest brother is moving into his own place today. I'm sure my mother will weep as she cried when her older children left home. Even though she was abusive, she did manage to launch four children successfully. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I'm in my 30's now and I still feel the same way about kids now that I did back when I was in my 20's. I still have no desire to have them and really can't stand to be around them. Not everyone changes their mind about kids. I guess not everyone is in love with being a mother the way I am. It changed who I am completely. Best decision I ever made in my whole life. But you are right, not everyone feels that way. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I guess not everyone is in love with being a mother the way I am. It changed who I am completely. Best decision I ever made in my whole life. But you are right, not everyone feels that way. There is nothing wrong with being in love with being a mom, it is just not for everyone. You are right though some people do change their mind and some don't and I do see how happy being a mom has made some of my friends, but I could never see it making me happy the way it does them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I guess not everyone is in love with being a mother the way I am. It changed who I am completely. Best decision I ever made in my whole life. But you are right, not everyone feels that way. I love being a mother- but its very hard work at times. And I am finding it particularly trying right now with a demanding 3.5 year old with another one on the way... so my viewpoint is probably slightly distorted. My daughter made me dessert today- a sticky gooey mess of banana, chocolate, honey and sprinkles. It was pretty cute. Esp since she ended up eating most of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 My daughter made me dessert today- a sticky gooey mess of banana, chocolate, honey and sprinkles. It was pretty cute. Esp since she ended up eating most of it. Awww! So cute. My son can be trying also, he likes to open and close the pantry door and pull things out of it. He pulled a bag of flour out the other day and spilled it all over the hard wood floor. He just smiled at me like he didn't do anything. It was super cute. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 My husband and I have had our four year old niece all weekend. She is a joyous child who is too cute for words. She keeps on calling me "Mummy" because "I act like a mummy". I told her to stop saying that; her mother would be offended. It is very sweet that my little snookums sees me as a mother figure. She doesn't want to leave because she gets spoiled when she comes to Auntie and Uncle's place. Looking after a child for two days has provided even more confirmation that I am not suited for motherhood. Though I love my niece, I am very tired and bored of the repetitive games. My husband and I have not been intimate for fear of waking the child. I love kids but just in small doses. Nothing is wrong with being a mom and I commend any woman who enjoys raising her children. I just don't think that all women change their minds about having kids once they hit 30. I often wonder how many women have kids only because that is expected of them. I know I mostly see the negatives of having kids, but at least I don't have this rosy picture of motherhood. Watching my mom taught me that having kids can make a woman very angry, resentful and exhausted. My best friend is raising two very young children on her own. She relies on the government for financial help and soon she will be returning to school. Since my bestie is a struggling single mother, I think having kids made her life worse and not better. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I am very tired and bored of the repetitive games.. Oh me too... me too!!!! My daughter also asks me the same questions oh... at least 5-6 times apiece, every couple of hours. I know its how they learn, but I'm heavily pregnant, its humid and super hot here still and we live in a house with no A/C- my patience is not the greatest. I;m also meant to be on bedrest for irritable uterus, but try that with a 3.5 yr old!!! That said, I do rant more on here than I do to her, she hasn't born too much of the brunt of things. Poor H has though, hes been doing everything as well as working. PS- and you know what? I;ve signed up to do it AGAIN!!!! I keep telling myself that it might be easier with two as they can eventually play together and that being pregnant is what makes me so impatient all the time but still.... I am a bit nervous! Link to post Share on other sites
liquid_amber Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I guess only time will tell. I always thought my dad would never choose to have children if he could go back. He always talked about how you would have more disposable income without kids and etc. Now that my brother and I have moved out...he told me he wasn't ready to have us when he did. He said when he was older, he really appreciated having kids and it added to the quality of his life. He felt like it would have been much better in his mid to late 30's. Maybe I'll feel the same way in 10 years...maybe not. Guess we'll have to see. just don't rush into it. i would suggest waiting until your 30's. if you want kids then, great. but if you don't, don't. your life can be fulfilling either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 I tried to bump the childfree thread with this observation but was unable to post there. I have been doing some reading lately due to my split with my partner who wanted children while I didn't and I have noticed that a lot of people including myself, who have worked in childcare or with children seem to opt for childfree lifestyles. I noticed in the spanking thread, Nyla mentioned her work as a nanny in the past and her being childfree. I would possibly consider fostering in the future if I had a change of heart but other than that I am content without. Anyone else notice this? is it having had just a taste of what parents go through on a full time basis? I loved my time in childcare and yet the older I got the more comfortable I became in considering my future without kids. Your input is appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 In addition, I have read that some folks believe that their children will take care of them when they (the parents) become elderly. I have seen quite a number of cases, where children do not help their elderly parents in any way with caregiving, etc., and rarely visit them. Luckily, there are many offspring that do care deeply about their aging parents. My point is, is that some offspring will not be there for their aging parents. Regarding your situation, I would not decide anything definite right now, maybe in a year or two you can reevaluate the situation, and see if you change your mind. Lots of people do not want kids, and that is fine. I guess when people work with kids, maybe they get their fill of being maternal, which is fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Hey Leegh, I have noticed that too. I find that reasoning bizarre but see it used a lot. Oh no I have no immediate plans for anything, life is fine as it is I noticed during my reading lots of teachers, nannies, childcare workers, carers of parents or siblings who ended up taking responsibility for the younger ones often were the partner who didn't want children. My older sister took on a lot with me and my brother when we were younger and she is childfree also, although she has been a very young step mother to her husbands two sons also. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 I absolutely LOVE kids.......that are not my own, because I can give them back. I have one child and he's 12 - I do not want to raise any more children.....once was enough for me. So, OP, I can totally understand your point of view of not wanting kids especially being in a child centric field. Personally, I couldn't be a teacher. I'm lacking in the patience department LOL. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 mammasita, I prefer children I can return to their parents also Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 I had a counselor in school who absolutely loved working with kids, but was very comfortable not having kids of her own. She considered them in a way, her kids. She's in her 70's now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HighheelsAries Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I have a son and I love him to bits. Truth be told that if I could do it all over, I would not have had any kids. Count yourself lucky... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 I have a son and I love him to bits. Truth be told that if I could do it all over, I would not have had any kids. Count yourself lucky... I always appreciate this kind of honesty from people who have children that don't try to pretend everyone else is missing out on the wonders of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts