confused_male Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Hello people, Me (30) and my girlfriend (28) have been in a relationship since 4 years (2 and half years long distance – I was abroad, I just came last week. And we intend to marry). As I said I have just come back to my country after 2 and half years we had been meeting regularly although not everyday. Last time I met her I was fiddling with her phone and was checking out the apps etc etc and yea a bit of snooping as well. I came across this chat log…which seems was happening while she was waiting for me in a café. I did confront her (not then and there but after a day or two) although in a very teasing way. To which she said she hardly knows this guy and have spoken to him in office couple of times. And that she wasn’t flirting. And she said she knows that this guy is very flirty but why can’t she have a mad male friend?? I had kept my cool then but I am actually very angry and am avoiding meeting her till I pacify. I am confused and I really want to know if the conversation between both of them was appropriate? Am I over reacting? Or am I just too conservative. jealous, insecured?? If you’ll can please go through the chat-log; and help me think straight: Her=my girlfriend, him=her office friend Her: Lol! Her: Wat a pic! Him: Haha .. Like ??? Her: U look handsome for sures! Him: Haha .. Thanks Her: So wat is it? Quarter life crisis! Him: This is at our new offices Her: Okkk but buddy the window looks more cooler than u Her: M telling u.. Get out of tht place- this is wat it does! Her: N Boss gave u an apple? Him: Mine Her: ok ok Him: Ur crazy he'll give mac .. Hahah Her: Btw- tht [some female] is still there? Her: u used to bully her so much!$ Her: Him: [Female name] ??? Him: I don't remember her Her: Hahahha Her: tht thin fair lady Her: Designer she was in ur team Her: I guess Her: Graphic designer Her: Her husband was a doc Him: Don't rem somehow ! Her: Timid sorts Her: Senior thi Him: Oh yaaaa .... PR chic na ... Her: yea Him: She was a gossip monger man .. Full data I used to get from her of whose banging who and all .. Hahah Her: Hai kya? Or left? Her: Yeah! Her: U serious! Her: Man she looked so timid Her: But I owe her an apology Her: Bef I die I wil do tht! Tell me is she still around Him: Oh **** that bitch !!! Him: I misunderstood Him: She's ****all Him: I never got along wid her Him: I forgot the PR head name ? Her: I knw once I saw u bullying her Her: Arey.. Tht [female name] Her: [female name] was gossipmonger Him: Oh yea .. True .. Haha Her: This [female name] lookd like a sweetheart Her: I was soo rude to her once...I felt damn bad... Somehwr I still feel so bad.. I gotto apologise man Her: Is she still thr? Her: [female name] was mad Him: Nope she left Her: Damn! Him: Sweetheart??? She was a mental Her: I think she had hots for u btw Her: She was a panju btw Her: [female name] had hots for u Him: Haha .. Mad kya .. She's like aunty age Her: M telling u Her: Anyway.. Kya fayda.. U lost a fan! Her: Chal u entertain ur guests... M gng to get entertained! Tada! Her: N btw- age got nthg to do wit falling for someone! Him: Agreed .. I like older ones anyways hahah Him: Wher u off to ? Her: M gng to meet my bf Him: Ohh .. Dating since long ? Him: ? Her: Sorry Her: Yeah v long Her: 4 yrs Her: He wasn't here, he was in uk Her: Come dwn now for good Him: Nice .. So no flinging full on serious huh ? Her: Yeah yeah... I am a full on serious girl Her: Wat about you Him: Hmm .. Me I'm a full on player Her: Hahahahah... So wats the count? Her: Who's the flavour of the month Him: There's never a count luv .. Her: Omg! Ppl who say tht- have nevr found anyone interesting yet Her: Her: Bt u dnt look like a player Him: Well, depends what ones interests are right ! Her: I knw the player kinds- u r nt one of those Her: Jst waiting fr the right one Her: U r wat 27? Him: I'm not an ******* shady guy, I'm honest in my approach .. So I guess its fine, but I'm the playerish kinds Her: Ah nice! Thumbs up for being a playr n honest Him: Ya .. There's nothing to hide .. If I'm single I can do whateva I want .. As long as I don't **** ard wid anyones feelings Her: True that! Her: bt u have been single all along? Him: I'm never single Her: Hahahahahahah Her: Good going man! Him: Haahha (y) Apologies for the long thread. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Ok, I'm really quick to call bull**** on a girl and her male "friends" when it's warranted. I read the entire conversation and it really doesn't look like them flirting, unless you consider her calling him handsome flirting (and honestly that would kinda piss me off.) What I see is him bragging on himself, I doubt many women enjoy that. Also please note that she was very open about having a boyfriend, a SERIOUS boyfriend. This guy doesn't seem to be much of a threat right now. Tread lightly. If you press the friend issue, she will have him as a close friend or die. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I have not emailed my wife 91 times in our entire relationship. She emails this guy that much in a couple of hours? Get the cell bill. You're in for a shock. You need to monitor. BIG TIME. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Brain.. hurts... from reading that. Agree with Nervis, that's over the top. If she spends that much time in that kind of no content chat with people, how does she find time to work? Not sure about the flirting, but about immaturity. Not a winner in the maturity department. I couldn't date a woman with that kind of chat habit and content to begin with, just one opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 The cat's back (after 2.5 years). 'Nuf said. You have some evaluating to do, IMO. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
TaserTag Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 I have a hard time decoding what was actually being said there but nothing jumped out at me as flirty other than the first comment about being handsome, which seemed more in a teasing way. She told him she was meeting up with you, that she was serious with you, and she was long term. It seemed like a dumb, insignificant text to pass the time to me. I don't think it seems like she's all that impressed or familiar with him. But that's just me. Long distance is hard and you're obviously having a difficult time trusting her. I imagine you went through her phone in front of her? Did she get weird about it or not really care? If she didn't really care and let you use it, I'd also think that would point to not-cheating... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aed Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 When i was 'him' I would give it a try, because she is openly flirting with him. This are the kind of conversations that will end up with cheating, if she keeps talking to him. Because she likes his aproach etc... I know allot of women will think this is innocent... but you can read their connection. Also she doesnt even setup boundaries and she only mentioned once that she had a bf. also why is she talking with a guy you dont know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_male Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 I have a hard time decoding what was actually being said there but nothing jumped out at me as flirty other than the first comment about being handsome, which seemed more in a teasing way. She told him she was meeting up with you, that she was serious with you, and she was long term. It seemed like a dumb, insignificant text to pass the time to me. I don't think it seems like she's all that impressed or familiar with him. But that's just me. Long distance is hard and you're obviously having a difficult time trusting her. I imagine you went through her phone in front of her? Did she get weird about it or not really care? If she didn't really care and let you use it, I'd also think that would point to not-cheating... yes i was fiddling with the phone right in front of her and she tried to take the phone away from me Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_male Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 Brain.. hurts... from reading that. Agree with Nervis, that's over the top. If she spends that much time in that kind of no content chat with people, how does she find time to work? Not sure about the flirting, but about immaturity. Not a winner in the maturity department. I couldn't date a woman with that kind of chat habit and content to begin with, just one opinion. this was actually happening when she was waiting on me at a cafe and not during work hrs. but yea not too bright. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_male Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 When i was 'him' I would give it a try, because she is openly flirting with him. This are the kind of conversations that will end up with cheating, if she keeps talking to him. Because she likes his aproach etc... I know allot of women will think this is innocent... but you can read their connection. Also she doesnt even setup boundaries and she only mentioned once that she had a bf. also why is she talking with a guy you dont know? i get what you are trying to say, there is a connection for sure. and i dont think i really wanted to control who she talks to (till some boundaries are crossed). but here i guess some boundaries may have been crossed. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 yes i was fiddling with the phone right in front of her and she tried to take the phone away from me Massive red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 yes i was fiddling with the phone right in front of her and she tried to take the phone away from me There you go. Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I don't see any flirting. Stupid technology lol Link to post Share on other sites
Neffer Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Blech. This is why I don't text. But other than being annoying, I see nothing terrible or untoward happening. I would relax about it. He is aware you exist, and she didn't give him any openings at all. I also don't see her being annoyed at you fiddling with her phone as a red flag. Its her phone. As in not yours. I don't like anyone messing with my things in general. Its like looking through her purse - a no no. Link to post Share on other sites
kaygato Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) If she keeps talking to the guy, you could ask to meet him with your girlfriend at a bar or coffee shop or something. Or you could ask her to show you sometimes what she's texting/e-mailing to this guy. I mean, it's a fine line. Edited March 14, 2013 by kaygato Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Is this flirting? should I be mad? Well, she didn't really cross any lines, but that doesn't mean if the texting contact continues that she won't. He already did fish for seeing if she liked his pic, and now he knows she thinks he is handsome. So while nothing deadly serious here, I think it does need to be nipped. Maybe a little to friendly, but I didn't really see alot of flirting here. No sweet nothings were exchanged. Still doesn't mean you should be ok with it. This is how it starts. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts