Again......

[vixee]

Some of you will remember,I had an affair with OM and then after much help I broke up, he chased me for a little while and then gave up.

 

When he was completely quite and I had no way of contacting him I started missing him terribly, I was also moaning here about it and was asked if I have slept with him to feel that way..and the answer is still 'NO' but we did had intimate moments at his place a couple of times.

 

I have been going to the place where we used to meet for lunch, with my friends & colleagues. I like that place for food, ambiance and may be for the fact that we have so many memories together. Last weekend I went there with a close friend, we were almost done eating when he walked in with his wife! She know me to be his friend so we greeted each other formally and he went to a table right across me. I was so hurt to see him with his wife (bad but I had to be honest here)..I should have left but I stayed, ordered a coffee so I could stay a lil more, and quite a few times our eyes met. Later we left and they waved at us.

 

After 3 days he called me and I answered, he went on about how great I looked and how good it felt to see me, then he said if for friendship sake we could meet again for a coffee and just for half an hour. I agreed and we met yesterday. He came running to me and at first gave a friendly peck on cheeks, I moved away but then all of a sudden he pulled me and hugged tight and asked for a kiss, I said no but he came really close, I could not move back, he kissed me. I felt weak on knees...forgot whatever happened and stayed with him. We had an awkward chat with nothing much to say, we did not discuss what happened, just about weather and some work projects that he knows about.

 

He said, it was the best thing to see you but did not had enough and we should meet again soon..I did not say anything...he said I will call you later. On the way back I kept thinking..what did I do!! Back at work I re-read my thread and went..darn it!!! Decided to call him and clarify to not get any ideas but he did not answer. I thought I will tell him when he calls later..but he didn't so I called him at night..he was with his wife so he pretended that he is surprised to hear from me and was very formal and indicated now is not a good time..so I couldn't say much...

 

Am I on square one again? Should I text him and say meeting him yesterday was a mistake? Or just ignore his attempts again!?

Edited March 2, 2013 by vixee

[TigerCub]

Vixee, you know his wife! Don't you at all think of her and what all this is doing to her (even if she doesn't know it).

 

Don't act like you're completely powerless in this 'oh I couldn't move back so he kissed me'

 

You may not have been able to move back, but you could have pushed him back, or better yet not met him in the first place.

 

It sounds like you got out once,move on instead of going back to that very destructive, degrading, heart breaking cycle that's going to affect so many people.

[vixee]

So he says, "I'll call you later" and never does. Big surprise. So YOU call and he doesn't take your phone call, doesn't RETURN your phone call, so you call AGAIN making your desperation even more apparent - and you got the old "don't interrupt my REAL life" act because wifey was in the room.

 

Sorry, but you look PITIFUL.

 

You jumped at the chance for coffee then started calling him the minute you got back to work. He showed you EXACTLY what you're worth when he didn't take your call and didn't return it. When you didn't get the hint that you're CLEARLY not a priority, you became an embarrassing 'inconvenience' for him when insisted on calling yet again and caught him at home with his wife.

 

He showed you EXACTLY what you're worth.

 

And you're actually asking which way to go forward? SERIOUSLY????

 

I know I did all the wrong things..it was just my desperation to tell him that he should not get any ideas..I sent him text this morning..whatever happened was awkward, shouldn't have happened and won't happen again.

 

I told H couple of hours back, he is mad at me. I have been crying. Told H, I am sorry and I think I should move out. He said..yeah, move out and f*** him. I said..whatever you want to do tell me..he said, can't believe you can ever be so weak, why did you had to go meet him?..I said..I know I did wrong..he said.. just shut up and leave me alone, he is sitting in his room ever since and not coming out, he is talking to his friend about the whole thing.

 

I want to tell OM's wife too..everything...but I am scared.

[Decorative]

Your husband should tell her.

 

Actually- that should have happened long ago.

[vixee]

Lets be honest you went to the restaurant hoping to run into him. You got what you want and you obviously don't want to be married so why not get a divorce?

 

Divorce.. I may get.

Edited March 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to edited quote

[Bryanp]

Lets be honest here. Your actions show that you do not love or really wish to be with your husband. Get a divorce so the both of you can move on so the both of you can find someone else who can really love and respect. What you are doing is so very cruel to your husband and to the OM's wife. It is time to pull the plug on your marriage. I am sorry that you are so self-destructive. I do commend you for being honest with your husband and telling him the truth. Remember than an OM that will cheat with you will cheat on you. Good luck.

[vixee]

Divorce.. I may get.

 

Why the last line of this message was removed???????

It was in response to the comment and was completely relevant!!!!!

 

Moderation response: Edit was to remove response to posting edited/deleted for civility and respect. Please do not comment on moderation publicly. Thanks.

Edited March 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[vixee]

Okay..

I just want to reiterate that I did not sleep with him, I will not sleep with anyone if he is not my H. I did not chose to fall in love out of wed lock, I always knew it was wrong, just couldn't control my emotions the way I control myself. That's why I came for help, backed out and did what I could and came out of a relationship that was about to move to the next level.

 

I can lock my body inside a house and can stay disconnected from OM but my mind keeps fantasizing about how great life will be with OM!! Chances are he will sleep with me and dump me, I get that, so I am not allowing myself to go on to that path.

 

I think I did kept on going to that eating place in a hope our paths will cross again, but I said to myself I am practical and its the quality of that restaurant that I am after...wrong!!!

 

The way he charmed me, I would have fell for him even if me & H were perfectly lovey-dovey and in a harmonious relationship and had a strong bond.

 

Anyway, so H's friend advised him to get divorce, he himself has been divorced twice. He gave him number of 3 different lawyers and asked him to discuss his "case" with all 3 of them and go with the one that suits best. He has told his parents too, not about my affair but that we are not getting along and we may split. My family don't know. H has not called any lawyer yet, he is obviously very hurt and has been saying rude things to me.

 

I am scared to tell OM's wife because I am not sure how she will react!! It will hurt me if OM convinced her and she believed him that it was all my fault! My H is not interested in speaking to her.

Edited March 3, 2013 by vixee

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah, Vixee....?

This is al about you again.

 

Like I said somewhere in the beginning -

Get divorced, go your own way.

 

because whatever you've been doing up to now - isn't working for you, is it?

 

You're scared to talk to the OM's wife because of what she will think of you, and see you as "The bad guy"....?

 

Well, guess what?

 

You ARE 'the bad guy'.

 

As much as he is.

 

Leave your H.

You've messed up big time.

Now do what's right.

[vixee]

I came here long time back because I wanted to do what I knew was right and I needed help and did get immense help, really thankful for that...

Edited March 3, 2013 by vixee

[jnel921]

I can lock my body inside a house and can stay disconnected from OM but my mind keeps fantasizing about how great life will be with OM!! Chances are he will sleep with me and dump me, I get that, so I am not allowing myself to go on to that path.

 

Your kidding right? What makes you think you'd have a great life? I hate to tell you this but you are seriously delusional.

 

Are you familiar with the saying out of sight out of mind???? Well, had he not seen you perhaps he'd have never called you. Of course when he did you "looked" good like a piece of meat he wants to sink his teeth into. You like a fool fell for that.

 

This doesn't mean he wants you. Seeing him spending his free time with his W in the restaurants that you consider so great should say something to you. This is who he wants to be in public with. This is his partner, his best friend his life. You my dear are a dirty little secret and shame on you for allowing a man to treat you so disrespectfully and worst yet disrespect yourself.

 

I have alway said that OW have self esteem issues. If you yourself are married work on that.

 

Trust me the life you think you would have with him would not be so "great". As a BS myself my H chose me and the OW unfortunately had to face reality that she was a piece of a$$ and nothing more.

 

No one here is going to advise you to chase a MM. if anything we will advise you leave him alone and seek IC for your issues.

[nofool4u]

edit: question answered after reading more.

[nofool4u]

I told H couple of hours back, he is mad at me. I have been crying. Told H, I am sorry and I think I should move out. He said..yeah, move out and f*** him. I said..whatever you want to do tell me..he said, can't believe you can ever be so weak, why did you had to go meet him?..I said..I know I did wrong..he said.. just shut up and leave me alone, he is sitting in his room ever since and not coming out, he is talking to his friend about the whole thing.

 

Wow! This sounded almost exactly like me when I found out my x-wife was cheating.

 

This needs to end in divorce, for your H's sake more than anything. If he doesn't divorce you, he WILL hold resentment towards you pretty much indefinitely. I say this because again, he sounds just like I did, and there was no way I was going to stay with my wife and look at her every day after what she did. I told my wife to "go f*** him" too.

 

I think you need to move out and prepare yourself.