lawlessloveless Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) First off, sorry I don't reply very often to the answers in the threads I've posted. I get so busy sometimes, but I do appreciate all of the advice and I certainly need it. My boyfriend of over a year (we broke up several times, but always got back together after no more than a month) cheated on me. He went out with another woman a week ago. We were taking a break because he couldn't focus on his family issues and his job at the time (his words). He asked me to wait for him and not see anyone knew, which of course I wouldn't - I loved him, and in return he promised not to either. Friends of mine saw him out Saturday hardcore grinding on her at a club and well, on a date. I confronted him and he wasn't sorry nor did he deny getting touchy with her or kissing. He said he never promised me anything and that I was making it something it wasn't. To ice the cake, he turned it into a major jerk so I could see his true colors. I ended it. I feel like it was a waste of a year. He never wanted to take me out and show me off. He never wanted to call me and never once introduced me to people when we were out. The thing is, I went out of my way to comfort and appreciate him - to show him I love him. I know I deserve better. I don't need to sit at home while he takes out other women and I had heard enough rumors before he did this, but I turned my cheek. I just can't stop thinking I'm not enough. I can't sleep right or go out without thinking of him. I know it's only been a week, but it hurts so badly I feel it will never end. It was for the best, but yet I feel it could have maybe worked. I know that's wrong and sick because I was miserable. But I fear I'll never be able to trust someone again. I gave him my heart and I was so vulnerable...I can't let it happen again. Still even now I crave someone's affection and attention. I want to feel wanted and needed. I want to be held, damn it. I want someone to be true to me. I need advice to help me heal. I'm lost. What do I do? Edited March 2, 2013 by lawlessloveless Forgot :o Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I have to say, if you don't return to threads to contribute and engage with people, then people lose interest in even contributing. You need to engage with those you call upon.... it's just polite forum etiquette.... Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. It's the first post. The remainder of the thread is made up of confirmatory posts from other members, but it's all constructive. Give yourself time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawlessloveless Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 Hi TaraMaiden, You're right, it is bad ettiquette and I need to be more aware of that. I know that I'm awfully beholden to everyone that's given me advice. It's hard to remember to hop on at the end of the work day especially when I wouldn't consider myself a regular here. I really do appreciate your reply I hadn't considered NC with my ex...well sort of, but I guess it's hard to let go. I've already packed up the little reminders and shipped them to the garage haha. Now I just have Facebook to sever ties with him over. I just wonder if I should message him before I do so to let him know it's not out of spite. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 No. You don't owe him anything. He's done this to you. Now do this for you. Leave him be, do not contact him or advise him of anything. Spite doesn't come into it. It's not about him, what he thinks, or how fragile his feelings are. Phukk'im. This is about you, FOR you. Have you read the No Contact Guide? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I am so sorry, you sound like your really upset. I feel really, really bad for you! Please try to learn a very important lesson from this! You may as well have something positive come out of this situation! Next time, try to only continue dating guys who show obvious signs of interest! Guys who wan to call you most days and see how your doing. Look for guys who want to see you regularly, and always save time to see you, no matter how busy they are. If a guy really wants to see you badly, he will make an hour to come visit you, providing your in the same town and your not more than 2 hours away! Guys who hide you from their friends after a year are HUGE red flags... MOST men know if they are in love by about 5 months or sooner, by this stage, if they are crazy about you, you will know it. You will not have bad thoughts or gossip or rumours about men who are seriously interested in you. You can never know for SURE if a guy is truly not going to cheat - but there are some definite signs if he is crazy about you. A lot of people say " you just know it" if a guy is really crazy about you. Try to wait before you jump into a relationship! Wait until you find the right guy, do not take the first guy your attracted to who sounds nice, make sure you have a real connection with them! I would say after the hell you have been through, try to be friends with them for some time, to ensure they are genuinely nice guys first! I am so sorry for your pain, going no contact is the fastest way to heal and move on. This guy is a bad person anyway; you were not a girl who he felt strongly enough about to be with, you were the wrong girl for him but a DECENT man would treat you with respect still.... When a kind and decent man realises a girl is not for him, he breaks it of with them before they cheat. Decent men have self control and integrity. This pig was not even sorry:sick: Feel sorry for the poor girl he IS crazy about one day; he is a nasty person and girls he hides it from are not in a position for you to be jealous of..... Would you want to date a guy who you knew cheated and lied and disrespected women he encountered? You DO NOT want this guy! You have feelings for him but trust me, you rare WAY better of without him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawlessloveless Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 TaraMaiden, You're absolutely right. I did read the guidelines and I know...no contact means just that. I'm snapping out of this and worrying about myself, not his feelings anymore. Thank you for that Link to post Share on other sites
Author lawlessloveless Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Would you want to date a guy who you knew cheated and lied and disrespected women he encountered? Thank you for that, Leigh. I really hadn't thought of things in the terms you put them... I guess it's so hard because you're right that when someone loves you, you just know and he showed me he did in other ways, but I guess not enough. Words can only take you so far, but he used to say the most loving things and go out of his way to explain to me he loved me and wanted a life with me. It's thrown me for a loop because who in their right mind goes so far to make someone believe what obviously isn't true? My head was clouded and I didn't see it, but the way you've laid things out, I do now. You're right, I shouldn't be jealous of the girl he does this to next. I dodged a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
BonitaAppleBum Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 oh he is just a jerkoff. A man that wants to be with you will take you out, introduce you to his friends and family. he would not hide you. but when he asked you to wait because he had to get his **** together(understandable) so he could go around and **** around town? that's so disrespectful and there's no loyalty. be glad it's only a year. that's not a very long time and I'm sure that you're young. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) I've had the 'we need to have some time off' talk with similar outcome. I bet a lot of people who do mini breaks/breakups take advantage of it to have sex with someone else because, 'its not really cheating since we were technically not in a relationship then'. He actually may have done nothing more that grind with this woman, but if he doesn't have time for his gf on Saturday night, then he doesn't have time to go out clubbing and cracking onto other women. I can understand him maybe wanting to get out of the house to help relax if the relationship is currently strained, but no need for the mini breakup. Its not too hard to doubt he didn't try for a horizontal grind session. Throw in the other stuff you said, and you made the smart move. Edited March 4, 2013 by ascendotum Link to post Share on other sites
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